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Friday had lunch with the guys. Enjoyable as always. Spent the afternoon napping. I am so tired these days. Made something easy for dinner and we both went to bed by 10 PM.
Saturday morning Tony opened up his auto body shop for the employee's, stopped off at McDonald's for some drive thru breakfast and brought it home. I then started cleaning because he got the rare burst of energy and started back working on the bathroom remodel. He spent most to the day working on the bathroom. Like I said before, when he gets these spurts I let him go. I think it might be because I once again reminded him how long this project has taken him and if he doesn't get it done soon.............I will. That is enough to get him going for a while. I mixed some music late in the afternoon. Saturday night we met Tony's sister and her boyfriend for dinner and a play. The dinner was Mexican, OK, the play was Almost Maine. I almost fell asleep it was so boring. Got home shortly after 10 PM and went to bed about an hour later.
Sunday after reading the paper and making eggs, bacon and toast, Tony started working on the bathroom again. We did make plans to take his mother out for Valentine's day late lunch. We exchanged cards over breakfast. I almost died reading his. It says: What I love most about life is the little stuff. Then you open it up and it says: Holding your hand. Walking. Talking. Snuggling on the couch. Cooking together. You know the ordinary things. What I love most about our life is sharing it with you. Happy Valentine's Day. I died laughing. I looked at him and asked him when was the last time he held my hand, walked, snugged on the couch, much less COOKED WITH ME. You have to see the humor. Oh well, he got a card. Had a nice lunch at Famous Dave's. It is a Ribs restaurant. Was good food but I always pay the price the next day when I eat ribs. Funny how it doesn't stop me though. Got home around 5 PM. Fed the dogs and spent the night watching Amazing Race and the CBS lineup. Saw Stella eating one of the plants in the living room today. Thought back and ........... wow, could this be why she is having problems? Is she eating the plants that might be poison? I threw a couple away. Raised a couple higher off the floor, and put a gate around the big ones. Jeez. It was like a light bulb went on when I saw her eating the plant. Caught her twice before in the last week.
Went to work today for about 5 hours. Spent an hour or so at home working also. I am very tired again today. Maybe it is the long winter. It has not been above 30 degrees for longer than I care to remember. Suppose to get to 31 degrees on Friday. Talked to my mom today who is in Florida. Funny to hear her complain how 'cold' it is. Jeez. Come on back to Wisconsin and I will show you cold. Not much on TV tonight since we usually watch the CBS Monday TV and it is all reruns. Most likely will watch stuff on the DVR.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
February 12, 2010 Friday Morning
Wednesday night I went to a dinner meeting on Atripla. It is the AIDS cocktail I take so the information is always helpful. Plus it gives me a chance to ask any questions I may have regarding the drug. Was happy I went and had a great dinner. Got home and went to bed around 10 PM.
Yesterday was a very hard day. It started out bad. Got up around 6 AM because I had a 8:30 AM dental appointment. Have to get up at least 2 hours to leaving the house. It takes that long every day for my system to clear out. The first hour or two each day on Atripla is not pleasant. Can not remember the last time I had a good bowel movement in the morning without cramping and diarrhea for the first couple hours. Once I get through the first two hours I am good to go. Well, shortly after I got up Stella got up and could not walk on her front right leg. Since she surgery on her back left leg a couple months ago it made it very hard for her to walk and she was not happy. I can see it in my dogs eyes when they are not happy. Got her outside to see her diarrhea was not any better. So now the vet must be called. I honestly though yesterday might be her last day with me and spent most of the day in tears. Called the vet prior to going to the dentist. Drove to the dentist to find out I have a cavity and a tooth infection. Got a prescription of a mouth wash for the tooth infection and made another appointment to take care of the cavity. They could have done the work right there and then but I had Stella on my mind and just wanted to get back to her. Got home to see her not much better and called the vet to set up an appointment. Made an 11 AM appointment and called Tony to inform him he was coming along and to be home by 10:30 AM. Had a break down on the phone with him since I had reached my limit and reminded him how much I really need his help in times like this. On top of all this the ceiling in our bathroom was leaking again from the upstairs apartment shower. I can only handle so much and ended up taking an anxiety pill which helped. Talked with my sister and mom on the phone, crying the whole time before taking Stella to the vet. Tony got home and we loaded Stella into the car. Of course the minute she saw the leash she started looking better. Took her to the vet and they also could see she was not a happy dog. Took her off one med, put her on another for the diarrhea and was told to start feeding her rice and hamburger meat. I honestly thought and discussed with Tony that this could possibly be 'the time'. Brought her home and made her a big batch to last a few days of rice and hamburger meat. Gave her one of the new pills. She still has to take the Prednisone until we find out how the blood test she got again turns out. Got her resting and I drove quickly to Walgreen's to pick up my mouth wash prescription and a few items. Stella's vet bill was $218. Walgreens got me for another $100. Jeez. Spent the afternoon laying on the floor or couch with Stella comforting her. I did do a little caulking of the bathroom in the afternoon also. Stella had more rice and hamburger for dinner and we went to bed early last night watching TV in the bedroom. Was feeling the tightness in my chest from the day's stress.
This morning Stella looks much happier and much better. She only had to go out once during the night and we both got a good nights sleep. She ate a good breakfast and actually has a happier look in her eyes. Not the scared help me daddy look. She also looks less bloated. Called my mom and sister again to let them know today might be a better day. My sister is going through similar with her dog right now so we cry together and talk about our worthless husbands. Worthless might be a little strong, lets say they run the other way when things like this happen. They could be much more helpful. Guess they just don't have the motherly instincts. Makes me so mad when Tony walks past Stella not even looking down at her and says 'she looks fine'. Yah, if you don't look at the problem there is no problem. What is with husbands? Will spend the morning with the dogs and getting ready for lunch with the guys and then have to make a stop at the bank. Will spend the afternoon with the dogs. Not going anywhere tonight either. This Saturday we are going to a play with Tony's sister and boyfriend. Of course Tony wants to have dinner prior to the play which led to me having to remind him how much time the drive, dinner and play will take and Stella can not be left that long. Why do I have to always be the 'bad guy'? Oh well, we will have to see how it all turns out.
Yesterday was a very hard day. It started out bad. Got up around 6 AM because I had a 8:30 AM dental appointment. Have to get up at least 2 hours to leaving the house. It takes that long every day for my system to clear out. The first hour or two each day on Atripla is not pleasant. Can not remember the last time I had a good bowel movement in the morning without cramping and diarrhea for the first couple hours. Once I get through the first two hours I am good to go. Well, shortly after I got up Stella got up and could not walk on her front right leg. Since she surgery on her back left leg a couple months ago it made it very hard for her to walk and she was not happy. I can see it in my dogs eyes when they are not happy. Got her outside to see her diarrhea was not any better. So now the vet must be called. I honestly though yesterday might be her last day with me and spent most of the day in tears. Called the vet prior to going to the dentist. Drove to the dentist to find out I have a cavity and a tooth infection. Got a prescription of a mouth wash for the tooth infection and made another appointment to take care of the cavity. They could have done the work right there and then but I had Stella on my mind and just wanted to get back to her. Got home to see her not much better and called the vet to set up an appointment. Made an 11 AM appointment and called Tony to inform him he was coming along and to be home by 10:30 AM. Had a break down on the phone with him since I had reached my limit and reminded him how much I really need his help in times like this. On top of all this the ceiling in our bathroom was leaking again from the upstairs apartment shower. I can only handle so much and ended up taking an anxiety pill which helped. Talked with my sister and mom on the phone, crying the whole time before taking Stella to the vet. Tony got home and we loaded Stella into the car. Of course the minute she saw the leash she started looking better. Took her to the vet and they also could see she was not a happy dog. Took her off one med, put her on another for the diarrhea and was told to start feeding her rice and hamburger meat. I honestly thought and discussed with Tony that this could possibly be 'the time'. Brought her home and made her a big batch to last a few days of rice and hamburger meat. Gave her one of the new pills. She still has to take the Prednisone until we find out how the blood test she got again turns out. Got her resting and I drove quickly to Walgreen's to pick up my mouth wash prescription and a few items. Stella's vet bill was $218. Walgreens got me for another $100. Jeez. Spent the afternoon laying on the floor or couch with Stella comforting her. I did do a little caulking of the bathroom in the afternoon also. Stella had more rice and hamburger for dinner and we went to bed early last night watching TV in the bedroom. Was feeling the tightness in my chest from the day's stress.
This morning Stella looks much happier and much better. She only had to go out once during the night and we both got a good nights sleep. She ate a good breakfast and actually has a happier look in her eyes. Not the scared help me daddy look. She also looks less bloated. Called my mom and sister again to let them know today might be a better day. My sister is going through similar with her dog right now so we cry together and talk about our worthless husbands. Worthless might be a little strong, lets say they run the other way when things like this happen. They could be much more helpful. Guess they just don't have the motherly instincts. Makes me so mad when Tony walks past Stella not even looking down at her and says 'she looks fine'. Yah, if you don't look at the problem there is no problem. What is with husbands? Will spend the morning with the dogs and getting ready for lunch with the guys and then have to make a stop at the bank. Will spend the afternoon with the dogs. Not going anywhere tonight either. This Saturday we are going to a play with Tony's sister and boyfriend. Of course Tony wants to have dinner prior to the play which led to me having to remind him how much time the drive, dinner and play will take and Stella can not be left that long. Why do I have to always be the 'bad guy'? Oh well, we will have to see how it all turns out.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
February 10, 2010 Wednesday Morning
Got up by 6 AM and began the shoveling out from the 12 inches of snow we got the last 2 days. The sun is out now. Tony plowed while I shoveled. All done. Now I just have to stay home all day and do some cleaning here and there. The news says we had an earthquake not far from here last night. I did not feel a thing. Always wondered what it would feel like though.
This morning Cyndi Lauper and Lady Gaga were on Good Morning America. I love Lady Gaga. With that said I have to put something in writing. As much as I am so happy people like Lady Gaga and Cyndi Lauper and many others help fight AIDS, when I hear stories about AIDS it just brings me down. That little voice in my head tells me I have AIDS all day, bringing me down, but I have found a way to lessen the voice. Any time I read or hear about HIV and AIDS it is like someone hits me with a brick and my heart sinks, I shake and feel cold. I hate having this disease. I use to be able to say I was one of the lucky ones. It just makes me want to cry. Not really looking for sympathy, just telling it like it is. Does a day ever come when you totally accept this disease? Does a time come when the mention of HIV or AIDS doesn't knock you down? God I sure hope so. Some days I still dwell on the question 'how did I get this?' Most days to be honest. I know I am fortunate to have adjusted as well as I have since learning I have AIDS. I know my meds have done miracles for my health. I just HATE having this disease. It almost feels dirty? Tainted? Not as good as someone else? Worth less?
I have a meeting tonight at Mo's restaurant at 6 PM tonight. Not sure what the topic will be or for sure if I am going. Will have to see how the day unfolds and if there actually is a meeting because of the snow. Thinking I might go back into some type of one on one therapy for a while again.
This morning Cyndi Lauper and Lady Gaga were on Good Morning America. I love Lady Gaga. With that said I have to put something in writing. As much as I am so happy people like Lady Gaga and Cyndi Lauper and many others help fight AIDS, when I hear stories about AIDS it just brings me down. That little voice in my head tells me I have AIDS all day, bringing me down, but I have found a way to lessen the voice. Any time I read or hear about HIV and AIDS it is like someone hits me with a brick and my heart sinks, I shake and feel cold. I hate having this disease. I use to be able to say I was one of the lucky ones. It just makes me want to cry. Not really looking for sympathy, just telling it like it is. Does a day ever come when you totally accept this disease? Does a time come when the mention of HIV or AIDS doesn't knock you down? God I sure hope so. Some days I still dwell on the question 'how did I get this?' Most days to be honest. I know I am fortunate to have adjusted as well as I have since learning I have AIDS. I know my meds have done miracles for my health. I just HATE having this disease. It almost feels dirty? Tainted? Not as good as someone else? Worth less?
I have a meeting tonight at Mo's restaurant at 6 PM tonight. Not sure what the topic will be or for sure if I am going. Will have to see how the day unfolds and if there actually is a meeting because of the snow. Thinking I might go back into some type of one on one therapy for a while again.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
February 9, 2010 Tuesday Night
Let it snow, let it snow let it snow.
It has been snowing since last night and not going to stop until tomorrow morning.
Monday I went to work with the intent of working a long day and getting two day's worth of work completed so I did not have to go into work on Tuesday due to the snow storm heading this way. Like most plans, didn't work out the way I wanted and worked a normal Monday knowing I would have to go into work for a short time on Tuesday to complete the inventories. Unfortunately I can not do the inventory until the guys in the warehouse fill that day/week's products sold at the other locations or used on clients. Since the guys didn't have some areas pulled yet, I would have to go into work and finish the counts Tuesday. Spent Monday night watching TV. Our tenants came down at one point for a beer and to shoot the shit as we say here in Milwaukee. Put both their cars in the garage since I put my BMW at Tony's shop on my way home Monday, got the Tahoe he usually drives, since he would bring home the snow plow from work at the end of his work day. Neither the Tahoe or Plow fit in the garage, the door does not open high enough. So I thought I would be nice and let the tenants park in the garage out of the snow, no sense leaving it empty with a snow storm approaching. Went to bed around 10 PM Monday night. The snow had not yet started.
Today when I got up it was apparent the snow storm had begun. Had a couple inches on the ground at 6 AM this morning. Got showered and off to work so I could do what I had to do and get the heck home. Was home by 11 AM. Finished transferring the information on spreadsheets here at home before sending them to the owner by noon. Made myself some tomato soup for lunch and went out to do the first round of shoveling. Don't be thinking the snow has stopped or will be stopping any time soon. It kept coming all afternoon today. Took an hour nap this afternoon. Fed the dogs. Stella has the runs real bad today. She is not feeling good. Barkley wouldn't eat his food and I ended up putting it up on the counter for him to eat later. About a half hour later I hear this horrible noise in the kitchen to find Stella and Barkley in a dog fight. I had to pull them apart. My heart racing. Gave Stella a big spanking and yelled at her like crazy. I don't care which dog started it, she can do the most damage being a Pitbull to a Beagle. She should have more restraint I figure. No blood or major damage to either one, but this is not allowed in our home. Stella is in the kitchen in a time out right now. Tony is out back with the plow. I have decided to wait until tomorrow to finish my shoveling. It just keeps snowing. Plan on spending most of Wednesday shoveling out from the storm. When all is done we should have about a foot of snow from this storm.
It has been snowing since last night and not going to stop until tomorrow morning.
Monday I went to work with the intent of working a long day and getting two day's worth of work completed so I did not have to go into work on Tuesday due to the snow storm heading this way. Like most plans, didn't work out the way I wanted and worked a normal Monday knowing I would have to go into work for a short time on Tuesday to complete the inventories. Unfortunately I can not do the inventory until the guys in the warehouse fill that day/week's products sold at the other locations or used on clients. Since the guys didn't have some areas pulled yet, I would have to go into work and finish the counts Tuesday. Spent Monday night watching TV. Our tenants came down at one point for a beer and to shoot the shit as we say here in Milwaukee. Put both their cars in the garage since I put my BMW at Tony's shop on my way home Monday, got the Tahoe he usually drives, since he would bring home the snow plow from work at the end of his work day. Neither the Tahoe or Plow fit in the garage, the door does not open high enough. So I thought I would be nice and let the tenants park in the garage out of the snow, no sense leaving it empty with a snow storm approaching. Went to bed around 10 PM Monday night. The snow had not yet started.
Today when I got up it was apparent the snow storm had begun. Had a couple inches on the ground at 6 AM this morning. Got showered and off to work so I could do what I had to do and get the heck home. Was home by 11 AM. Finished transferring the information on spreadsheets here at home before sending them to the owner by noon. Made myself some tomato soup for lunch and went out to do the first round of shoveling. Don't be thinking the snow has stopped or will be stopping any time soon. It kept coming all afternoon today. Took an hour nap this afternoon. Fed the dogs. Stella has the runs real bad today. She is not feeling good. Barkley wouldn't eat his food and I ended up putting it up on the counter for him to eat later. About a half hour later I hear this horrible noise in the kitchen to find Stella and Barkley in a dog fight. I had to pull them apart. My heart racing. Gave Stella a big spanking and yelled at her like crazy. I don't care which dog started it, she can do the most damage being a Pitbull to a Beagle. She should have more restraint I figure. No blood or major damage to either one, but this is not allowed in our home. Stella is in the kitchen in a time out right now. Tony is out back with the plow. I have decided to wait until tomorrow to finish my shoveling. It just keeps snowing. Plan on spending most of Wednesday shoveling out from the storm. When all is done we should have about a foot of snow from this storm.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
February 7, 2010 Sunday Night
Friday Tony and I had lunch with the guys. Enjoyable as always. Dropped him off at his Auto Body Shop and then went to the bank and Walgreen's. Spent the afternoon cleaning and then took a short nap thinking we were going to a fundraiser that night. After Tony got home and I rechecked the fundraiser information I found out it is March 5th, not February 5th. So then I just made some TV dinners and we watch TV that we had DVR'd during the week.
Saturday Tony and I slept in until about 8 AM which is late for us. He is not working this weekend. I made us a big eggs, bacon and muffin breakfast. We went to State Fair Park in the afternoon to a Pet Show. All the rescues, food makers, breeders, humane societies and lots of dogs. We go every year. I love seeing all the dogs and getting all the free samples of food for the dogs. Got home early in the afternoon and Tony and I laid down for a while prior to going to a dinner party at one of the couple's house's we have lunch on Friday's with. Was a dinner party of six. Had a great time. I gotta tell you, the guys/friends I have met since last year that have helped me through this have become really close friends. I am fortunate to have met such a nice group of guys. I know they would be there for me as I for them if the time came. One silver lining in all this HIV crap. Had a great dinner and then home by 10 PM. Went to bed shortly there after.
This morning we read the morning paper, did a little cleaning and then Tony and I headed to the grocery store to do some food shopping. Bought food and lottery tickets for the week. We won $2 this week. It cost $15 a week for the tickets we buy. Been buying the same numbers for over 15 years now, our numbers have got to hit soon. Made some lunch and then saw Tony sleeping on the couch so I went to the bed, dogs all followed, and soon Tony, and we napped the afternoon away. The Super Bowl is on right now. I did turn it for about 30 seconds on the TV. Hey I am gay, not a football fan or sports fan of any kind. Now we are just watching more TV we DVR'd during the week. Have to make a quick supper soon. Have a pre made salad and making some Pizza Rolls. That's it for dinner tonight. Sounds like we are going to get hit with a big snow storm starting late Monday night and all day Tuesday and Wednesday. Could be up to 10 inches. I am thinking of just putting in a long day tomorrow and calling it a week. I am much more cautious now since my diagnosis and do not put myself in jeopardy any more dangerously if it can be avoided. I can avoid going to work in a snow storm, so I will not go and just stay home. So I might just work Monday all day and get two days work done in one long day.
Saturday Tony and I slept in until about 8 AM which is late for us. He is not working this weekend. I made us a big eggs, bacon and muffin breakfast. We went to State Fair Park in the afternoon to a Pet Show. All the rescues, food makers, breeders, humane societies and lots of dogs. We go every year. I love seeing all the dogs and getting all the free samples of food for the dogs. Got home early in the afternoon and Tony and I laid down for a while prior to going to a dinner party at one of the couple's house's we have lunch on Friday's with. Was a dinner party of six. Had a great time. I gotta tell you, the guys/friends I have met since last year that have helped me through this have become really close friends. I am fortunate to have met such a nice group of guys. I know they would be there for me as I for them if the time came. One silver lining in all this HIV crap. Had a great dinner and then home by 10 PM. Went to bed shortly there after.
This morning we read the morning paper, did a little cleaning and then Tony and I headed to the grocery store to do some food shopping. Bought food and lottery tickets for the week. We won $2 this week. It cost $15 a week for the tickets we buy. Been buying the same numbers for over 15 years now, our numbers have got to hit soon. Made some lunch and then saw Tony sleeping on the couch so I went to the bed, dogs all followed, and soon Tony, and we napped the afternoon away. The Super Bowl is on right now. I did turn it for about 30 seconds on the TV. Hey I am gay, not a football fan or sports fan of any kind. Now we are just watching more TV we DVR'd during the week. Have to make a quick supper soon. Have a pre made salad and making some Pizza Rolls. That's it for dinner tonight. Sounds like we are going to get hit with a big snow storm starting late Monday night and all day Tuesday and Wednesday. Could be up to 10 inches. I am thinking of just putting in a long day tomorrow and calling it a week. I am much more cautious now since my diagnosis and do not put myself in jeopardy any more dangerously if it can be avoided. I can avoid going to work in a snow storm, so I will not go and just stay home. So I might just work Monday all day and get two days work done in one long day.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
February 4, 2010 Thursday Morning
Tuesday I worked a few hours at work and then at home. Tony and I went out for $1 tacos for dinner.
Wednesday I spent most of the day just laying around the house listening to music. I am really into Mariah Carey and Lady Gaga these days. Been going back to Mariah's earlier music and really enjoying it from then to her newest CD. Wednesday night Tony and I went to a dinner party at a restaurant called Sabor here in Milwaukee. It was a dinner for the corporate employees which includes me. Very different type of restaurant. If you don't eat meat, it is not the restaurant for you. Waiters walk around with 16 types of meat and steaks that they cut off at the table for you. You have a place setting that you turn to green if you want more meat, and red if your taking a break or do not want any more. It is all you can eat of all the different meats. Of course there was a salad bar and many sides, but the meat is what you go there for. I must admit I have never eaten so much meat in my life in one sitting. I was thinking this morning would be horrible on my digestive system but so far no problems. Actually wondering where all the meat I ate went. Maybe it still is in me. Time will tell. It was really nice. About 20 people. Quite pricey at $48 a person plus the drinks. I am sure the total was in the thousands of dollars for the dinner. I would go again.................if someone else was paying. LOL
This morning I got up a little after 7 AM. Of course Tony was already up and reading the newspaper. Spent the morning placing some orders for work and doing some clean up around the house. Even re-arrange the furniture in the living room for a different look. Thinking when I get the last of my duties done around here I might spend the afternoon napping. Kinda tired today. No plans until tomorrows lunch with the guys. I also made a dental appointment for next week Thursday since I have a tooth infection. I think the tooth will have to be pulled. Man I hate the dentist more than the doctor these days. Was quite different a year ago when I was first diagnosed. Now I am more comfortable, still a little nervous, every time I go to the doctor. I hate the shots at the dentist and getting a tooth pulled will result in shots or a lot of pain. I don't like pain.
Wednesday I spent most of the day just laying around the house listening to music. I am really into Mariah Carey and Lady Gaga these days. Been going back to Mariah's earlier music and really enjoying it from then to her newest CD. Wednesday night Tony and I went to a dinner party at a restaurant called Sabor here in Milwaukee. It was a dinner for the corporate employees which includes me. Very different type of restaurant. If you don't eat meat, it is not the restaurant for you. Waiters walk around with 16 types of meat and steaks that they cut off at the table for you. You have a place setting that you turn to green if you want more meat, and red if your taking a break or do not want any more. It is all you can eat of all the different meats. Of course there was a salad bar and many sides, but the meat is what you go there for. I must admit I have never eaten so much meat in my life in one sitting. I was thinking this morning would be horrible on my digestive system but so far no problems. Actually wondering where all the meat I ate went. Maybe it still is in me. Time will tell. It was really nice. About 20 people. Quite pricey at $48 a person plus the drinks. I am sure the total was in the thousands of dollars for the dinner. I would go again.................if someone else was paying. LOL
This morning I got up a little after 7 AM. Of course Tony was already up and reading the newspaper. Spent the morning placing some orders for work and doing some clean up around the house. Even re-arrange the furniture in the living room for a different look. Thinking when I get the last of my duties done around here I might spend the afternoon napping. Kinda tired today. No plans until tomorrows lunch with the guys. I also made a dental appointment for next week Thursday since I have a tooth infection. I think the tooth will have to be pulled. Man I hate the dentist more than the doctor these days. Was quite different a year ago when I was first diagnosed. Now I am more comfortable, still a little nervous, every time I go to the doctor. I hate the shots at the dentist and getting a tooth pulled will result in shots or a lot of pain. I don't like pain.
Monday, February 1, 2010
February 1, 2010 Monday Night
Saturday Tony worked half the day as I cleaned the house. I also had to take Stella in for another blood test to see if her blood platelet count has improved with all the meds she is on. Spent the afternoon catching up on watching show we DVR'd. Saturday night we went to dinner at a past tenant we had new house they now own. Had a very good lasagna dinner and had a couple hours of good conversation and laughs. Got home within 3 hours for Stella.
Sunday we got up and out the house to take Tony's mom to breakfast. Bought our weekly lottery tickets and picked up some prescription for Tony at Walgreens before heading home and spending the rest of the day at home with the dogs. Ended up watching the Grammy Awards last night. Wish Lady Gaga would have won more awards. We did watch a few movies worth mentioning over the weekend. I would recommend Up In The Air with George Clooney, It's Complicated and Hotel For Dogs. All three were good movies.
Today I went to work around 9:30 getting there by 10 AM. Found out soon I had not emailed the correct updated spreadsheet I worked on last week at home to my work address so I could print it out and do the weekly retail inventory. Since I had to call Tony at noon and remind him to go home to let Stella out I had him email it to me while he was home. Got most of the inventory done and used the corrected updated ones to send the owner at the end of today. Worked about 5 and a half hours today. Feeling pretty tired and looking forward to an early night in bed watching TV. The vet did call today and tell us one of Stella's blood test did come back with good results. Her platelet count has gone from 11,000 to 268,000. THIS IS GREAT. We can start to decrease the prednisone now from 2 pills twice daily to 1 pill twice daily. Thank goodness, hopefully this means let water going in and out. Not much else to report and looking forward to doing nothing else tonight. I did make a salad and warmed up some lasagna we got to bring home from Saturday's dinner. Tasted just as good. So now, done for the day and glad.
Sunday we got up and out the house to take Tony's mom to breakfast. Bought our weekly lottery tickets and picked up some prescription for Tony at Walgreens before heading home and spending the rest of the day at home with the dogs. Ended up watching the Grammy Awards last night. Wish Lady Gaga would have won more awards. We did watch a few movies worth mentioning over the weekend. I would recommend Up In The Air with George Clooney, It's Complicated and Hotel For Dogs. All three were good movies.
Today I went to work around 9:30 getting there by 10 AM. Found out soon I had not emailed the correct updated spreadsheet I worked on last week at home to my work address so I could print it out and do the weekly retail inventory. Since I had to call Tony at noon and remind him to go home to let Stella out I had him email it to me while he was home. Got most of the inventory done and used the corrected updated ones to send the owner at the end of today. Worked about 5 and a half hours today. Feeling pretty tired and looking forward to an early night in bed watching TV. The vet did call today and tell us one of Stella's blood test did come back with good results. Her platelet count has gone from 11,000 to 268,000. THIS IS GREAT. We can start to decrease the prednisone now from 2 pills twice daily to 1 pill twice daily. Thank goodness, hopefully this means let water going in and out. Not much else to report and looking forward to doing nothing else tonight. I did make a salad and warmed up some lasagna we got to bring home from Saturday's dinner. Tasted just as good. So now, done for the day and glad.
Friday, January 29, 2010
January 29, 2010 HIV+ And Thankfully Not Single
I daily am amazed at the stories I still here from people who are alone dealing with HIV and AIDS. I am so thankful to have Tony by my side daily dealing with this. From just having someone there when you first find out to support you to dating, it is not easy and sometimes so sad. I had a conversation with a very handsome man on Monday about being single and dating with HIV. Wow, was I blown away. This man is very handsome and still has a hard time even getting a date because of his HIV status. We talked about the part of when you tell someone your HIV+ when dating. Do you date someone negative or positive? Or how not many negative people want to even start a relationship with someone positive, which is understandable to some extent. He talked about when you tell someone and what their reactions usually are. Reaction ranges from 'I will have to think about it' which never ends up good to running fast. Either way it is rejection at it's fullest. How sad. Thank god I have Tony. I often wonder if I will be alone the rest of my life if something happened to Tony. Who would want me? I will be in my 50s and HIV+. Not a good offering to anyone looking for a mate is it? If a handsome guy in his 30s can't get a date and keep a partner to share life, where will I be if something happened to Tony? It scares the hell out of me because I have never been the kind of person who likes being alone as you have read in this blog. I am so thankful Tony has stood by me, we still have a very comfortable relationship, and he still wants to kiss or have sex with me, limited as it may be. I am thankful. I can not imagine meeting a nice guy, wanting to start a friendship leading to a relationship only to be rejected over and over because you are HIV+. My grandma was my age when she lost her husband, my grandfather, and she spent the rest of her life alone with his memories. She lived to 98 years old. I would never want to be alone that many years. I still hear that little voice kicking me down every day, all day, telling me I have AIDS. The voice is not as loud as it was one year ago but there just the same. The reality of having AIDS sometimes is overwhelming.
It would be nice if my followers gave me a little insight into their relationships or lack of them due to their HIV status. Please share so we can help each other.
It would be nice if my followers gave me a little insight into their relationships or lack of them due to their HIV status. Please share so we can help each other.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
January 27, 2010 Wednesday Late Afternoon
Sunday afternoon after doing a little grocery shopping and getting the weeks lottery tickets we went to a bar across the street from the grocery store for a friend's kid's Birthday party. Stayed for 2 drinks and some food and got home to Stella shortly after 3 PM. Spent the rest of the day laying around watching TV.
Monday I went to work around 9:30 AM and got home by 3 PM. Had Tony come home in between around noon to let Stella out. The vet called and said her platelet count is still not increasing so now she is on 3 meds. She has to pee every 2 hours or so. Had to of course call Tony around noon to remind him to go home. Why does no one have to remind me? I got home and did a little around the house before setting some food out for Tony and I went to a dinner meeting on AIDS at Bio Script. Was a good meeting. Got home and went to bed around 9 PM.
Tuesday morning I dragged myself back to work for a 10 - 2 shift. I say dragged because I was up so many times during the night due to Stella. At about 3:30 AM I was so surprised she hadn't wanted to go out until she moved off the bed I and noticed she had peed in her sleep. On the bed. Jeez. So now at 3:30 AM Tony and I are changing the sheets once again down to the mattress. Not like I can yell at her. She doesn't even know and really isn't her fault due to the meds she is on. Poor girl. She did have a good day all day today. She actually seemed happy. Must be the good night's rest SHE got. Made home made pizza for dinner and watched the last year season ender of Lost. Can't wait till this series picks up again next week.
Today I went into work again because I had a project to work on and brought a bunch of paperwork and spreadsheets home to work on at home the next few days. I worked 10 - 2 again today. Got new price lists and sku's for merchandise we carry that I will spend the next couple days at home working on, updating the information. I love working from home, staying warm, with my dogs. Got home and after letting the dogs out I laid down and took a couple hour nap. Needed it. Stella snuggled next to me the entire nap. I think I will figure something out for dinner because I don't think I am leaving the house again until Friday's lunch with the guys. It is once again so cold here in Milwaukee. Tomorrow I think a high of 10 degrees for the day. So I will not be going outside. Now I just have to figure out what to make for dinner tonight and turn the heat up.
I received my blog in book form for the first year in the mail today. I have a book now! My first year dealing with AIDS in hard cover. I was so proud and showed Tony. Of course the first page he opens deals with something personal to him and he was not happy. I once again heard 'you don't have this on your blog for all to read do you?' I had to say yes and remind him again why I created this blog and all I have touched because of my honesty. I don't think he liked the answer but he moved on and I didn't hear it from him again. Of course he put the book down and didn't read any more. He does not follow my blog unless I point out something so he is sometimes surprised what I write. Hey, it's my life, like it or not. Now I just have to figure out who will play me when they make my book into a movie.....................any suggestions? LOL
Monday I went to work around 9:30 AM and got home by 3 PM. Had Tony come home in between around noon to let Stella out. The vet called and said her platelet count is still not increasing so now she is on 3 meds. She has to pee every 2 hours or so. Had to of course call Tony around noon to remind him to go home. Why does no one have to remind me? I got home and did a little around the house before setting some food out for Tony and I went to a dinner meeting on AIDS at Bio Script. Was a good meeting. Got home and went to bed around 9 PM.
Tuesday morning I dragged myself back to work for a 10 - 2 shift. I say dragged because I was up so many times during the night due to Stella. At about 3:30 AM I was so surprised she hadn't wanted to go out until she moved off the bed I and noticed she had peed in her sleep. On the bed. Jeez. So now at 3:30 AM Tony and I are changing the sheets once again down to the mattress. Not like I can yell at her. She doesn't even know and really isn't her fault due to the meds she is on. Poor girl. She did have a good day all day today. She actually seemed happy. Must be the good night's rest SHE got. Made home made pizza for dinner and watched the last year season ender of Lost. Can't wait till this series picks up again next week.
Today I went into work again because I had a project to work on and brought a bunch of paperwork and spreadsheets home to work on at home the next few days. I worked 10 - 2 again today. Got new price lists and sku's for merchandise we carry that I will spend the next couple days at home working on, updating the information. I love working from home, staying warm, with my dogs. Got home and after letting the dogs out I laid down and took a couple hour nap. Needed it. Stella snuggled next to me the entire nap. I think I will figure something out for dinner because I don't think I am leaving the house again until Friday's lunch with the guys. It is once again so cold here in Milwaukee. Tomorrow I think a high of 10 degrees for the day. So I will not be going outside. Now I just have to figure out what to make for dinner tonight and turn the heat up.
I received my blog in book form for the first year in the mail today. I have a book now! My first year dealing with AIDS in hard cover. I was so proud and showed Tony. Of course the first page he opens deals with something personal to him and he was not happy. I once again heard 'you don't have this on your blog for all to read do you?' I had to say yes and remind him again why I created this blog and all I have touched because of my honesty. I don't think he liked the answer but he moved on and I didn't hear it from him again. Of course he put the book down and didn't read any more. He does not follow my blog unless I point out something so he is sometimes surprised what I write. Hey, it's my life, like it or not. Now I just have to figure out who will play me when they make my book into a movie.....................any suggestions? LOL
Saturday, January 23, 2010
January 23, 2010 Saturday Morning
Friday I got up and drove to Hobo to buy another box of tile / flooring for the bathroom floor since I was short 2 pieces. Stopped off at Mc Donald's and got gas on the way home. Spent the morning finishing the bathroom floor. It turned out great. Got showered and picked up Tony to go have lunch with the guys at Baker's Square. Had a great lunch as usual. Spent yesterday afternoon just listening to music and watching TV. Very low key after I did a little vacuuming and such. Tony didn't get home until close to 7 PM from work and then I made us some soup and sandwiches since we are never very hungry on Friday nights because of our lunch with the guys. Started watching a little of the Haiti telethon and got bored so we watched stuff we had DVR'd during the week until 20/20 came on and an interview with Lady Gaga. I love this lady and her music. Went to bed shortly after 10 PM.
This morning I got up shortly after Tony around 7 AM. Tony fed the dogs prior to me getting up. Only had to let Stella out to pee twice during the night last night. Tony drove to McDonalds and got us breakfast, of course they screwed up the order, seems to only happen to him. Yah, I eat too much McDonald's for breakfast, but I love the Bacon Egg and Cheese Bagel. Tony left for work after we finished eating. I did a little cleaning up. Got outside and picked up the poop from the dogs prior to the next two days of rain we are suppose to get. Rain, yuk. This afternoon and all day tomorrow it is suppose to rain and be nasty outside. Just above freezing. Pulled out some black berries I picked last summer from the freezer and am making another batch of Black Berry Jam. Used up the last of what I made. Have to boil the berries for about an hour and the jam is so good. Great on pancakes as well as peanut butter sandwiches. Hopefully Tony will come home from work around lunch as he said. Never can count on it though. Will most likely spend the afternoon laying around watching TV and after dinner head out to Brookfield for a company party we were invited to. The party is for the Brookfield Salon the company I work for is having. A late Christmas party at a bar / bowling alley. We will make an appearance but be home early due to the weather and Stella needing to be let out. Tony has a small crush on the manager of the salon. He is handsome, but needs to come out of the closet. Hate Saturday mornings when Tony goes to work. I find myself walking from room to room, staring out the window, watching the clock, waiting for him to get home. Wish I could make my own happiness and not depend on him to add to it.
This morning I got up shortly after Tony around 7 AM. Tony fed the dogs prior to me getting up. Only had to let Stella out to pee twice during the night last night. Tony drove to McDonalds and got us breakfast, of course they screwed up the order, seems to only happen to him. Yah, I eat too much McDonald's for breakfast, but I love the Bacon Egg and Cheese Bagel. Tony left for work after we finished eating. I did a little cleaning up. Got outside and picked up the poop from the dogs prior to the next two days of rain we are suppose to get. Rain, yuk. This afternoon and all day tomorrow it is suppose to rain and be nasty outside. Just above freezing. Pulled out some black berries I picked last summer from the freezer and am making another batch of Black Berry Jam. Used up the last of what I made. Have to boil the berries for about an hour and the jam is so good. Great on pancakes as well as peanut butter sandwiches. Hopefully Tony will come home from work around lunch as he said. Never can count on it though. Will most likely spend the afternoon laying around watching TV and after dinner head out to Brookfield for a company party we were invited to. The party is for the Brookfield Salon the company I work for is having. A late Christmas party at a bar / bowling alley. We will make an appearance but be home early due to the weather and Stella needing to be let out. Tony has a small crush on the manager of the salon. He is handsome, but needs to come out of the closet. Hate Saturday mornings when Tony goes to work. I find myself walking from room to room, staring out the window, watching the clock, waiting for him to get home. Wish I could make my own happiness and not depend on him to add to it.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
January 21, 2010 Thursday Dinner Time
Monday I pushed myself to go into work. I still did not feel great but since I took off all last week due to being sick, I could not take another Monday off. Worked until about 3 PM and came home to a mess with Stella. Too much water, too much time not being let out, the prednisone. Cleaned up the messes and laid down for a while, or at least tried. Finally gave up and fed the dogs and got dinner ready. We were in bed, lights out, by 9 PM. Tony's balls were still a little sore from his surgery on Friday.
Tuesday I didn't go into work until 10 AM, had Tony come home at noon, and was home by 2:30. No messes. Did a little around the house and then went to lay down because I was still not feeling great and tired. Took an hour and a half nap. Fed the dogs and made dinner. Was too tired to go out for Tuesday taco's. Once again it was an early night.
Wednesday I actually felt a little better. Worked on the spare bedroom painting the wood trim on one side. Cleaned up the side yard which really needed, four dogs remember. After Tony got home we went to Hobo, a discount hardware type store, to hopefully by the wood for the new floor in the spare bedroom I am remodeling. Also needed to buy tile for the finished bathroom that needed the floor completed still. Ended up buying some panels you would put in a garage and tiled the floor in front of the shower and toilet today. It turned out great. Not the usual floor, but coming out of a shower it is great. Also was much easier than tiling and the clean up and work involved in that. Didn't buy the wood for the wood floor in the spare room due to the cost. Too much money right now, will have to wait. Got home quick for Stella and we went to bed around 10 PM. We did end up eating at Taco Bell prior to Hobo.
Today I finished working on the bathroom floor, of course I need two more sheets so it is not totally completed. Damn. Why is it so hard to just finish a project? Took Stella to the vet for another blood test to check her platelet levels. Hopefully she is getting better with all this Prednisone she has to take and all the peeing and drinking of water she is doing. Got home with Stella and laid back for an hour listening to radio before I was out the door again to go to my monthly board members meeting for ARCW. Two hour meeting. Picked up my monthly food at the pantry in the basement and drove a board member home with me that lives down the road. Put all the groceries away and since being home Stella has been outside 3 times to pee, jeez. Making a quick dinner and hoping to just watch TV all night doing nothing. I don't feel great again today. It has been two weeks now and four days on an antibiotic. Will this ever end? I hate feeling sick. Maybe lunch with the guys tomorrow will help?
Tuesday I didn't go into work until 10 AM, had Tony come home at noon, and was home by 2:30. No messes. Did a little around the house and then went to lay down because I was still not feeling great and tired. Took an hour and a half nap. Fed the dogs and made dinner. Was too tired to go out for Tuesday taco's. Once again it was an early night.
Wednesday I actually felt a little better. Worked on the spare bedroom painting the wood trim on one side. Cleaned up the side yard which really needed, four dogs remember. After Tony got home we went to Hobo, a discount hardware type store, to hopefully by the wood for the new floor in the spare bedroom I am remodeling. Also needed to buy tile for the finished bathroom that needed the floor completed still. Ended up buying some panels you would put in a garage and tiled the floor in front of the shower and toilet today. It turned out great. Not the usual floor, but coming out of a shower it is great. Also was much easier than tiling and the clean up and work involved in that. Didn't buy the wood for the wood floor in the spare room due to the cost. Too much money right now, will have to wait. Got home quick for Stella and we went to bed around 10 PM. We did end up eating at Taco Bell prior to Hobo.
Today I finished working on the bathroom floor, of course I need two more sheets so it is not totally completed. Damn. Why is it so hard to just finish a project? Took Stella to the vet for another blood test to check her platelet levels. Hopefully she is getting better with all this Prednisone she has to take and all the peeing and drinking of water she is doing. Got home with Stella and laid back for an hour listening to radio before I was out the door again to go to my monthly board members meeting for ARCW. Two hour meeting. Picked up my monthly food at the pantry in the basement and drove a board member home with me that lives down the road. Put all the groceries away and since being home Stella has been outside 3 times to pee, jeez. Making a quick dinner and hoping to just watch TV all night doing nothing. I don't feel great again today. It has been two weeks now and four days on an antibiotic. Will this ever end? I hate feeling sick. Maybe lunch with the guys tomorrow will help?
Sunday, January 17, 2010
January 17, 2010 Sunday Night
Tony finally called me about 12:30 PM to pick him up at the hospital from his surgery that morning. I went and got him and then drove him to his auto body shop to drop off some keys the employees needed to open up some doors. The keys were in his coat pocket locked in a locker at the hospital or I would have taken care of it myself. Drove him home and spent the rest of the day taking care of his every need. Had to fill the ice pack he kept on his crotch most of the day and night. He wanted to show me, I said not yet. It's a guy thing when it comes to the balls. Watched a bunch of movies, Uncle Sam, The Hurt Locker, to name two. The Hurt Locker was good. I could never do what they do. Never.
Got up early Saturday morning and made Tony a nice big breakfast and got him on the couch with ice. He did end up having to go to the shop later in the afternoon, but for the most part I was able to keep him on the couch resting. The pain pills help. He is doing OK. Watched more TV and stuff we DVR'd. Ended up sometime in the afternoon watching Snakes On A Plane again.
This morning I got up and made pancakes. Showered and went grocery shopping leaving Tony on the couch. He is much better today. Colored my hair to get a little of the grey out. Once again I am so sorry I did. My head now itches so bad I want to pull my hair out. Since taking Atripla I just can not color my hair. My skin must have changed. I even put some color on my chest hair and my chest now has a red rash where I colored. I told Tony a little while ago to remind me the next time I want to color my hair, to just say no. Went to see the movie A Single Man with some friends this afternoon at a theater down the street. Went out to dinner for pizza after the movie. Movie was good, company was great. Two of the guys we have Friday lunch with. Now we are just watching the award show on TV and soon to bed. I do have to go to work this Monday and Tuesday. I have to make some money to pay all these damn vet bills. Still haven't gotten the blood results back for Stella. If the vet doesn't call tomorrow, I will call them. Tony showed me his balls today. They are not black and blue or anything, just the one is very swollen. Yuck.
Got up early Saturday morning and made Tony a nice big breakfast and got him on the couch with ice. He did end up having to go to the shop later in the afternoon, but for the most part I was able to keep him on the couch resting. The pain pills help. He is doing OK. Watched more TV and stuff we DVR'd. Ended up sometime in the afternoon watching Snakes On A Plane again.
This morning I got up and made pancakes. Showered and went grocery shopping leaving Tony on the couch. He is much better today. Colored my hair to get a little of the grey out. Once again I am so sorry I did. My head now itches so bad I want to pull my hair out. Since taking Atripla I just can not color my hair. My skin must have changed. I even put some color on my chest hair and my chest now has a red rash where I colored. I told Tony a little while ago to remind me the next time I want to color my hair, to just say no. Went to see the movie A Single Man with some friends this afternoon at a theater down the street. Went out to dinner for pizza after the movie. Movie was good, company was great. Two of the guys we have Friday lunch with. Now we are just watching the award show on TV and soon to bed. I do have to go to work this Monday and Tuesday. I have to make some money to pay all these damn vet bills. Still haven't gotten the blood results back for Stella. If the vet doesn't call tomorrow, I will call them. Tony showed me his balls today. They are not black and blue or anything, just the one is very swollen. Yuck.
Friday, January 15, 2010
January 15, 2010 Friday Morning
Wednesday I had to take Stella back to the vet for more blood work. Another $200. Should get the results today. Spent the rest of the day napping with her and the rest of the dogs until I went to a meeting about Adherence to taking our HIV meds. Was an interesting meeting and a good meal.
Yesterday I got back into the spare bedroom and continued painting and getting it into a den or office. Made meatloaf, mashed potato and corn for dinner. Went to bed early because we had to have Tony at St Mary's Hospital by 6:30 AM for his testicle surgery.
Today we were out of the house and at the hospital on time. Tony is under the knife as I write this post. Just waiting for a call from him to come get him. Sounds like he will be recovering all weekend in pain. Lots of ice packs I am told. Hoping he calls soon so I can drop him off at home, get him comfortable, and go to lunch with the guys. Told the guys I might not make it today because of Tony's surgery. Will most likely spend the weekend very low key. Got to keep Stella calm. She seems to be handling the meds good and getting stronger. Hopefully the blood results will be good news, I am hoping.
Yesterday I got back into the spare bedroom and continued painting and getting it into a den or office. Made meatloaf, mashed potato and corn for dinner. Went to bed early because we had to have Tony at St Mary's Hospital by 6:30 AM for his testicle surgery.
Today we were out of the house and at the hospital on time. Tony is under the knife as I write this post. Just waiting for a call from him to come get him. Sounds like he will be recovering all weekend in pain. Lots of ice packs I am told. Hoping he calls soon so I can drop him off at home, get him comfortable, and go to lunch with the guys. Told the guys I might not make it today because of Tony's surgery. Will most likely spend the weekend very low key. Got to keep Stella calm. She seems to be handling the meds good and getting stronger. Hopefully the blood results will be good news, I am hoping.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
January 12, 2010 Tuesday Night
Watching the nuts on American Idol. Why do I love this show?
Did not go to work this week. I still did not feel well on Monday and since I must put myself first I decided to stay healthy and at home. Ended up taking Barkley to the vet late in the afternoon because he has a sore on his foot. Ended up buying him more food, having his nails cut, anal glands cleaned, rabbis and distemper shots..................$220.00. Jeez. Made some spaghetti for dinner and went to bed around 9 PM.
Today I got up still feeling very tired and having stomach problems. Did not work again today. I did start painting the spare bedroom. About half way through the day I noticed Stella's ears so red from her scratching them they were almost bleeding. Called the vet and got her in right away because of a cancellation. Well, not good. On top of the ear problems she has a rash or bruising going on on her stomach. She has had problems in the past with her platelet count and I think it is happening again. Her bad cells destroying her good ones. We got it under control about a year ago. In fact right after finding out about my blood problems we found out about hers now that I remember. I would hate to loose her. Anyway, guess how much? $240. Yup, on top of the $220 I spent yesterday. Wow, there goes Kali's teeth cleaning any time soon. I will learn the blood results from Stella by tomorrow afternoon. Hope for good news, please.
Just going to stay around the house again tomorrow. I do have a dinner meeting. Counting down the days until Tony goes in for surgery, this Friday.
Did not go to work this week. I still did not feel well on Monday and since I must put myself first I decided to stay healthy and at home. Ended up taking Barkley to the vet late in the afternoon because he has a sore on his foot. Ended up buying him more food, having his nails cut, anal glands cleaned, rabbis and distemper shots..................$220.00. Jeez. Made some spaghetti for dinner and went to bed around 9 PM.
Today I got up still feeling very tired and having stomach problems. Did not work again today. I did start painting the spare bedroom. About half way through the day I noticed Stella's ears so red from her scratching them they were almost bleeding. Called the vet and got her in right away because of a cancellation. Well, not good. On top of the ear problems she has a rash or bruising going on on her stomach. She has had problems in the past with her platelet count and I think it is happening again. Her bad cells destroying her good ones. We got it under control about a year ago. In fact right after finding out about my blood problems we found out about hers now that I remember. I would hate to loose her. Anyway, guess how much? $240. Yup, on top of the $220 I spent yesterday. Wow, there goes Kali's teeth cleaning any time soon. I will learn the blood results from Stella by tomorrow afternoon. Hope for good news, please.
Just going to stay around the house again tomorrow. I do have a dinner meeting. Counting down the days until Tony goes in for surgery, this Friday.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
January 10, 2010 Sunday Night
Spent the weekend having terrible stomach problems. Feels like there is a fire in my stomach and bowels. Woke up this morning with the runs. Saturday late afternoon we did manage to leave the warm house and venture into the Milwaukee cold and meet some friends at a classic car show. Within minutes of being there Tony had to go to the bathroom and almost 2 hours later he still couldn't find us. He really pissed me off. Thankfully I had our friends to help control my anger. Drove home not saying a word to each other. Ordered some food from a local delivery restaurant. I had the potato soup hoping it would be good for my stomach. It was not. I ended up going to bed shortly after 9 PM because I felt so terrible.
This morning I woke up feeling the same. Jeez, is this the stomach flu or something worse? Pretty much laid around the house until Tony and I went to Pick And Save and did some grocery shopping. Making ribs and baked potato for dinner and a salad. It will be an early night of going to bed and watching TV in bed tonight. I am so tired and still just feel like crap. I did get all the flu shots so I am hoping it is just a cold. Hoping to work tomorrow, most likely a shorter day than the usual Monday unless I start to feel better.
Saturday morning I found a web sight called Sharedbook.com which can turn your blog into a book. I am having the first year printed as a book. Wow, I will have a book. LOL
This morning I woke up feeling the same. Jeez, is this the stomach flu or something worse? Pretty much laid around the house until Tony and I went to Pick And Save and did some grocery shopping. Making ribs and baked potato for dinner and a salad. It will be an early night of going to bed and watching TV in bed tonight. I am so tired and still just feel like crap. I did get all the flu shots so I am hoping it is just a cold. Hoping to work tomorrow, most likely a shorter day than the usual Monday unless I start to feel better.
Saturday morning I found a web sight called Sharedbook.com which can turn your blog into a book. I am having the first year printed as a book. Wow, I will have a book. LOL
Saturday, January 9, 2010
January 10, 2010 Saturday Morning
Had a pretty rotten day on Friday. Woke up around 2:30 AM to go to the bathroom and went back to bed feeling OK. About 5:20 AM I woke up and knew that feeling. Ended up throwing up again that morning. This seems to happen every two weeks or so. Anyone else have this problem on Atripla? It does not appear food related since there is no common food doing this or food group. Stayed in bed until about 7:30 AM and then got up to see Tony off to work. He had already fed the dogs by this time. After he walked out the door I went back to bed for about an hour until the unfinished shoveling of the 8 inches of snow we got that night got me out of bed and bundled up so I could shovel the front sidewalks and back parking area. Tony plowed the alley but there was a lot of clean up still needed. Pushed myself along to get the job done. My stomach felt like someone punched me or it was on fire. After spending some more time on the toilet I went back to bed for an hour or so. Finally got back out of bed around 11 AM and showered to get ready for lunch with the guys, our regular Friday lunch. I wasn't going to miss it since like I have said many times, it is my therapy. Had a good lunch. Ate soup and grilled cheese sandwich. Dropped Tony off at his shop and within an hour of being home I went back to bed. Slept the afternoon away only to wake up feeling horrible. Wrapped myself in a blanket until Tony got home around 7 PM. Made Tony some Spaghetti O's for dinner, yah, bad husband. I finally made a bowl of chicken noodle soup around 8 PM for me. It went down OK but my stomach hurt any time I even drank water. Went to bed around 9:30 PM last night.
Tony was up and out of bed by 6 AM today. I stayed in bed until around 7 AM. Fed the dogs and soon Tony was out the door to go to work again. I did have a little 'talk' with him last night about the amount of hours he is again working. He had quadruple heart bypass surgery about 4 years ago and I got him after that to cut down on his hours. Slowly he is creeping up to high again. We don't need the money 'that' bad that he has to work that many hours. Life is to short. I plan on going back to bed after this post since Tony is working a half day. All four dogs love to sleep with me cuddling on the bed under the warm blankets since it is so cold here in Milwaukee. This afternoon we are meeting a bunch of the guys at a classic car show at State Fair Park. Indoors of course. I have no interest in the cars, just the friendship and the men at the show for eye candy. That will be it then for the day. Tony and I just realized yesterday that he goes in for surgery next Friday on his testicles. Jeez, here we go again. Will try to write again soon. Sure hope my stomach starts to feel better.
Tony was up and out of bed by 6 AM today. I stayed in bed until around 7 AM. Fed the dogs and soon Tony was out the door to go to work again. I did have a little 'talk' with him last night about the amount of hours he is again working. He had quadruple heart bypass surgery about 4 years ago and I got him after that to cut down on his hours. Slowly he is creeping up to high again. We don't need the money 'that' bad that he has to work that many hours. Life is to short. I plan on going back to bed after this post since Tony is working a half day. All four dogs love to sleep with me cuddling on the bed under the warm blankets since it is so cold here in Milwaukee. This afternoon we are meeting a bunch of the guys at a classic car show at State Fair Park. Indoors of course. I have no interest in the cars, just the friendship and the men at the show for eye candy. That will be it then for the day. Tony and I just realized yesterday that he goes in for surgery next Friday on his testicles. Jeez, here we go again. Will try to write again soon. Sure hope my stomach starts to feel better.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
January 7, 2010 Thursday Night
One year ago my life changed forever. I remember the day well. I called the doctor to get my HIV test results because he had not returned my call from the previous day. I was told by the nurse I had to come in and get my results. I knew this was not good. I remember trying to get to the doctors office as fast as possible and my heart racing. I remember hearing those dreaded words - 'your test came back positive'. I remember the feelings my body and mind had. I remember having to call my partner of 20 years and let him know he needs to meet me at home quickly. I remember telling him and dropping to my knees at the reality - crying and shaking. A week later I found out I actually had AIDS.
It has been quite a year. I am still here. I am still alive. I find myself smiling and having good days to balance out the bad. I would not wish my last year on anyone but I also must add that I have met, emailed, and become best friends of some of the nicest people anyone would wish for in their life.
I guess I am trying to say...........I made it. I am now undetectable. I now have less side effects. I now can get through the day without that 'little voice' destroying my day by reminding me I have AIDS. Shortly after my diagnosis I honestly was ready to kill myself. I am so glad I did not.
Thank you to all my followers and friends who have gotten me through this first year. I could not have done it without you.
It has been quite a year. I am still here. I am still alive. I find myself smiling and having good days to balance out the bad. I would not wish my last year on anyone but I also must add that I have met, emailed, and become best friends of some of the nicest people anyone would wish for in their life.
I guess I am trying to say...........I made it. I am now undetectable. I now have less side effects. I now can get through the day without that 'little voice' destroying my day by reminding me I have AIDS. Shortly after my diagnosis I honestly was ready to kill myself. I am so glad I did not.
Thank you to all my followers and friends who have gotten me through this first year. I could not have done it without you.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
January 6, 2010 Wednesday Morning
Tony left for work early this morning since he was up by 5:30 AM and I got up shortly after 6 AM. So now it is almost 7:30 AM and I have already fed the dogs, watered the plants, straightened up the house and on my second cup of coffee. I have to leave the house today and go to walgreens as well as a local jewelry store since tomorrow we are suppose to get 6 to 9 inches of snow during the day. So I better get everything done today so I can lay low during the storm tomorrow. The minute Tony walks out the door it feels like part of me leaves with him. I feel lonely and alone. Even with four dogs at my feet and all their needs, I still feel lonely when Tony is not home. I wish I was more happy being alone. Tonight we go to see the play Dreamgirls here in Milwaukee. It is the broadway production. I have seen the movie and play in the past. It was on this years yearly subscription. It will be entertaining and who doesn't look forward to the part where she starts singing the main song the made Jennifer Hudson famous. Since it is so early I guess I will shower up and wait for the stores to open and make my rounds. Still have to vacuum the house today and pick up the dog droppings outside before the new snow arrives. I worked Monday a few hours and less yesterday. I took Kali to work with me yesterday since I knew I would not be at work long. She was an angel like always. Went out for dollar tacos last night for dinner. I am so tired of the snow and cold.
I think back to one year ago today. I remember it well. Last year on this date I remember very well leaving a message for my doctor to call me with my blood results from the prior week. I was very much looking forward to hearing I was HIV- and what the blood results determined. It was my last day being HIV- in my mind. The doctor did not return my call that day and it was tomorrow, one year ago that I was informed I needed to come to the doctors office and get those dreaded results. What a year it has been. I think I knew somewhere in my head that the results were not going to be good. I knew something was wrong with my health. Even so, those words...'your results came back positive' are never forgotten.
OK, time to pull myself together and stop feeling sorry for myself. My mom sent me a book she read called 'A Travel Guide To Heaven' by Anthony Destefano. Since her and I talk about heaven and death she sent it to me because it gave her great insight. I have read already the first four chapters and trying very hard to keep an open mind. The book is describing Heaven. Well, if I believed in God I guess believing in Heaven would be much easier. Heck, I would love to believe a better life full of color, friends and family, but would a God really let all this suffering happen in the world. It is my biggest stumbling block. What loving God would allow all this suffering? I wish I could resolve all these feelings. I used to say the Lords Prayer prior to going to bed every night until about a year ago. At that point it was the final nail in the 'there can not be a God coffin'. I will finish the book and most likely read a lot today and tomorrow. I will try to keep an open mind, heck, what's the alternative? Darkness and nothing?
I think back to one year ago today. I remember it well. Last year on this date I remember very well leaving a message for my doctor to call me with my blood results from the prior week. I was very much looking forward to hearing I was HIV- and what the blood results determined. It was my last day being HIV- in my mind. The doctor did not return my call that day and it was tomorrow, one year ago that I was informed I needed to come to the doctors office and get those dreaded results. What a year it has been. I think I knew somewhere in my head that the results were not going to be good. I knew something was wrong with my health. Even so, those words...'your results came back positive' are never forgotten.
OK, time to pull myself together and stop feeling sorry for myself. My mom sent me a book she read called 'A Travel Guide To Heaven' by Anthony Destefano. Since her and I talk about heaven and death she sent it to me because it gave her great insight. I have read already the first four chapters and trying very hard to keep an open mind. The book is describing Heaven. Well, if I believed in God I guess believing in Heaven would be much easier. Heck, I would love to believe a better life full of color, friends and family, but would a God really let all this suffering happen in the world. It is my biggest stumbling block. What loving God would allow all this suffering? I wish I could resolve all these feelings. I used to say the Lords Prayer prior to going to bed every night until about a year ago. At that point it was the final nail in the 'there can not be a God coffin'. I will finish the book and most likely read a lot today and tomorrow. I will try to keep an open mind, heck, what's the alternative? Darkness and nothing?
Sunday, January 3, 2010
January 3, 2010 Sunday Night
New Years Eve Tony and I did end up going to a bar in Downtown Milwaukee to bring in the New Year. A friend picked us up and dropped us off so we had no excuses for the cold. We were home by 1 AM. Most friends didn't show because it was so damn cold here in Milwaukee and has been all weekend. Had an OK time but would have been happy to just stay home.............note to self, stay home next New Years Eve.
Friday we laid around until we got showered and had lunch with the guys. Was more than usual due to the holiday and no work. Had a very long and wonderful lunch. Laughed for about an hour and a half. Love my lunches with the guys. Tony and I went grocery shopping after lunch since we were not about to go out in this cold again. Spent the rest of the afternoon watching the movie Clerks 2, was not so good but slightly entertaining. Went to bed early with our heating pad on and nice and warm under the covers.
Saturday Tony informed me he was going in to work all day because two customers cars needed to get finished and were not due to the holiday. I decided to make the turkey I got from the food bank. Never made a turkey before. Used the 'in a bag' method and it turned out pretty good. Unfortunately by the time Tony got home around 6 PM it was quite dry from being carved and staying warm. Oh well. I thought it was good. Went and saw the movie Nine at the movie theaters. Was ok but not as good as Chicago or other musicals out at the theaters. Tony even fell asleep and needed to be woke up a couple times with the jab. It was more like Moulin Rouge than Chicago in style I think. Would have rather seen many other choices available at the theaters. Had dinner at a restaurant prior to the movie which left little room for the large popcorn. Also spent some time in the afternoon at a neighbors house catching up on her Christmas and New Years stories. Her family conflicts are always worth a laugh or two.
This morning after reading the Sunday newspaper I made Tony and I breakfast. Shortly after I showered and met the neighbor so we could go to Best Buy and look at laptop computers for her as well as wireless routers. I volunteered to give as much advice about them as I could. Ended up getting a really cute kid that was very very helpful and spent at least a half hour with us. The neighbor ended up buying a laptop, wireless router and a wireless mouse. I ended up buying a wireless mouse. I love it. After I got home I spent about 2 hours at her house helping her set up the laptop and internet connection. She is happy. She bought a Gateway and it works very good. Walked across the alley to come home and it was so So SO cold. Saw Tony sleeping on the couch so I curled up for a half hour power nap on the bed. Of course all four dogs soon followed and it was a cuddle fest on the bed, me and and four dogs to stay warm. Have to get this done so I can make Tony and I dinner, just making turkey sandwiches and stuff. Then it will be a bundle up and watch TV night.
One year ago today I had the dreaded blood test that on January 7th, 2009 the test results changed my life forever. I think of these things all day. Thursday should be an interesting day of reflection.
Friday we laid around until we got showered and had lunch with the guys. Was more than usual due to the holiday and no work. Had a very long and wonderful lunch. Laughed for about an hour and a half. Love my lunches with the guys. Tony and I went grocery shopping after lunch since we were not about to go out in this cold again. Spent the rest of the afternoon watching the movie Clerks 2, was not so good but slightly entertaining. Went to bed early with our heating pad on and nice and warm under the covers.
Saturday Tony informed me he was going in to work all day because two customers cars needed to get finished and were not due to the holiday. I decided to make the turkey I got from the food bank. Never made a turkey before. Used the 'in a bag' method and it turned out pretty good. Unfortunately by the time Tony got home around 6 PM it was quite dry from being carved and staying warm. Oh well. I thought it was good. Went and saw the movie Nine at the movie theaters. Was ok but not as good as Chicago or other musicals out at the theaters. Tony even fell asleep and needed to be woke up a couple times with the jab. It was more like Moulin Rouge than Chicago in style I think. Would have rather seen many other choices available at the theaters. Had dinner at a restaurant prior to the movie which left little room for the large popcorn. Also spent some time in the afternoon at a neighbors house catching up on her Christmas and New Years stories. Her family conflicts are always worth a laugh or two.
This morning after reading the Sunday newspaper I made Tony and I breakfast. Shortly after I showered and met the neighbor so we could go to Best Buy and look at laptop computers for her as well as wireless routers. I volunteered to give as much advice about them as I could. Ended up getting a really cute kid that was very very helpful and spent at least a half hour with us. The neighbor ended up buying a laptop, wireless router and a wireless mouse. I ended up buying a wireless mouse. I love it. After I got home I spent about 2 hours at her house helping her set up the laptop and internet connection. She is happy. She bought a Gateway and it works very good. Walked across the alley to come home and it was so So SO cold. Saw Tony sleeping on the couch so I curled up for a half hour power nap on the bed. Of course all four dogs soon followed and it was a cuddle fest on the bed, me and and four dogs to stay warm. Have to get this done so I can make Tony and I dinner, just making turkey sandwiches and stuff. Then it will be a bundle up and watch TV night.
One year ago today I had the dreaded blood test that on January 7th, 2009 the test results changed my life forever. I think of these things all day. Thursday should be an interesting day of reflection.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
December 31, 2009 New Years Eve
Happy New Year to all my friends and followers.
I hope 2010 brings everyone health and happiness throughout the year.
I hope to write a blog this weekend highlighting my highs and lows for the year 2009.
I hope 2010 brings everyone health and happiness throughout the year.
I hope to write a blog this weekend highlighting my highs and lows for the year 2009.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
December 30, 2009 Wednesday Morning
Worked most of the day on Monday and Tuesday doing inventories. Mindless job and I can do it at my own pace. Made a Tbone steak last night for dinner. Got two steaks from mom for Christmas so I thought I would make one of them. Made mashed potato and corn for sides.
Today I am not going into work since I will be going in tomorrow to do the year end inventory. It is done each year the last day of the year and I figure I might as well go in and help with the counts and earn some money doing it. Already showered today and got most of the little jobs I wanted to accomplish completed. Tony is getting auto body parts and stopping at Menards to get another pond heater. My pond heater seems to have stopped working and now the pond is completely frozen over. If I don't get a hole in the pond soon the fish will all die. Since he is on the road he is picking up a new one and dropping it off on his way back to the shop. I hope this one melts a hole in the ice because I would hate to loose all the fish I have had for going on 5 years now. I learned the first year you have to have a hole to let the bad air and such out or the fish will die. Learned the hard way that year by losing all my fish. So sad. So I have to get this in today and hopefully it will melt a hole very fast. Taking down the Christmas lights outside a little each day. Already took down most of the decorations in the house and the tree. Christmas is over as far as I am concerned. Paid a few bills. Picked up the dog droppings outside. Already vacuumed the house. Maybe I will take a nap this afternoon as the new pond heater does it's job.
Tomorrow is New Years Eve. Thinking of meeting a few friends out for a midnight drink. It is so cold here in Milwaukee and going to get colder the next few nights. Not looking forward to bundling up at 11 PM just to go out and celebrate New Years. If Tony wanted to say home there would be no decision, we would stay home. But I think this year he wants to go out. Our friends are planning to then at midnight go to the main Milwaukee park and watch the New Years fireworks. Fireworks in the cold? You got to be crazy. I will stay in the bar. The bar is a half block from the fireworks. Still trying to decide just how much I want and need to work next year. I have to work a couple days or I will go nuts, but I don't want to jeopardize my social security. Decisions decisions. Money is not the main concern, losing the benefits I worked so hard to get is the main concern. I would love to just concentrate on the house and writing my book but I couple days work would not kill me and be good for the mind. Also is good to get out of the house and see and interact with people.
Today I am not going into work since I will be going in tomorrow to do the year end inventory. It is done each year the last day of the year and I figure I might as well go in and help with the counts and earn some money doing it. Already showered today and got most of the little jobs I wanted to accomplish completed. Tony is getting auto body parts and stopping at Menards to get another pond heater. My pond heater seems to have stopped working and now the pond is completely frozen over. If I don't get a hole in the pond soon the fish will all die. Since he is on the road he is picking up a new one and dropping it off on his way back to the shop. I hope this one melts a hole in the ice because I would hate to loose all the fish I have had for going on 5 years now. I learned the first year you have to have a hole to let the bad air and such out or the fish will die. Learned the hard way that year by losing all my fish. So sad. So I have to get this in today and hopefully it will melt a hole very fast. Taking down the Christmas lights outside a little each day. Already took down most of the decorations in the house and the tree. Christmas is over as far as I am concerned. Paid a few bills. Picked up the dog droppings outside. Already vacuumed the house. Maybe I will take a nap this afternoon as the new pond heater does it's job.
Tomorrow is New Years Eve. Thinking of meeting a few friends out for a midnight drink. It is so cold here in Milwaukee and going to get colder the next few nights. Not looking forward to bundling up at 11 PM just to go out and celebrate New Years. If Tony wanted to say home there would be no decision, we would stay home. But I think this year he wants to go out. Our friends are planning to then at midnight go to the main Milwaukee park and watch the New Years fireworks. Fireworks in the cold? You got to be crazy. I will stay in the bar. The bar is a half block from the fireworks. Still trying to decide just how much I want and need to work next year. I have to work a couple days or I will go nuts, but I don't want to jeopardize my social security. Decisions decisions. Money is not the main concern, losing the benefits I worked so hard to get is the main concern. I would love to just concentrate on the house and writing my book but I couple days work would not kill me and be good for the mind. Also is good to get out of the house and see and interact with people.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
December 27, 2009 Sunday Night
Got Tony out of the house and to the Southridge Mall to return the horrible shirts he bought me on Saturday afternoon. We ended up buying some clothing and a heating blanket for the bed. Walked around the mall for the afternoon. Was not as busy as I would have thought the day after Christmas. We walked right up to the counter to make our return. Spent the rest of the afternoon watching the Saw Movie Marathon. Saw One through Three was playing on one of the TV channels. Then we ended up going to bed soon after 10 PM.
This morning we got up and showered so we could drive to the south side of town to get Tony's mom and take her out for breakfast. Stopped off at his brother's house after breakfast to give their kids some money for Christmas. We didn't get to see them on Christmas and usually give them each an envelope. After dropping off Tony's mom we went to Fleet Farm, a hardware type store, to return two sweaters Tony's mom had bought for us. They also were horrible looking and would not have gotten worn. Got a whole $10 for them. I am sure she bought them on clearance. Ended up buying a few items. Came home and spent the afternoon watching some stupid movies not worth remembering. Now we are watching The Sound Of Music for probably the 100th or more time. I do love this movie. Probably seen this movie more than any other movie. Wizard of Oz would probably be second. I remember seeing Sound Of Music in the movie theater as a child with my family when it first was released. It was such a long movie there was even a 20 minute intermission half way through the movie. Remember seeing it a second time with my grandmother at the movie theater as a kid also. Brings back fond memories. They just don't make movies like this anymore. I can sing the words to every song I have seen it so many times. After this movie it will be lights out. Monday I will work my usual hours doing inventory.
This morning we got up and showered so we could drive to the south side of town to get Tony's mom and take her out for breakfast. Stopped off at his brother's house after breakfast to give their kids some money for Christmas. We didn't get to see them on Christmas and usually give them each an envelope. After dropping off Tony's mom we went to Fleet Farm, a hardware type store, to return two sweaters Tony's mom had bought for us. They also were horrible looking and would not have gotten worn. Got a whole $10 for them. I am sure she bought them on clearance. Ended up buying a few items. Came home and spent the afternoon watching some stupid movies not worth remembering. Now we are watching The Sound Of Music for probably the 100th or more time. I do love this movie. Probably seen this movie more than any other movie. Wizard of Oz would probably be second. I remember seeing Sound Of Music in the movie theater as a child with my family when it first was released. It was such a long movie there was even a 20 minute intermission half way through the movie. Remember seeing it a second time with my grandmother at the movie theater as a kid also. Brings back fond memories. They just don't make movies like this anymore. I can sing the words to every song I have seen it so many times. After this movie it will be lights out. Monday I will work my usual hours doing inventory.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
December 26, 2009 Saturday Morning
Had a very good Christmas.
Spent most of Christmas Eve day just listening to music and doing things around the house. Tony got home from work around 2:30 and our nephew came over around 3 PM. He is 11 years old, was visiting his father here, and we usually then exchange him with his mother, Tony's sister when we meet for Christmas Eve. He is a good kid and loves his uncle Tony and Dave. Got to Tony's family Christmas around 5 PM. Had a good time, I guess. Seemed everyone was rushing and just couldn't wait to go home. We were home by 8:30 PM. Not much of a Christmas Eve when you start so early and home so early. We went to bed shortly after 10 PM.
Christmas Day Tony and I exchanged presents. I of course got him things he needs and asks for throughout the year. He got me......................2 of the most ugly shirts I have ever seen in my life. I actually asked him where and when I would ever wear the one. His reply was 'when we go on vacation'. Yah, like we go on so many of those. LOL. When I found out how much he spent on the two shirts I immediately asked him for the receipts. They will get returned today. I do not spent close to $100 on TWO shirts. I am more frugal than that. I had given him a list of items I would want. Not one was gotten for me once again. Christmas is not Tony's holiday. He hates it. He hates shopping. Hates having to buy stuff. He grew up in a family where his dad handed out cash. So after he saw my face and I told him how disappointed I was in his lack of shopping he handed me $500 and said to go buy what I want. Jeez. I have $500. And hell it is really just like handing me my own money when you come right down to it. Oh well. Not one of Tony's strong traits. Never was. Left around noon to go to my parents house. Spent the afternoon with them. Had a nice time. I really do enjoy my time with my family. There was a time I had big anxiety prior to going to their home. In the last 10 years I have felt comfortable enough not to have any worries. In fact. I know they all enjoy me being there. I keep the conversation and the topics flowing, popular or not. LOL Got home around 6 PM. Fed the dogs and cleaned up the house from the Christmas presents we got from my family. Mom buys a few items each year we can count on: Couple bags of dog food (always appreciated when you have 4 dogs), a box of frozen steaks (who doesn't want steaks), and of course 'The Envelope'. This year we each got $400. Always the funny part of the afternoon. We all know that is 'the gift' we are all waiting for. All the brothers and sisters then make up stories with each other as to how much was in 'their' envelope. We always all get the same, but we kid each other like we were the special child this year that got more. LOL
Today I am already showered and waiting for Tony to get home from letting in an employee at the shop. He has a convict on work release so he has to be at the shop every morning at 9 AM and night at 6 PM to let him in and out of the shop. He gets dropped off by the jail. It is better than being in jail for the day. He is a nice guy and Tony's sister is now dating him. So she now spends most of her day's there locked up with him. Long story. Thinking of dragging Tony to the mall to make some returns. Can't wait to see his face when I tell him we are going to the mall for the day. I will blame it on his lack of buying abilities again this year. Also thinking about buying myself a Grandfather Clock at JC Penny that is on sale. I have always wanted a Grandfather Clock and the one I like is on sale. Might buy myself my own Christmas present this year. Light snow is falling today. It rained most of Christmas Eve and Day here in Milwaukee. Usually much colder on Christmas....global warming?
Spent most of Christmas Eve day just listening to music and doing things around the house. Tony got home from work around 2:30 and our nephew came over around 3 PM. He is 11 years old, was visiting his father here, and we usually then exchange him with his mother, Tony's sister when we meet for Christmas Eve. He is a good kid and loves his uncle Tony and Dave. Got to Tony's family Christmas around 5 PM. Had a good time, I guess. Seemed everyone was rushing and just couldn't wait to go home. We were home by 8:30 PM. Not much of a Christmas Eve when you start so early and home so early. We went to bed shortly after 10 PM.
Christmas Day Tony and I exchanged presents. I of course got him things he needs and asks for throughout the year. He got me......................2 of the most ugly shirts I have ever seen in my life. I actually asked him where and when I would ever wear the one. His reply was 'when we go on vacation'. Yah, like we go on so many of those. LOL. When I found out how much he spent on the two shirts I immediately asked him for the receipts. They will get returned today. I do not spent close to $100 on TWO shirts. I am more frugal than that. I had given him a list of items I would want. Not one was gotten for me once again. Christmas is not Tony's holiday. He hates it. He hates shopping. Hates having to buy stuff. He grew up in a family where his dad handed out cash. So after he saw my face and I told him how disappointed I was in his lack of shopping he handed me $500 and said to go buy what I want. Jeez. I have $500. And hell it is really just like handing me my own money when you come right down to it. Oh well. Not one of Tony's strong traits. Never was. Left around noon to go to my parents house. Spent the afternoon with them. Had a nice time. I really do enjoy my time with my family. There was a time I had big anxiety prior to going to their home. In the last 10 years I have felt comfortable enough not to have any worries. In fact. I know they all enjoy me being there. I keep the conversation and the topics flowing, popular or not. LOL Got home around 6 PM. Fed the dogs and cleaned up the house from the Christmas presents we got from my family. Mom buys a few items each year we can count on: Couple bags of dog food (always appreciated when you have 4 dogs), a box of frozen steaks (who doesn't want steaks), and of course 'The Envelope'. This year we each got $400. Always the funny part of the afternoon. We all know that is 'the gift' we are all waiting for. All the brothers and sisters then make up stories with each other as to how much was in 'their' envelope. We always all get the same, but we kid each other like we were the special child this year that got more. LOL
Today I am already showered and waiting for Tony to get home from letting in an employee at the shop. He has a convict on work release so he has to be at the shop every morning at 9 AM and night at 6 PM to let him in and out of the shop. He gets dropped off by the jail. It is better than being in jail for the day. He is a nice guy and Tony's sister is now dating him. So she now spends most of her day's there locked up with him. Long story. Thinking of dragging Tony to the mall to make some returns. Can't wait to see his face when I tell him we are going to the mall for the day. I will blame it on his lack of buying abilities again this year. Also thinking about buying myself a Grandfather Clock at JC Penny that is on sale. I have always wanted a Grandfather Clock and the one I like is on sale. Might buy myself my own Christmas present this year. Light snow is falling today. It rained most of Christmas Eve and Day here in Milwaukee. Usually much colder on Christmas....global warming?
Thursday, December 24, 2009
December 24, 2009 Christmas Eve
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas. Be nice to others. Be kind to yourself.
I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas. Be nice to others. Be kind to yourself.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
December 23, 2009 Wednesday Night
Worked a few hours on Tuesday. Came home and spent the rest of the afternoon listening to music I recently downloaded planning my next dance mix. Went out last night for $1 tacos for dinner. Spent the rest of the night trying to stay warm here in Milwaukee.
Today I got up and loaded up a bunch of songs I like at the moment and spent the day mixing music and making the December 2009 Dance Mix above. Hope someone is listening to these mixes and enjoying them? Burned a copy on a cd so I can listen to it in my car in the next couple days as we drive to family for Christmas. Having mixed feelings about this Christmas. I am happy to be healthier than I was last year at this time, but Christmas makes me think of all the people and pets we have lost or are not around. Have to get myself away from that kind of thinking. A good size snow / sleet / rain storm is just now hitting us here in Milwaukee. Sounds like it is going to be here for the Christmas holiday making driving horrible the next couple days.
Hope everyone is done with their Christmas shopping, I finished the last of it today with a trip to Walgreen's. Got Tony a blade sharpener for our razors. Notice I said for Tony for OUR razors. LOL Going to spend the night watching some movies and staying out of the storm.
Today I got up and loaded up a bunch of songs I like at the moment and spent the day mixing music and making the December 2009 Dance Mix above. Hope someone is listening to these mixes and enjoying them? Burned a copy on a cd so I can listen to it in my car in the next couple days as we drive to family for Christmas. Having mixed feelings about this Christmas. I am happy to be healthier than I was last year at this time, but Christmas makes me think of all the people and pets we have lost or are not around. Have to get myself away from that kind of thinking. A good size snow / sleet / rain storm is just now hitting us here in Milwaukee. Sounds like it is going to be here for the Christmas holiday making driving horrible the next couple days.
Hope everyone is done with their Christmas shopping, I finished the last of it today with a trip to Walgreen's. Got Tony a blade sharpener for our razors. Notice I said for Tony for OUR razors. LOL Going to spend the night watching some movies and staying out of the storm.
Monday, December 21, 2009
December 21, 2009 Monday Night
Sunday afternoon Tony and I drove to my parents house in Oconomowoc, about 50 minute drive. My sister, her husband, and two kids drove into town from St Louis for their Christmas with the family before they head back south the day before Christmas. It was also my sister Patti's Birthday. Exchanged presents and had a nice day with everyone. Her kids are so so cute. Came home at dinner time and spent the night watching a little TV. We were home no longer than about 45 minutes before we were both eating from the popcorn tin my sister had given us.
Today I got up and off to work. Did my usual drive from one location to the other and then the weekly inventories. Got out of work a little earlier than usual. Seems a little hard to get going these days. I think it must be the cold, the clouds, and depressed thoughts. Been doing so much thinking lately about what life was like a year ago prior to knowing I have AIDS. The last year has changed my life completely. Think I might do something special for myself on January 7th because it was that day a year a go that my life changed forever. The day I found out I was HIV+. You never forget that day I am told. Seems very true. Making a quick dinner tonight and then just going to relax. It is so cold here in Milwaukee. I hate this cold weather. I am not sure how long or how many more years either one of us will put up with it. Who knows, by the time we finally make the move global warming will have kicked in big time and it might not be so bad in the winters. Not a happy thought when you come right down to it. I feel sorry for the polar bears and animals who will parish.
I sometimes ask myself if life is better today than it was say 1 year ago? Is it better than it was 5 years ago, 10, 20? I guess I would just have to say I am, or SHOULD BE happy. I have no debt, I have a wonderful husband, dogs, house and family. So why am I so unhappy all the time? Depression? I have to find a way to snap out of this because another pill and side effects is out of the question. I am going to have to find a way to be happy because I should be. I think I will write an end of the year what I am thankful for blog.
Today I got up and off to work. Did my usual drive from one location to the other and then the weekly inventories. Got out of work a little earlier than usual. Seems a little hard to get going these days. I think it must be the cold, the clouds, and depressed thoughts. Been doing so much thinking lately about what life was like a year ago prior to knowing I have AIDS. The last year has changed my life completely. Think I might do something special for myself on January 7th because it was that day a year a go that my life changed forever. The day I found out I was HIV+. You never forget that day I am told. Seems very true. Making a quick dinner tonight and then just going to relax. It is so cold here in Milwaukee. I hate this cold weather. I am not sure how long or how many more years either one of us will put up with it. Who knows, by the time we finally make the move global warming will have kicked in big time and it might not be so bad in the winters. Not a happy thought when you come right down to it. I feel sorry for the polar bears and animals who will parish.
I sometimes ask myself if life is better today than it was say 1 year ago? Is it better than it was 5 years ago, 10, 20? I guess I would just have to say I am, or SHOULD BE happy. I have no debt, I have a wonderful husband, dogs, house and family. So why am I so unhappy all the time? Depression? I have to find a way to snap out of this because another pill and side effects is out of the question. I am going to have to find a way to be happy because I should be. I think I will write an end of the year what I am thankful for blog.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
December 20, 2009 Sunday Morning
Once again I can not believe my last post was on last Wednesday. I used to post daily. Where do the days go? I looked at Tony and asked him 'have I not posted since Wednesday'? I know I posted Friday, will have to find where it went.
Thursday I was going to go to work for a few hours and clean the owners office. Was told it would be a lost cause prior to Christmas and to wait until after that. So that left me with the day off. What the heck did I do all day? I honestly am drawing blank.
Friday was so cold again here in Milwaukee that I did not leave the house until shortly before noon to pick Tony up at the shop and go to lunch with our usual gang of guys. I had made up little Christmas stocking for each of them. Lunch was enjoyable as always. No lunch next week because it is Christmas Day. We did agree to meet on New Year's Day for lunch. After lunch I dropped Tony off at his shop and did a little Christmas shopping. Bought Tony's mom a $100 McDonalds gift card. She eats there a lot and she wanted it. I also like gift cards rather than pulling out money at the drive thru. You don't feel like your spending money. LOL Pretty much done with the Christmas shopping. What I don't have by now, they won't be getting. Got Tony a couple items, seriously, what more do either one of us need? Spent Friday night playing on the computer trying to figure out how to get the movies I download to play on the TV since upgrading to Windows 7. I spent all night trying to figure it out. I was not going to call my tenant down again since I knew I could figure it out. After about 2 hours or more I realized Windows 7 has like a split screen. It is so cool. In the past what ever I played on the computer to the TV had to have both the computer and TV same program or show on. With Windows 7 it is like having two screens. I can play a movie to the TV on one screen and still cruise the internet or such on the computer main screen. Hope that made sense. I am so happy I figured it out myself and the final results of the hours spent trying to fix it. I know I could have just called my tenant, but sometimes a guy likes to know he can do it alone, right? On a side note. Tony got a check from our scammer guy in California for the balance of the money he owed us. Guess my diligence paid off. No one in the last 5 years and over 30 companies I have found scammed by him have gotten their money back. Also, the car insurance company on Friday told Tony they will cover my Mustang. So life is good again.
Saturday Tony went to work and then spent the afternoon Christmas shopping for me. Left me at home the entire day again. Spent the morning preparing the spare room for me to start painting and such. Like I said in earlier post, I am not waiting for Tony to finish the bathroom first, it will never happen. Plus in this cold, if I don't leave the house, I need a project. Tried to take a nap in the afternoon but Vito put an end to that real quick. He started throwing up about 2 PM and kept going until about 4 PM. I must have cleaned up over 10 piles of puke. Was getting a little scared until he finally stopped. He must have eaten something he should not have. At one point I was holding his head with a paper plate on the floor under his mouth to try to catch it. It was unbelievable. He is much better today and was fine by about 5 PM. Tony and I then last night went to a party at the Art Bar. My ex prior to Tony and his partner own the bar. Their yearly Christmas party with free food and drinks. We spent about 2 1/2 hours at the party. I only had one drink. Was just not in a party mood. Came home last night and watched a little TV. Saturday Night Live was hysterical last night.
Today I made breakfast for Tony and I. Have to get in the shower because we have to go to my parents house since my sister is in town and will not be in town with her kids on Christmas. So if I want to see them and give them their presents we have to drive the hour drive to see them today. Had no other plans anyway. Will have to make the drive to my parents house again on Friday afternoon, Christmas Day, as usual. What would Christmas Day be without going to see family, right? Hmm. Do I need to see them twice in one week? Not even looking forward to going out in this cold weather. Time to move to a warmer area of the country ASAP.
Thursday I was going to go to work for a few hours and clean the owners office. Was told it would be a lost cause prior to Christmas and to wait until after that. So that left me with the day off. What the heck did I do all day? I honestly am drawing blank.
Friday was so cold again here in Milwaukee that I did not leave the house until shortly before noon to pick Tony up at the shop and go to lunch with our usual gang of guys. I had made up little Christmas stocking for each of them. Lunch was enjoyable as always. No lunch next week because it is Christmas Day. We did agree to meet on New Year's Day for lunch. After lunch I dropped Tony off at his shop and did a little Christmas shopping. Bought Tony's mom a $100 McDonalds gift card. She eats there a lot and she wanted it. I also like gift cards rather than pulling out money at the drive thru. You don't feel like your spending money. LOL Pretty much done with the Christmas shopping. What I don't have by now, they won't be getting. Got Tony a couple items, seriously, what more do either one of us need? Spent Friday night playing on the computer trying to figure out how to get the movies I download to play on the TV since upgrading to Windows 7. I spent all night trying to figure it out. I was not going to call my tenant down again since I knew I could figure it out. After about 2 hours or more I realized Windows 7 has like a split screen. It is so cool. In the past what ever I played on the computer to the TV had to have both the computer and TV same program or show on. With Windows 7 it is like having two screens. I can play a movie to the TV on one screen and still cruise the internet or such on the computer main screen. Hope that made sense. I am so happy I figured it out myself and the final results of the hours spent trying to fix it. I know I could have just called my tenant, but sometimes a guy likes to know he can do it alone, right? On a side note. Tony got a check from our scammer guy in California for the balance of the money he owed us. Guess my diligence paid off. No one in the last 5 years and over 30 companies I have found scammed by him have gotten their money back. Also, the car insurance company on Friday told Tony they will cover my Mustang. So life is good again.
Saturday Tony went to work and then spent the afternoon Christmas shopping for me. Left me at home the entire day again. Spent the morning preparing the spare room for me to start painting and such. Like I said in earlier post, I am not waiting for Tony to finish the bathroom first, it will never happen. Plus in this cold, if I don't leave the house, I need a project. Tried to take a nap in the afternoon but Vito put an end to that real quick. He started throwing up about 2 PM and kept going until about 4 PM. I must have cleaned up over 10 piles of puke. Was getting a little scared until he finally stopped. He must have eaten something he should not have. At one point I was holding his head with a paper plate on the floor under his mouth to try to catch it. It was unbelievable. He is much better today and was fine by about 5 PM. Tony and I then last night went to a party at the Art Bar. My ex prior to Tony and his partner own the bar. Their yearly Christmas party with free food and drinks. We spent about 2 1/2 hours at the party. I only had one drink. Was just not in a party mood. Came home last night and watched a little TV. Saturday Night Live was hysterical last night.
Today I made breakfast for Tony and I. Have to get in the shower because we have to go to my parents house since my sister is in town and will not be in town with her kids on Christmas. So if I want to see them and give them their presents we have to drive the hour drive to see them today. Had no other plans anyway. Will have to make the drive to my parents house again on Friday afternoon, Christmas Day, as usual. What would Christmas Day be without going to see family, right? Hmm. Do I need to see them twice in one week? Not even looking forward to going out in this cold weather. Time to move to a warmer area of the country ASAP.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
December 16, 2009 Wednesday Afternoon
Just got back from the doctor. My viral load is still undetectable. That is good. My TCell count is now at to 332. Up from 315 last blood test, and up from 106 last January. My cholesterol levels are still not good but the doctor is not as concerned because I have no history of problems in my family. I also can stop taking Fluconazole and Acyclovir daily when the current prescription runs out. Two less pills to take each day since he says my counts are high enough and the meds are no longer needed. My vitamin D levels are very low and of some concern so the doctor has me taking a vitamin D twice daily. The doctor is still very happy with how I have progressed and graduated me from AIDS to HIV+. I told him I appreciated the gesture but know that once you are diagnosed with AIDS you never go back to just HIV+. But it was a nice thought. Also got a pneumonia shot while I was there. Didn't know one existed. So there it is. Looks like I am going to be around for a while.
December 16, 2009 Wednesday Morning
Worked most of Monday and a few hours on Tuesday. Tuesday night we went out for dinner for $1 taco's. Took a nap after I got home from work yesterday which might be the reason I slept so bad last night. I was up at least 10 times and never could get comfortable. It could also have been the fact I slept on the other side of the bed, pushed Tony towards the middle of the bed, because Stella, Barkley and Vito were taking up so much room. Kali was smart and stretched out on the bedroom couch. Sometimes I think she is the smartest of us all. She gets the whole couch to herself.
This morning I got some stuff done around the house and then drove to the vet to buy Barkley his special food. Was happy to have a credit when all was said and done due to the fact my sister put $100 on our dogie account as a Christmas present. How nice. Have to call her after this blog post. Came home and after vacuuming I took my tenants with me to the food pantry at ARCW and got my monthly food and stocked up on bread. Lots of bread. I am very nervous and always am prior to going to my AIDS doctor. I have a 1:30 appointment today. I get my latest round of blood results. I am really hoping to still be undetectable and hopefully my TCell count will have gotten into the 400s. Lets hope. I hate going to this doctor because, even though he has helped me live, it reminds me each time of this horrible disease I have. I can go through most days not thinking about it, or pushing it off to the side in my head if I keep busy. But when I have nothing to do or have this doctor appointment it gives me nothing else to think about.
I have been reflecting lately on my life and what it was like one year ago. I started this blog on January 7, 2009 the day I found out I was HIV+. Not sure why after getting news like that I would start a blog that day. But I did. Months prior to January I knew something was not right. I remember very well last year between Thanksgiving and Christmas putting off making a doctor's appointment because I just had this feeling I was not going to hear good news. I knew something was wrong. I finally made the doctor appointment the day before New Years and went in on the 4th of January. I finally got the results on January 7th. I will never forget that day. I remember very well these days before that dreaded day wondering what could be wrong with me. I had thrush, sores in my ears and nose, and was bleeding rectally. I was also getting scabs and such on my face. I was so tired all the time and had to push myself through the day. I knew this was not normal. I know the thought of AIDS came into my mind, but I kept telling myself it can not be. I remember at Christmas with my family everyone saying how much weight I had lost and not wanting to talk much because the thrush was so noticeable when I opened my mouth. Of course I didn't know it was thrush at the time. I try to keep telling myself how lucky I am because if I had not pushed for the HIV test I would have gotten sicker and sicker and maybe would not be here today. In fact I was so sick, I would not have been here today. Sometimes these thoughts are very hard to deal with. Sometimes I just want to cry. I think of everything I would have missed in the last year. I would have missed so much. My family, Tony, my dogs, visits from internet friends that flew half way around the country just to see me..........so much. I am glad to still be around.
I will post again this afternoon my new blood test results and how I feel about them.
This morning I got some stuff done around the house and then drove to the vet to buy Barkley his special food. Was happy to have a credit when all was said and done due to the fact my sister put $100 on our dogie account as a Christmas present. How nice. Have to call her after this blog post. Came home and after vacuuming I took my tenants with me to the food pantry at ARCW and got my monthly food and stocked up on bread. Lots of bread. I am very nervous and always am prior to going to my AIDS doctor. I have a 1:30 appointment today. I get my latest round of blood results. I am really hoping to still be undetectable and hopefully my TCell count will have gotten into the 400s. Lets hope. I hate going to this doctor because, even though he has helped me live, it reminds me each time of this horrible disease I have. I can go through most days not thinking about it, or pushing it off to the side in my head if I keep busy. But when I have nothing to do or have this doctor appointment it gives me nothing else to think about.
I have been reflecting lately on my life and what it was like one year ago. I started this blog on January 7, 2009 the day I found out I was HIV+. Not sure why after getting news like that I would start a blog that day. But I did. Months prior to January I knew something was not right. I remember very well last year between Thanksgiving and Christmas putting off making a doctor's appointment because I just had this feeling I was not going to hear good news. I knew something was wrong. I finally made the doctor appointment the day before New Years and went in on the 4th of January. I finally got the results on January 7th. I will never forget that day. I remember very well these days before that dreaded day wondering what could be wrong with me. I had thrush, sores in my ears and nose, and was bleeding rectally. I was also getting scabs and such on my face. I was so tired all the time and had to push myself through the day. I knew this was not normal. I know the thought of AIDS came into my mind, but I kept telling myself it can not be. I remember at Christmas with my family everyone saying how much weight I had lost and not wanting to talk much because the thrush was so noticeable when I opened my mouth. Of course I didn't know it was thrush at the time. I try to keep telling myself how lucky I am because if I had not pushed for the HIV test I would have gotten sicker and sicker and maybe would not be here today. In fact I was so sick, I would not have been here today. Sometimes these thoughts are very hard to deal with. Sometimes I just want to cry. I think of everything I would have missed in the last year. I would have missed so much. My family, Tony, my dogs, visits from internet friends that flew half way around the country just to see me..........so much. I am glad to still be around.
I will post again this afternoon my new blood test results and how I feel about them.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
December 13, 2009 Sunday Afternoon
Friday I spent the day doing little things around the house in the morning. Had lunch with the guys, which is always the high light of my week, and then took a big change container to the bank and cashed it in. There was $300.18 in the container. Not bad. Did a little grocery shopping and got home around 3:30 PM. Made a Cornish hen, baked potato and salad for dinner. Spent the night watching nothing worth remembering.
Saturday morning Tony got up and took my Mustang to the shop to clean it up so a potential buyer could look at it and hopefully buy it. He got it all done. Spent three hours cleaning it up so it looked perfect and parked it out front of the shop. He was so proud of how nice it looked he even took a few pictures. He then walked into the shop and not 2 minutes later heard this horrible crashing noise. He ran out front to find his brother who had a kid by his collar that had smashed into my Mustang and was trying to run away from the accident. Yes, you read all that correctly. Not only did Tony spend three hours cleaning the car. Within 5 minutes of parking it outside it is now junk. Totalled. Here is a before and after picture. On the left is the picture of his shop and my car after he finished cleaning it. On the right is what it looked like less than 5 minutes after parking it out front. Of course the kid does not have insurance and the really sad thing is Tony took the insurance off my Mustang just a couple weeks ago because I was to start driving the BMW. I continued driving my Mustang, but of course, didn't know he did this switch with insurance. I pray to god he can straighten this out or I will be so pissed off. You will see me on Judge Judy over this one. I will never see the $8000 it is worth though if I go on a TV show. I think the max amount you can win is $5000. Don't this just suck?
Spending the rest of this Sunday afternoon just watching TV. We went to Walgreen's earlier to get some prescriptions and stuff. Thinking we might order Chinese food tonight for dinner.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
December 10, 2009 Thursday Morning
Wow is it cold here in Milwaukee.
It is 9:13 AM and the temperature is 1 degree with a wind chill temperature of 20 below zero. A feel so sorry for anyone who has to work outside in this for a living, much less the animals that have to stay warm, or a stray or lost animal that is used to being in a warm house. Don't know how they do it. I once again do not plan on leaving the house today. I did get outside to take out the garbage and pick up the dog crap in the side yard, but that was it. Thank god we are not digging out from the huge snow storm everyone else in Wisconsin got if you were at least a mile or more inland from lake Michigan. They showed on the news last night what a difference taking a drive down Capital drive which runs east west was in snow totals driving from the lake front west. No snow at all on the lake front because of lake Michigan, but just a mile or two inland the snow totals go up any where to 18 inches. Madison sounds like it was shut down for the day. Now it is so cold everything is ice. So if you didn't get your shoveling done yesterday, your screwed. Since I have already decided I am not leaving the house, I have to come up with a project or two to keep myself busy. I have already sorted the house paperwork and filed this years papers in preparation for taxes, I re arranged the furniture in the living room and dining room yesterday. I re arranged the furniture in the master bedroom last week. If Tony don't start finishing the bathroom he started a year ago I am going to finish it myself after the 1st of the year. But for today, I think I might tackle the basement. I just can not sit around doing nothing all day every day. Even just one day drives me crazy. I will have to start a puzzle or something if I don't get into a cleaning mood. Not expected to get much warmer here in Milwaukee until our high on Saturday of 20 degrees. Wow, heat wave. Not leaving the house until lunch with the guys on Friday. I hate this cold. Why I live in Wisconsin this time of year escapes me.
It is 9:13 AM and the temperature is 1 degree with a wind chill temperature of 20 below zero. A feel so sorry for anyone who has to work outside in this for a living, much less the animals that have to stay warm, or a stray or lost animal that is used to being in a warm house. Don't know how they do it. I once again do not plan on leaving the house today. I did get outside to take out the garbage and pick up the dog crap in the side yard, but that was it. Thank god we are not digging out from the huge snow storm everyone else in Wisconsin got if you were at least a mile or more inland from lake Michigan. They showed on the news last night what a difference taking a drive down Capital drive which runs east west was in snow totals driving from the lake front west. No snow at all on the lake front because of lake Michigan, but just a mile or two inland the snow totals go up any where to 18 inches. Madison sounds like it was shut down for the day. Now it is so cold everything is ice. So if you didn't get your shoveling done yesterday, your screwed. Since I have already decided I am not leaving the house, I have to come up with a project or two to keep myself busy. I have already sorted the house paperwork and filed this years papers in preparation for taxes, I re arranged the furniture in the living room and dining room yesterday. I re arranged the furniture in the master bedroom last week. If Tony don't start finishing the bathroom he started a year ago I am going to finish it myself after the 1st of the year. But for today, I think I might tackle the basement. I just can not sit around doing nothing all day every day. Even just one day drives me crazy. I will have to start a puzzle or something if I don't get into a cleaning mood. Not expected to get much warmer here in Milwaukee until our high on Saturday of 20 degrees. Wow, heat wave. Not leaving the house until lunch with the guys on Friday. I hate this cold. Why I live in Wisconsin this time of year escapes me.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
December 9, 2009 Wednesday Afternoon
Waited for the big snow storm to hit, we got lucky.
Monday I worked my usual Monday doing inventories all day. Getting the hang of all the products so it is taking me less time to do the entire retail inventory. I was out the door by 3 PM done and emailed to the owner. Shaved an hour off the time since starting to do them a couple months ago. Made a frozen lasagna, salad and garlic bread for dinner. Watched the usual CBS line up until time to go to bed around 10:15 PM.
Tuesday I got to work a little later than usual. Just took my time and when I was ready to leave I did. Didn't rush myself like usual. Finding if I do not rush myself I have a much better day. Worked a few hour and called it a day around 2 PM. Came home and spent the rest of the afternoon doing a little cleaning. Also searched the internet for a way to continue contacting my 'friend' in California that now has our 414 area code blocked so I can not continue to fill his voice mail box. I have realized I can still call him on friends phones that are not 414 area code. So I will have to figure this out because I am not giving up on getting our entire refund back from this scammer. Went out for $1 tacos a 1/2 block down the street for dinner. Got home and finished ripping some cd's I got from my tenant. Ripped the entire Pink Floyd collection. I loved Pink Floyd in college. Spent most of the morning stoned listening to them, Alan Parson's Project, Supertramp, ELO, and such. Went to bed around 10 PM still waiting for the big snow storm to materialize.
Got up this morning hoping to look out the window to a blizzard and over a foot of snow like the weatherman has been saying all week. I guess we got lucky being about a mile from Lake Michigan because it stayed mostly rain. I don't even have to shovel. Much different story a couple miles west and the rest of Wisconsin. Most area away from lake Michigan got a foot or more of snow. So I guess we got lucky. Spent the morning and still listening to all the Pink Floyd CD's I ripped. Partook in the usual event needed to fully enjoy Pink Floyd, if you know what I mean. Figured I wasn't going anywhere today anyway so why not 'waste' the day away. Thinking about taking a nap the rest of the afternoon and then make a nice supper. It is suppose to get really really cold after today. High tomorrow of 15 degrees. Same on Friday. I don't think I will leave the house if it is that cold. Suppose to be below zero each night the next few nights. YUCK.
Monday I worked my usual Monday doing inventories all day. Getting the hang of all the products so it is taking me less time to do the entire retail inventory. I was out the door by 3 PM done and emailed to the owner. Shaved an hour off the time since starting to do them a couple months ago. Made a frozen lasagna, salad and garlic bread for dinner. Watched the usual CBS line up until time to go to bed around 10:15 PM.
Tuesday I got to work a little later than usual. Just took my time and when I was ready to leave I did. Didn't rush myself like usual. Finding if I do not rush myself I have a much better day. Worked a few hour and called it a day around 2 PM. Came home and spent the rest of the afternoon doing a little cleaning. Also searched the internet for a way to continue contacting my 'friend' in California that now has our 414 area code blocked so I can not continue to fill his voice mail box. I have realized I can still call him on friends phones that are not 414 area code. So I will have to figure this out because I am not giving up on getting our entire refund back from this scammer. Went out for $1 tacos a 1/2 block down the street for dinner. Got home and finished ripping some cd's I got from my tenant. Ripped the entire Pink Floyd collection. I loved Pink Floyd in college. Spent most of the morning stoned listening to them, Alan Parson's Project, Supertramp, ELO, and such. Went to bed around 10 PM still waiting for the big snow storm to materialize.
Got up this morning hoping to look out the window to a blizzard and over a foot of snow like the weatherman has been saying all week. I guess we got lucky being about a mile from Lake Michigan because it stayed mostly rain. I don't even have to shovel. Much different story a couple miles west and the rest of Wisconsin. Most area away from lake Michigan got a foot or more of snow. So I guess we got lucky. Spent the morning and still listening to all the Pink Floyd CD's I ripped. Partook in the usual event needed to fully enjoy Pink Floyd, if you know what I mean. Figured I wasn't going anywhere today anyway so why not 'waste' the day away. Thinking about taking a nap the rest of the afternoon and then make a nice supper. It is suppose to get really really cold after today. High tomorrow of 15 degrees. Same on Friday. I don't think I will leave the house if it is that cold. Suppose to be below zero each night the next few nights. YUCK.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
December 6, 2009 Sunday Night
Spent most of the day on Saturday ripping music from my CD collection to my computer hard drive. I started out the day reading that one of the co founders of The Alan Parson's Project died over the past week. I was always a fan of their music. So I pulled out my old CDs and MP3s and spent the day listening to Alan Parson's Project as Tony worked most of the day. Saturday night Tony, our tenants and I went to a co workers 50th birthday party. We left to go to the party around 6 PM with it in mind we would would home in a couple hours. Well, a couple hours went pretty fast and we finally left the bar/restaurant around 10:30 PM. Was a nice crowd of people. I drank free beer. I hate beer. But if it is free, I will drink maybe one cup. Had two. Came home and watched a little of SNL until we went to bed close to midnight.
This morning I made pancakes for breakfast and continued ripping music from CD's to the computer hard drive. I ripped Best Of CD's and such. I also backed them all up on my external hard drive. Couldn't find three cds I really wanted on the computer and I only have them in cassette format so I ordered used CD's on amazon.com. Should be interesting what the condition they are in when they arrive. As long as I can rip them to the computer is all I care about. Got them all for less than five dollars a piece used. Still haven't had a cig. Made it past the 7 day mark today. All down hill from here? Suppose to get some snow tonight and maybe the first real big storm of the season on Wednesday. They are already talking about it on the news and the big storm is three days off. Looking forward to our regular Sunday night TV tonight. Most likely will work only two days this week and very limited hours due to the snow and cold. Did I mention it is soooooooooo cold here in Wisconsin? It was in the 20s most of all today and yesterday.
This morning I made pancakes for breakfast and continued ripping music from CD's to the computer hard drive. I ripped Best Of CD's and such. I also backed them all up on my external hard drive. Couldn't find three cds I really wanted on the computer and I only have them in cassette format so I ordered used CD's on amazon.com. Should be interesting what the condition they are in when they arrive. As long as I can rip them to the computer is all I care about. Got them all for less than five dollars a piece used. Still haven't had a cig. Made it past the 7 day mark today. All down hill from here? Suppose to get some snow tonight and maybe the first real big storm of the season on Wednesday. They are already talking about it on the news and the big storm is three days off. Looking forward to our regular Sunday night TV tonight. Most likely will work only two days this week and very limited hours due to the snow and cold. Did I mention it is soooooooooo cold here in Wisconsin? It was in the 20s most of all today and yesterday.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
December 5, 2009 Fantasy's
I have wanted to talk about this subject in my blog for some time but have never found the time to talk about it. Since Tony went to work today and I have most the day to talk, I will.
I lot has changed in my life in the past year since finding out I was HIV+ and then AIDS. One subject I wanted to explore was the topic of fantasies. I hear having fantasies is a good thing, even in a relationship, as long as you know that they are just that, fantasies. I use to be able to fantasise about a good looking guy I saw. My fantasy really were not so much about sex as they were about the courting stage of getting to know each other and the romance in that part of getting to know each other. More about what we would say and the cute little things involved in getting to know each other. I always considered myself somewhat attractive so I was always 'in the running' so to speak if I met some attractive guy, or saw an attractive guy on TV or something. Tony and I always had this little game when we see someone attractive. We usually make a comment such as 'he would want me bad'. Or 'can you imagine the things he wants to do to me'. Call it couples play, whatever. It is better than pointing out point blank to one's partner that 'I'd do him'. My point is the fact I at one time could fantasise about another person and them being attracted to me. Since my diagnosis this fantasy and game play between Tony and I has lost its fun. I can not fantasise anymore. The minute I see a good looking guy or such I start to fantasise and then the fantasy always goes the same direction. It sooner or later leads to me having to tell the person I have AIDS. At that point the fantasy always ends with the guy turning away or walking away. I guess I think 'what guy would ever want me if something happened to Tony since I have AIDS?' I can not imagine if something happened to Tony and I had to go back out there in the dating world. Who would want me? At what point would I even tell someone I am HIV+. First date? Second date? First conversation? It scares the hell out of me. It has even put an end to me having fantasy's. Can anyone relate to this or understand what I am saying? Now when Tony says something like 'he would want me bad' or such I think to myself 'yah, but what would he want with me?'. Is this reasonable thoughts? Can I no longer have a sexual fantasy? Anyone else go through this in a way it makes sense?
I lot has changed in my life in the past year since finding out I was HIV+ and then AIDS. One subject I wanted to explore was the topic of fantasies. I hear having fantasies is a good thing, even in a relationship, as long as you know that they are just that, fantasies. I use to be able to fantasise about a good looking guy I saw. My fantasy really were not so much about sex as they were about the courting stage of getting to know each other and the romance in that part of getting to know each other. More about what we would say and the cute little things involved in getting to know each other. I always considered myself somewhat attractive so I was always 'in the running' so to speak if I met some attractive guy, or saw an attractive guy on TV or something. Tony and I always had this little game when we see someone attractive. We usually make a comment such as 'he would want me bad'. Or 'can you imagine the things he wants to do to me'. Call it couples play, whatever. It is better than pointing out point blank to one's partner that 'I'd do him'. My point is the fact I at one time could fantasise about another person and them being attracted to me. Since my diagnosis this fantasy and game play between Tony and I has lost its fun. I can not fantasise anymore. The minute I see a good looking guy or such I start to fantasise and then the fantasy always goes the same direction. It sooner or later leads to me having to tell the person I have AIDS. At that point the fantasy always ends with the guy turning away or walking away. I guess I think 'what guy would ever want me if something happened to Tony since I have AIDS?' I can not imagine if something happened to Tony and I had to go back out there in the dating world. Who would want me? At what point would I even tell someone I am HIV+. First date? Second date? First conversation? It scares the hell out of me. It has even put an end to me having fantasy's. Can anyone relate to this or understand what I am saying? Now when Tony says something like 'he would want me bad' or such I think to myself 'yah, but what would he want with me?'. Is this reasonable thoughts? Can I no longer have a sexual fantasy? Anyone else go through this in a way it makes sense?
Friday, December 4, 2009
December 4, 2009 Friday Night
Wednesday I went into work and tied up some loose ends and such. Worked only a couple hours and came home. Stopped off at Walgreen's on the way home to pick up some prescriptions. Made it out of the store without buying any cigs. Stopped off at the gas station for some gas, and made it out without buying any cigs. I had forgot to put the patch on today, noticed I had forgotten about half way to work. Got home and started looking for my social security card and birth certificate that I needed for applying for energy assistance. Not where it should be. In fact, Tony's social security card and birth certificate are not where they should be either. Spent the next 3 hours tearing apart the house 6 times over looking for them. Tried to remember when I would have used or needed them last. No clue. Tony came home and I dared him to find them hoping maybe he might know where they are. Nope. We went out for cheap burgers, my mind always on where the missing paperwork is. I hate crap like this. I can not 'move forward' when stuff like this happens. I have to solve the mystery. Came home and spent the night going around the house looking everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Without a cig no less. Went to bed around 11 PM thinking I will have to order and pay for new birth certificates and social security card.
Woke up Thursday morning and after a bit of coffee started the search again throughout the house. Gave up soon and called my parents to vent. I then downloaded all the information from the internet to apply for a new social security card. Called my parents back to get their social security numbers as needed on the application. Got it all filled out and walked into the spare bedroom and looked around the room. We have this exercises bike (that never is used) next to my cd racks between the big chest like thing that hold blankets and such. I thought to myself that if I moved the bike out and pushed the chest in towards the cd racks there would be more room in this room. So I pulled the bike away from the wall and then went to the end of the chest thing and started pushing it with my shoulders towards the cd racks. It is very heavy and had Tony's fire safe safe on it among other things. As I pushed, this clear envelope fell to my feet from behind the chest. It was the envelope with both of our social security cards and birth certificates as well as............................ a $100 bill. What the heck? Not only did I find the missing paperwork, but there is a $100 bill tucked in the envelope. It took me about a half day to remember why. About a month or so ago Milwaukee started a Domestic Partner Registry. I was collecting all the required paperwork and fees to take with us. I have no clue what side tracked us from that one, but we never did sign up. Have to look back on my blog and see what emergency must have come up that day and diverted us. Anyway, found the darn paperwork, as well as $100.00. Made sloppy joe's for dinner with french fries. Had to stop eating at bedtime to fast for my blood tests Friday Morning.
Got up this morning and after feeding the dogs and such I put on my sweat pants, washed up a bit and headed out the door to the hospital for my 3 month blood work. I find out the results in a week and a half when I visit my doctor for that appointment. I will post them. Had a nice lunch with the guys as usual. Tony got a check today from the guy who scammed him for a fourth of what we paid him. We cashed it and when I got home I started calling him and letting him know the phone calls will not end until we get the remainder of our money. He sent a letter with the check saying we would get a 1/4 a month for the next three months. No way. But we will take the money he sent. Filled his voice mail box by 4 PM this afternoon again. I fill it twice a day. Knowing I got even this check from this scammer lets me know my calls are working.
Watching the series final of Monk tonight and then White Collar. Snowed today in Milwaukee, our first for the season, looks pretty, but jeez is it cold outside.
Woke up Thursday morning and after a bit of coffee started the search again throughout the house. Gave up soon and called my parents to vent. I then downloaded all the information from the internet to apply for a new social security card. Called my parents back to get their social security numbers as needed on the application. Got it all filled out and walked into the spare bedroom and looked around the room. We have this exercises bike (that never is used) next to my cd racks between the big chest like thing that hold blankets and such. I thought to myself that if I moved the bike out and pushed the chest in towards the cd racks there would be more room in this room. So I pulled the bike away from the wall and then went to the end of the chest thing and started pushing it with my shoulders towards the cd racks. It is very heavy and had Tony's fire safe safe on it among other things. As I pushed, this clear envelope fell to my feet from behind the chest. It was the envelope with both of our social security cards and birth certificates as well as............................ a $100 bill. What the heck? Not only did I find the missing paperwork, but there is a $100 bill tucked in the envelope. It took me about a half day to remember why. About a month or so ago Milwaukee started a Domestic Partner Registry. I was collecting all the required paperwork and fees to take with us. I have no clue what side tracked us from that one, but we never did sign up. Have to look back on my blog and see what emergency must have come up that day and diverted us. Anyway, found the darn paperwork, as well as $100.00. Made sloppy joe's for dinner with french fries. Had to stop eating at bedtime to fast for my blood tests Friday Morning.
Got up this morning and after feeding the dogs and such I put on my sweat pants, washed up a bit and headed out the door to the hospital for my 3 month blood work. I find out the results in a week and a half when I visit my doctor for that appointment. I will post them. Had a nice lunch with the guys as usual. Tony got a check today from the guy who scammed him for a fourth of what we paid him. We cashed it and when I got home I started calling him and letting him know the phone calls will not end until we get the remainder of our money. He sent a letter with the check saying we would get a 1/4 a month for the next three months. No way. But we will take the money he sent. Filled his voice mail box by 4 PM this afternoon again. I fill it twice a day. Knowing I got even this check from this scammer lets me know my calls are working.
Watching the series final of Monk tonight and then White Collar. Snowed today in Milwaukee, our first for the season, looks pretty, but jeez is it cold outside.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
December 1, 2009 Tuesday Night
Could not believe when I came to my blog tonight to see the counter at the bottom of the page (I do check the number daily) and saw I had not posted since Saturday night. Where does the time go? I could have sworn I posted something on Sunday.
Saturday night we watched the movie Twilight. I know the sequel New Moon is at the theaters now. We are always behind on movies. Actually I kinda put it in the category with Harry Potter. It was entertaining and we will check out the sequel soon. The vampire guy actually looks 'sickly' to me. Guess that is how he is suppose to look?
Sunday morning we drove to Tony's mom's house to take her for breakfast. I get to eat, and Tony gets to see his mom. We do this every other week usually. She is retired and has little visitors at her home so she appreciates us taking her out for breakfast. Got the weeks worth of lottery tickets on the way home at the local grocery store. Did a little shopping for the weeks food. Mostly fresh fruit and dairy products. Spend the rest of Sunday keeping busy around the house or watching TV as Tony vegged on the couch. I kept busy cleaning or filing paperwork in preparation for tax season because I am once again trying to quit smoking. It was my first day. If I sat down, my mind wanted a cig. Have the patch on. Made it through the day without killing anyone. Watched our usual Sunday night line up on ABC and lights out at 10 PM.
Monday I worked a few hours doing the inventory at work. Got home very tired and didn't even have the strength to make dinner. Microwaved two TV dinners. Tony was not happy with dinner as usual. Got my Windows 7 upgrade in the mail today so I thought I would give the upgrade a try. Yes, maybe not the best decision being the second day without a cig. Yes, second day. Thankfully the upgrade went very smooth and I must say I like Windows 7 much better than Vista. Just searching for files is so much easier. Everything seems to be working great. Did not lose a link or anything. I recommend upgrading your email to Windows Live prior so you do not lose any email. I guess the upgrade doesn't include Windows Mail so I didn't want to lose all my sent or deleted email much less the address book. Everything went so smoothly. Just did an upgrade, not a full system restore. Didn't want to go through that much work. I know it was probably a good idea but then again this is a new computer I have only had for a few months. How much harm could I have done? I am happy I took the chance and now have Windows 7 on this new computer. Went to bed and watched TV around 9 PM and then lights out at 10 PM. Lately we don't even watch the 10 PM news we are so tired.
Today I went into work again for a few hours to order some products for the spa and school. Got everything I wanted to get done accomplished. Called it a day by 3 PM. Spent 45 minutes on hold with Foodshare to see if they got the updated information I faxed last week and if it made a difference with my benefit. They got the information, it makes no difference. Guess my social security seems to much income to them. What the f#ck? I don't know how anyone can live on what they plan on paying me a month. Sounds like a catch 22 to me. No one person alone can live on social security in today's world. Bare bones expenses are not even covered. I made a spreadsheet the other night for the heck of it to see what it cost each month to live. Unbelievable when you start adding up gas, electric, phone, internet, cable, cell, food, insurance for house, car, health.......................... it cost at least $3000 a month to sit home and do nothing. I guess I missed the money train when it came my way. When I hear of these wallstreet guys getting million dollar bonus's I can not believe it. I could live the rest of my life on the interest alone. What the heck do they do with all that money? Made it though the day again today without a cig. Day 3. Not bad hey? Have the patch on again today. I do plan on this being the last time. I am not going to be one of those people spending 7 dollars a day for a pack of cigs and standing outside in the Wisconsin winter to smoke them. It just is that simple. So there is no other option. Any encouragement is appreciated. I do find myself eating all night because of this. That must change soon. But lets get through the week first, right? Since I usually smoke a pack of cigs a day, I have saved myself almost $20, and three packs of smoke in my lungs. When you look at it like that, it sure make sense to quit. Failure this time is not an option. Going to a restaurant a block away for $1 tacos tonight for dinner. Will most likely be home and warm by 8 PM watching TV. I am so glad prime time TV is 7 PM to 10 PM in the central time zone. I can not imagine having to stay up until 11 PM to watch the news. We central time zone people need our sleep I guess.
Saturday night we watched the movie Twilight. I know the sequel New Moon is at the theaters now. We are always behind on movies. Actually I kinda put it in the category with Harry Potter. It was entertaining and we will check out the sequel soon. The vampire guy actually looks 'sickly' to me. Guess that is how he is suppose to look?
Sunday morning we drove to Tony's mom's house to take her for breakfast. I get to eat, and Tony gets to see his mom. We do this every other week usually. She is retired and has little visitors at her home so she appreciates us taking her out for breakfast. Got the weeks worth of lottery tickets on the way home at the local grocery store. Did a little shopping for the weeks food. Mostly fresh fruit and dairy products. Spend the rest of Sunday keeping busy around the house or watching TV as Tony vegged on the couch. I kept busy cleaning or filing paperwork in preparation for tax season because I am once again trying to quit smoking. It was my first day. If I sat down, my mind wanted a cig. Have the patch on. Made it through the day without killing anyone. Watched our usual Sunday night line up on ABC and lights out at 10 PM.
Monday I worked a few hours doing the inventory at work. Got home very tired and didn't even have the strength to make dinner. Microwaved two TV dinners. Tony was not happy with dinner as usual. Got my Windows 7 upgrade in the mail today so I thought I would give the upgrade a try. Yes, maybe not the best decision being the second day without a cig. Yes, second day. Thankfully the upgrade went very smooth and I must say I like Windows 7 much better than Vista. Just searching for files is so much easier. Everything seems to be working great. Did not lose a link or anything. I recommend upgrading your email to Windows Live prior so you do not lose any email. I guess the upgrade doesn't include Windows Mail so I didn't want to lose all my sent or deleted email much less the address book. Everything went so smoothly. Just did an upgrade, not a full system restore. Didn't want to go through that much work. I know it was probably a good idea but then again this is a new computer I have only had for a few months. How much harm could I have done? I am happy I took the chance and now have Windows 7 on this new computer. Went to bed and watched TV around 9 PM and then lights out at 10 PM. Lately we don't even watch the 10 PM news we are so tired.
Today I went into work again for a few hours to order some products for the spa and school. Got everything I wanted to get done accomplished. Called it a day by 3 PM. Spent 45 minutes on hold with Foodshare to see if they got the updated information I faxed last week and if it made a difference with my benefit. They got the information, it makes no difference. Guess my social security seems to much income to them. What the f#ck? I don't know how anyone can live on what they plan on paying me a month. Sounds like a catch 22 to me. No one person alone can live on social security in today's world. Bare bones expenses are not even covered. I made a spreadsheet the other night for the heck of it to see what it cost each month to live. Unbelievable when you start adding up gas, electric, phone, internet, cable, cell, food, insurance for house, car, health.......................... it cost at least $3000 a month to sit home and do nothing. I guess I missed the money train when it came my way. When I hear of these wallstreet guys getting million dollar bonus's I can not believe it. I could live the rest of my life on the interest alone. What the heck do they do with all that money? Made it though the day again today without a cig. Day 3. Not bad hey? Have the patch on again today. I do plan on this being the last time. I am not going to be one of those people spending 7 dollars a day for a pack of cigs and standing outside in the Wisconsin winter to smoke them. It just is that simple. So there is no other option. Any encouragement is appreciated. I do find myself eating all night because of this. That must change soon. But lets get through the week first, right? Since I usually smoke a pack of cigs a day, I have saved myself almost $20, and three packs of smoke in my lungs. When you look at it like that, it sure make sense to quit. Failure this time is not an option. Going to a restaurant a block away for $1 tacos tonight for dinner. Will most likely be home and warm by 8 PM watching TV. I am so glad prime time TV is 7 PM to 10 PM in the central time zone. I can not imagine having to stay up until 11 PM to watch the news. We central time zone people need our sleep I guess.
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