April 13, 2009 Monday Afternoon

Got up this morning and headed to home depot to see what I could do about replacing the spindles on the deck railing. I can not see the pond from the dinning room because of the railing. Thought if I used skinnier spindles or something I would be able to see the pond better. Did not find what I wanted. Hmm. Going to have to move the deck or move the pond. LOL

Went to my therapist appointment at 11 am this morning. Spent most of the appointment in tears talking about how I feel and how I see my future. Told her I just wish I didn't have this in me. Hate myself for screwing up my life. I had a very good life and f*cked it all up. I just am so mad at myself. Forgiving myself won't make me AIDS free. Feeling like I will never be fully the person I was prior to the diagnosis or the person I always dreamed in the future. Talked about that the only place I feel safe is in my home. If I am away from home too long I start to panic or get a panic attack. Told her how lately I have a very hard time concentrating on anything. Even made as simple addition mistake on a deposit slip. It was simple addition. Never made a mistake like that before. I couldn't believe the slip when Tony showed it to me. My concentration is so bad that when I try to do something for example like google a word or medication I have to keep going back to the word over and over because I can only remember 3 or 4 letters at a time. It is very frustrating. We are trying to figure out where these feeling come from and what starts them. We are trying to figure out the triggers that start me on this downward spiral of thinking. I think it hits me every time I just can not do something I want to do or too tired to do it. Yes, I get through the day, but these thoughts are always eating away at me.
I always felt I was on top of my game and now I do not feel that way. Also talked about the stigma of HIV and AIDS. Why the total mind f*ck when you find out your HIV positive? Is it the same when someone finds out they have cancer, leukemia, etc? NO. People still look at HIV and AIDS as something someone deserves to get because of their actions or bad decisions. You can't blame someone for getting cancer. The only thing comparable is when someone smokes and they get lung cancer. The sentiment is the same. The person should have known better. So you have so much more crap to have to deal with. Heck, I would have no problem with telling someone I have cancer, not the same telling someone you have HIV or AIDS.

Spent the afternoon doing a little cleaning and getting the TV working in the spare room so Suzanne and Erin can watch a little TV in bed if they choose. It actually crossed my mind the other day that since Tony and I have never been out east maybe we will this fall fly to Washington DC, and then travel up the coast to see everyone I have not met from my Internet group. I know I keep saying someday, well, I think I better make some day come sooner rather than later. Just making left overs tonight from the two Easter dinners this weekend. Starting to drizzle here in Milwaukee. Tomorrow isn't suppose to be any better, but the end of the week is looking good. Sixties by Friday, Hurray! Will just settle in and watch a little TV tonight. Been watching 6 dogs today, yes, 6 dogs. Our four, the upstairs dog, and a friends for the week while he is out of town for his mothers funeral. Six dogs is a lot to have at your feet all day. Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment. Think I cracked a tooth. First visit at my new dentist at the ARCW center.

April 12, 2009 Sunday

HAPPY EASTER !
Tony and I had a nice afternoon at my parents house on Saturday. Got to see my two sisters and families as well as one of two brothers and the folks. I do like getting together with my family. Watching the kids search for Easter eggs outside that mom hid was the best part. To be young again. Spent a quite Saturday night at home, I think Tony was snoring on the couch by 8 pm. I got us all off to bed a little after 10 pm. The day totally exhausted me.
This morning woke up very dizzy and it still has not gone away. I walk around like my 98 year old grandma did making sure I don't fall or trip over a dog. Made a quick trip to Home Depot this morning with Tony to buy a faucet for the bathroom sink. As I had thought, the plumber guy need pipe cement half way through the project on Friday, an hour into working, said he had to go get some, and never returned. Thought we better get the faucet so when we finally get him over here again he can hopefully finish the project and plumbing. Going to Tony's sisters house in a little bit for an Italian Easter. Pasta of course. Hopefully we will not be there long since I am having such a hard time just walking today. Not sure why. Feel totally off balance.
Hope everyone has/had a Happy Easter.

April 10, 2009 Friday Afternoon

"We're not there yet, but making progress" were my doctors words this afternoon when he called me to tell me the results from my latest blood test this week. We just tested the viral load this time around. Next blood tests are in June and they are a full panel including T Cell count.
My current viral load is 100. My doctor says we are making progress since in January my viral load was 335,000, in February my load was 1000, and now in April it is at 100. So the Atripla seems to be doing what the doctors want it to do. I am happy with the news but was hoping to be undetectable. That is always the goal. Got Stella's blood work results today also. She is doing great. Her blood count is at 324,000 and should be between 164,000-510,000. So now just one half prednisone a day for a month till her next round of blood tests.
Went grocery shopping this morning and bought a ton of fruit. Apples, oranges, green and purple grapes, strawberries and blackberries. The seedless purple grapes are so good. I wish I had bought more since I've already ate about half the bag and Tony hasn't even gotten his hands into them yet. Had lunch with the boys on Brady Street today. Ended up having a lot of good laughs. Well needed laughs. Got our plumber friend over at the house right now hopefully working on connecting the sink in the bathroom off the guest room so Suzanne and Erin at least have a sink and toilet. Won't have tile and be a pretty bathroom, but it will be functional, hopefully. He is not finished yet and always finds an excuse to not finish a job and then ends up missing in action for days. Thinking about just ordering a pizza tonight for dinner. Have a new Toppers Restaurant in town and haven't tried their pizza yet. All depends on what Tony wants to do and how much energy he has after his long day at work. I know I am tired and would like to just stay home and watch TV. Was sunny today in in the 40s. Strong winds off lake Michigan kept it feeling cold today in Milwaukee. Saturday we spend the afternoon at my parents house for Easter, Sunday at Tony's sisters house. Our tenant is taking care of the dogs during the day while we are gone.

April 9, 2009 Thursday Afternoon - Update

Just wanted to update you on most recent events. First off, and most important is that Tony was negative on his HIV Rapid Test this afternoon. One less thing to have to worry about at this time. Second, I went down and applied for food assistance and will get $200 each month on a debit card from the State of Wisconsin starting last month. I have to tell you that even though I am most grateful for all the assistance I am getting that I have applied for, it is pretty unbelievable that when you add up the food assistance, food pantry, health care/copay and prescription full reimbursement along with the energy assistance, I am actually bringing into the household about what I did when I worked full time. I guess there is one upside to being diagnosed with AIDS. (Had to find a silver lining in it all) Now I am not complaining, just astonished. But then again, I have worked full time since I was 16 years old and will be 48 this month. I think I have paid my dues and taxes as much as the next person if not more.

To anyone in a financial / life change like I find myself in, my words of advice today are: There is help out there. Seek out all and any assistance. Take the time to apply. Most initial applications for assistance can be filed online. Keep your ears open when people talk about this information. And do not give up. Help is out there, you just have to do a little work to find it. I think also worth noting is to realize you DO deserve it. And one final thought. If your state does not allow gay marriage, then your partners income should not matter. They can't have it both ways!

April 9, 2009 Thursday Afternoon

Had a good meeting Wednesday night. Was someone I had not met before at the meeting. Always nice to hear another persons daily ups and downs and how they deal with them. Got home and watched a little TV before going to bed. Once in bed I realized I must have chipped a tooth recently and it is cracked. Made a dentist appointment at ARCW today to take care of it next week. This will be my new dentist since my diagnosis in January. Can not go back to my regular dentist anymore since I have AIDS. Got Stella to the vet this morning by 10:30 for her blood test. Hoping we both get good results by the end of the week on both of our blood tests. Have to leave soon and meet on the southside to file for food share. Yah, more hand outs. Spent most of the late morning filling out my Social Security/Disability paperwork. Man do they ask the questions and want detail. Like what do I do from the time I wake up till the time I go to bed? Can I go outside the house? Can I cook? Can I clean? etc. About 10 pages long. Think I got it all done, will have Tony look it over tonight before I mail the paperwork. This afternoon Tony and the guys at the shop all get a Rapid Test done for HIV. Tony was scheduled for his now that it has been 3 months since his last test, right after I found out my status. He is making the employees take the test also. Should be an educational experience since the employees are all straight. Time they see what us gay people go through. Guess it is just a skin prick and the results in 20 minutes. WOW, I remember years ago having to wait two weeks for results. Cross your fingers Tony and the employees are all negative. Will let you know the results when I get them. Sunny and in the 50s here in Milwaukee. Good enough for me. Now if I can just get this tooth to stop throbing.

April 8, 2009 Wednesday Afternoon

Got up early this morning and after Tony went to work I went to Menard's to purchase a new security light for on the back garage and a couple other things. After I got home I took down and installed the new light on the garage. Can't wait to see if it works when it gets dark. Cross your fingers. Played around the pond and changed the fountain and how it looks. Then I was tired and took a little nap on the couch with the dogs. When I got up I checked my email to see an email from my visitors that are coming to Milwaukee April 24-26. I was honestly shocked to see that she and her partner are not just driving by Milwaukee on their way somewhere they are actually flying in from Washington on Friday to Milwaukee and flying back on Sunday. I am so excited and confused. Why would anyone fly to Milwaukee rather than a warm beach much less to see two old farts like Tony and I? LOL. I am going to plan a very nice weekend for them and show them Milwaukee. Have to come up with some plans and find out where the Lesbian bars are here in Milwaukee. Got some other ideas and will see if they are of interest and just how much they want to do that weekend. On the list so far is tours at the Harley Davidson Museum and a Brewery Tour, Friday Fish Fry? Going to have to rack the brain and see what else is going on around Milwaukee that weekend. I am really excited about this since when she visited last we had a good time and she is a good person with a good heart. I also can not wait to meet her partner. Jack and Michelle have you figured this out yet that Suzanne and Erin are coming to Milwaukee? I just hope by then the weather is nice. Tonight I have my group meeting and tomorrow I have to take Stella back to the vet and have her blood tested again. Between her and me we are keeping the labs in business. Can't wait to get my results from yesterdays blood test, will let you know when I find out. Have to go feed the dogs since they are at my feet to remind me, like I would forget to feed them. They sit here just looking up at me. They start this about 4pm and get fed at 5pm. Sure wish they had a better sense of time rather than when their tummies are empty.

April 7, 2009 Tuesday Night

Did a little rewiring of the cables around the house and through the basement this afternoon. Next week we switch over to AT&T from Warner Cable. Looks like if we bundle all with AT&T it should be cheaper than Warner Cable and get a lot more TV channels. In fact we will gain the gay TV channels in the package like HERE and LOGO (I think that's what they are called). So I separated the back bedroom TVs from the rest of the house in anticipation. Should have a new email address that day of the switch (preparing you-April 14th). Hopefully I will just be able to change the wi.rr.com part to att.com. Nothing is ever that simple. Look for an email from me next week with the new email address since as of the day of the switch I will loose my wi.rr.com email. Then just found things to do the rest of the afternoon. Had a pretty boring afternoon. Tonight Tony went to a painting meeting so I am home alone. Been a long day home alone, don't like having the night alone also. I could never or would never want to be a single person, just to lonely. Call it co dependent I don't care, but I would never want to lose Tony. You can only look out the front window and watch the cars go by for so long. Makes me realize just how much I need, want and love him on nights alone like this. Watching American Idol, I think Kris is a hottie. He should have picked a different song. Hope someone else is worse, hate to see the eye candy leave the show. Will watch Dancing With The Stars after Idol and probably Law And Order SVU before going to bed. Tomorrow I need to get to Menard's sometime during the day since I have things going on Thursday and Friday. Our back parking dusk to dawn light thinks it is night 24 hours a day and won't go off. I am sure the Electric Company appreciates the money but since the light is on sale for $25 including the bulb I think it is worth swapping it out. I think we got our life out of the old one since it has to be over 5 years old. Tomorrow night I will leave Tony alone when I go to my Wednesday night HIV support group meeting. Wonder if he misses me when I am gone as much as I miss him when he is gone? I think he enjoys the time home alone. Difference is I am already home all day alone so it is just more of the same. Will write sometime tomorrow.

April 7, 2009 Tuesday Morning

Got up this morning and was to the hospital for my blood test by 8 am this morning. Just wanted to get it over with. Been cleaning around the house since then. Great news, another state has made gay marriage legal. WOW, never thought this day would come. You can read about Vermont legalizing gay marriage below:
http://www.queerty.com/breaking-vermont-legislatures-overrides-governor-veto-legalizing-same-sex-marriage-20090407/#comments
I bet he religious right is just going nuts. I love it. Going to spend the rest of the day just hanging out around the house working on projects. No other plans today. Will try to write later. High five Vermont!

April 6, 2009 Monday Afternoon

Took one of my anxiety pills last night prior to going to bed since I had such a rough day. Woke up this morning feeling in a fog. Took a shower. As I was taking a shower in our walk in shower and washing my hair I felt something brush up against my leg. Well, we watch way to many horror movies. Scared the hell out of me till I got the soap out of my eyes and noticed Kali standing next to me enjoying the warm water. Gave her a quick cleaning and then leaned outside the shower to dry her off so I could continue with my shower. No time at all Kali was back in the shower with me. To funny. Called my regular doctor and was at his office by 9:45 this morning for the thrush that seems to be coming back. Doctor wants me to start taking my Fluconazole 200MG twice daily instead of just once daily till the thrush is gone. From there I went to Walgreen's to drop off the prescription and off to my therapist appointment at 11 am. Had a lot to talk about since my week went down hill as it progressed. One of the things we talked about was the fact that I just can not drink alcohol anymore with the meds I am taking. Not a big deal in itself since I am not a big drinker, but it is just one more thing being taken away from me. Also talked about the fact that since I can not drink I do not feel like going to a bar and how is that fair to Tony. Since we do most things together we do not go out to bars apart. Not ready to have that change anytime soon. So somehow I need to resolve this in my head that it is a 'choice' rather than something taken away from me. Not sure how we are going to get there. Also realized watching hospital or doctor shows such as the ER final only heightens my anxiety, especially when a story line hits close to home. Told her I even have failed at quiting smoking since I am back to that. In fact when I asked my doctor for Chantex this morning he told me it would not be a good idea because of all the side effects I already have from the AIDS meds it would be better for me to continue smoking or cut down at this time rather than try to quit. That's two doctors now that have told me not to quit smoking cigs. Oh well, figure the cigs aren't going to kill me at this time today or tomorrow. Doctor didn't want me adding any more stress to my life at this time. The doctor also told me once again that I am handling all this better than most and that it usually takes about a year and a half for someone to come to terms with their HIV/AIDS status. Its been only three months for me. I joined another support / informational group today that meets on Mondays monthly which includes a big catered dinner I am told. First meeting is the end of the month. Guess each month a different restaurant sponsors the dinner/meeting. Came home and got a little done, ate some lunch and took a nap this afternoon. Very tired again today. Tony should be home soon so we can drive to Waukesha for the Humane Society ground breaking. Going to have to bundle up since it is in the 40s here in Milwaukee today. Guess my dad is helping with parking cars and my mom and sister are involved also. Should be home early tonight and can not wait to go back to bed. Tomorrow I get my blood tested again, just the viral load. Should have some results the beginning of next week at the latest. Will let you know. Kinda scared since I feel worse than I did a couple weeks ago.

April 5, 2009 Sunday Night

Saturday was sunny in the morning but turned cloudy late afternoon. Spent the morning just doing little things around the house. Gave Barkley a bath. After lunch Tony and I took Barkley and Stella to the tennis courts down the road so we can lock the gate and let them run. Took a couple of balls with us. After we got tired of going from side to side to get their thrown balls we decided to walk them down by and around the river. They just have a had time returning a thrown ball. Had a nice long walk along the river wooded paths. Was so exhausted I didn't think I would make it up the hill to the car at the end. Went to a Mexican restaurant down the street for dinner and I had a light meal not wanting to get sick on the spicy food. We both were so tired I think we went to bed around 10 pm on a Saturday night. Are we getting old or what?

Today I woke up in a bad mood, had some depressing vivid dreams, feeling depressed, and just not in a good space. Spent most of the morning in tears. Dragged myself around the house till we went to the Art Museum and out to lunch with some friends. I was so tired and did my best to keep a smile on my face and try to be nice all afternoon. By the time we were done eating I was ready to go home. I had had enough. Of course Tony and everyone else had to have another drink. I had a water. Seems I went down hill a bit today. Spent the morning crying and wondering 'why me'. The little voice kept saying I have AIDS. And the fact that my thrush is back has me very depressed. I will call the doctor tomorrow. I am on meds for the thrush, guess they are not working so well. I don't even know which doctor I should call, my general family doctor or my HIV specialist. My specialist told me to call my family doctor for general illnesses. Is this a general illness, don't think so. Then I will have to hall myself to the doctor again this week. So, feeling pretty down today. Tuesday I go in for blood tests and get my viral load tested again. I just feel like curling up in a ball and crying. Tired of pretending for a day or two that everything is ok when it will never be ok again. I guess the only way I can explain it is you keep pushing the thoughts away and they start to build up, you keep building the wall higher and higher to hold back the thoughts until the wall can not hold it any more. Then the wall comes crashing down and all the thoughts and stuff take you back to the day you found out you are HIV/ AIDS. Back to the fears, back to the unkowning, back to the why me, back to the how did this happen, back to the how long do I have left, etc.
I am back to smoking cigs. Tomorrow I have a therapist appointment. Feel like 'what's the use'. But will push myself to go. Monday night we are suppose to go to a ground breaking for the Humane Society. Having light snow showers right now. I want warm weather so bad.

April 3, 2009 Friday Afternoon - Iowa Decision

I am jumping up and down with happiness at the news that Iowa has said YES to gay marriage. Iowa has 3 weeks to get their shit together and allow us to marry. WOW. IOWA. How did that one slip under the radar with all the California Prop 8 mess? Iowa is only 2 hours from Milwaukee. If it was legal for someone from Wisconsin to go to a state like Iowa or Massachusetts we would be there tomorrow. Only problem is, it is illegal for anyone to do that under our Wisconsin laws. Now we just have to take the Wisconsin amendment to the supreme court. The full story is at the link below:
http://www.queerty.com/breaking-iowa-says-yes-to-gay-marriage-20090403/

April 3, 2009 Friday Morning

Did not have a good night last night. Got home from meeting the guys at a bar by 7:45 pm, in time to watch the final of ER. Only had 2 drinks. As we walked into the house I knew something wasn't right because the dogs did not come running. As I walked into the living room I could not believe my eyes. Stella has been famous for taking food from the kitchen counters. Last week she ate 3 donuts off the kitchen stove. Last night she found the fish food. Huge container the size of a large can of spaghetti sauce. The cardboard container was in pieces all over the living room and what was left of the 100% full fish food flakes were all over the couch and carpet. I had just opened this container of fish food. YUCK! Knew someone was going to throw up last night from eating all that fish food. Never imagined at 2 am it would be ME. Woke up again last night and felt sick to my stomach. Ended up throwing up again. That is twice in a weeks time. Starting to know the sign unfortunately. After I got myself all cleaned up as I am walking back into the bedroom Barkley is pucking all over the bed. Jeez. Got him outside to finish his throwing up and had to change the bedding at 2:30 am. Could not fall back asleep and think I might have gotten about 2 hours of sleep last night. Today I am so tired after I get back from buying more fish food and lunch with the guys I think I will take a needed nap. Had a little snow this morning but the weather guy says the sun is suppose to come out later today. Another snow storm coming on Sunday.
Just got a call from a guy at Social Security / Disability about the online form I filed yesterday. He had a couple of questions to finalize the paperwork. He told me in my case once they get the signed doctor release information my claim should be processed in the next couple of weeks. I asked him if what I had heard about claims being rejected almost 99% of the time or taking years to finalize was true. He told me since I was diagnosed with AIDS rather than just HIV they expedite the paperwork since it is considered a life ending disease. He could have had a better 'bed side manner' or said it better. So basically it comes down to: From the information they get from my doctor if I am going to live a long life I will be denied, but if it appears my life will end soon I will be approved. Wow, is there a door number 3 I can choose from? Feeling very depressed right now and having a hard time holding back the tears. I hate living like this.
Will write again later today or tomorrow.

April 2, 2009 Thursday Evening

Wednesday was another cloudy day here in Milwaukee. Went to a meeting at ARCW at 1 pm for new HIV people. Was informative. Every week they have a different subject. Next weeks subject is Dating, Sex and Informing Partners. Spent the afternoon just doing little things around the house till I made a pizza for dinner and off to my Wednesday night support group. Went to bed around 10:30 pm.

Today I got up and spent about 3 hours on the computer filing for disability. Wow, they ask everything. Spent the afternoon installing a canopy above the kitchen sliding doors that had been up years ago prior to me building a different canopy over that area. Had to do a little sewing cause it was torn in places but got it up and looks good. Now at least we can stand outside the kitchen sliding doors and not get wet when it is raining. Not much sun here in Milwaukee again today and only up to the mid 40s. Tonight Tony and I are meeting some friends out at a local gay bar for a few drinks. Will stop off somewhere first for a quick fast food dinner prior to going to the bar. Never stay out late, in fact we should be there at the bar by 6:30 and home by 8 pm. Two drinks is my limit these days so staying in a bar much longer than a couple hours gets boring. Looking forward to the final of ER tonight. Sad to see the show go but it has gone down hill in the last year or so. If it were not for John Stamos there would be no reason to watch, LOL. Not much to do tomorrow except lunch with the guys. Is summer ever going to get here? I would be happy just for Spring.

March 31, 2009 Tuesday Afternoon

Rainy day here in Milwaukee today. It has been raining all day. Only good thing about the rain is it is getting rid of all the snow we got over the weekend. Worked on updating Tony's web page and links for Downtown Auto Body. You can link to it at www.downtownautobody.net . Didn't have any appointments today. Did a little cleaning but other than that it was a day on the couch with the dogs and TV. I did get two loads of laundry finished and gave some thought to dinner. Don't even feel like cooking tonight so I think I will just order some subs from Jimmy Johns. Not very hungry, in fact my stomach has not felt good all day. Feeling tired, bloated and uncomfortable. Almost feel on the verge of throwing up. Had some soup for lunch hoping that would help, it did not. Not sure why I feel so tired and yucky today, every little bug or ailment makes you wonder. Hopefully it is just a 24 hour thing. Tonight we will just stay in, dry, and watch TV.

March 30, 2009 Monday Night

Got up this morning early, showered and was out of the house by 8:30 so I could stop at McDonald's and treat myself to a bacon egg and cheese bagel and an orange juice prior to getting to Big Lot to buy an outside 2 swivel chair package for the deck that was on sale. Also ended up buying a cart and a lounge chair for on the deck also. If you don't get the stuff the day it goes on sale around here it never fails the store is out of the sale item. Spent more than I should have but hey, life is too short. Plus I am doing my part to keep the economy going. Got home and unloaded the truck, put the stuff together and then out the door for my therapist appointment at ARCW. Was an OK session. Got home around 1 pm and spent the afternoon with the dogs cleaning and getting a start on getting the spare room organized. It already looks much better. Lot of the clutter just needed to be taken down to the basement. Made dinner and now watching Dancing With The Stars, then Castle and off to bed. No plans or appointments tomorrow which is good because Tony reminded me his web page for Downtown Auto Body hasn't been update in years and needs and update. So I will try to do that tomorrow and leave a fresh link to it when I am done.

March 29, 2009 Sunday Afternoon

Sunday afternoon. As you can see from the pictures to the right
what a difference a day can make here in Milwaukee. It was good
we are near the lake because we got less snow than to the west
of us. Didn't get a lot of snow but what we did get was heavy and
wet, very hard to shovel and my back is sore from shoveling this
morning. Got Tony out of the house around noon to buy lottery
tickets for the week and hot ham and rolls for lunch. A lazy Sunday is great with hot ham and rolls. Ended up buying a bunch
of fruit and other items including a bunch of flowers to brighten
up the house on the cold day after the snow storm. Not leaving
the house any more today. Going to start the movie Slumdog
Millionaire that I downloaded last night. Hopefully it will be as
good as the award shows have been saying. Last nights movie
was horrible. Will Ferrow should hang it up if these are the
movies he is making these days. To answer a few questions:
I wore a 14 mg patch the first day of not smoking and went
cold turkey from that day forward. Wanted to get Chantix but
my doctor said I had to come in for the prescription and between
that and the side effects I just would rather do it cold turkey.
Kinda had it with doctors unless I have to see them at this point. Hopefully the snow will be gone by the middle of the week with the temp getting in the 40s or more as the week goes on.
Tonight we will probably just have a pizza and watch our ABC Sunday night shows and then to bed. Monday I have my therapist appointment in the morning. I read today in email Tony and I might have some house guests the weekend of April 24-26 so I will have to get the spare bedroom in better shape than it is in now. I wouldn't want anyone sleeping in the room at this point much less opening the door and looking into the room. It has become the catch-all room at this point. Will give more details on the house guests as I learn more. Hint: She has stayed here once before in the past, but alone.

March 28, 2009 Saturday Night

About two hours prior to going out to dinner Friday night Barkley was eating Zoe's food upstairs and Zoe did not like that. Barkley was night going to give in and a scrap ensued. Was not pretty and was a wake up call that Barkley and Zoe have food issues. Unfortunately Barkley got the worse of the fight and ended up with a couple deep wounds and a 1/2 inch cut on his ear. Took about 2 hours of a damp cloth to stop all the bleeding. Guess we have to be a little more careful when we let the dogs go up stairs to the tenants house with their dog if food is out. Eventually we went out to dinner Friday night as planned to Pitches Ribs. I had the fish fry rib combo. Ate all the fish and about 2 of the ribs and brought the rest of the ribs home for leftovers. Woke up last night at 1:00 am knowing I was going to throw up. Tried a Tums but couldn't even get it chewed completely before I couldn't hold back anymore. Got that done and went back to bed. I hate throwing up. Worst part is getting the chunks out of your nose afterwards. Must have been something in the food. There are a couple restaurants around here we have stopped going to because 1 out of 2 visits I end up getting sick in the middle of the night. I must be allergic to something the restaurant uses or something. My big worry is that I take my Atripla at 10:30 Friday night at bedtime. If I threw up at 1 am has the pill had time to get in me. I can not miss this pill more than once a month I am told or the virus will learn how to fight it. I have to ask my doctor how long it takes to get into the system after taking. Anyone know the answer let me know. Is two hours enough for me to get the pills dosage?

Had a low key day today. Kinda tired from last night. Had a very vivid dream that did not have a happy ending. One of the side effects of Atripla are vivid in-color dreams. I usually have at least one a night I can remember. Last nights was about Stella. Tony and I took a short nap late this afternoon and made leftovers for dinner from the last two nights. We are in the middle of a snow storm here in Milwaukee. Hopefully since we live so close to lake Michigan it will be more sleet and rain, but to the west of us they are going to get up to 8 inches give or take. Just started a little while ago and suppose to last through most of the day tomorrow, Sunday. Borrowed a DVD from the tenant called Semi-Pro that I am starting in a bit, sounds like a no mind comedy. Then it will be time for bed. Sunday hopefully will be another lazy day with no plans at this time. Unless there is shoveling. Lets hope not.

March 27, 2009 Friday Afternoon

Friday afternoon? Where the heck did this week go? I noticed I haven't posted since Tuesday. Wednesday I worked outside on
the deck after a trip to Home Depot for more supplies. That
night we went to the PAC for the play A Bronx Tale. I did not
enjoy it, Tony did. Was a one person show. I like a variety of
actors and dancing and singing in my shows. I was bored to death.
Thursday I once again made a trip to Home Depot for the last of
what I needed for the deck and spent the day working outside on
it. It has been around 50 degrees all week here in Milwaukee.
Warm enough to be outside doing hard work, cool enough not

to sweat your butt off doing it. I must admit the last couple of
nights my body has ached so much from the bending and lifting,

but a good ache. Know I worked hard. Today I got up and did

a little house work, went grocery shopping and finished the rails
on the deck for the steps. I put two pictures of the deck, it is
pretty much finished for now. Not a bad job for a non professional? Tony and I went to lunch with the guys on Brady Street and then came back home to putts around the house till Tony gets home for the day and we go out to dinner at a Rib Place where a friend works. No big plans for the weekend except waiting for the Saturday night snow storm. Yup. Snow storm. Might get 6 inches or more. I am so done with winter. I must admit this was an excellent week. Yes, I said excellent. Did everything I wanted to do. Got done everything I wanted to get done. I just feel a little older as I do everything. Life is worth living again. Thank you to all that got me here. Oh, almost forgot. Still no cigs since Monday. Guess that's why I got so much done this week. I couldn't sit still and needed to keep moving. I feel very good about not smoking. I think it will continue. I feel much better not smoking. It has not been easy, but do able. I will write again soon.

March 24, 2009 Tuesday Night

First day without cigs. Yes, today was the day. It is going on 7 pm and I haven't killed a dog or Tony yet. YET ! Was out the door today by 10 am for my meeting with a case worker at ARCW. Then to an electrical store to see if they had a new bulb for our projection 110" TV in the bedroom. We were watching TV last night in there and all of a sudden there was a big popping noise and the camera went black. The electrical store didn't have them but recommended a place that might. When I called them they told me it would be cheaper just to go threw Sony. So I ordered the bulb through Sony at the small price of $375.00. Yup you read that right. Actually that is cheaper than the new bulb for our Mitsubishi TV in the living room. We don't use the big screen in the bedroom very often, maybe an hour a night 4 nights a week. Only had the thing for about a year and a half so this is not good. Our bulb on the living room TV only lasted about 8 months also. Would never buy a projection TV again. Would buy a LCD big screen. After ordering the bulb, ate some lunch and did a little straightening up, then I headed outside in the light rain to work on the deck. When I start a project not much can hold me back from finishing it. I sure can not say that for Tony or the original bathroom would be finished. There still isn't even dry wall on the walls yet. Hey, but the Jacuzzi tub works so that is all that matters to me. I use the master bathroom. Worked on the deck till about 5 when I couldn't take the dogs looking at me and bothering me because it was time for them to get fed. They honestly need to be seen and not heard at times. Made left overs for dinner and now we are watching taped shows while the President is on TV. I usually watch him but I figure I will catch the highlights in the news for the next few days. Have to head over to Home Depot sometime tomorrow or Thursday for the rails and other items for the deck. Still have a lot of other things to do with the wood and prior to rails so Home Depot might have to wait. Sure hope it isn't raining tomorrow. Till then, have a good day/night. I want a cig so bad but will get through it. I am wearing the patch.

March 23, 2008 Monday Dinner

Got up early to do some work on the deck prior to going to my therapist appointment. Got home and in between the rain drops continued with the deck. I got the flooring all moved from the back yard and placed on the deck stand. The boards are all 12 feet x 1 foot x 2 inches so they are very very very heavy. I think I over did it because my body is in pain. Going to have to relax after dinner tonight. Making a meat loaf and mac and cheese. That's a $35 dinner according to Polaris room. LOL. It is suppose to rain all day on Tuesday so not much will get done outside. Have to spend the day cleaning indoors or maybe taking a day off and spending it on the couch with the TV and dogs. I love rainy lazy days. Feel bad laying around when it is nice outside, but a rainy day is for the couch, TV and snugglin with the dogs. Put a pic of the deck as of today and what I accomplished. Still wondering why when I post more than one pic you can only open up one of them. Will have to look into this tomorrow. Tony should be walkin in the door any minute. Got to get his coffee and check on dinner.