May 18, 2009 Monday Night

Woke up feeling like I wanted to throw up. Lasted for a couple hours into the morning. Spent the morning very tired. Seems when I don't take a nap like yesterday, I can notice the difference the next day. Got to my therapist appointment at 11 AM. Was productive. Got home and just laid around all afternoon, or at least tried. Was restless and did not get any sleep. Can't wait to go to bed tonight. Did manage to vacuum the weekends worth of dog hair up from the carpet this afternoon. Vacuuming is a daily activity when you have four dogs. Put the left over spaghetti on the stove for Tony and went to my 6 PM dinner meeting at Bio Script. Today's topic was drug resistance. Not a pleasant topic. Stressed the importance of taking your meds, whatever they are, on time, at the time told to take them. If your suppose to take a med 2 times a day, that means 12 hours apart. 7 AM and 7 PM. If you only have to take one cocktail a day, like my Atripla, it has to be the same time each day. 10 PM for me. If you start adjusting the time you take your meds the HIV virus finds a way to increase your viral load of the disease, which then increases your chances of those HIV cells mutating into a resistant cell that your current meds do not know how to fight. Therefore you then have to start taking other meds along with what your currently taking to fight the now mutated HIV cells. This happens when your HIV becomes resistant to your current medicines. That plus the fact that eventually the current cocktail you take eventually does not work as well was not a happy thought. Sooner or later the HIV finds a way to fight whatever meds you are taking. Later is better than sooner, especially with the advances that are made each year. Also shows the importance of getting a full blood test done every 3 months so that if your viral load starts to increase one can find out what drugs are now resistant to the new HIV cells. I am hoping to be non detectable in June with my next round of blood tests. If my viral load would start to increase in any way after that it means my current cocktail of Atripla needs to be adjusted or another option looked at. Hopefully that all made sense. Going to log off and watch the season ending of CSI Miami and then off to bed. No appointments tomorrow. I do have to go to Walgreen's at some point during the day to pick up some refills on medicines. I should get a job working at Walgreen's since I am there so often. Most the clerks know me by name. Not sure if that is a good thing. Suppose to be a nice day tomorrow and continue to get better as the week goes on. Maybe tomorrow I will have time to come up with a topic for discussion. Any suggestions?

May 17, 2009 Sunday Night

Got up shortly after Tony did around 7 AM today. Sure wish I could sleep in on the weekends. Fed the dogs. Read some of the Sunday Milwaukee Journal. Made some eggs and bagels for breakfast. Tony colored his hair and while he was in the shower I joined him. Haven't taken a shower together in a long time. Always sounds more romantic than it is since someone always has to be in the cold, not under the hot water. The walk in shower stays nice and warm with the ceiling heater on so it was not as bad as it could have been. Feeling pretty good today. Took Stella for a walk around the block. Then took Barkley for a walk around the block also. Rested for about a half hour till I went with Tony to a Mustang car show. Tony enjoyed the cars, I tried to enjoy the spectators. Not much for me to look at. We then drove along the lake front from Grant Park to the east side. Stopped and bought gas, lottery tickets, and dropped off a prescription at Walgreen's. By the time we got home I was tired. Tony and I spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening catching up on all the shows we have DVR'ed in the past month or so. Made spaghetti for dinner tonight. After writing this blog will settle back and watch the season ending of Desperate Housewives. Monday I have my therapist appointment in the morning and a dinner meeting at Bio Script at 6 PM. A nice dinner is always served at these monthly meetings. Monday's meeting is about drug resistance. A topic I know little about and want to learn all I can about.

May 16, 2009 Saturday Night

Slept in till about 7:30 this morning. Was up many times last night letting Stella out and having to go to the bathroom myself. Stella still has the runs which she has had for a couple days now. Which means she wants to go out many times during the night. I would rather get up and let her out than clean up a mess in the morning. Made some bagels for breakfast. Drove to the bank to discuss the check Tony wrote out to the bogus company. The bank was not much help except I did get a phone number of the bank that cashed the check, even with Tony writing what he did above the signature line. Sounds like neither bank wants to take responsibility for it. I did write emails to Judge Judy and People's Court today. Maybe one of them with take the case. Judge Judy is actually in California where this bogus company is supposedly located. Spent the rest of the morning not doing a whole lot. Read the Saturday Milwaukee Journal and did some TV watching. Made Tony and I some soup for lunch and we both went and took a nap around 1:30. Slept till about 4 PM and got Tony up out of bed also. Made some burgers and mac and cheese for dinner. Got a burst of energy and cleaned out the two bedroom closets. Was time to rotate the clothes so the summer clothing is more assessable. Watched the season ender of Lost tonight. Very good ending but always leaves you wanting more. Watching DVR'ed New Adventures Of Old Christine, a little news and then it will be time for bed. Was a sunny day here in Milwaukee today but the strong winds off the lake kept the temperature in the low 50's. Weather man says we might even get frost tonight. That's Wisconsin. No plans again tomorrow. More of the same just relaxing around the house with Tony and the dogs.

May 15, 2009 Friday Night

Happy Friday. Got up about 6:30 this morning. I really try to stay in bed till about 7 AM but just can not lay there with the dogs staring at me and breathing down my neck to get fed. Got them fed and got myself to the couch with my cup of coffee. Felt OK again this morning. Read about half the paper and sent Tony to McDonalds for food, bacon egg and cheese bagel of course for me. I got showered and out of the house by 10 AM and was soon at Pick N Save doing the Friday grocery shopping. Got home and put it all away. Then set up a fence boarder in our back doorway and opened the door for the tenants dog so she could come downstairs and at least see me and the puppies and not be alone. Still can not take the chance of letting her be with my babies after last Sunday's incident. It has been working out fine so far keeping them apart. Tony and I had lunch with the guys and I came home stuffed and tired. Took an almost two hour nap this afternoon. Did manage to vacuum once I awoke and drank some coffee to jump start the brain. Did not go to the funeral I had been contemplating. Thought it best not to be a part, or start drama at a time such as a funeral. Happy with my decision since I did send a sympathy card earlier in the week. There was a time in my life I would have enjoyed the drama and attention, not any more. Vito's three staples look like they are about to pop out. Will have to keep an eye on them since they are not scheduled to be removed for another 7 days. Not so much worried about it breaking open if a staple comes out as I am having one of the other dogs step on it and get it in their foot, much less eat it. Not much on TV tonight. Watching Funniest Video's which is always a safe bet for a couple laughs. Think I will turn to the Farrah Fawcett Story at 8 PM. I always liked her. Heck, she was my cover back in High School so I wouldn't be viewed as gay. Had to have a poster of her in my locker so I would appear straight.
Today I was grateful for: Waking up another day with my husband and kids. Making it through the day finishing everything I had planned. Having a great lunch with good friends. That it is Friday which means a weekend with my husband. That I still have not missed taking even one pill when I have to take them daily, since starting the meds.

May 14, 2009 Thursday Night

Got up this morning feeling pretty good. Got the usual chores done around the house and headed for the basement. Cleaned the basement since Tony has been working out down there each morning on the weight machine. Set up a couple mirrors for him to watch his progress and muscles. Got myself showered and out the door by 1 pm for my dental cleaning. I did hang around the office yesterday hoping that the dentist could clean my teeth after my dental exam. A guy was expected not to show for his 10th time. He showed. That is why I had to go back again today. Got a good teeth cleaning. When I got home I put up some gates so Zoe the tenants dog could at least come into the kitchen and not be alone upstairs. Wasted the afternoon away not really accomplishing anything. Made a bunch of left overs for dinner from Mother's Day at my mom's that she had given us. Tonight it is Ugly Betty and Greys Anatomy to round out the evening. Still shocked from last nights American Idol. All three guys are good but it was a shame to see Milwaukee's Danny leave last night. I hope Adam wins. Would be nice to have an openly gay man win for the first time. I don't count Clay Aiken as being gay. He didn't come out till it was safe and he made his money. Adam has at least been honest from day one. But then again Chris is so cute. Had a really good day today. Didn't take a nap or lay down today all day. Should sleep good tonight.

Friday I have to do my morning grocery shopping. Just need milk and fresh fruit. Then lunch with the guys. I am still torn about going to a funeral tomorrow afternoon. It would be unexpected for me to show up at the funeral of they guy's mother who fired me 8 months ago. Probably people would be happy to see me. But I am not sure if at a mother's funeral I want any attention drawn to me. Also not sure if I am up to it. I will see how I feel by 4 PM tomorrow afternoon. I did send a sympathy card. I did know his mother. So, do you go to a funeral more for the deceased or for the living family? Sure would appreciate any input before 4 PM Friday.

May 13, 2009 Wednesday Night

Two hands on the wheel. That should be today's words. I got up this morning by 6:15 because I had a 8:30 dentist appointment at ARCW. I knew this would be a stretch. It usually takes me at least 4 hours after getting up to feel like my mind is where I can feel comfortable enough to do things or think clearly. Left the house by 8:05 and made my way through downtown Milwaukee to my appointment. It was not an easy drive since only two hours had past since waking up and driving through downtown construction and detours made me have to concentrate on driving like I was taking an exam or test. The two block detour was taken with two hands on the steering wheel. Stomach didn't feel great this morning but by the time I got home from the dentist it felt better. Made an appointment to have my teeth cleaned tomorrow afternoon, my one appointment for the day. Made myself a bread bowl of tomato soup for lunch and some grapes. Tried to lay around but just felt edgy all afternoon and ended up cleaning one of the pond pumps that needed cleaning. Did not go to my Wednesday night group meeting tonight. I gave myself a week off due to the storms about to hit in about a half hour and so much on TV between American Idol and Lost. I will make sure I go next week.
Vito seems fine. I did notice him trying to scratch the wound a couple times today and made him stop immediately. Don't want him to pull the staples out scratching. Stella stayed home today so she could have a day off from work. She works so hard all day when she goes with Tony to the auto body shop for the day. :)
Felt a little withdrawn today. That was the word I came up with at one point and wrote down when I as at the dentist today. Should log off now that it looks like the dark clouds are coming. Always have to do a spell check prior to publishing this. I can not believe how bad I am at spelling.

May 12, 2009 Tuesday Night

Got up this morning and fed the dogs, drank a couple sips out of my coffee, had a cig and went back to bed. I thought I slept good last night. Tony said I woke him up at one point yelling something in my sleep. Wish I could remember. Got in and out of bed all morning till about 11:30. Forced myself into the shower. Made myself a peanut butter and jelly croissant for lunch and laid back down on the bed till about 1:15. Splashed some water on my face and went to my interview at ARCW to be a board member. Figure it is my way of giving back. I can not say enough good about ARCW. Meetings are once a month. I think they liked me because they told me to pencil in the next meeting on my calendar. It was kinda funny. I walked in and said the usual hello's, they asked me to say something about myself. I went on for about 10 minutes. When I was done they kinda just looked at their questions and said I pretty much answered all of them. I honestly have not met anyone I haven't liked at ARCW. I think I got on the board which I will be happy about. It will give me another reason to fight to stay alive. Got my monthly groceries at the food bank, brought them home and made a cup of coffee and went across the alley to gossip with the neighbor. By the time I got home I had enough time to vacuum and then Tony was walking in the back door. Made the second pizza from last week and met some friends at the Art Bar here in Riverwest for a drink. Saw the end of American Idol and in a little bit I am looking forward to going to bed. Usually when the sun is out I am not as tired as I was today. It was a nice sunny day here all day in Milwaukee. Guess we all have our 'off' days. I have an early dentist appointment in the morning. Earlier appointment then I am used to. Could throw off my whole day. Suppose to get some rain tonight and then hopefully some big thunderstorms Wednesday night depending on how hot it gets during the day tomorrow. Not much more than that going on today. Just felt tired all day. No energy. Haven't even answered emails. I actually could have just stayed in bed all day if it were not for the afternoon appointment and the sun being out all day.

May 11, 2009 Monday Night

Got up this morning around 7 AM. Noticed Vito's bite wound was still bleeding a little bit so when the vet opened I made an afternoon appointment for them to check him. Went to get a dogs tennis ball from under the bed this morning and couldn't believe my eyes how much dog hair was under the bed. So I got the mop out. It was embarrassing. Looks much better now. Got showered and off to my appointment at ARCW. On the way home I stopped off at the post office to buy some 2 cent stamps since stamps now cost 44 cents as of today. Up from 42 cents. Got home and made some soup for lunch, rested on the couch for about a half hour, and then took Vito to the vet at 2 PM and had to leave him so they could treat the wound. Vito ended up getting 3 staples, two pills I have to give him twice a day for a couple weeks, and bring him back in 10 days to have the staples removed. The vets called Vito 'A Little Spitfire'. Yah, that's a nice way of putting it. Remember, this is the dog it takes two vet techs, Tony or myself and the vet just to cut his toe nails.......did I forget to mention the muzzle they have to put on him too. I was told he was better than most when they put the staples in. Poor Vito. He is sitting next to me here on the couch as I type this.

Heard today that a guy I used to consider a good friend's mother died this morning. Having mixed feelings since I still feel the main reason I was let go from my job was mainly due to him. I have for the most part gotten past that since I am happy not to be working anymore and couldn't at this time work full time if I wanted to. But, I still have not forgotten how it all went down. Could have and should have been handled much differently as far as I am concerned. I think I will change the subject before I say something I might regret or not fully mean at this time. I do feel for anyone loosing their mother and how hard it must be. I am fortunate to still have mine.

Watched Oprah today. I don't usually watch her but she had Simon from American Idol on along with Susan Boyle and a bunch of cool acts. It was entertaining and kept Vito on the couch and not jumping around per doctor's orders. Just switched off Dancing With The Starts to watch the CBS Monday night line up. No one on the Dancing show I care about anymore. Will probably check my links at the web sight and blog to make sure they are all up and running, cruise the Internet for interesting stuff, and go to bed.

Need advice. Long story short. Tony signed up for this service that was money back in 30 days if the company did not send him 4 customers a month. Tony paid $600 and not only post dated the check but wrote above where the person signs on the back, 'VOID TILL " and 30 days later as was agreed on. The company promised they would not cash his check. Well they crossed off what he wrote, endorsed the check and cashed it. Two months later they have not send anyone and still not refunded him. Much less the guy won't answer his phone. The worst part is this company is in California and we are in Wisconsin. Is there such a thing as small claims court across state lines? Since its in California should I just call Judge Judy? I told Tony he has till tomorrow and I will take over the collection on this. I can be a lot more forceful. He calls it being a bigger 'bitch'. Yah, but when something he purchases needs to be returned or someone needs yelling at who do you think he calls? That's right, me. The Bitch.

May 10, 2009 Mothers Day

Hello and Happy Mother's Day to all the Mother's out there.

We were up by 7 AM this morning. Read the Sunday paper and watched a little TV prior to showering and getting ready to go to my mother's house for Mother's Day. We watched last nights Saturday Night Live with Justin Timberlake on the DVR. It was great. Tony and I laughed so many times. Every time he hosts it is a good show. Made our way out to Oconomowoc to my parents house after I laid on the bed for about a half hour. Had a nice afternoon with the folks, brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews. My sister's kids are just adorable. The one looks just like the kid from Stuart Little Movie. Got home by 4:30. After I fed the dogs I brought down the tenants dog Zoe from upstairs so she wouldn't have to be alone. I have her with me during the day most days down here all day with no problems. We have had two incidents where she bit our dogs. Once Barkley, once she nipped at Vito. Well. About 45 minutes into her being down here Vito went to play with Zoe and she attached Vito. Grabbed him, shaking him. The minute I caught it and started yelling she let go of Vito. Gave Zoe a slap in the face and a yelling at, then Tony took her upstairs. While he was upstairs I checked Vito for any damage. Vito got a pretty bad puncture wound that we are trying to stop with a cold cloth. He seems to be doing OK. The bleeding has for the most part stopped, but when you look at the wound you can see the puncture goes about a half inch or more into Vito skin on his neck/shoulder. If the bleeding doesn't stop we will have to take her to the emergency vet tonight. Called my sister and she said to keep an eye on him, but if the bleeding has stopped he should be OK. Very scary. What sucks now is the fact that I have reservations towards Zoe spending the day or any time down here anymore. It happened so fast. I can not be watching them every second they are together down here. So do I leave poor Zoe upstairs alone all day? We will have to work out a new plan. Going to watch TV in bed to keep Vito from moving around. I will let you all know how he is doing tomorrow. I do have one morning appointment with my case worker at ARCW.

May 9, 2009 Saturday Night

Not a very eventful day today. Rained most of the day. When the weather is cloudy and rainy it seems to tap all my energy. Did manage to give Barkley a shower with mine this morning. Tony dried him off. He has bad skin and needs a bath regularly.

Tony brought home the BMW 530I today. It is silver. I am told a 2002. I drove it to take him back to the auto body shop to pick up the Tahoe. It is nice. A much smoother ride than my Mustang, but it is not off the ground any more than my Mustang like I really wanted. I honestly don't think my opinion matters much at this point since Tony seems to love the car. It does have a sun roof, but I will miss the convertible top. If I play my cards right, by the time he actually is done fixing the minor dents and takes out the previous owners thumper speakers out of the back trunk, summer will be for the most part over, or too hot to drive around with the top down anyway. The icing on the cake is the fact that my ex John drove it last Friday, he has a BMW, and wants it bad also. He even called today to see what I thought of the car and told me that he wants it. Well, that almost seals the deal. LOL. I say that not to be mean. My ex and I are still close after 20 years apart. We spent 5 1/2 years together prior to Tony and I. Tony and him are good friends also and there has never been an problems. Will keep you posted on what happens with the car. I am sure we will drive it tomorrow to my parents house.

Took a couple hours to lay in bed this afternoon. Actually I just thought for a bit and then Tony woke me about 2 hours later. We took his mom out to dinner tonight. After an hour and a half with her I had lost my patience and it was time to go home. I tried working on her TV and new converter box. Thank god we have ATT because I could not put up with the digital signal not keeping up to the sound and the picture looking all stutery. She has tried many antennas. I don't think people are going to be happy with the switch over in June. Oh, the cable companies and such will be for sure with all the unhappy people buying their services.

Tony is already sleeping on the couch. Guess he missed another episode of Harper's Island. I actually am looking forward to going to bed soon myself. Tomorrow is suppose to be sunny but only in the 50s. Have to go to my parents house for a while for Mother's Day. These days I would rather just sleep.

I did add some funny jokes on the Fun Page at my web sight. They made me laugh. The theme is 'and then the fight began'. They really are funny. Thanks Brian. Sign my interactive map also now that you have the web page address. Nite everyone.

May 8, 2008 Friday Night

Got up around 6 AM with Tony this morning. Feeling much better. Stomach pain is almost gone. Guess the Cipro is doing what it is suppose to. Whenever I am on an antibiotic my stomach problems always seem to go away. Then return shortly after the antibiotic has all been taken. Been like this for years. Now it is just worse and every day. Spent the first 2 hours very dizzy and moving slowly. Sent Tony to McDonalds to get us breakfast. Had my favorite, bacon egg and cheese bagel. I think he got himself an egg McMuffin, two hash browns and coffee. So the trip to McDonalds was more for him than me. In fact I even gave him a coupon to buy one breakfast sandwich get one free, so mine was free. I'm so cheap. Yes, I do cut coupons and use them when I think about them prior to heading out to the grocery store. Went on the web for a while, showered and made my way to Pick N Save for my Friday grocery shopping (forgot the coupons). Didn't need much but some fresh fruit, milk and a couple other items. Wasn't to sure on my feet walking around the grocery store. Felt very dizzy. At one point I could see myself walking like my 98 year old grandma did, very slow, not to fall. By the time I got home and put the groceries away I was exhausted. Sat outside with the dogs for a while in the shade till Tony came home to take us to our usual Friday lunch with the guys. Had lunch at a different restaurant due to the Brady Street Diner being closed for good. Had a big steak sandwich and a strawberry shake. The kind of shake they bring the extra in the metal container they mixed it in. Was very good. I love ice cream. Had a good laugh which we always end up doing at these Friday lunches. I think they are better therapy then anything else I do. Spent the afternoon answering the many emails I received. Posted a couple of them on the Email's Received page on my web sight. Found the strength to vacuum the house and then just sat more outside with the stereo on listening to music. Just made ham and cheese sandwiches for dinner since neither one of us were very hungry from the big lunch. Not much on TV tonight, will have to fire up the DVR and watch something we recorded. I did catch the Fox news tonight which featured American Idol Danny Gockey for the entire hour and a half. He was taken all over the city today, gave a short concert at the fair grounds at the lakefront and then threw out the first pitch at the Brewers baseball game tonight. He is not my favorite, but he is good. He did not sing good today, he even apologized for not sounding good.

Watching Barkley try to play with Vito, too funny, neither one knows how to play with each other. They both want to be on top.

Six years ago today I had to say goodbye to my blond Pomeranian named Tiny Love. She was the first dog I ever owned. She did live 16 1/2 years. Still not enough. At least I still have her memory. I think if my mind was to go and I didn't even have my past memories there would be nothing to live for. Alzheimer's disease must be horrible. It's bad enough getting old, but if you don't have your memories what else is there.

Tony has been working on a car he wants me to look at tomorrow. I think it is a car he wants. It would be the car I drive. I have a Mustang Convertible now. It is a BMW 530I. Have no clue what that is, but then again every car I've owned for the past 20 years have all been cars Tony worked on and bought from the insurance companies. I drove a 1985 RX7 for a while a long time ago that he actually pieced together. The front end from one car, the back end from a different car. It was a fun car to drive till I got tired of driving a stick shift car. Hey, I can't drink a cup of coffee, smoke a cig, and shift all at the same time. Would need another hand. Tony says the car is loaded with everything. I did plant the seed in his head about a month ago that I am interested in a new car. But, I want something higher off the ground, an SUV of some kind. With my head so fuzzy it is better to drive and see more, being higher up. I actually enjoy driving our Tahoe more than the Mustang because the Tahoe is higher off the ground. I have been leaning towards the Jeep Liberty. Haven't driven one, but like the look. It is a small SUV. Was deciding on the color till in the last week I've seen so many driving around Milwaukee, I think I've changed my mind. Sure don't want to drive a car that's everywhere, unless of course I have Tony add stripes or something on it. Hmm. I never really have a car for more than 2 years anyway. The life of having a husband who owns an Auto Body Shop. Unfortunately, cars to me get you from point A to point B. They are either small, medium size, or big. They are either a car or an SUV, and then we do the small, medium, big thing again. That's where my knowledge of cars starts and ends. Oh, and of course the color. My knowledge of cars has always baffled Tony. Especially since it is his life.

Was a nice day today in Milwaukee. Sunny and 70s most of the day. Tomorrow rain all day, thunder storms maybe starting after midnight tonight.

May 7, 2009 Thursday Night

Got up this morning with a little less stomach pain this morning. Was very sluggish and in a fog most of the morning. Have little patience for the dogs today. Feeling very irritable. Took Stella to the vet and got her blood taken and tested, should get the results tomorrow. Drove to Bayshore mall and picked up my yearly chocolate covered strawberries for my mother for Mother's Day. Always get myself some as a reward. Spent the afternoon very very tired. Slept from 1 PM to 3:30 PM. Still very tired. Not sure if it is all the meds or what. Maybe the intestinal infection?

Made a couple changes on the web sight. Got rid of the forum because it was messing up the links to the web sight. Will look into adding a different forum in time. Got a little tense with a person on the phone at my mail order pharmacy where I have to get refills on my meds if I want ADAP to pay for the co-payment. Get this. The refill of Acylovir would cost me $10 at Walgreen's, but I would have to pay it because ADAP will only work with one pharmacy, and the mail order place is the only place my insurance will pay for my Atripla. If I order my Acylovir from the mail order pharmacy the co-payment, that ADAP would have to pay is $278. What? Oh, thats for a 3 months supply. Well, I don't need a 3 months supply since I will probably/hopefully not have to take the Acylovir much longer. I got them down to just sending my a 30 day supply. Co-payment ADAP will have to pay is over $100. Bottom line, to save myself $10 it will cost the state of Wisconsin ADAP program over $100. And we wonder why taxes in Wisconsin keep increasing. It is this sort of government red tape and waste.

Got about 10 emails from people answering my post at Body.com about what to expect at my Social Security doctor appointment later this month. Thank you all for you emails and information. Very much appreciated and learned a lot. If I don't respond to your email immediately know that I will. Also spoke to someone at ARCW on the telephone regarding the upcoming appointment. Guess honesty is going to be best. My days are not what they use to be. Working is just not an option at this point. Not sure if it will ever be an option. I guess I just have to explain what an average day is like. Between the all day dizziness, tiredness, cold chills, fuzziness, bowel problems, nausea and tiredness, it shouldn't be a problem. Feeling very depressed this afternoon. Not sure why. Had a good cry, pulled myself together and now writing this entry in the blog.

Thanks for the comments regarding my rant in yesterdays blog. Hope to receive more. Would love to know the true story regarding what is being said, who is reading it, and how it was found. If I don't get those answers it will not be the end of the world, just curious. I should just let it go, but I am only human. Lessons I have learned since January: Life if to short to sweat the little things. Obsessing about the past is unproductive. Forgive and forget. Move forward. Everyone has there own baggage. Now that I've learned these things I need to start practicing them daily.

May 6, 2009 Wednesday Night

Woke up with the stomach/bladder pain so I called the doctor right away and made an appointment for later in the day. Laid around most of the morning till I finally showered and got to my 1 PM meeting at ARCW. Was a productive meeting. One guy leading the meeting is such a handsome man. Stopped off at home for a bit till I headed to the doctor. Sounds like I have an intestinal infection and was given Cipro Antibiotic for it. Have to take it twice daily and not with any dairy products or vitamins. Here we go again. Change my life. There goes my morning bowl of cereal with my daily vitamins. Have to go back to my daily McDonalds breakfast, LOL. Was a nice day weather wise in Milwaukee today. Rain drops here and there, but for the most part it was partly sunny and almost 70 degrees.

I talk to a friend I worked with till last August on the telephone this afternoon. Was told some interesting news. I guess everyone at my past place of employment is aware of this blog. I had only told two people at my past place of employment about this blog. I do not beleive either one of them passed it on to anyone there. I am wondering how they all became aware of it. When I started this blog and decided to be completely honest about what was happening in my life, I realized at some point people I had worked with or know might some how come across this blog. People I might not choose to tell of my diagnosis. These people will know who I am talking about as they read this about themselves. From day one I always thought since 'I put myself out there' with this blog I would take the hits as they come. Tony has always agreed with my decision and stood by me 100%. Today I was told my blog is 'all over' the place I use to work at. That 'everyone knows about it'. I don't want this to sound negative towards a business that gave me 4 1/2 very rewarding working years. I still have very good thought towards most of the people I worked with. I am still not sure how I feel about my blog being 'all over' VICI. My first thoughts were hurt and fear. Then I had to remember why I created this blog. So that others in the same shoes would know they are not alone in what they are going through. I was bothered by this for a while. I then thought 'oh well'. I soon called Tony to see what he thought about it. His response was 'if they cared about you they would spend more time reaching out to you than they have passing on the blog to each other'. Hmm. I have to agree. If people I worked with have been reading this blog, people I considered friends, why haven't they emailed or called. Maybe fear? Maybe not knowing what to say? Maybe they now don't want anything to do with me because they are not educated enough about this disease? Maybe they were never friends to begin with? I don't have the answers at this point. All I can say is that if anyone was to reach out to me I would be grateful. I am always happy when I receive emails like the two I received today from people touched, helped or educated from reading my blog. It has made it all worth while. One thing I have learned since January is who my friends really are. So I will continue to write this blog honestly. Let the chips fall as they will.

Wasn't going to go to my Wednesday night group meeting tonight but got a call a half hour prior to it from the guy who usually runs the meeting that he can not make it. He asked if I could make sure the room is opened and run the meeting. I had always told him I would. So I did go to the meeting. There was a new person at the meeting and it was heartbreaking to hear his story. Hopefully we were able to give him some perspective. Going to bed shortly after finishing this blog. Love seeing the pointers on the interactive sign-in map on my web page. Keep them coming.

May 5, 2009 Tuesday Night

Did not have a good day today. Was up at least 4 times during the night to pee and having pain in my bladder area. Been taking my Flomax but doesn't seem to be working this time. Got up this morning and the pain was worse. When I push on my bladder area there is a lot of pain. Canceled my appointment for this morning with my case worker at ARCW. Spent the morning just laying around on the couch. Made myself tomato soup for lunch and was back in bed by 12:30. Got up around 3 PM still in pain. I took a pain pill around 4 pm and it gave a little relief. Now the pain is coming back. When I cough the pain is bad. Been drinking a lot of water just in case it is a bowel or bladder infection. Tomorrow if it is still this bad I will have to break down and make a doctor appointment and have it checked out. Was kind of hoping it would go away on it's own. I did manage to clean 2 of 3 pumps in the pond due to they were getting clogged with debris and algae. Put more algae fix in the water. Should clear out some of the algae till the back yard tree gets leaves and blocks the sun from shining on the pond and creating the algae. Fed the dogs. Tony brought home some pizza's for dinner from Papa Murphy that my ex bought for us to repay Tony for working on his sun roof on Monday and for me borrowing him my Mustang to drive for the day. He dropped the pizzas off with Tony at the auto body shop. His sun roof window wouldn't close. Borrowed him my car so he had transportation for the day while I drove the Tahoe. Tony drove his car to work for that day. Very good pizza. Never had a Papa Murphy pizza before. Would definitely recommend them and get them again. Today it got to about 65 degrees and was sunny for most of the day. Didn't spend much time outside enjoying it except for cleaning the pond pumps. Made the final Mother's Day plans for this weekend with my mom and Tony's mom. We will take one out for dinner Saturday night and visit the other on Sunday. American Idol, Dancing With The Stars, and Law And Order SVU will round out the night. Hope to wake up tomorrow in less pain or no pain. Lets hope.
If I wake up feeling better tomorrow I have a meeting in the afternoon at ARCW. The guy who runs the meeting is a stud, I look at it as motivation to get me there.

May 4, 2009 Monday Night 'What's Next'

I found this new HIV / AIDS information web sight tonight and wanted to pass it on to those who need it. I looked around on the sight and it is very good and informative. I will add links to it on this sight and my websight. It is called 'What Next', here it is: http://whatnext.tht.org.uk/

May 4, 2009 Monday Night

Was up by 6:30 AM this morning. Noticed Tony was already out of bed and up. He falls asleep on the couch by 9 PM and then gets up at 6 AM. Wish he would stay up an hour later and get up and hour later. Tired of explaining to him what he missed on TV shows after 9PM. He will be lost next week when he watches Brothers and Sisters. Oh well. Watching Dancing With The Stars as I write this. Got a couple things done this morning before I showered. Spread out four bags of bark chips in the front yard that we bought yesterday at Home Depot. Picked up the dog crap in the side yard. Got a load of laundry going. And vacuumed. Was exhausted from just doing all that by 10 AM. Showered and got to my therapist appointment at 11 PM. My therapist gave me chapter one of Mind Over Mood. A book we are going to go through chapter by chapter each appointment. I read the first chapter this afternoon. Just kind of set up the book. I did get one thing from it so far. In chapter one it gave an example of standing in a line at the grocery store. As you stand in line you can either say to yourself: Good, I have some time to relax, and talk to the people in line. Or you can get mad and then yell at the grocery store checker. Mind over Mood. Guess if you pick the right thought process it makes life better. Will have to try. The chapter also showed how the different environmental influences can change your mood - if you let it. Looking forward to the learning.

Stopped off at Walgreens on my way home for cigs, yah, keep it to yourself. At least I buy them where they are a dollar cheaper than at a gas station. Bought a Cheese Steak Sub at Subway, and came home and watched a little TV, did a little reading, and was exhausted. Laid down about 1:30 and woke up at 3:15. Took a long time to get the mind re started. Was in a total fog for about an hour as I drank a cup of coffee. Cruised the Internet, checked my sites, and made a little dinner for Tony and I. Still very tired and can't wait to go to bed tonight.

The sun was out all day here in Milwaukee today. Got to 65 degrees. Perfect. Tomorrow I have my monthly appointment with my case worker at ARCW. Might start painting the garage tomorrow if I have the strength and will. Happy I got a couple posts on the forum and interactive map. Still waiting for the rest of you to add yourselves to the interactive map at my web sight http://gaydavemilwaukee.angelfire.com/ . Go ahead, do it now. Got a very nice card today from the guy in Washington that gave a seminar on HIV and used parts of my blog. Some of the people at the seminar signed the card and wrote personal messages thanking me for sharing my story. Brought tears to my eyes in happiness as I read all the well wishes. How nice hey? Will have to save this for my scrap book. Going to put on a pair of sweats and relax the rest of the night away. I will write more tomorrow.

May 3, 2009 Sunday Night

Got up this morning feeling pretty good. After I read most of the paper I then made us Ham and Cheese Omelets and Cinnamon bagels. After the cleanup I sat outside and read the newspaper advertisements and played on my new laptop. Still very happy with it and typing this blog on it now. So nice to sit on the couch and do this. One complaint so far is that the computer screen is very very hard to see outside. It was sunny out, but I was in the shade under an umbrella. Couldn't see the screen good enough to really use it outside. Have to look for a setting to make it brighter if there is one. Got Tony to go to Walmart with me before we went to Home Depot. Saw same cakes in the Walmart advertisement that looked good. Of course our Walmart did not carry them. We still found a way to spend close to $100. Bought two big plants for out on the deck. They look nice. Had to rearrange the furniture a little and re pot the new plants in pots I had around here. It looks nice. I will take a picture of the deck again tomorrow. We went to Home Depot after Walmart to buy some potting soil and get paint color samples. I just remembered another problem I am having with the new laptop. When I try to move pictures from my desktop to my laptop using a USB plug in drive, it does not seem to eject properly even though I do the right steps and says it is OK to disconnect. When I plug it into the desktop to use it again a message tells me it was not disconnected properly from the laptop. Doesn't seem to be affecting anything I have used it for to this point. I just hate getting error messages. We are watching last weeks episode of Lost. I love this show. It has been a little confusing this season but still worth watching. I still am mad at ABC for canceling the show Invasion a few years ago. Just as the show got good, and the season final was outstanding, it was canceled. I still have not gotten over it. Deep breath! Hoping Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters aren't reruns tonight. Always DVR Cold Case on Sunday nights. That is if a sports event hasn't screwed with the starting time. Was very nice today in Milwaukee. It must have gotten close to 70 degrees and was sunny. Just found another thing I don't like about the ATT Uverse. The remote buttons are so small it is hard for an old guy like me, who needs glasses just to read the writing, to find the right button. Sorry, got off track fast forwarding the DVR. We are now watching a past episode of My Name Is Earl. Hope NBC doesn't cancel this show. I love Joy most on the show.

Tomorrow I have my therapist appointment in the morning. Thinking about starting to do some painting outside before it gets to warm. I am thinking about starting with the garage because I am thinking about changing the colors on the house/slate. Got some color samples at Home Depot today. Thinking a light grey with white window trim. Or going extreme and going with a green and white trim. Green would go good with the green shingles on the roof. Right now the slate is a light dingy green. The house was built in 1909. Since life has changed so much maybe it is time to take it a step further and change the house color scheme. Tony is against the green which is another reason to start with the garage. Maybe he just needs to see the garage done to see my vision. He is usually against anything he thinks he might have to help me do. Once I am finished he always comes around. Heck, we wouldn't have the front bay window, the side roll-out windows, sliding glass doors in the dining room and kitchen, much less the bedroom addition if I always listened to him. All have been good decisions. I still am waiting for anyone to put their tack on the interactive map on my web sight. Not sure why no one has. Is there a problem? Also, I don't see any posts or responses in the forum. If you for some reason forgot the link to my main web sight, here it is, http://gaydavemilwaukee.angelfire.com/

May 2, 2009 Saturday Night

Don't think I have the swine flu since I do not feel any worse than I did this morning. So nothing to worry about. I am writing this tonight from my new laptop computer that I bought today at Best Buy. It took all day to get it backed up and set up. I LOVE IT. Tony is on the desktop cruising cars on craigslist, and I can be here updating my blog and web sight on the couch. Went to Arby's prior to Best Buy for lunch. Tonight just made a frozen pizza since I was not hungry from the late lunch at Arby's. Love the French Dip Sandwich. Had their new Malted Chocolate Shake also. Tony drank most of it when I wasn't looking. Bad Tony. Had to call ATT tech support to get the laptop to configure with the home wireless we had installed during the week. It didn't take long and all is working great. The laptop I bought is a Compaq. Seems to be working great. Not one problem yet. Got a letter from Social Security today. I wasn't denied, but not yet approved. They set up a doctor's appointment with one of their doctors for the middle of May. Have to bring Tony or a friend also, per the paperwork, so they can talk to them also. Will keep you posted. No plans for tomorrow. If we get up early enough maybe we will take Tony's mom out for breakfast. Suppose to be 60s and sunny tomorrow. Hope everyone is having a good weekend. Talk to you soon. I am still waiting for anyone to sign my forum, put themselves on my interactive map or sign my guest book. So far only Jack has signed the guest book. Want everyone to put their tack on the interactive map on my web sight. What are you waiting for? Do it now. http://gaydavemilwaukee.angelfire.com/

May 2, 2009 Saturday Morning

Friday afternoon we had to have lunch with the guys at a different restaurant since the regular meeting place was closed and looks like it will not reopen anytime soon. Another casualty of the economy. We chose a different restaurant for next Friday. Made a little dinner Friday night and went to bed around 10 pm.

Not feeling to well this morning. My throat started feeling scratchy yesterday afternoon. By last night my right gland in my neck was swollen. Today not only do I have the things listed above but my lungs and body ache and I have a sore throat. I sure hope I am not getting the Swine Flu. I hope it is just a cold or in my head. It would not be good to get the Swine Flu. To lighten things up around the house I once in a while through in an 'Oink' in the conversation with Tony so he remembers I am feeling sick. Of course he swears he had the Swine Flu last month when he was sick, yah right, he had a cold. Move on. LOL Stop living in the past, as he always tells me. I'm sick, this is the present. He is outside cutting the little grass we have. He will probably get a lot done around the house to avoid hearing how sick I am all day. Fine with me if the household projects get done. If I start to feel better I would like to go to Best Buy today and buy a laptop computer so I can relax on the couch and update the web sight and blog through our wireless internet server. Since Tony bought new rims and tires for the his Tahoe this past week I feel I deserve a perk of my own. Been wanting to buy a laptop for a long time. The prices seem right, plus now we have the wireless service in the house since switching to AT&T last week from Warner Cable. By the way, I love the AT&T Uverse much better than Warner Cable. Glad we made the switch.

It is sunny and going to 60 degrees here in Milwaukee today. Maybe if I get outside a bit I will feel better. Talk to you later. I did make some more updates at the web sight and link pages so check them out: http://gaydavemilwaukee.angelfire.com/

May 1, 2009 Friday Morning

May 1st, where does the time go? Woke up this morning and only had to be on the toilet three times till I was able to get showered and to the grocery store for my Friday morning grocery shopping for fruit / food for the weekend. Total came to $111.00, only cost me $11.00 for the dog food out of pocket thanks to the state of Wisconsin Food Share. At least half of the total was fruit or healthy food. Made a big fruit salad with mellons and such, got green and purple seedless grapes, some strawberries and raspberries. Good for the body, but bad for the bowels. Oh well.

Leaving soon to meet the guys for lunch on Brady Street. Feeling very tired today and might spend the afternoon just listening to music and napping. The life of Dave. Found out yesterday my decision on social security / disability should be made by May 3rd. So by the end of next week I should find out their determination. I'm crossing my fingers it goes through. I couldn't hold a job yet if I tried between the tiredness and stomach problems. Also still wake up dizzy, but I have learned to just move a lot slower than I use to. Some would say I was always 'dizzy'. LOL.

The sun is suppose to come out some time today, it is trying. This weekend looks like it might get up to the 60s and mostly sunny. I'll take that. Tony took Stella to work with him again today. When I ask her if she wants to stay home or go to work she gets all excited and heads for the door. She loves going to work and playing with a ball in her enclosure. She plays all day I am told. My other 3 dogs and the tenants dog are all napping. Just looked around, Kali and Vito are butt to butt sleeping on a big dogie pillow. Barkley and Zoe are on the couch sleeping on opposite corners. No plans so far for the weekend which is fine with me since last weekend was a huge weekend.

Having fun catching up on the daily news stories that update on my web sight http://gaydavemilwaukee.angelfire.com/ . Always some story that catches my eye. I even learn new words at the fun page with the word of the day. The emails received page is worth reading for those to see what life is like in the HIV/AIDS world. I try to update it with new emails leaving out any personal information. I hope it shows others we are all in the same boat and experience similar experiences, feelings and thoughts.

Got to get myself looking good for lunch. Talk to you later.