June 6, 2016 Monday Morning

It is June already.  The last few weeks have not been good around here.  Last week Tuesday on May 31, 2016 I had to say goodbye and euthanize my almost 17 year old dog named Kali.

Kali was my baby.  Kali even used to go to work with my years ago.  Her health had been in decline and it was truly her time.  It just hurts so much to say goodbye to a beloved friend and family member.  I spent the last 16 years keep Kali safe.  Kali did not suffer in the end.  She will be so missed.

Of course this has not helped with my depression.  I did try to make an appointment with a counselor at ARCW but I honestly don't like the three they have to offer.  I have met them all and counseled with them and eventually we just hit a dead end.  I sometimes wish I could just close my eyes and not wake up again.  With that said, who would take care of my five dogs I still have?  I'm just tired, sad, and spend my days lately in tears thinking about Kali.

Tony has been very good and I wonder how I would ever make it through life without him.  I just wish I could be more like him and just move on and not think about the pain and sadness.  I thought when Summer came and getting outside it might help with feeling so sad, but it has not.  This death has just sent me deeper into depression.

I do go to ARCW again today for a dental appointment and will try again to make an appointment to see someone for counseling.

I was back in physical therapy for my feet again the past 7 weeks.  It has helped a bit.  I find just changing out my shoes during the day lately is the only thing that gets me through the day on my feet.  I had to cancel my last two therapy appointments due to Kali last week.  Not sure if I will even reschedule them at this point.

I keep busy around the house.  The yard is ready for the Summer.  The other dogs are doing OK.

So, I am still here.  Still feeling very depressed but making it through life.  I did read all the comments from the last post and agree with all of them.  I just wish I was happy.  I have so much to be happy about, why can't I see it, and be happy.   I will look into therapy again today.  I need it.