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Friday, March 20, 2015

March 20, 2015 Friday Afternoon

I thought the last time a posted was about a week ago.  When I connected today I see it has been much longer.  I did delete some comments.  Please, this is not a dating site and your comments linking to a dating site will be deleted. 

The last couple weeks have gone by so fast.  Tomorrow is Tony and my one year anniversary of getting legally married.  It will also mark us being together for 26 years.  That's a long time.  We will go out for supper, in fact I made a reservation at a nice steak restaurant.  Broke down and went to my old doctor on Monday that I used to see before she left the practice she was at.  Got the meds I wanted and also a referral to a back specialist since my back is not getting any better the last few weeks getting worse.  I had back problems about 15 years ago and even had an MRI and shots.  All seemed to get better until recently and I feel it is time to revisit my back and see what my options are.  I know surgery is a last resort because my mom is still not happy with her recent back surgery.  I take pain pills for my back but I am starting to think they don't work as good and I have to find a different option before I become more dependent on them to relieve the pain.  Not sure there is an option other than surgery but that is why I went to see a specialist.  Will make the appointment hopefully next week.  I did look up the doctor online and looked over his profile.

The dogs are all doing great.  I found some pictures of the dogs I had not seen before, picture that were taken when they were surrendered from the terrible treatment they were getting.  Breaks my heart and adds more insight into why they act the way they do.  You can see more on Facebook at their site called:  Rose and Casper. 

I have been very good about still going on the treadmill at least four out of five days a week.  I do two miles on the treadmill and it takes me about 40 minutes.  I bring the dogs into the basement and let them chew on butcher bones while I walk the treadmill.  They look forward to my work out each morning for their bones.   Takes a couple days with each bone to get it chewed off and no longer wanted.  I am so happy with myself after I finish my two miles.  Some mornings I have to push myself and say 'just at least do one mile'.  I always end up doing the entire two miles and that makes me feel good. 

I have been dealing with my issues of death and dying by basically trying not to think about it.  I know it doesn't solve my issues with death and makes me feel like I am burring my head in the sand.  With that said, what more is there to deal with?  It will happen some day.   I tried to reason with my dog Casper the other day that is afraid of everything and everyone that if he stops being so afraid I will also.  Will see how that works going forward.

It did get to 50 degrees today.  I want Spring or Summer so bad.  Of course the wind shifts directions this weekend and Sunday is suppose to be below freezing and maybe snow again.  All the snow is gone from the yard and I even have the pond pump going for the fish that did survive the Winter. 

March is flying by.  Seems whether I keep busy or do nothing, time goes so fast.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

March 4, 2015 Wednesday Afternoon

I can not believe it is March already.  The good thing about this is soon it might start getting warmer.  In fact after we come out of this weeks cold we should actually be in the 40s next week.  Can you just hear the excitement in me as I wrote that?  Honestly I am so sick of this Winter it will seem like a heat wave.  Just have to make it through this week.  We have not seen 40 since January.

The thought of Spring and warmer weather does so much for one's mind.  I read the comment from my last post and agree 100 percent.   I do wish I had a therapist to talk to.  I have had NO luck and talked with many throughout my 53 years.  Heck, my parents took me to one back in high school when they found out I had feelings for a teacher in school.  One of the last therapists told me he couldn't help me because I choose to be unhappy.  I don't choose this in any way.  In fact the past week I have done a lot of thinking.  Like the comment read, why worry about something that is going to happen yet I have no control over it.  This of course is easier said than done but I need to go back to my code word 'stop' when I start going down a destructive path of thinking.  I even thought about bargaining with myself and saying 'if you don't worry about death until 80, you can spent the rest of the years worrying then, if you choose'.   I think this might be my best solution.  Of course I wish I felt young with energy again and my lower back wasn't hurting like it has, but who knows what the future holds.  We did go to a funeral last Saturday for someone I knew from work.  Was sad to see his partner of 37 years hearing all the stories from all the people saying how sorry they were to hear of his loss.  I wonder how he will go on.  I guess we just find a way.

My mom broke down and cried on the phone with my this past Monday.  She had major back surgery about a month ago and is still in a lot of pain and not happy.  She even told me she wishes she did not have the surgery.  I have a bad back also and worry someday mine will give out.  This past week I have had to take a pain pill daily for the pain.  I even told Tony this past weekend after I shoveled more snow that I simply can not shovel snow anymore.  I had an MRI years ago showing my lower back was falling apart.  Even tried shots to help and the doctor couldn't get the needle between the bones. 

The dogs are doing great.  They really are my happiness.  I can look down at them and smile any time of the day.  I hate even leaving the house because they bring me the most happiness.  I did force myself to drive to the AIDS Resource Center today to get some free bread for us and the outdoor animals that I feed nightly.  I had some bread left and will have to go again next week to pick up my monthly HIV meds.  Was nice to get out of the house but I just feel so fearful of everything when I drive.  I drive like an old man, slow, both hands on the wheel. 

So now it is going on 4:30 PM and I have to decide if I am going to make salads and warm up last night's BBQ beef and mac and cheese, or go out for a cheap hamburger.  We have not gone out for Wednesday cheap hamburgers in months because of the cold.  It is still only 10 degrees outside but somehow the sound of a drink and going out sounds good. 

I am going to continue to try to improve myself in any way.  I think I need to make a lot of life changes, all scary to think about.  The first being to stop thinking about death and things I have no control over.  With a little help from the weather I might be able to do it.  I wish I could stop time.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

February 24, 2015 Tuesday Afternoon

Almost two weeks have gone by since my last post.  I feel like I wasted them.

I still am sick.  I can not seem to shake this cold.  One day I feel a bit better only to wake up the next feeling like crap.  I am tired, coughing, sinus hurts, and just feel like going to bed.  I am able to get done the bare minimum like grocery shopping, but I have done little else.  I get the cleaning around the house done, but just the bare minimum.   Leaving the house is hard to do.   It has been very very cold here in Milwaukee and I just can not bring myself to go outside unless I truly have to.   This might come down as one of the coldest February on record.   I did force myself and Tony to go to a fund raiser last Saturday night for Pit Bulls, but we only stayed an hour and a half and came home.

My thoughts of death and dying are still filling my head daily.  In fact we have a funeral of a guy I knew that we have to go to this Saturday. Guy had a heart attach.  Been with his husband for 37 years.  Things like this scare me.  If something happened to Tony how would I have the strength to go on?  How could I do it all on my own?  I know many do it alone.  I have never and do not look forward to the day one of us dies and the other has to do everything and go on with life.  I find myself thinking of the past and crying that the time has gone by so fast and is slipping so fast from my grasp each day.  No matter if I do nothing, or keep my day packed with activity, the day is gone before I know it never to come back or be able to us again.  My parents health has not gotten much better in the past two weeks.  Mom puts on a brave front but I can tell she is still in a lot of pain since her back surgery.  The dogs are all doing great.  I guess I should be happy about that.  Rose did go to work today for the morning with Tony since it was 10 degrees this morning.  I frickin heat wave lately and she had to go to get out of the house for just one day.  She has not gone to work with Tony for about two weeks now due to the cold.  The other dogs have to just wait for Summer.  I have no ambition to take a dog for a walk in this cold.  Thankfully they have the side yard.  I do have to go out daily and pick up five dogs worth of dog poop. 

I wish I had ambition.  Any ambition.  I just feel like I want to do nothing.  Is it this long Winter?  Am I in a state of depression getting worse?  I feel cold all the time.  Shiver cold.  Can't get warm cold.  I wish I could sit in a sauna for a while to warm my body until Spring gets here.  I've been in a state of funk like this before but this one seems deeper and lasting longer with no end in sight.  All this has caused pain and tightness in my shoulders.  My lower back has also been hurting and I am not sure why since I do so little.  Lately washing the dogs is out of the question because even that makes my back hurt a lot for days after.   Anyone got any suggestions on how to get out of this funk of depression?  Any books you have read?  I am trying to read the book I bought called God Is My Ketchup, but just not getting into the book.   Seems too religious to me and I am not there yet. 

Thursday, February 12, 2015

February 12, 2015 Thursday Morning

Kali made it through her dental surgery.  She had six teeth pulled.  I picked her up earlier than most dogs who have had this surgery due to the fact she was awake and ready to go.  Even the vet was surprised because of her advanced age.  She should have slept the day away.  She did come home and sleep the night soundly after her pain pill.

I am sick.  Just the common cold everyone gets this time of year.  Coughing, sinus hurts, feeling like crap.  Spent most of the day yesterday on the couch watching old videos from 1994 to 2001 of the dogs.  Makes me sad the time went so fast.  I will spend most of the day on the couch again today. 

A follower sent me an email and I thought you might find this interesting.  Healthline has compiled a list of the Effects of HIV in a visual graphic.   I was sent the following link and I thought my followers would be interested in seeing the information.

You can check out the information at http://www.healthline.com/health/hiv-aids/effects-on-body



Monday, February 9, 2015

February 9, 2015 Monday Morning

Having a rough morning today.  I have spent most of the morning in deep thought about death, dying, being alone, the pain and suffering in the end stage of life, and how will I manage when I get old if I am alone with no Tony or someone to take care of me.  These thoughts have been getting worse as this Winter has gone on.  I see my life slipping away into old age. 

Tony and I have been watching old movies and videos from when we started going out to now.  I have been taking all the VHS videos and putting them in digital format to last forever.  We are only up to watching up to 1997 and all the trips we took to Florida, the Bahama's and San Francisco.  I get sad watching the videos because I don't know where all the time went.  I also remember how much energy I had and fear of death was something I just didn't seem to have to deal with.  So maybe the depressed state I am in today has to do with looking back on my life.  I have said many times I would not change a thing.  I just want to go back and do it all over again and be able to tell myself to just enjoy the moment.  Maybe I should take that advice now?

Today's depressed mood and tears could have something to do with the fact we went to my parents home yesterday.   My parents are now 79 and 81 years old and not getting any better in health.  In fact my mom just a week ago had back surgery and my dad is starting to have health issues of his own.  It was dads 81st birthday.  Mom is on strong pain meds and just came home Saturday from rehab due to the back surgery and managing the pain.  I see my parents getting very old and their time coming to an end.  Of course this all means my life is coming closer to the end also.  As I left their house we had a discussion of how much time they think they have left.  Dad said five years.  I looked at them and said 'I sure hope not because I only see you about four times a year and that means I only have 20 more times to see you before your dead'?   Even typing that makes me cry.  Time is moving so damn fast and lately I can't seem to make it slow down.  No matter if I spend the day doing nothing or fill the day with activities, in the end, the day is always gone ... fast.  

Maybe it is also the fact the Kali goes in for dental surgery tomorrow.  She is 15 1/2 years old and the odds can be against her because the vet will need to put her under and that is a risk at her advanced age and with her heart condition.  I am spending the day making sure I say all my good byes and everything just in case she does not make it though tomorrows surgery.  Kali has been by my side for all six dogs that I had to put down.  She went to work with me.  She was there for me when I found out I was HIV and had AIDS.  She got me though the hardest and best parts of my life and can not believe I might have to say goodbye.   Kali's teeth are so bad if I don't take care of them now and she lives a couple more years, they will be horrible in at that time.  Plus in a year she will not make it through surgery.  Tomorrow will be a nail biter of a day waiting to pick her up.

I have for over a year now been wanting to write a letter to my old self to open when I get old and close to death.  I just can not bring myself to do it even though I want to do it so bad.  I want to tell myself that I had a good life, was happy, and did have love with Tony and all the dogs I was blessed with.  I think this is another reason why I have been making sure all our videos from the years are preserved so I can watch them as I am old and dying on my death bed someday.  That is how I want to go ... watching videos of all the dogs I was lucky enough to have in my life and love.   I have to force myself to write this letter since it really means a lot for me to do. 

So, sorry to log on and put all my sorrow and depression on you.  I guess it is good therapy for me to write this down and let myself see the good and bad in my life.  I wish it was warmer outside because I could really use a mind cleaning walk along the river.  If anyone can recommend any book on death or depression that have helped you cope with death and dying, please let me know.

Friday, January 30, 2015

January 30, 2015 Friday Morning

Spent most of this week working on a video project.  I figured out how to transfer my VHS tapes to the computer in MP4 format so I can watch them anytime.  I figure if I put all the years of video on my flash drive or laptop I will always have them to view if I am in the hospital someday.  Plus who has a VHS player anymore?  Been fun watching the video on the screen as it transfers to the computer.  It is a slow process.  A 2 hour VHS tape takes the 2 hours to transfer onto the computer and then another two hours for it to process the video into MP4 format.  Since I have about 12 tapes to transfer I am about half done.  I figure Tony and I will start watching them on Friday nights, starting tonight, one tape each Friday.  Since we have been together over 25 years it is fun to see how we and everything has changed.  Seeing Tiny and Shadow, my Poms, and all the other dogs makes me cry happy tears.  I figure once I get all the VHS tapes transferred I will throw away the VHS tapes for good. 

Last weekend we binge watched Transparent.  The entire 10 episode first season of the show.  Great show and very recommended.  I thought being gay was hard.  Being trans is a total mind fuck because of the people around you.  Find a way to watch it on Amazon.com.  We also have watched Boyhood and Pit Stop.  Boyhood was very good.

My mom is still in rehab from her back surgery.  It did not go as well as she expected and is not happy she is in so much pain over a week after the surgery.  Dad is having issues now too with his heart because of all the stress.  They are both getting old, 80 and 78 and I fear the end is near.  I have no clue how I will ever handle my parents deaths.  WOW.  

The dogs are all doing great.  I decided to have Kali's blood tested to see if she is strong enough to get her teeth cleaned one last time.  They are horrible but she is 15 1/2 years old.  It is risk I am willing to take since I have a feeling she will live a couple more years and will hate myself then if I don't do something now about her teeth.  I try to brush them and they bleed.  It is not pretty.  Tony was against it and I finally just made him get a flash light and look in her mouth.  I then looked him square in the eye and said 'you really don't think she needs the cleaning?'.   It will happen if the blood test comes back good.  If she died on the table, it would be something I have considered and could live with.  Heck, what a way to go.  No pain and not knowing. 

Not much else going on which is good.  My shoulders hurt from the stress of my parents and life.  I can't imagine what the pain would be like if I had 'real' stress.  I seem to create my own stress.  I did also get the book I ordered named God Is My Ketchup.  I hope to start reading it next week.  A follower recommended it.

The sun is out today but it is only 20 degrees.  I wish Summer or even Spring would get here.  I am so tired of Winter and the cold.  Haven't had a lot of snow, just a lot of cold.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

January 20, 2014 Tuesday Afternoon

Not much has happened of interest since I last posted.  I did have a scheduled dental cleaning today at ARCW, our AIDS Resource Center here in Milwaukee, that I set up six months ago.  Got there for my 9 AM appointment and after 10 minutes waiting was told my appointment was canceled, someone should have called me, and the reschedule date is in April.  It is hard for me to get to an appointment at 9 AM and was not happy.  I did pick up my monthly prescriptions and food at the pantry.  Of course being closed yesterday they had no bread out for the taking.  I can usually grab a months worth of bread products for Tony and myself, as well as a slice for the rabbits each night outside.  Will have to go back later this week or next to grab some bread.  Since it was cloudy and only 30 degrees today I had no energy when I got home and spent the day doing very little.  I did manage to give Rose a bath since Tony brought her home from work at lunch with dirty legs and paws from her walk with her Uncle Tom.  Tom still goes to the shop most mornings and takes Rose for a walk.  My back now hurts from this bath which is why I usually have Tony give them their baths.  I just don't have the strength in my back for these 'bend over' things and I pay afterwards.  Speaking of back, my mom is having major back surgery tomorrow morning.  I pray it goes well because my father will pay the price in the end taking care of her. 

The dogs are doing great.  I still need to make an appointment for Kali to see the vet for her old age, and various issues.  Her tumor under her neck is getting so big it is making it hard for her to breath at night when she sleeps.  She is too old to have it removed so all we can do is watch, wait, and when we feel her quality of life is no longer here, do the humane thing and euthanize her.  She still is a happy girl going on 16 years old this Summer.

I still have been walking on the treadmill almost daily.  Only did a mile today versus 2 miles because of the dental appointment and just low energy today.  I hope it is the lack of sun rather than getting sick.  So many people are sick and I hope I don't get it.   

Time to get in the kitchen and start supper.  Wish I had more energy.  Cup of coffee did not help.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

January 14, 2015 Wednesday Afternoon

Had my six month appointment with my HIV doctor this afternoon to get my latest blood results and talk about any problems and med changes going forward.  My CD4 count increased to 630 from 581.  It is also an all time high for my CD4 count.   My percentage was 27 which is down from last blood test, but in the scheme of things, didn't change much and just good that my CD4 count is still increasing.  I am also still undetectable.  Also mentioned the minor problems I have been having lately:  My left underarm feels like something is swollen or not right, my right rotary cuff on my arm hurts when I do extreme things, and the tingling in my feet and hands a couple times a day.  At times I have to shake my wrists and move my fingers to get the tingling to stop.  Doctor asked if it is constant, I told him maybe just a couple times a day, the feet tingling being worse.  Will monitor this.  Also told him I am getting a little scared about my memory.  I last weekend tried to tell Tony the address book was under the candle and kept saying calendar instead of candle.  I was looking right at the candle, but calendar kept coming out of my mouth.  It was notable at this point and worth telling the doctor about.  Got my next blood test scheduled for end of June and see my HIV doctor again in July.  I did mention to him that I have a new regular practice doctor and that I did not feel totally comfortable with her.  My HIV doctor said he did not know much about her and if we need to find someone different we can do that in the future.  Hopefully I won't have to see a doctor for anything and it won't be an issue?  I did not like the way my new doctor questioned, judged, and then cut my usual prescription of pain pills down to nothing.   I have enough for now but I will not beg for pain pills when I have pain that regular over the counter meds do not take care of.  I could ruin my liver.  I take the pain meds as needed.  Time will tell.

Got the final paperwork yesterday that Rose and Casper are officially Tony and mine.  The rescue we got them from sent us the signed paperwork.  I was so happy I was in tears for a while of the day.  I guess I just am so proud of what I did and how far these dogs have come.  They would not be here today, not together, if we had not stepped up to foster them both.  I just am so glad it all worked out so well.  I look at the both of them and still smile and tear up at the same time.  I know there are so many more just like them that die each day because no one takes them in and people treat animals like garbage.  I get Facebook feeds from the rescues daily and every morning catching up on the feeds I am in tears.  Always a heartbreaking story or two.  Today's was about a Pit Bull tossed out of a car in NY and then the driver backed over the dog to kill it and drove away.  WTF?  The dog had serious bite wounds and was a bait dog and died.  That is not fair.  How can a God let this kind of suffering of pets and humans happen? 

Making a couple TV dinners for supper tonight.  Tony was home for lunch and we had chicken dumpling soup and a sandwich I bought at the deli this morning.  I still have been walking my two miles on the treadmill every day.  Today I picked up the speed a bit.  I feel so good after I do the treadmill.  I have not lost any weight but I feel better so that is good.  Since I have not really changed my diet yet I can't complain about no weight loss.  I will in time.  The working out has helped the uncomfortable thing under my left arm.  It feels about half as uncomfortable now.  I had my HIV doctor check today and he also could not feel anything inflamed or out of place.  I honestly think it is a fat tumor and I just need to loose some weight because it is pressing against my nerves.  Hoping the tingling is also from this. 

Still cold in Milwaukee.  We are suppose to get above freezing for a day this weekend.  Will feel like a heat wave since it has been close to zero a lot of days this month.

Happy my blood tests for my HIV came back still improving.  Hopefully that means I have a lot of years left in me.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

January 8, 2015 Thursday Afternoon

Frigid cold and snow today.

It is the middle of the afternoon and the thermometer says it is zero degrees outside.  It also has been snowing for a couple hours and when it is all done later today I will have about 3 or more inches of snow to shovel.  I usually don't mind shoveling the snow unless it is like now..... very cold.  I will bundle up good and get it done.

Have done very little in the past week outside the house.  It honestly has been so cold her in Wisconsin leaving the house just doesn't sound like a good idea if you don't have to.  I only had to take the two small dogs in to the vet on Tuesday and had Tony pick us up with a warm car.  Thought we were just getting a nail trim on both.  Ended up having to see the doctor for Vito since it has been over a year and she made sure we walked out paying $350 in vet bills for blood tests and such.  Thank goodness for Tony or I could not afford these costs.  Since we went grocery shopping on Sunday I didn't have to leave the house to even do that this week.  Have spent every day this week continuing to clean the basement and sorting out item for trash or sold, or keep.  I also have made a point to walk on the treadmill 2 miles a day since last posting.  I don't mind the exercise and feel so good after.  It is just a matter of getting it going. 

My shoulder / left under arm situation has not changed.  It has not gotten any worse, but I still feel like something is inflamed or in my under arm that should not be there.  It is uncomfortable but not really painful.  Will address it with my HIV doctor when I see him mid week next week. 

The snow keeps falling.  Looks pretty outside but not looking forward to the cold when I go out to shovel.

Friday, January 2, 2015

January 2, 2015 Friday Afternoon

Spent New Years at home.  Was happy to just stay home since it was very cold in Milwaukee.  Our neighbor did come over early in the evening and we drank a bottle of wine watching a Chelsea Handler special.  New Years Day we only left the house to take Rose, Casper and Bo on a walk to the dog park with Uncle Tom.

I have been riding the thread mill in the basement every day since my last post.  I must admit I feel great after I do the work out.  Today I even did two miles.  Hopefully sometime in the future two miles will seem like nothing.

As promised, my top favorites for 2014:

Best Moments to remember in 2014:
Tony and my Wedding in Skokie Illinois on March 21, 2014
Adopting Rose and Casper on May 22, 2014
Brew City Bully Club Event on February 22, 2014 with my sister
November 22, 2014 the first day all five dogs were together for the first time
Christmas Day watching Casper, Rose and Bo play in the dog park

Music in 2014:
David Guetta - Listen CD
Olly Murs - Never Been Better CD
Ariana Grande - My Everything CD
Calvin Harris - Motion CD
Taylor Swift - 1989 CD
Jessie J - Sweet Talker CD

TV Shows in 2014:
Getting On
Homeland
American Horror Story
Stalker
Bates Motel
Pit Bulls and Parollees
Walking Dead

Movies in 2014:
Snowpiercer
Gone Girl
Dallas Buyers Club (Gay)
The Normal Heart (Gay)
Pride (Gay)
Burning Blue (Gay)
Truth (Gay)

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

December 30, 2014 Tuesday Afternoon

The past week has gone from happy to uncomfortable.

Christmas this year was very good.  We went to Tony's brother's house (the brother that walks Rose) for Christmas Eve.  It was a little different having it at his home due to the divorce.  The wife, or should I say, ex wife was not at the Balistreri Christmas on Christmas Eve.  We got to his house around 6 PM and got home around 9 PM.  Had a very relaxed and nice evening.  Tony's sister drove up with her three kids from Illinois so it added to the fun.  They did not make the drive the past couple Christmas's.  Spent the rest of the night watching TV with the dogs until about midnight and then went to bed.  We did not buy anything for each other this year and to be honest I think it made for a happier Dave not expecting Tony to buy a gift.  I just said don't bother and it was much less stress for both of us.  We have everything we need. 

Christmas Day at 10:30 AM Tony's brother Tom came to our house so we could take the dogs to the dog park eight blocks north of our house, in between our house and Tony's shop.  This is the same dog park Tom takes Rose to daily and after all the talk at Christmas about how much fun Rose has there, we made a date.  I walked Casper, Tony walked Bo, and Tom walked Rose.  I was very impressed how Rose listened to Tom and how he made her wait at each intersection for him to say it was OK to cross the street.  Casper was skittish at first, but handle the walk due to Tony and Rose being along.  Got to the dog park and my heart was pounding.  This is out of my comfort zone.  Got into the block big park, one square block that is a field, and let the dogs run.  I was in tears.  You can see video of them at Rose and Casper on Facebook.  Casper ran like the wind.  Bo had so much fun with all the tennis balls, and Rose followed Tom all around the park.  There were about six other dogs at the park and at times I had to make Casper not play so rough.  It made for a best Christmas ever moment to be honest.  Walked them home after circling the park twice.  After a bit we left for my parents house, dog free, for the afternoon.  Had a nice Christmas with my family.  Did find out my mom is having serious back surgery the end of January.  Left around 4 PM for home and got home by 5 PM.  Spent the night watching a little TV and off to sleep after a round of lovin. 

Tony took Friday off and like the day prior Tom showed up at 10:30 AM and we again took all three dogs to the dog park.  The dogs again had so much fun.  Casper did pull his leg out of the socket once and I had to massage it back in place.  I have to be careful he does not play to rough due to his bones not being totally normal for a dog his weight and size due to being starved to death for his first two years.  He never had a chance to grow and now six months with us he is almost twice the weight and size.  Got home shortly before noon and then went to have lunch with the guys.  Took a short nap in the afternoon after lunch and spent the night watching movies.

Saturday was much the same as the prior day again.  Tom came at 10:30 AM and we again walked the dogs.  The weather in Milwaukee since Christmas has been around 40 degrees.  Very warm for this time of year.  Not going to last and very cold as I type this today.  Went out for lunch and after getting home spent the rest of the day with the dogs watching TV and movies.

Sunday we were going to spend the day in the house until Tom called around noon asking if we wanted to walk the dogs.  He loves Rose.   Figured it was the one thing we would do and soon we were walking the dogs again to the dog park.  Picked up some ham and rolls at a neighborhood deli and lottery tickets at the corner grocery on the way home.  Spent the rest of the day watching TV and movies with the dogs.

Since Christmas my left under arm has been having pain or feels inflamed.  By Monday it was to a point where it was time to call the doctor.  Was surprised I got a 9:30 AM appointment and showered and went to the doctor.  It feel like my glands or lymph nodes under or around my left armpit are swollen.  It is not painful as it is uncomfortable and causes numbness and pain in my arm and fingers.  Like I have said in the past, I know my body since finding out I was HIV.  I take note of everything.  Doctor felt me up and could not feel a growth.  Sent me down for an X-ray.  X-ray did not show anything so I have no other choice than to wait it out and see where it goes.  Figure it could be from the 10 pounds I have gained since Thanksgiving and maybe a fat tumor is pushing against a nerve, I decided it was time anyway for a serious diet and start working out.  The blood test results from the week prior told the story also.  My cholesterol levels are very high.  Dangerously high.  Higher than they even were last time.  So I do have to loose weight, lay off the candy, eat better and work out.  I am at 193 lbs that day and I need to get back down to 175 lbs.   I feel best at that weight.   My knees, back and now my armpit are feeling the weight.  Lets hope it is that.  I do go to my HIV doctor the second week of January and if there is still pain I will address with him since my doctor did talk to him also.  My doctor thinks it might be my shingles coming back.  Yah, wtf?   I found out 1 in 3 get shingles again.  Time will tell and I am waiting for the rash if it is.  I just feel like something is not right with my body, time will tell if I am right.  I had this same feeling when I pressed for an HIV test six years ago.  Yes, been six years this next month.

Today I spent most of the day setting up the basement to work out.  I have a tread mill, weight system and bike to get me loosing this weight and getting back in shape and I am going to do it.  I seriously have never used them and they are just siting unused in the basement.  Worked out dancing and stretching for a half hour.  Walked for a while on the tread mill and really felt good.  Worked out for over an hour to music, slowly, not over doing the first work out.  Still have the underarm pain but working out is the best 'coffee' one can do to make the body feel good.  So, I started my new work out system and even put a weight board to monitor my weight as I begin this journey to healthiness. 

Over the past week we have watched many movies.  We have watched Pride (very good), Dolphin Tale 2, The Interview (was just OK), Gone Girl (didn't understand the ending, but was very good), The Dark Place, Beneath, Devil's Due, and As Above, So Below.  The last few were horror movies and OK.  Best of the bunch was Pride and Gone Girl.

I hope to post a top five of my favorites in music, TV, movies and such in the next few days.

Happy New Year to anyone who follows my blog.  I hope we all have a safe, healthy and happy 2015.  Thank you for another year of memories.

Monday, December 22, 2014

December 22, 2014 Monday Afternoon

Another week or so has gone by since I posted.  You would think that with that amount of time going by I would have something, anything, to say ......

I did get the basement cleaned and organized last week.  I bought four shelving units at a Estate Sale last Monday and spent Tuesday cleaning the basement and getting all the 'crap' on shelves, hopefully ready to go out for a Rummage sale this Spring.  Also spent a day cleaning a couple closets and was happy with the results. 

I do try to plan on one thing each day so I feel a sense of accomplishment even though I do very little. 

Last Saturday afternoon Tony and I did go to Bayshore Mall to do a little Christmas shopping.  I had a $10 Boston Store cash coupon that expired that day and I was determined to use it.  Of course everything I wanted to buy, nothing really needed, it could not be used on the items.  I did end up buying a new spring jacket that Tony said looked nice on me.  We finally bought a couple pizzas to go home with and went home.  Christmas shopping done.  We will have a Christmas with no real gifts to exchange this year, which is fine with me. We have everything we want or need.  We have our dogs and each other.

Sunday we spent the day watching movies and only left the house to get lottery tickets and go grocery shopping for the week.

This week is Christmas.  Christmas Eve we will go to Tony's brother's house for his families Christmas.  We are in charge of bringing the canned cooked ham and two dozen rolls.  The brother got divorced this year so there will not be much of a spread of food in any way.  What we bring will probably be most of it since Tony for some reason refuses to ask the other brothers to bring things, even snacks.  I don't get it but I am just going to let it go, it is his family.  We all bring a $25 gift to swap out with each other in a game we play.   Christmas Day we will go to my mom and dads in the afternoon for a couple hours to exchange our presents.  We do buy token presents for each other.  Dad always gives us a nice size check.

I still have very little ambition.  Feel tired a lot and just want to sleep.  My lungs feel better.  Could be the lack of sun this time of year in Wisconsin. 

We have watched a lot of movies since there is little on TV.  Thankfully I have a lot of shows still in memory to watch.  We have watched This Is Where I Leave You, Sex Tape Speak No Evil 1 and 2, Skeleton Twins, Guardians Of The Galaxy and Good People, to name a few.  None were all that great that I would say 'go out and rent it'.  TIWILY was most likely the best of the bunch.  We also binged watched the HBO show Getting On, which I recommend both seasons to watch.  Great show.

The dogs are doing awesome.  I smile as I type that.  They really are my life and what makes me happy.  I am happy to be safe at home with them and when I look at them I smile.  Life could not be any better at this point with the dogs.  Tony still takes Rose to work for the morning.  I try to walk Casper at least every other day around the block, and Bo goes over to 'treat ladies' house a couple afternoons a week.  Casper is now walking past people and actually interested in them as we walk by which is a big step from when I got him and he was afraid of everyone and everything.  He still has his issues, but has come so far.  Rose loves going to work and stands by the door at 7 AM so Tony doesn't forget her, lol.   On the weekends we have to explain to her 'no work today'. 

If I had more going on in my life I would write more often.  I do have to go in for my 6 month blood test this week or next, some morning prior to coffee or food.  Another reminder of my HIV.  I will be coming up on 6 years this January.   I don't know where the time has gone, much less, cant believe I am still alive.  Life is good right now.

Merry Christmas to all who continue to follow me.  I hope someday we meet.  I wish you a Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and healthy and happy New Year.  Thank you for all your support and following my blog. 

Thursday, December 11, 2014

December 11, 2014 Thursday Afternoon

I first off want to thank you for the comments from my last post.  It is because of comments like that I have been able to write this blog and will continue going forward.   Thank you.  You help me more than you know.

Not adjusting well to the cold here in Wisconsin.  Winter started very fast and we were below normal in temperatures for a long time.  We now have average December temperature but that is still below freezing and cold.  Thankfully the sun did come out today since we have not seen it since Sunday morning.  I still am fighting this lung infection thing.  Some days it is better than others.  Got my chest xray results back and they did not show anything / they were negative.  I still have a dry couch and feel tired most of the time.  In fact I spent more time in bed today then out of bed.  The inhaler I got as a prescription also helps.  I am so glad I quit smoking cigarettes going on a year and half now.  I still have this little voice telling me there is more going on with my lungs and I am wishing there was a way to check for lung cancer.  Most would say I am nuts but I am more in tune to my body than most people are due to the HIV.  When I finally MADE my doctor give me an HIV test I knew deep down something was seriously wrong and even had a feeling it was HIV from all I knew of the disease.  I feel this way with my lungs.  Something keeps telling me to go the next step.  I couch most of the day and my shoulder blades and chest hurt.  Lungs sometimes feel raw.  Not really couching up much.   Oh well, time will tell.

The dogs are doing great.  I could not be happier with the way this fostering of Rose and Casper has turned out.   All the dogs are together now all the time except for feeding.  Bo has taken to eating with the big dogs since he wants to be with and like them.  So I feed Rose, Casper and Bo in the kitchen and Vito and Kali in the dining room with a door baby gate closed while they all eat.  I can not express enough how much these two dogs have done for me, and for Tony.  I can not help but look at them and smile with a tear in my eye knowing how they came here, and now how happy they are.  They show us all day how happy and grateful they are to be here.  Tony still takes Rose to work in the morning and his brother walks her to the dog park rain or shine.  When I pulled up in front of the auto body shop to pick her up today Tony's brother came out with her  unleashed.  I just shook my head and told him I didn't appreciate it, and would rather she be on a leash due to another dog or a squirrel or something.  He was trying to show me just how good she is and I saw that.  She has come so far because of him so I just have to accept what I can and make sure I voice my concerns and hope for the best.  If I honestly though my dog was in danger due to any one's action I would step in.  Rose loves Tony's brother and goes nuts whimpering and tail wagging when he arrives each day.  She cries for him.  It is very sweet.  I think it has worked out well for the brother since his divorce just became final this last few months and he has not taken it well.  Rose and him have bonded and it is really sweet.  Tony and I now touch base each day around 11:30 AM to figure who is going to bring Rose home.  So the dogs have even helped Tony and I get closer.  The house is so different now with no fear of anyone getting hurt and all the gates down.  Honestly when it comes to the dogs, life couldn't get any better.  Kali still makes it from day to day but when she sleeps she has a hard time breathing and she is going on 17 years old.  I just feel blessed each day to still have her and know each day could be her last.  When Rose is at work I let Casper and Bo play - supervised.   Have to keep saying 'not so rough' and 'be good, no hurting each other'.  Casper is still learning how to play with a small dog, and Bo is learning how to play with a big dog that is not his Stella. 

We started binge watching the HBO show Getting On last weekend and I recommend it.  It is in it's second season and each season is only six half hour episodes.  So it is easy to binge watch and get caught up.  Very good show.  Lots of stars and each show is sad, happy, and funny weird all in one half hour.   My favorite new TV show this season is the show Stalker on CBS.   I love this show even more than How To Get Away With Murder.

I put the massage chair we bought months ago on Craigslist again yesterday and got a call on it today.  A guy came and looked at it and put $200 down.  I sold it for $700 so we only lost $100 on the bad purchase.  If you remember we bought this and was one of our most miscommunicated mistakes in 25 years, both thinking the other wanted it.  Tomorrow the guy comes to take it and pay the balance.  Will be so happy it is gone.

Picked up my monthly HIV meds today at the AIDS resource center downtown.  I feel very comfortable going to the center and never have felt like I have to look over my shoulder as I walk in the door.  The staff has always made me feel so welcome.  I am glad I quit the client board I was on because it just was time to move on and it gives me more time at home with the dogs. 

I am almost done Christmas shopping.  Tony and I have gone a few times to stores like Target and Big Lots.   Bought a few things to wrap but for the most part we have everything we need so there is nothing to buy.  I buy more for my family and Tony's than for each other.  The only things we buy for each other seems to be underwear, socks, flash light for at work ..... things we could buy any day.  I just wrap anything we buy for ourselves between Thanksgiving and Christmas and that is what we open on Christmas morning.  I will go to the mall the week of Christmas for the afternoon just to listen to the music and feel Christmasy.  I'll find an item or two for each of us.

Thanks again for any and all comments.  They are appreciated more than you know.  Nice to know I am not just talking to myself.  If you aren't already following us on Facebook check out our page named:   Rose and Casper.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

December 2, 2014 Tuesday Afternoon

I think about posting on my site often, but actually logging in and making a post seems harder and harder lately.  I did think this afternoon .... why?  I came to the conclusion that even almost five years into knowing I have HIV, when I go to post, it is just another reminder that I am HIV or have AIDS.  I honestly thought I was beyond this point long time ago.  I think it has more to do with the fact that my life is much happier if I just don't think about the AIDS.  When I see a report on the news about AIDS or a commercial on TV I feel sad and it brings me down.  So it just seems easier to live not mentioning the words HIV and AIDS.  I take my med regularly and have only missed one dose in five years.  I feel healthy for someone with AIDS.  I do most I want to do but fear I could never hold down a full time job with a schedule due to not knowing how I will feel from day to day, what my energy level will be, or if I just need to sleep.  So, I came to the conclusion I have been avoiding this site because it reminds me of my HIV and AIDS and brings me down.  Maybe in the beginning when I started this site the high of knowing I was helping people got me through the low of the reminder?  I will continue to post and hope this is just a phase.   Maybe it means I am moving forward?  Just wish I could leave the HIV and AIDS behind.

Life has been good the last few weeks since I posted.  We have a very laid back life style and am in bed by 8:30 PM nightly.  I am up by 6:30 AM to feed the dogs and usually take a short nap in the afternoon sometime between 1 and 3 PM.  I try to schedule one thing to accomplish each day whether it be at home or having to get in the car and do the task.  If I plan on to much I feel overwhelmed.  The cold weather has not helped and makes me not want to leave the house.

We have watched a lot of movies in between our regular TV shows.  We have watched the gay themed movies Dorian Blues and Monster Pies (both great movies), along with Frozen (not sure what all the talk is about), Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes, All Cheerleaders Die, And So It Goes and Deliver Us From Evil.  Some were better than others.

Met my new doctor last Friday for the first time since my regular general practice doctor quit.  I did like my past doctor and was scared to meet and start over with a new doctor.  Had to make an extra long appointment and she gave me an entire physical.  Even put the finger up the butt.  Walked out with the meds I needed but getting pain pills from this doctor is going to be like pulling teeth.  Might have to consider a different doctor if I have problem filling my current needs with her.  I am not going to go and beg for pain pill I need to get from day to day, week to week and month to month.  Thankfully I planned ahead and have a pretty good supply to last.  Tony also met her and had an appointment with her that same day. 

Thanksgiving came and went.  We went to my parents house and had a nice enough meal and time.  The cold makes me just want to not leave the house.

The dogs are all doing great, in fact all the fences are down and all the dogs now are together 24 /7 every day.  It all started last week and not a problem.  I do watch them and if I leave they do get separated and fenced in different parts of the house just to make sure a squirrel or something out the front windows don't stir them all up.  Rather be safe than sorry.

Started my little Christmas shopping I do for Tony and my family.  Tony and I don't really buy anything other than stuff we need.  Anything we buy for ourselves while shopping for others between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I wrap and we open as Christmas presents.  Its not like either of us need anything, and if we did we would most likely have it.  I have very simple needs and not many at that.  Just happy to be home with my husband and dogs on a daily basis is enough for me.

I am having some issues with death and dying again but that might be because of the three close deaths of Uncles and friends in the past weeks.  I wish I could find someone to talk to or a good book to read about fears of death and dying.

So there it is, another couple weeks older and happier?

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

November 18, 2014 Tuesday Afternoon

Last weekend we went to Gurnee Illinois and stayed at an indoor water park for the night.  There was a big gay event and private party.  I had planned this event early in the year and had everything set with the lady across the alley so we could leave for a night and she would take care of the dogs.
Saturday we left on scheduled at 4:30 PM and arrived by 5:30 PM.  When you walked in they had dancing boys placing Hawaiian Leis around your neck as you got a glass of Champaign.  They then walked you to the main desk to check in.  We were impressed.  Got to our room and unpacked and put on our swim suits to go to the water park.  We first went on one on the huge slides that tunnel outside.  Jeez, the water was so damn cold we ran to the hot tub.  After a little while in the hot tub we went on the inner tube ride around the park.  The water was warm enough but when you got out of the water it could have been much warmer.  In fact when you gave up your towel and walked out of the water park area to go to your room ... you froze.  FREEZING.  We ran to our room and by the time we got there Tony was shaking so much he got under the bed covers to get warm.  I soon went to get ice and when I got back to the room Tony was throwing up.  By 8 PM he was in bed sweating bullets, freezing, and done for the night.  I stayed with him for a while and then went out to play.  I did play in the water and on the slides until about 1:30 AM.  Was very depressing to be honest.  Being 53 years old and watching all the young studs dancing to the music in the water made me think back and wish I was young again.  Much less I knew no one.  I did all this when I was young but sure wish I would have known to enjoy it more because in time you get old and it just isn't the same.  Went back to the room with a slice of pizza an then tried to sleep.  Every hour I asked Tony if he was just ready to get in the car and drive home.  We both could not sleep.  I was too wound up and needed some weed.  No weed.  By 7 AM we packed up, grabbed a cup of coffee, checked out, and drove home.  We were home by 8 AM.  The dogs were fine and the lady across the alley did a good job of taking care of them.  I was disappointed in the weekend, but did make the best of it.  Getting or being old sucks. 

Today it is 18 degrees here in Milwaukee and I have already had it with this Winter and it is only November.  It has been so cold and the ground is covered with snow.  Its November for goodness sake.  This is January weather. 

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

November 11, 2014 Tuesday Afternoon

I am still alive, and doing well.  I have been having lung problems and will have to address them with a doctor if it does not get better soon.  Figured it was allergy but not getting better.  Feel like my lungs are full and need a cleaning.

I have done very little worth writing about.  I have the pond all Winterized and ready for the snow and ice, which should come this weekend.  The leaves are all cleaned up and the rain gutters clean and ready for the snow and rain.  The yard is clean.  The water hoses brought in and water turned off outside.  So I guess we are ready for Winter which is a good thing, because it is here.  It is 29 degrees right now as I type this.  I am not wanted Winter and the cold.

Last weekend we stayed in all weekend and did very little.  Saturday we never left the house and simply watched TV from the DVR and a couple movies.  Sunday we went grocery shopping so I would not have to venture out this week in the cold.  Ended up going on Monday for a quick trip to get more dog food for the little dogs.  They refuse to eat the food the big dogs eat called Taste of The Wild and I finally just decided to give in and feed them two different foods.  Better than the dogs not eating and not being about to give Vito his Insulin shot.  So they are back to their Purina Little Bites.

This weekend we go to the water park in Illinois for the night.  My neighbor across the alley is staying with the dogs and she has fed them a couple times and given Vito his shot, and I figure they will all be safe and good with her taking care of them for the one night.  Been looking forward to this event for a long time since we made reservations last Spring when the event was announced.  Big gay closed to the public event at Key Lime Cove Water Park.  I just wish I looked a little better and didn't gain so much weight but it is not like I am out searching for romance ... so I guess I am just going to have to deal with feeling a little over weight.   Half the Friday afternoon lunch guys will be at the party also so it should be a fun night.  I am bound and determined to have a good time and not worry about the dogs.  Told the neighbor I would not call and I know if something goes wrong she will call immediately and we can be home in less than an hour.  So I am going to have fun for the one night come hell or high water. 

The dogs are doing great.  I wish they would stop scratching so much.  Have them on allergy pills, special shampoo and giving them fish oil in their food and still they have dry skin.  Have to stop them from scratching because sometimes they scratch too much and leave a mark or bleed.  Even had to put a cone on Rose for a night last week.  Still waiting for the final paperwork on them making them ours. 

The holidays are coming and I have the Christmas cards all ready to be mailed.  Have my list of presents to buy and for who all written out and now I just have to buy the few gifts or get the cards with money all ready for the nieces and nephews. 

Hope to write next week and let you know how the water park went.  Will take some pictures and post them.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

October 28, 2014 Tuesday Morning

Found out one of Tony's 89 year old uncles is in the hospice and will not be around much longer.  So Friday night instead of going to a play like we had planned we took his other 87 year old uncle to see his brother in the hospice.  It was priceless.  Both are not doing good and can not hear or remember much these days.  It took them 10 minutes to realize who they were to each other.  Then they were touching and all talking.  Not that either could hear the other.  We stayed for over and hour and then drove the uncle and his care taker home. 

Saturday afternoon Tony and I met my mom and sister at a fund raiser for Pit Bull dogs and foster programs.   Was nice to walk around with family and see all the dogs available to adopt.  Took a nap in the afternoon and went to a costume party Saturday night.   I went as a fork in the road, Tony went as Brawny man.

Didn't stay at the party long but was glad we got our butts off the couch and went to it and saw some friends.
 
Sunday afternoon we took Tony's uncle again to see his brother.  Stayed for about and hour and a half before taking him back home.  Uncle is doing OK but looked very puffy and we are told it is just a matter of time.  I spent the rest of the day doing things outside in the yard.
 
Spent all day yesterday doing things around the house, mostly outside.  I did do my usual Monday loads of laundry, but spent must of the day outside blowing and raking leaves.  By the end of the day I was exhausted.  It was a rare 75 degrees yesterday.  Today is in the 50s and we will not see 70s again this year.  Carved our pumpkins last night.  Here they are.
 

Today I think I will clean the basement.  I have been putting it off and I think today would be a good day. 

I have been a little depressed lately.  I am not sure why.  It once again has to do with death and dying and my end of my life.  I have said before I am scared to death of dying and getting old.  I feel like time is going by too fast.  No matter if I do nothing all day or keep myself busy, the day is over and another year goes by, closer to the end.  I truly am at the happiest point in my life so I don't know where these fears are coming from.  I feel like when I am happy, something bad is going to happen.  Walking on egg shells knowing Kali's days are numbered has not helped.  I have had to work at keeping her eating for the past week or so.  She eats half her food and that is if I feed her and talk to her while she eats.  She also has been breathing heavy from her tumors under her neck.  I know it is just a matter of time since she is over 15 years old.  Been down this path six times now and each time you just wait for the 'right' sign and hope you did the right thing.    The fear of death and dying has also been what keeps me at home.  Fear of getting in an accident or something happening.  Who would take care of my five dogs?   Even just updated our Wills and where the money will go.  So yes, I have death on my mind lately and it is getting me down.  Soon we will have to go to Tony's uncles funeral and they always come in threes it seems.  I just feel secure at home and don't like to venture far from it.  I am safe and have my dogs to talk to and keep me happy.  I know this might not be the best way to live and wish I could find someone to talk to about death and dying.  Anyone. 

Going to write a few emails and then get the day rolling.  Hopefully if I keep busy thoughts of death will not be what I think of.
 

Thursday, October 23, 2014

October 23, 2014 Thursday Afternoon

This past week could be called the 'week of the vet'.  All five dog have gone in to the vet in the past week for their nails to be trimmed.   Rose also got her anal cleaned and Bo got a Rabbis shot and check up.  All are doing good and were very good at the vet and with the doctors and staff.  I remember the Beagles I had years ago and what a handful they were to take them to the vet.  I found them late in life and they were not trained well.  I can see the difference and I am so proud of my dogs and how they behave.  Rose and Casper are getting bigger with each day.  They are now both at 55 lbs.  They were 30 and 33 lbs five months ago when we got them.  Hopefully we will get the signed paperwork back and they will be ours.

Last week I called the replacement doctor I chose since our doctor quit.  When I called last week to get our names in with this doctor so if something happens we are not doctorless, I was told she was not accepting any more patients.  I begged and asked if she could ask the doctor to reconsider.  Went all this week without a call back from the nurse and finally called her yesterday to be told we are all set and she did take Tony and I on as patients.  Same office as our past doctor that quit.  I still have my HIV doctor, this is just our regular for aches, pains, and illness referrals.  Eventually we will meet her when I have something to talk about or an illness.  Will most likely be for refills on my pain pills with the new laws and no more monthly refills. 

Went for a couple walks down by the river this past week since the weather has been in the 50s and sunny.  Yesterday I was standing by the edge of the water putting my foot in the water and I slipped into the river.  I honestly saw my life flash before my eyes.  I kept slipping back in as I pulled myself out in the mud.  I was all muddy when I stood up.  I am proud of myself because when I saw how muddy I was ...  I broke out laughing.  I think that is the best way to handle such things.  I will not stand so close to the water again and figure it had to be funny if someone got on video.  There is rarely anyone down on the trails and I am sure no one saw.  I even continued my walk thinking ... oh well. 

Watched the movie The Purge Anarchy last weekend.  I did enjoy this movie a lot.  Not sure what that says for me.  It had you at the edge of your seat from start to finish.   Other than that we spend the time catching up on all the TV shows we DVR during the week.  Sometimes we are watching a show and three others are recording. 

Making Tacos for supper tonight.  A warm front comes through tonight with some rain.  Unseasonably warm 60s this weekend.  Will hopefully get a rain gutter cleaned and enjoy the time outside before Winter arrives, which will be soon.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

October 14, 2014 Tuesday Morning

Another week has flown by and I have no clue where it went.  The dogs are all fine.  Tony and I are doing great.   In fact our marriage just finally became legal with the latest Supreme Court 'non ruling' and yesterday Scott Walker our Governor announcing all would be legal and the state of Wisconsin must recognize marriages between same sex couples.  If you were to ask me if I ever expected to be legally married in my lifetime to Tony I would say NO WAY.  It has always been a dream and now is a reality. 

Last Saturday afternoon I talked Tony into going on a long walk along the river trails north to Capital Drive and then to Culver's for a sundae, walking back home on the other side of the river.  This was the longest walk we have ever taken and I had so much fun.  Great trails going north from our house.  After the walk Tony was done for the day and we just spent the night watching TV from the DVR.

Sunday morning we picked up Tony's mom and went out for breakfast.  After we dropped her off we stopped at a farmers market and bought ham and rolls, fruit, and a couple pumpkins.  Will carve them hopefully this coming weekend.   Took all the dogs for a walk and spent the rest of the day at home watching TV.   The weather has been very nice here in Milwaukee and still can keep the side doors or windows open when the sun is out.

Yesterday afternoon around 12:10 AM I looked out the window to see a SWAT van and about 10 police cars all surrounding the apartment complex across the street that I complain about.  Had a couple hours of watching them break down a door and send in the K 9 dog units.  Ended up taking two people away in handcuffs supposedly about some robberies and shootings around the neighborhood.  Nice to know this scum is living right across the street.

It is raining today and I think I will soon finish getting things around the house done and then go to the hardware store for light bulbs and pick Rose up on the way home.  Rose has been so good at work for Tony.  Yesterday I was told his brother Tom took Rose to the dog park and she played with another Pit Bull.  I keep giving Tony and earful as to being careful and all the responsibility and things that could happen.  Tony keeps telling me not to worry. 

Monday, October 6, 2014

October 6, 2014 Monday Afternoon

Mid week last week we both got our flu shots for the year.  Went out for cheap hamburgers mid week also.
Last Saturday morning we got some estimates on new back doors.  The estimate was way too high and we will not be replacing the back doors any time soon.  Saturday afternoon we went to a fund raiser for the Brew City Bully Club here in Milwaukee.  Had a drink and talked with some people sharing photos of Rose and Casper.  Went out for food after and then spent the rest of the night with the dogs watching TV.
Sunday we had the best day.  My parents came to town and like each year we all went to the Brady Street Pet Walk.  Had a great time and went out for late lunch after the event.  Had a great few hours with my parents.  After we got home we decided to take Vito to a friends to see his biological father.  Vito's sister and mother died recently and we have talked about not letting this last opportunity pass and we had them see each other.  It was priceless and I think they did know each other.  They are both blind so it is hard at time to tell.   Spent the night watching TV.
Today Rose stayed home with a bad stomach.  Cleaned all day today.  Was happy to hear gay marriage is now legal in Wisconsin.  So I guess as of today my marriage to Tony is legal.

Monday, September 29, 2014

September 29, 2014 Monday Afternoon

Last weeks weather in Milwaukee was perfect.  Every day it was in the 70s and sunny.  It lasted until a couple hours ago when the cold front came through, the wind shifted, and now it is in the 60s and dropping.  The leaves are falling from the back tree and it looks like it is snowing there are so many leafs falling down to the ground.  So not looking forward to the snow and cold.

Spent last week enjoying the house, dogs and weather.  I went for a couple walks down by the river.  Went out for hamburgers Wednesday night.  Friday night we met a friend for a fish fry at a local bar.  It was our second time at this restaurant and was so happy the food was just as good as the first time.  Had a great dinner and conversation with a friend we have known for over 25 years. 

Saturday morning after we walked the dogs around the block we went to our tenants father's funeral.  Felt very sorry for our tenant.  He is 28, just started talking to his dad 2 years ago, he left when he was 1 year old, and now dies.  It has been hard on him all week and you can see it in his face how much pain this is causing.  His dad committed suicide and tried to call him a half hour prior.  Our tenant did not answer the incoming call.  So many unanswered questions.  Stayed at the funeral for a while and then came home.  Soon left to get some food at a local family restaurant.  After eating and going home, I talked Tony into going for a walk along the river trails.  It takes a lot of bargaining to get him to take this walk.  Hence the lovin before the walk.  Had a great walk along the river banks.  The animals are all out gathering food for the Winter and the trees are just starting to change colors.   When we got home our tenant and wife was home so we took a bottle of 25 year old Crown Royal upstairs and we all did three shots.  I did half shots and was surprised I even did them.  Spent the night watching the movie They Came Together.  As I type this I can not even remember what this movie was about so it must not have been very good.  Wow, that is scary, no clue or memory of this movie but I know we watch because I wrote it down in my notes for the week.

Sunday morning I made breakfast and we took the dogs for a walk.  Took some great pictures of the dogs at the neighbors house.  Here is my favorite.
Went for a long bike ride Sunday afternoon around the other side of the river.  Came home and spent the rest of the day and night with the dogs.  Ordered delivered pizza for supper and spent the night watching the CBS TV lineup.

Today started out warm and now it is cold.  The temperature has dropped close to 20 degrees.  Spent the day doing laundry and things around the house.  Took down the 6 foot high enclosure for Rose in the bedroom since she is now sleeping on the bed nightly.  I did still leave a chair and small fencing around it to contain her until I get the small dogs on the bed each night.  She then is allow to come up and snuggle on the bed next to a daddy.  Making a Hormel beef roast, potato and beans with a salad for lunch.  Will spend the night watching Dancing With The Stars.
 

Monday, September 22, 2014

September 22, 2014 Monday Afternoon

The week flew by again.  Last week I did get a few walks in along the river trails.   Spent the week doing things with the dogs and around the house.

Friday night we watched the movie Neighbors.  What a boring movie.  If it were not for Zac Efron and his chest the movie would have dragged on way too long and have nothing to watch for.

On Saturday we had an event in Milwaukee called 'Door's Open' where you can go in building usually off limits.  We decided to check out a couple new condo and apartment buildings and see what they were offering and how much.  Always nice to see how the rich live who can afford over $2000 a month in rent.  After we check out two apartments/condos we had lunch at a local bar.  Had a great hamburger.  After lunch we went to the Summerfest grounds for the Dog fest going on all day.  I swear there were thousands of dogs at this event.  I have never seen so many dogs at one event.  Was really cool.  Checked out all the booths and dogs and headed home when it started to rain.  After we were home and spent a little time with the dogs, we then locked them all up again and went to the bar street festival at the corner of our street.  Listened to a couple songs from the band and went back home.  Spent Saturday night watching shows off the DVR.  Cleared about 5 Penn and Teller:  Fool Us off the DVR.  I do like this show but get frustrated not knowing how they do the tricks.

Sunday morning Rose woke up around 5 AM and wanted to come up on the bed with the other dogs and Tony and I.  Rose still is not integrated and sleeps in an area next to the bed on a chair.  I let her come onto the bed and she was a happy girl.  She didn't even care about the other dogs.  Casper was so happy to snuggle with her.  Went out for breakfast with Tony's mom.  After we got home we went for a walk with the dogs and then went to Walgreen's to get a prescription for Tony and our flu shots.  The pharmacist was very busy and said the wait would be over a half hour for the flu shot so we decided to do it another day.  Picked up the prescription and headed home.  Spent the rest of the afternoon watching the movie Captain America.  I was bored and did not like the movie.   Spent Sunday night watching the CBS lineup which included Good Wife and Madame Secretary.  Went to sleep around 10 PM with Rose on the bed.  Rose slept all night on the bed.  Her first full night on the bed on her and Casper's four month anniversary of being with us.

This morning Tony took Rose to work for the morning.  I did things around the house, cleaning and eventually cutting the little grass we have.  Around noon I called Pick N Save and found out they had dog butcher bones so I walked to the grocery store and bought the dogs 20 bones.  Took Bo to get his nails cut at 3:30 PM.  Making a chicken I bought at the market this afternoon with some salads, beans and mashed potato.  Will spend the night watching Dancing With The Stars.

Monday, September 15, 2014

September 15, 2014 Monday Afternoon

Spent Friday night watching the movie Godzilla.  It was OK.  Not a big Godzilla fan.  In fact I did not know that Godzilla is a good monster vs the bad monsters.

Saturday morning we went to the pet store to exchange the two bags of dog food I bought the prior week.  When I went to open the bag I realized it was puppy food and not big dog food.  Thankfully the pet store exchanged them.  After the pet store we stopped at Sprint store to check on our contracts.  We both still have flip phones and are getting ready to make the jump into the new phones.  We are both out of contract and can either stay with Sprint or change.  Will look for deals on IPhones and move forward when I find a good deal.  After we got home and let the dogs out we left again and went to the Bayview street festival.  Walked around and had lunch.   Came home and after a bit we left again to go to the Eastside tomato throw.  A yearly event.  Always fun to watch from far away so you don't get tomato on you.  Came home and spent the night watching the movie Meth Head and Hell Baby.  Meth head was a good gay themed movie, Hell Baby was a horror spoof.   Both were very good.

Sunday morning we made breakfast at home.  A little before noon we walked Rose and Casper around the block stopping at the neighbors on the way home for treats.  We then walked Bo up to the farmers market and bought some muffins.  In the afternoon we met some friends to see the movie Love Is Strange.  Good movie.  Kind of slow at times but a very nice story of two older gay men.  Had a drink with the guys at a corner bar before we headed home.  Spent the night watching TV from the DVR, trying to clear it for the new TV season starting this week.

Today it rained all day.  I spent the day cleaning and doing things around the house.  Will start making supper after this post.



Wednesday, September 10, 2014

September 10, 2014 Wednesday Afternoon

Another week or so has gone by. 
We have made the most of this Summer, and it has been a nice one in Milwaukee this year.  We pretty much realized last weekend was going to be one of the last few good weekends left, so each day we made sure we spent time outside.  On Saturday afternoon we went down to the lakefront and had a margarita and hamburger as we watched the volley ball players.  We were going to ride our bikes down to the lakefront to first go to the kite festival.  We did get on our bikes, rode them around the block and when I realized I forgot something we went back home, only to them grab the car.  We did go to the kite festival and walked around.  Even bought an outdoor dog spinner.  After our hamburger and drink at the shanty on Bradford beach we spent the rest of the day at home with the dogs. 
Both weekend days we walked the dogs around the block, ending at the neighbors for a treat.  The dogs are really liking the treat more than the walk.  As they get closer to her house their pace picks up and by the time we get to her gate the dogs could be pulling a dog sled.
Watched a bunch of movies in the past week.  We have watched Love Or Whatever, Cabin Fever 3, Transcendence, and Hatchet 3.   The worst of the bunch was Transcendence, the best was Love Or Whatever.
Yesterday I went to ARCW to get my monthly food and drop off all the prescriptions the doctor wrote me a week or so ago for our last visit.  Will pick up the prescriptions next week on my monthly schedule. 
Today I went grocery shopping and spent a lot and saved a lot at the same time.  Shopped smart today and had coupons or sale items with coupons.   I think I saved over a third of the bill with coupons and sale items.   Making a nice steak, potato and salad for supper tonight.
Today the air conditioning went on again because it is very humid outside.  We get our first taste of Fall then tomorrow and Friday with highs in the 50s.
Health is doing great.  I was suppose to get a growth removed on the top of my head tomorrow at my dermatologist.  I chickened out and postponed the appointment for another 2 months.  I heard it hurts to freeze them off and I just don't want the pain.  Since I don't see it and it is on the top of my head, and is not cancerous, I will leave it alone for another two months or more.
Dogs are all doing great.  Rose and Casper continue to get stronger with each day.  The others seem to have settled into the fact that they now share a house.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

September 2, 2014 Tuesday Afternoon

Had a very relaxing Labor Day weekend.

Friday night we spent the night watching TV.  Watched the final episode of True Blood and the current episode of The Leftovers.  Did the lovin thing and went to bed around 10 PM.

Rained most of the day on Saturday so we stayed at home and watched a lot of TV.  Took a nap in the afternoon and of course that led to a round of lovin.  After we fed the dogs supper we went to Saint Francis festival for the 'Saturday night ribs'.  Had a great rib dinner.  Might be why my stomach still is hurting as I type this now.  Ribs taste so good going down but do not like me once in my intestines or bowels.  Had a drink and listened to the band for a while before coming home.

Sunday morning we went to St Martins fair.  It is a street festival where they sell everything.  We try to go each year.  Since it was going to be a hot day weather wise we decided to go early.  Was a good thing because by the time we had reached the half way point both of us were hot, sweaty and tired.  Ended up buying a lot of dog toys and this and that like clips and cords.  Came home and after we showered we took a little nap.  Turned into another round of lovin.  Spent the rest of the day and night indoors since it was very hot and humid in Milwaukee.  Watched the gay themed movie called Oy Vey My Son Is Gay.  Was a funny movie.

Monday morning we made eggs, bacon and toast and spent the morning around the house.  Found Tony on the bed around noon and we did a round of lovin.  Been a good weekend for this.  After we showered we went to the Milwaukee lakefront for a strawberry margarita and a burger.  Actually had two margaritas.  Figured the huts on the beach would close after the weekend so sat and watched the hot volley ball players and enjoyed the breeze.  As long as Tony can have a beer or drink he is happy no matter where we are.  Came home and spent the rest of the day and night watching TV.  Watched the last hours of TV in bed and did the lovin thing one last time.  Not sure what got into us this weekend but after over 25 years together it is nice to be with someone you still enjoy having sex with, and often.

Today my stomach still is not feeling good.  I took Casper, and then Bo for walks this morning before I got in the car and picked up Rose at Tony's shop around 11:30 AM.  Took a nice nap with the dogs this afternoon.  Could have stayed in bed the rest of the day. Tired today.  Making Sweet and sour chicken with rice for supper tonight with a salad.  Will spend the night watching America's Got Talent.  Tony will come home stinky and go right to the shower since it is close to 80 degrees and very humid outside. 

I did drive my new car over the weekend for the first time.  I took my new 2010 Lincoln MKX to Pick and Save and Walgreens some time Monday.  Tony brought it home Friday night.  Looks like he even has a buyer for my BMW.  I do love the new car.  I do not like change and get used to where everything is.  I don't like driving new cars or other people's cars.  A new car is usually not something that makes me happy, but this one I love.  Love the map and destination features.  Also love the fact I can connect my IPod to the stereo.  Since Tony drove it with me in the passenger seat all weekend I felt bold enough to take it out for a spin.  Tony is good to me.

Friday, August 29, 2014

August 29, 2014 Friday Morning

Monday afternoon I did go to my doctor for the last time since she is leaving.  My 2 PM apt turned into a 3 1/2 hour apt after all the waiting.  Wasn't even taken into a room until 4:15 PM.  Was not happy but soon turned around when I got all the refills I asked for and even the new doctors name.  I now will have to make an apt to meet my new doctor.

Tuesday around noon we returned the TV we bought at HH Gregg on Sunday.  HH Greg would not give us a good deal on any other TV so we threatened and then did indeed go across the street to Best Buy.  We ended up buying a 55 inch RCA from them for $499.  Got it home and set up only to not like it, or I should say, it looked like the other TV we bought Sunday.  Spent the week doing adjustments and then finally broke down and asked my tenant who does AV work to come down and look a the TV last night.  Just as I was showing him the connections and stuff I noticed the blue wire of the three was not connected and when I connected the cable the picture looked great.  Thinking the first TV we bought would have also if the wire was on tight.  Oh well.  I do like the RCA better than the Haier as a name brand.  Last night I broke down and called ATT and upgraded to HD for another $10 a month.  I have to admit the channels and shows do look much better.  Now I will have to change all the settings for all the shows I record to record in HD rather than the lower end channels.

Wednesday night Tony and I went out for cheap hamburgers and French fries.  Had a nice double tall drink also.  Was nice to get out.

I also took a couple walks along the river trails twice this week.  I always have to push myself to get going on the walk but once I am walking and after, I am so glad and it clears my head.  I call it Dave time and stopped even bringing Bo with me on the walks.  Too many dogs along the way not on leashes so I am happy not bringing him.

Tony brought home our new (new to us) SUV this week that he bought smashed and has been working on to repair.  It is a 2014 Lincoln MKX.  It is done and now we need to sell my BMW.  I spent time this morning in the car getting to know the buttons and trying to get the navigation to work.  No luck but did learn a lot.  Still have not driven the car but I am sure I will this weekend. 

No plans this weekend.  There are a few festivals and we will most likely go to one or two.  Will spend most of the weekend at home with the dogs enjoying the house.

Monday, August 25, 2014

August 25, 2014 Monday Afternoon

I am still alive and doing well.  Another week flew by.  Very little happened in the past week.  Over the weekend we did go to HH Gregg and bought a new TV only to hate it.  It is sitting in the box ready to return.  We need a new TV in the living room since our current TV is fading fast.  Saw a 58 inch Haier on sale for $500 and thought we should get it.  Set it up yesterday after we bought it and it is terrible.  The picture is so fuzzy it looks like bad cable connected.  When I called HH Gregg to ask if this sounds right the sales clerk said 'I have heart that about Haier TV's, bring it back'.   Was going to return it today but it is raining and has to go in the back of the truck.  Will have to do it tomorrow.

In a little bit I leave to see my regular doctor.  Over the weekend we got letters from her saying this would be her last week because she is retiring.  This has caused me anxiety because I like my doctor and don't want to have to go through the crap of knowing a new one.  With my current doctor I can go to her with an illness and a list of my needs and wants and I walk out the door with everything I usually ask for.  I am not going to get this with a new doctor.  I made am appointment this morning to see her today to get one last refill on all my meds and find out who she recommends as a doctor going forward.  Being HIV this is important for all the meds I take and getting them refilled.

The dogs are doing great.  Still divided but it works.  Since Bo got bit last week by Casper I do not let Casper with the other dogs unless I am right there.  If I leave the room I make Casper come with me.  Bo is afraid of Casper now and really wants very little to do with him.  Bo hides or goes to the top of the couch when I bring Casper in the room.  Poor boy.  I feel bad but all I can do is make sure it never happens again.

Rainy day today in Milwaukee.  It is also very humid.  Looking forward to the cool front coming through tomorrow.

Monday, August 18, 2014

August 18, 2014 Monday Afternoon

Another week has gone by so fast.

Last Thursday afternoon the neighbors were working on our side of their house so I thought it best to leave for the afternoon so the dogs would not want to go outside and they could work.  Went with Tony to a junk yard about and hour away.  Spent an hour or so looking around for car parts.  I was in a good place and just enjoyed the nice weather as Tony looked over the picked apart cars for any parts he needed.  I was very impressed how he can see just a bumper or a piece of a car and know what it is.  Very impressive. 

Friday afternoon we had lunch with the guys like we do each Friday.  I still enjoy getting together each week for an hour of laughs with people who I can feel comfortable with talking about anything. 

Saturday night we went to the once a years demo car derby in Slinger.  Been going for years for this event because we always have a great time.  Tony's sister and nephew came along and we once again did have fun watching all the car smashes and crashes.  The race track is a figure 8 so it makes the races so much more fun to watch than just going around in circles.  They have different races, sometimes school buses, which end up in pieces by the end of the race.  One race is last man standing so to speak.  The track is a mess by the end of the night.

Sunday morning we went out for breakfast with Tony's mom and then went to Stein's Garden and the market for some ham and rolls on the way home.  I spent the rest of the day working in the side yard making a yard for the small dogs and a yard for the big dogs.  It is apparent they are not going to be together any time soon so making my life easier is the goal right now.   I can now leave the small dogs in the front of the house and let them out to pee in the side yard through the dining room.  The big dogs are in the back of the house and I let them out in their side yard through the kitchen doors.  Nice not having to worry and yet everyone is happy.

This morning Tony took Rose to work and I gave Casper a raw hide bone around 8 AM.  I took it away from him by 8:30 AM because he was swallowing pieces.  I fenced him off in the kitchen with his bone.  Well, after he had it taken away and the dogs were all together, I was sitting at the computer and heard a fight between Casper and Bo.  Ran screaming into the kitchen to find them apart but Bo obviously hurt.  I put Casper in his crate after a scolding and then looked Bo over for injuries.  At first I did not find any but in time I found 2 puncture wounds on his neck that were bleeding.  This is what I didn't want ever to happen.  Took me back a ways and now I once again have this 'what have we done' feeling when it comes to Casper and Rose.  Everyone is OK.  Tony brought Rose home from work around noon and I soon went for a walk along the river trails to clear my head and cry a bit as a release.  I did not take Bo or any dog and realized how much I miss MY walks and need to start taking some Dave time in the afternoon.   Had a good cry as I walk the woods and talk to ... whoever.  I like to think my grandma and spirit guide are listening.  Took an hour and a half walk and it did me good. 

The weather in Milwaukee continues to be awesome.  It is about 72 degrees and a slight breeze.  If it were not for the beeping from the machinery across the street it would be perfect with the windows open. 

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

August 12, 2014 Tuesday Morning

Rainy day today in Milwaukee.  We do need the rain and the weather this Summer has been so good it is hard to complain.  I honestly don't remember the last rainy day we even had this Summer it has been so long. 

Last Friday night we stayed in and watched the movie Open Grave.  It was a horror movie and very good.  Was glad I downloaded it and spent the night watching.

Saturday afternoon we ate lunch at a restaurant on the Milwaukee river.  The boats dock and you can eat right near the water.  Had a nice steak sandwich and a vodka lemonade.  We have been eating out a lot this Summer and doing it at restaurants we can sit outside and enjoy the weather and food.  Came home and I took a nap in the bedroom with the big dogs while Tony napped in the living room with the three small dogs.  Saturday night we watched the movie The Other Woman.  Good movie. 

Sunday afternoon we went to lunch at another outside restaurant and had a nice lunch and drink.  Spent the afternoon with the dogs taking them for a walk and then Bo for a walk to the farmers market a few blocks away.  Sunday night we watched a movie called The Employer.  It was another good movie in the horror vain. 

Yesterday I did all the bedding laundry which with the dog bedding and all it comes to five loads.  Took a nice nap with the dogs in the afternoon. 

Tony will bring Rose home at lunch time today.  I will make soup and some grilled cheese sandwiches and then we are going to vote since it is an election day in Milwaukee.  Figure you can not complain about who is in office if you don't vote.  I also then have a 2 PM vet appointment for Kali to get her nails trimmed.   Oh, Tony just called.  Guess Rose is not happy and Tony is bringing her home now.  We will then go vote and go out for lunch I guess.  Works for me.

Friday, August 8, 2014

August 8, 2014 Friday Afternoon

The past week or more has once again flown by.

Last weekend, on Saturday, was the street festival on the cross street of our house.  Fun to go to the festival all day and take breaks at home here and there.  The weather was great as it has been most of this Summer.  I do not like heat and this is the first Summer in a long time that we have not even hit 90 degrees.   I do have the air conditioning on when it gets above 74 for the dogs.  Otherwise they drool and the house smells like dog.

Yesterday Tony took the day off and we went to State Fair.  Went early morning and early afternoon.  Had  good time walking around at the festival and was glad we went early before the sun and heat would have been to much for us later in the day.  Bought the dogs some bones and they are loving them.  Here is a picture of Rose and Casper with their bones.

 I let them chew for a while and then take them away when I see they have chewed long enough.  Both give up the bones when asked.

Kali is still doing OK.  Each day I think might be her last.  She seems to be having some stomach problems at night and needs special attentions like last night.  Kali kisses and tummy rubs seem to work the best.  She did go in for her second antibiotic shot this week.  Each day is a blessing with Kali and she will be so missed when that day comes.  She did turn 15 just last month.   Here is a picture of Kali, Bo and Vito.

No plans this weekend.  I am sure we will just spend time with the dogs or go to the lakefront and enjoy the last of the Summer.  It will be over before we know it and Winter will be here.

Life is good.  Dave is happy.