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Wednesday, December 28, 2016

December 28, 2016 Wednesday Morning

What a difference time, and an anti depressant can make in one's life.

Merry Christmas to everyone.  Guess if your reading this we all made it through the holidays.  I was not looking forward to going to my family's house this year due to them all being Trump supporters but it all turned out OK.  Did not spend as much time at my family's home as usual but that was good this year.  Stayed away from any political talking.  We did have a great time at Tony's family Christmas Eve playing Cards Against Humanity. 

I am now taking 25 mg of my anti depressant twice daily.  My doctor thinks we should stay at this dose since it has made such an impact on my quality of life.  I have stopped crying or thinking about sad thoughts, and look at life half full, rather than half empty.  I continue to walk the dogs almost daily for my health as well as theirs.  It has been cold here in Milwaukee and walks have been limited to when it is over 30 degrees.  Thankfully more days than not have been over 30 degrees so everyone is walked and happy.

I do have to set the record straight on a comment I received on my last post.  The comment was totally off on all accounts.  My dogs are what I live for.  If I did not have my dogs I would not be a happy person.  All our dogs get along great and no one is shorted any attention.  If you follow their Facebook page Rose and Casper you will see they spend most of their hours on top of each other in a dog pile because they truly love each other and happy to have each other.  No one is slighted in any way.  Six dogs might be a lot and more than planned, but everyone is well fed and loved equally.  Also, I walk some dogs two at a time and others, that don't walk as well yet by themselves, for their safety.  When you live in the city a stray dog can come out at any time.  If I have more than two dogs I do not feel I can properly protect MY dogs.  So it is by choice I walk them one at a time or two at a time.  It also gives them one on one time with me.  

Tony also has changed in the past month since out 'correction'.   I still have not brought him his plate of food since his rude request last post.  I now make up his plate and tell him it is ready.  It has been good for both of us to be honest.  Know that when I vent about Tony it is with love.  We have been together going on 28 years.  If you have not been with anyone for even close to that amount of time I seriously doubt you can give me relationship advice.  No relationship is perfect but when someone stands by you through the good times and bad, you remember these things and look past their faults.

I get my results back this Friday from the memory test I took a few weeks ago.  I did not do well on the test and think my short term memory is a problem getting worse as time goes on.

I am still seeing my therapist weekly or every two weeks.  It helps to talk through things.  So I am helping ME by taking the steps to get help with therapy and anti depressants.  I am proud of myself in that respect.  I hope I continue to make changes in the coming year.

I am not looking forward to 2017.  I am very fearful of the new administration.  I think Trump and everyone he has hired are going to ruin this county and get rich in the process.  I fear for my social security, my ADAP, my medicare, as well as Tony's health insurance with a pre existing condition.   When we look back in the years to come there will be no one to blame but the Republican's.  No Obama or Hillary to blame things on.  Should be a bumpy ride.

All the dogs are doing great.  Vito had a stroke / vestibular disease about a month ago.  I was fearful we would loose him but he pulled through and is back to walking around the block when the weather permits.  Took him for a long walk with Bo yesterday. 

Happy New Year to everyone.  Hope you had a good 2016 and wishing you a better 2017.


  1. Hi Dave, I'm on the same anti-depressant as you. Started them in 2009 when I was seriously suicidal for about 6 months. Still seeing the same psychologist, he works at the sexual health centre where I got tested positive for HIV.

    It takes time to get into your body and they put you up slowly. I was in such a state back then I ended up on 300mg/day. After some time on that dose I decided to reduce it a bit and am now on 225mg/day.

    It's not the be all and end all but it does put a base under your depression. Continue to see the psych person too of course.

    Glad to see you're on the mend.

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  3. When you post a public blog, you invite comment. It is simple as that. If you can't handle criticism or different opinions, then maybe you should make your blog private. I thought the way you attacked the commenter from your last post waas very rude and ungrateful. People read your blogs because they identify with you.

    They find your journey interesting and some, like me, are HIV+ and enjoy reading the thoughts of those who are going through similar things with testing, trying to get drug balancing right and so forth. So slapping down a commenter who, I presume, is/was a faithful follower and cares is very nasty and rude. If you want to lose support and readers, you are going the right way about it. The fact is you are seeing a Marriage Councillor. That is way more than just 'venting'. You said you felt like room-mates. That is way more than venting. You said your issues within your relationship having you in tears. That, is WAY more than 'venting'. I don't think you see that your relationship is quite dysfunctional. Most people 'vent' over trivial things, like not changing the roll or arguing over who pays what bill. Your issues with Tony are WAY WAY more than mere 'venting'.

    Your assertion that someone needs to have been with someone for 28 years to understand you, is ridiculous. I bet your Marriage Councillor hasn't, if they're even married at all. You can have been married for 40 or 50 years and still have a dysfunctional relationship and not recognise it. Yet those on the outside who are more objective, can. We can see things, that you are too close and too involved to see.

    What I mean to say is that you ask and invite comments. People who care about you, comment. We can see from the outside, what you cannot. If you cannot handle truth, criticism or comment from people that read your blog, thus support you, then why allow comments, if you only want an echo chamber ie only want ones who agree with you? Please treat your supporters with more respect, I think we deserve it. Jonno.

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