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It has been a long time since I posted. I am alive. Life has been more ups and downs as I go through life. I honestly feel I am just going day to day and just trying to make it though each day.
Physically I feel pretty good. If I was to complain about anything health wise it would be the pain in my feet and toes when I walk and the morning bouts with throwing up bile. I have seen my foot doctor again and he had me buy some new foot inserts, which did help a little. There are days I wish I could just have the second and third toes, the two next to the big toe, removed. The bones in my feet just don't track good anymore and some days I can not find a pair of shoes to wear to walk without pain and discomfort. I go back to the food doctor next week and he keeps trying to get me to do cortisone shots. Everything I read on them sound temporary and worse problems down the road. I think the best thing would be for me to loose 10 lbs which would help with the feet, knees and back. The morning bile situation seems to flare up about once a week. I use to be a morning person and now it seems between my bowels and stomach problems I hate the first hour or two of my day. I have found taking a hit of pot around 5 AM helps but then I am stoned for most of the morning with no energy. My prostate still acts up once in a while and I feel pain in that area. Honestly my body just feels like it is falling apart and I am really feeling my age. My grandma used to say that any day you wake up and get out of bed is a good day. I am not sure if that is true.
Mentally I am a mess. I think the reason I don't post as often is because I am tired of talking about my fears of death and dying and I think my readers might also. God I wish I could find a magical book to read to put all my fears aside. I went to a funeral a few months ago and the sermon was about how 'we all suffer at the end'. What a horrible sermon topic. It has been on my mind since. It is my biggest fear along with the fear of life simply ending. I know that sounds weird to some but I just can not fathom this. I read the obits daily looking at the names and wonder how they did it. Maybe the fact I turn 55 this Saturday has my mind more than usual thinking about death and dying. I wish I had a support group or therapist to talk to to be honest. It has caused me a lot of tears and depression lately. When I was 30 I never thought of life ending or death. Now that I have all I need to make me happy the thought of loosing or no longer being alive to enjoy all these things is so scary to me it makes my heart beat fast, I can't breath and I feel a panic attach coming on. I have googled 'afraid to die', 'accepting death' and search words such as that and still I find no book or help to get me through this. I at least have to find a way to stop thinking of death 24 hours a day and being in fear of it. Especially since I honestly can't do anything about it. Anyone have any thoughts or help on this please tell me.
I have been training Toby to walk on a leash nice the last 3 weeks. I had a guy who trains dogs come to the house and show my some techniques. I take Toby out at least twice a day for training in the alley and walks around the block. Toby is a puppy and has way too much energy. I also take Bo and Casper together for a walk around the block almost daily too. The last couple weeks on nice weather days I have been picking up Rose at work around noon and stopping at the dog park with her. Yesterday I was in tears watching her play with a beagle puppy. She is so gentle for a Pit Bull. I was so impressed and such a proud daddy watching my big Pit Bull be the best dog in the park. When we enter all the dogs come to her to say hi. It really has made my day and I plan on getting her today to do the same. The excised is good for the dogs and very good for me. All six dogs are doing good and still alive.
No plans for my Birthday this weekend. I did buy a nice cake yesterday and Tony and I will go out for a nice steak dinner. I laugh as I type this since steak is a favorite of mine but lately does not go through me well and I pay the next morning.
Thankfully the weather is getting warmer here in Milwaukee and I can do things outside. Hopefully that will help with my depression and dark thoughts.
One last thing. I love comments but if you post a comment about a cure from some quack doctor I will delete the post. There is enough bad information out there and this false information helps no one. Please do not post false medical claims on MY blog. Thank you.
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DeleteAm Angela, thanks to Dr Osaze who cured me of HIV. I contacted HIV on my
Deletestruggle to get a good education for my self. The symptoms were already
showing in me, due to my incessant failing health. Until a friend saw
Dr osaze's recommendation online, on how he has helped so many people,
and we decided to reach him. And he applied his herbal medicine on me,
and I bounce back to my previous heath status. In case you want to reach
him for a similar issue you can call him at +2347089275769 or email
him at drosaze39@gmail.com.
Dave,
ReplyDeleteStay strong. I'm always available to talk.
Dale
Hi Dave,
ReplyDeleteI turned 54 the other day mate and it's definitely not normal to be thinking of impending death all the time like you are.
The most concerning thing of your post was that you read the obituaries every day and "wonder how they did it". One of the things counselors ask to see how far along people are is "Do you have a plan?". It sounds like you may be developing one.
I use that illustration to show that you're in trouble there mate. You've already made a step and reached out here, but that's not enough. You need to see a counselor, preferably a psychologist. Get the ball rolling now on that. Tell Tony about your distress and he can help the counselor process along if need be.
Also talk to your doctor about anti-depressants. I notice you're not on anything. They don't suit everyone but they may very well help with you. I've been on them since 2009.
Take care,
Peter x x
Hi Dave, I just stumbled on your blog. First time reading your blog. I feel your pain and understand your depression. I was diagnosed on Oct 13 2016 and I'm still trying to deal with my diagnosis and arill trying to accept all of this. You mentioned how you wish for a book to read that will help you. I have a recommendation for you that I've read several times, and continue to read it over and over again. It brings me peace and comfort more then any other book. This book is, "The Book of Mormon". Keep an open mind please and read it. It's brought me more peace then any other book. You may download it free from any book app or search for it through your app provider please keep strong. I know how difficult all this is.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteI'm here again to appreciate. DR WILLIAMS God will always continue to bless you more abundantly, for the good works you did in my life, I will always keep on writing good and posting my testimonies about you on the Internet, I’m KATE from San Juan, Puerto Rico. I was tested HIV positive, I saw a blog on how DR WILLIAMS cured people with his herbal portion, i did not believe but i just decided to give him a try, I contacted him and also got my healing, i am so happy. If you have any problem or you are also infected with any disease, contact him Drwilliams098765@gmail.com for advice and for his product,i hope this testimony also help some one out there.
ReplyDeleteHIV remains for human immunodeficiency infection. It hurts your resistant framework by crushing the white platelets that battle contamination. HIV regularly spreads through unprotected sex with a tainted individual.
ReplyDeleteHiv Positive Dating Sites
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteMy life is beautiful thanks to you, Mein Helfer. Lord Jesus in my life as a candle light in the darkness. You showed me the meaning of faith with your words. I know that even when I cried all day thinking about how to recover, you were not sleeping, you were dear to me. I contacted the herbal center Dr Itua, who lived in West Africa. A friend of mine here in Hamburg is also from Africa. She told me about African herbs but I was nervous. I am very afraid when it comes to Africa because I heard many terrible things about them because of my Christianity. god for direction, take a bold step and get in touch with him in the email and then move to WhatsApp, he asked me if I can come for treatment or I want a delivery, I told him I wanted to know him I buy ticket in 2 ways to Africa To meet Dr. Itua, I went there and I was speechless from the people I saw there. Patent, sick people. Itua is a god sent to the world, I told my pastor about what I am doing, Pastor Bill Scheer. We have a real battle beautifully with Spirit and Flesh. Adoration that same night. He prayed for me and asked me to lead. I spent 2 weeks and 2 days in Africa at Dr Itua Herbal Home. After the treatment, he asked me to meet his nurse for the HIV test when I did it. It was negative, I asked my friend to take me to another nearby hospital when I arrived, it was negative. I was overwhite with the result, but happy inside of me. We went with Dr. Itua, I thank him but I explain that I do not have enough to show him my appreciation, that he understands my situation, but I promise that he will testify about his good work. Thank God for my dear friend, Emma, I know I could be reading this now, I want to thank you. And many thanks to Dr. Itua Herbal Center. He gave me his calendar that I put on my wall in my house. Dr. Itua can also cure the following diseases ... Cancer, HIV, Herpes, Hepatitis B, Inflammatory Liver, Diabetis, Fribroid, recover your ex. You can contact him by email or whatsapp, @ .. drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com, phone number .. + 2348149277967 .. He is a good doctor, talk to him kindly. I'm sure he will also listen to you.
ReplyDeleteIrrespective of receiving daily oral or future injectable depot therapies, these require health care visits for medication and monitoring of safety and response. If patients are treated early enough, before a lot of immune system damage has occurred, life expectancy is close to normal, as long as they remain on successful treatment. However, when patients stop therapy, virus rebounds to high levels in most patients, sometimes associated with severe illness because i have gone through this and even an increased risk of death. The aim of “cure”is ongoing but i still do believe my government made millions of ARV drugs instead of finding a cure. for ongoing therapy and monitoring. ARV alone cannot cure HIV as among the cells that are infected are very long-living CD4 memory cells and possibly other cells that act as long-term reservoirs. HIV can hide in these cells without being detected by the body’s immune system. Therefore even when ART completely blocks subsequent rounds of infection of cells, reservoirs that have been infected before therapy initiation persist and from these reservoirs HIV rebounds if therapy is stopped. “Cure” could either mean an eradication cure, which means to completely rid the body of reservoir virus or a functional HIV cure, where HIV may remain in reservoir cells but rebound to high levels is prevented after therapy interruption.Dr Itua Herbal Medicine makes me believes there is a hope for people suffering from,Parkinson's disease,Schizophrenia,Cancer,Scoliosis,Fibromyalgia,Fluoroquinolone Toxicity
ReplyDeleteSyndrome Fibrodysplasia Ossificans Progressiva.Fatal Familial Insomnia Factor V Leiden Mutation ,Epilepsy Dupuytren's disease,Desmoplastic small-round-cell tumor Diabetes ,Coeliac disease,Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease,Cerebral Amyloid Angiopathy, Ataxia,Arthritis,Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis,Alzheimer's disease,Adrenocortical carcinoma.Asthma,Allergic diseases.Hiv_ Aids,Herpes,Inflammatory bowel disease ,Copd,Diabetes,Hepatitis,I read about him online how he cure Tasha and Tara so i contacted him on drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com even talked on whatsapps +2348149277967 believe me it was easy i drank his herbal medicine for two weeks and i was cured just like that isn't Dr Itua a wonder man? Yes he is! I thank him so much so i will advise if you are suffering from one of those diseases Pls do contact him he's a nice man.
It was during my research on HIV/Herpes that I stumbled upon the Hiv/Herpes information; information which is quite easy to find when doing a search for STD on google. I was into conspiracy at the time thought of HIV/Herpes Cured' being a conspiracy was something Ignorance though,I found pretty interesting about herbal medicine. I asked questions about the Herbal cure's on official HIV/Herpes websites and I was banned for doing so by moderators who told me that I was parroting Hiv/Herpes propaganda. This reinforced my belief that there is a cure for Hiv/Herpes Then i found a lady from germany name Achima Abelard Dr Itua Cure her Hiv so I send him a mail about my situation then talk more about it and send me his herbal medicine I drank for two weeks.And today I'm Cured no Hiv/Herpes in my life,I searched for Hiv/Herpes groups to attempt to make contact with people in order to learn more about Hiv/Herpes Herbal Cure's I believed at this time that you with the same disease this information is helpful to you and I wanted to do the best I could to spread this information in the hopes of helping other people.That Dr Itua Herbal Medicine makes me believes there is a hope for people suffering from,Parkinson's disease,Schizophrenia,Cancer,Scoliosis,Fibromyalgia,Fluoroquinolone Toxicity Syndrome Fibrodysplasia Ossificans Progressiva.Fatal Familial Insomnia Factor V Leiden Mutation ,Epilepsy Dupuytren's disease,Desmoplastic small-round-cell tumor Diabetes ,Coeliac disease,Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease,Cerebral Amyloid Angiopathy, Ataxia,Arthritis,Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis,Alzheimer's disease,Adrenocortical carcinoma.Asthma,Allergic diseases.Hiv_ Aids,Herpes,Inflammatory bowel disease ,Copd,Diabetes,Hepatitis,I read about him online how he cure Tasha and Tara,Conley,Mckinney and many more suffrin from all kind of disease so i contacted him . He's a herbal doctor with a unique heart of God, Contact Emal..drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com Phone or whatsapp..+2348149277967.
ReplyDeleteI have being on blog Sites for a while now and today I felt like I should share my story because I was a victim too. I had HIV for 6 years and i never thought I would ever get a cure I had and this made it impossible for me to get married to the man I was supposed to get married to even after 2 years of relationship he broke up with me when he finds out I was HIV positive. So I got to know about Dr. Itua on Blog Site who treated someone and the person shared a story of how she got a cured and let her contact details, I contacted Dr. Itua and he actually confirmed it and I decided to give a try too and use his herbal medicine that was how my burden ended completely. My son will be 2 soon and I am grateful to God and thankful to his medicine too.Dr Itua Can As Well Cure The Following Disease… Cancer, HIV, Herpes, Hepatitis B, Liver Inflammatory,Diabetes,Fibroid, Get Your Ex Back, If you have (A just reach him on drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com Or Whatsapp Number.+2348149277967)He can also advise you on how to handle some marital's issues. He's a good man.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great man, a great thanks to Priest Salami the man that bring me out of this sorrow this is the man that can as well help the world, on this diseases I can remember 5 year ago when I was searching for cure, and how I have spent much money and I finally lost hope due to my conduction I have to put my hope on god, lucky to me last week here I was on the internet, check on how many year I can spent on earth then I see a comment about this great man Priest Salami what a lucky day for me and today am giving my testimony about him I have never believe there is cure at all, but this man just want me to give him a try, if he cannot do it I will know his is not Priest Salami that he have been doing this cure for more than many year now I put my hope on him and also my dear god but today am very happy to give this story to you all, it all happen when I was 23 year well because of this disease I can get married and very happy today am now negative I can get married now to my fellow people that is on my shoes this the good way to say bye to this diseases HIV/AIDS contact this man now purenaturalhealer@gmail.com. or whatsapp him +2348105150446 and i pray that he will help you also. All thanks to Priest Salami
ReplyDeleteI am Celilia West From Arizona, i want to give this testimony for the world to see and read how powerful God have blessed Dr MABUWA with his wisdom in curing me from HIV AIDS disease which is known not to have a cure with the medical reports, i was cured with Herbs that i bought and Dr MABUWA Prepared the medicine for me with the herbs. Dr MABUWA assured me that i would be permanently be healed once i start using his herbal medicine, but i never believed until when i drank the medicine for 14days and i was cured after running a test again. i am sharing this so that if you are reading this testimony then you should know that you can be cured just like i was. contact Dr MABUWA through his What App Or Call: +2348130714541 Or Email: drmabuwasolutioncuretemple@gmail.com.
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Hello all viewer online HIV has cure but doctor said Hiv/Aids has no cure until i met Dr Godwin who help me in my life. I was infected with HIV/AIDS in 2006, i went to many hospitals for cure but there was no solution, so I was thinking how can I get a solution, so that my body can be okay. until this faithful day as i was browsing the net I saw a testimony on how Dr. Godwin helped people in curing HIV Disease, quickly I copied his Email which is .com so i contacted him for solution for my HIV, so Dr. Godwin told me that his going to prepare herbal medicine for my health, then he prepared the medicine and luckily after three week my HIV was be cured. Dr Godwin is well recognize as one of the best herbalist doctor in West Africa, you don't have to be sad anymore or share your tears anymore on this disease when the cure have already be found by Dr.godwin herbal medicine, he so cure HERPES,CANCER, ALS,HEPATITIS B, DIABETIC ,or his whats-app number: + 2348054615060 or email drgodwinsolutionhome@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteI WAS DIAGNOSED OF HERPES.,I SPENT A LOT OF MONEY ON MY MEDICATION TILL A POINT I EVEN LOST HOPE, I WAS SO DESPERATE TO GET BACK TO NORMAL, I NEVER BELIEVE IN HERB BUT, I KEPT MY HOPE ALIVE, I CONTACTED ROBINSON BUCKLER VIA HIS EMAIL, HE REPLIED, THEN I PURCHASED THE HERBAL MEDICINE,HE SENT ME THE HERBAL MEDICINE THROUGH COURIER SERVICE, WHEN I RECEIVED THIS HERBAL MEDICINE I USED IT FOR 2 WEEKS AND NOW I AM TOTALLY CURED LIVING FREE AND HAPPY AGAIN, CONTACT HIM VIA EMAIL______________________Robinsonbuckler@yahoo.com..
ReplyDelete