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Tuesday, December 2, 2014

December 2, 2014 Tuesday Afternoon

I think about posting on my site often, but actually logging in and making a post seems harder and harder lately.  I did think this afternoon .... why?  I came to the conclusion that even almost five years into knowing I have HIV, when I go to post, it is just another reminder that I am HIV or have AIDS.  I honestly thought I was beyond this point long time ago.  I think it has more to do with the fact that my life is much happier if I just don't think about the AIDS.  When I see a report on the news about AIDS or a commercial on TV I feel sad and it brings me down.  So it just seems easier to live not mentioning the words HIV and AIDS.  I take my med regularly and have only missed one dose in five years.  I feel healthy for someone with AIDS.  I do most I want to do but fear I could never hold down a full time job with a schedule due to not knowing how I will feel from day to day, what my energy level will be, or if I just need to sleep.  So, I came to the conclusion I have been avoiding this site because it reminds me of my HIV and AIDS and brings me down.  Maybe in the beginning when I started this site the high of knowing I was helping people got me through the low of the reminder?  I will continue to post and hope this is just a phase.   Maybe it means I am moving forward?  Just wish I could leave the HIV and AIDS behind.

Life has been good the last few weeks since I posted.  We have a very laid back life style and am in bed by 8:30 PM nightly.  I am up by 6:30 AM to feed the dogs and usually take a short nap in the afternoon sometime between 1 and 3 PM.  I try to schedule one thing to accomplish each day whether it be at home or having to get in the car and do the task.  If I plan on to much I feel overwhelmed.  The cold weather has not helped and makes me not want to leave the house.

We have watched a lot of movies in between our regular TV shows.  We have watched the gay themed movies Dorian Blues and Monster Pies (both great movies), along with Frozen (not sure what all the talk is about), Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes, All Cheerleaders Die, And So It Goes and Deliver Us From Evil.  Some were better than others.

Met my new doctor last Friday for the first time since my regular general practice doctor quit.  I did like my past doctor and was scared to meet and start over with a new doctor.  Had to make an extra long appointment and she gave me an entire physical.  Even put the finger up the butt.  Walked out with the meds I needed but getting pain pills from this doctor is going to be like pulling teeth.  Might have to consider a different doctor if I have problem filling my current needs with her.  I am not going to go and beg for pain pill I need to get from day to day, week to week and month to month.  Thankfully I planned ahead and have a pretty good supply to last.  Tony also met her and had an appointment with her that same day. 

Thanksgiving came and went.  We went to my parents house and had a nice enough meal and time.  The cold makes me just want to not leave the house.

The dogs are all doing great, in fact all the fences are down and all the dogs now are together 24 /7 every day.  It all started last week and not a problem.  I do watch them and if I leave they do get separated and fenced in different parts of the house just to make sure a squirrel or something out the front windows don't stir them all up.  Rather be safe than sorry.

Started my little Christmas shopping I do for Tony and my family.  Tony and I don't really buy anything other than stuff we need.  Anything we buy for ourselves while shopping for others between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I wrap and we open as Christmas presents.  Its not like either of us need anything, and if we did we would most likely have it.  I have very simple needs and not many at that.  Just happy to be home with my husband and dogs on a daily basis is enough for me.

I am having some issues with death and dying again but that might be because of the three close deaths of Uncles and friends in the past weeks.  I wish I could find someone to talk to or a good book to read about fears of death and dying.

So there it is, another couple weeks older and happier?


  1. I know exactly what you mean about leaving HIV and AIDS behind. You don't have to apologize for posting here as regularly as you used to. I was diagnosed in 2001 but was infected, according to stored blood from 1982, as early as that. I lost over 150 friends and acquaintances to AIDS. I used to spend enormous amounts of time reading all the HIV/AIDS blogs and sites all the time, and now not so much. I just stopped.

    I'm 72. I enjoy tremendously, now, reading about Rose and Casper every day on Facebook. My live-saver is my Jack Russell, whom I got three years ago when he was three months old. He helps to keep me alive; without him, I would hardly leave my apartment. We obsess for a while, sometimes years, about our HIV, and after a while it's best to just to give it up. I'm more concentrated these days on the illnesses of old age; they may be worsened by the HIV infection, but who knows? Of course you're moving forward.

    We have been lucky that HIV has become a treatable chronic illness. Is it really worse than having diabetes? I don't think so. You have a husband and five terrific dogs. Love or what you will....

  2. I was diagnosed in 2006 and i did not start Meds until 2011. I always look forward to read your blog, for me it reminder that i am not alone and it is okay to be HIV poz and live a normal life, just like you and your husband. I don't have much friends and i have come to terms with my solitude lifestyle.

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