October 28, 2014 Tuesday Morning

Found out one of Tony's 89 year old uncles is in the hospice and will not be around much longer.  So Friday night instead of going to a play like we had planned we took his other 87 year old uncle to see his brother in the hospice.  It was priceless.  Both are not doing good and can not hear or remember much these days.  It took them 10 minutes to realize who they were to each other.  Then they were touching and all talking.  Not that either could hear the other.  We stayed for over and hour and then drove the uncle and his care taker home. 

Saturday afternoon Tony and I met my mom and sister at a fund raiser for Pit Bull dogs and foster programs.   Was nice to walk around with family and see all the dogs available to adopt.  Took a nap in the afternoon and went to a costume party Saturday night.   I went as a fork in the road, Tony went as Brawny man.

Didn't stay at the party long but was glad we got our butts off the couch and went to it and saw some friends.

 

Sunday afternoon we took Tony's uncle again to see his brother.  Stayed for about and hour and a half before taking him back home.  Uncle is doing OK but looked very puffy and we are told it is just a matter of time.  I spent the rest of the day doing things outside in the yard.

 

Spent all day yesterday doing things around the house, mostly outside.  I did do my usual Monday loads of laundry, but spent must of the day outside blowing and raking leaves.  By the end of the day I was exhausted.  It was a rare 75 degrees yesterday.  Today is in the 50s and we will not see 70s again this year.  Carved our pumpkins last night.  Here they are.

 

Today I think I will clean the basement.  I have been putting it off and I think today would be a good day. 

I have been a little depressed lately.  I am not sure why.  It once again has to do with death and dying and my end of my life.  I have said before I am scared to death of dying and getting old.  I feel like time is going by too fast.  No matter if I do nothing all day or keep myself busy, the day is over and another year goes by, closer to the end.  I truly am at the happiest point in my life so I don't know where these fears are coming from.  I feel like when I am happy, something bad is going to happen.  Walking on egg shells knowing Kali's days are numbered has not helped.  I have had to work at keeping her eating for the past week or so.  She eats half her food and that is if I feed her and talk to her while she eats.  She also has been breathing heavy from her tumors under her neck.  I know it is just a matter of time since she is over 15 years old.  Been down this path six times now and each time you just wait for the 'right' sign and hope you did the right thing.    The fear of death and dying has also been what keeps me at home.  Fear of getting in an accident or something happening.  Who would take care of my five dogs?   Even just updated our Wills and where the money will go.  So yes, I have death on my mind lately and it is getting me down.  Soon we will have to go to Tony's uncles funeral and they always come in threes it seems.  I just feel secure at home and don't like to venture far from it.  I am safe and have my dogs to talk to and keep me happy.  I know this might not be the best way to live and wish I could find someone to talk to about death and dying.  Anyone. 

Going to write a few emails and then get the day rolling.  Hopefully if I keep busy thoughts of death will not be what I think of.

 

October 23, 2014 Thursday Afternoon

This past week could be called the 'week of the vet'.  All five dog have gone in to the vet in the past week for their nails to be trimmed.   Rose also got her anal cleaned and Bo got a Rabbis shot and check up.  All are doing good and were very good at the vet and with the doctors and staff.  I remember the Beagles I had years ago and what a handful they were to take them to the vet.  I found them late in life and they were not trained well.  I can see the difference and I am so proud of my dogs and how they behave.  Rose and Casper are getting bigger with each day.  They are now both at 55 lbs.  They were 30 and 33 lbs five months ago when we got them.  Hopefully we will get the signed paperwork back and they will be ours.

Last week I called the replacement doctor I chose since our doctor quit.  When I called last week to get our names in with this doctor so if something happens we are not doctorless, I was told she was not accepting any more patients.  I begged and asked if she could ask the doctor to reconsider.  Went all this week without a call back from the nurse and finally called her yesterday to be told we are all set and she did take Tony and I on as patients.  Same office as our past doctor that quit.  I still have my HIV doctor, this is just our regular for aches, pains, and illness referrals.  Eventually we will meet her when I have something to talk about or an illness.  Will most likely be for refills on my pain pills with the new laws and no more monthly refills. 

Went for a couple walks down by the river this past week since the weather has been in the 50s and sunny.  Yesterday I was standing by the edge of the water putting my foot in the water and I slipped into the river.  I honestly saw my life flash before my eyes.  I kept slipping back in as I pulled myself out in the mud.  I was all muddy when I stood up.  I am proud of myself because when I saw how muddy I was ...  I broke out laughing.  I think that is the best way to handle such things.  I will not stand so close to the water again and figure it had to be funny if someone got on video.  There is rarely anyone down on the trails and I am sure no one saw.  I even continued my walk thinking ... oh well. 

Watched the movie The Purge Anarchy last weekend.  I did enjoy this movie a lot.  Not sure what that says for me.  It had you at the edge of your seat from start to finish.   Other than that we spend the time catching up on all the TV shows we DVR during the week.  Sometimes we are watching a show and three others are recording. 

Making Tacos for supper tonight.  A warm front comes through tonight with some rain.  Unseasonably warm 60s this weekend.  Will hopefully get a rain gutter cleaned and enjoy the time outside before Winter arrives, which will be soon.

October 14, 2014 Tuesday Morning

Another week has flown by and I have no clue where it went.  The dogs are all fine.  Tony and I are doing great.   In fact our marriage just finally became legal with the latest Supreme Court 'non ruling' and yesterday Scott Walker our Governor announcing all would be legal and the state of Wisconsin must recognize marriages between same sex couples.  If you were to ask me if I ever expected to be legally married in my lifetime to Tony I would say NO WAY.  It has always been a dream and now is a reality. 

Last Saturday afternoon I talked Tony into going on a long walk along the river trails north to Capital Drive and then to Culver's for a sundae, walking back home on the other side of the river.  This was the longest walk we have ever taken and I had so much fun.  Great trails going north from our house.  After the walk Tony was done for the day and we just spent the night watching TV from the DVR.

Sunday morning we picked up Tony's mom and went out for breakfast.  After we dropped her off we stopped at a farmers market and bought ham and rolls, fruit, and a couple pumpkins.  Will carve them hopefully this coming weekend.   Took all the dogs for a walk and spent the rest of the day at home watching TV.   The weather has been very nice here in Milwaukee and still can keep the side doors or windows open when the sun is out.

Yesterday afternoon around 12:10 AM I looked out the window to see a SWAT van and about 10 police cars all surrounding the apartment complex across the street that I complain about.  Had a couple hours of watching them break down a door and send in the K 9 dog units.  Ended up taking two people away in handcuffs supposedly about some robberies and shootings around the neighborhood.  Nice to know this scum is living right across the street.

It is raining today and I think I will soon finish getting things around the house done and then go to the hardware store for light bulbs and pick Rose up on the way home.  Rose has been so good at work for Tony.  Yesterday I was told his brother Tom took Rose to the dog park and she played with another Pit Bull.  I keep giving Tony and earful as to being careful and all the responsibility and things that could happen.  Tony keeps telling me not to worry. 

October 6, 2014 Monday Afternoon

Mid week last week we both got our flu shots for the year.  Went out for cheap hamburgers mid week also.
Last Saturday morning we got some estimates on new back doors.  The estimate was way too high and we will not be replacing the back doors any time soon.  Saturday afternoon we went to a fund raiser for the Brew City Bully Club here in Milwaukee.  Had a drink and talked with some people sharing photos of Rose and Casper.  Went out for food after and then spent the rest of the night with the dogs watching TV.
Sunday we had the best day.  My parents came to town and like each year we all went to the Brady Street Pet Walk.  Had a great time and went out for late lunch after the event.  Had a great few hours with my parents.  After we got home we decided to take Vito to a friends to see his biological father.  Vito's sister and mother died recently and we have talked about not letting this last opportunity pass and we had them see each other.  It was priceless and I think they did know each other.  They are both blind so it is hard at time to tell.   Spent the night watching TV.
Today Rose stayed home with a bad stomach.  Cleaned all day today.  Was happy to hear gay marriage is now legal in Wisconsin.  So I guess as of today my marriage to Tony is legal.