January 29, 2010 HIV+ And Thankfully Not Single

I daily am amazed at the stories I still here from people who are alone dealing with HIV and AIDS. I am so thankful to have Tony by my side daily dealing with this. From just having someone there when you first find out to support you to dating, it is not easy and sometimes so sad. I had a conversation with a very handsome man on Monday about being single and dating with HIV. Wow, was I blown away. This man is very handsome and still has a hard time even getting a date because of his HIV status. We talked about the part of when you tell someone your HIV+ when dating. Do you date someone negative or positive? Or how not many negative people want to even start a relationship with someone positive, which is understandable to some extent. He talked about when you tell someone and what their reactions usually are. Reaction ranges from 'I will have to think about it' which never ends up good to running fast. Either way it is rejection at it's fullest. How sad. Thank god I have Tony. I often wonder if I will be alone the rest of my life if something happened to Tony. Who would want me? I will be in my 50s and HIV+. Not a good offering to anyone looking for a mate is it? If a handsome guy in his 30s can't get a date and keep a partner to share life, where will I be if something happened to Tony? It scares the hell out of me because I have never been the kind of person who likes being alone as you have read in this blog. I am so thankful Tony has stood by me, we still have a very comfortable relationship, and he still wants to kiss or have sex with me, limited as it may be. I am thankful. I can not imagine meeting a nice guy, wanting to start a friendship leading to a relationship only to be rejected over and over because you are HIV+. My grandma was my age when she lost her husband, my grandfather, and she spent the rest of her life alone with his memories. She lived to 98 years old. I would never want to be alone that many years. I still hear that little voice kicking me down every day, all day, telling me I have AIDS. The voice is not as loud as it was one year ago but there just the same. The reality of having AIDS sometimes is overwhelming.

It would be nice if my followers gave me a little insight into their relationships or lack of them due to their HIV status. Please share so we can help each other.