March 31, 2010 Wednesday Dinner Time

Had a very scary night last night with Bo.

Tuesday morning I went to one of the big malls here in Milwaukee (Southridge Mall) to do some clearance shopping for new clothes. I only go to the malls once a year and I go right for the clearance racks. Ended up buying a few shirts, a pair of jeans, and a heavy flannel shirt all on sale. Came home and took a nap with the dogs. It was about 50 degrees today in Milwaukee. Everything was going fine until after I fed the dogs. After I fed them I noticed a pee mark on the carpet and when I went to find Bo I found him hiding in the corner not looking good. He could hardly stand and was clearly in pain. Great. My thought was he either ate something he should not have or Stella might have hurt him playing. Spent the night with him on the couch trying to decide if we should take him into emergency or wait it out. We ended up waiting it out and got him on the bed for the night next to me. I was up all night with him. He was not happy and let out a couple whimpers here and there. He also peed in the bed during the night. All night we were on the fence as to taking him to emergency.

Got up out of bed around 5 AM and took Bo to the couch. He was still not doing great so I called the vet when they opened at 7:30 AM. The doctors had surgery all morning but the vet said we could drop him off and leave him and they would look at him between surgeries. I was not about to drop him off and let him sit in a cage feeling the way he was. I gave him some breakfast which he ate right away. I figured this must be good. A little while later I got him outside to poop and pee. No blood or problems there either. Spend the early morning with him by my side. Around 9 AM he started looking a little better. I took him outside again and he pooped and peed again. Long story short, by noon he was doing much better. Took a long nap with him this afternoon. Since we got up from our nap he has been up to his normal puppy self. So the conclusion is Stella did not hurt him, he must have ate something he should not have. I have no clue what, but will keep an eye on him the next few days to figure it out. Bottom line, he is now better thankfully. Was a very scary night. I honestly thought Stella hurt his spine or something and the end result would be expensive and not good. Spent the night in tears wondering if it was his last day. Thankfully it did not turn out that way. It is close to 70 degrees today in Milwaukee. Not really enjoying it because I am still putting Bo as number one. Any outdoor projects will wait another day. Tomorrow it is suppose to be in the 70s all day. Tonight we will just stay home with the dogs and count our blessings.

March 29, 2010 Monday Morning

Not one thing on my schedule for this week. Not one thing.

Thursday afternoon I had a board meeting with ARCW. Was very informative and productive.

Friday after taking Bo to the vet for another booster puppy shot I did a little cleaning around the house in the morning, had lunch with the guys, and in the middle of the afternoon a friend came over for an hour or so to see the puppy and visit. Is always nice to spend time with her.

Saturday morning after taking Stella to the vet for another blood test Tony spend the day working on the bathroom. I spent the day working on the sun room outside replacing boards and such. Saturday night we went to the Pius XI High School performance at the Pabst Theater of Titanic - The Musical. WOW. It was one of the best plays I have seen in a long time. Most Broadway shows we see at the PAC are not as good. I even called the school today and left a message as well as an email telling the school what a great performance it was and to make sure the proper people hear or read my response. The show was truly amazing.

Sunday morning I made breakfast, gave Stella a bath and then Tony and I went to Home Depot to purchase some wood and things he needs for the bathroom construction. He spent the rest of the day working on the bathroom, I spend the day working on the sun room and watching the dogs. It was again nice enough outside to keep the doors open so the dogs could go out when they need to. Bo has been very good. He has not made a mistake in the house in days. Ordered Chinese food for dinner last night, will most likely have the left overs for dinner tonight.

Today I don't know what I will do. Might just do a little cleaning and lay low. No word from the owner where I work. Guess it is a done deal that working there is over. How shitty for her not to call or contact me. I am truly disgusted with the way this was all handled. Have to get busy or I will slowly start to get depressed about the situation. By Thursday it is suppose to get to 70 degrees here in Milwaukee. I am happy that the weather is getting warmer. I am not happy that because I have been working outside I have a terrible itchy rash around my neck and hair line. Have to address this with my doctor when I see him again the end of April. Guess I have to stay out of the sun or make sure I put sun screen on if I am in the sun at all.

March 24, 2010 Wednesday Morning

Monday I did not go to work and did not receive any contact from the owner. It really tore me down and put me into a deep depressed state for the day. I spent most of the day walking from front to back of the house or napping on the couch or bed. I just do not understand why contact with the owner stopped when I did nothing wrong a week ago. I guess she has chosen her side, her son's. It makes me wonder if her and I were truly the friends I thought we were. I thought we were more than just employer / employee. I thought we were also friends. Not contacting me has made me wonder why I went back to work for such a woman in the first place after what that company did to me the last time they fired me. Even an email saying Thank You for your past work but I no longer need you would have been fine. Not calling or emailing me for over a week, is just not professional at all. Monday night I went to an HIV dinner meeting. Got home and watched Dancing With The Stars and then went to bed.

Tuesday I got up, got Tony off to work and decided I would try to get through the day and get something accomplished. The side wall on the glass enclosure is rotting out to I started pulling the wall apart. Drove to Home Depot and bought the wood I needed for the project. Was working hard on it by 11 AM and managed to get a lot done during the course of the day. Of course this is all while making sure the Bo and Barkley were not trying to eat the rotten wood. Jeez. Every time I turned around they had a piece in their mouths. Tried locking them in the house but since I was outside they did not like that so it was easier just to keep an eye on them outside. Bo also loves chasing the birds. Worked hard all day on the replacing of the wall until about 4 PM. Made some left over pizza from Sunday night's dinner for supper along with a salad. Watched some TV and went to bed around 10 PM.

This morning I have to get going and get back to work on the wall before I start to slide down the pity me slope. Vito is not feeling good today and did not eat his breakfast. Hopefully it will pass. Still not sure if I should write one final letter to the owner expressing how disappointed I am in how this whole job thing ended. Not sure if it is worth the time and energy. Should I just turn in my keys and credit card and let it all go?

March 21, 2010 Sunday Night

Twenty one years ago to the date Tony and I met at a bar, both single, and started dating.

Friday afternoon we had lunch with the guys. Enjoyable as always. Came home and one of the guys we have lunch with came over to the house to see the puppy. He stayed for a little over an hour and soon the afternoon was over. Friday night I made soup and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches since neither of us was hungry from lunch.

Saturday I did a little of this and that while Tony worked on the tenants bathroom doing some caulking and replacing of the shower faucet washers. I then laid down at 2 PM and Tony woke me and the dogs around 4:30. I could not believe I took such a long nap. Had a cup of coffee and the both of us took showers because we had invitations to an invite only party at the Art Bar 6th Anniversary party. Free food and drink from 6:00 to 8:00. We made the most of it. I was with one of the owners prior to Tony for 5 1/2 years so I always feel important and Tony and I are always treated good. Got home a little before 10 PM and went to bed around 11 PM.

This morning after reading a little of the Sunday Newspaper we showered and drove to Tony's mom's house and took her out for breakfast. Since Easter is in two week we should do it today because we won't next week because Easter being the following. Stopped off at Menard's after dropping Tony's mom off at her house after breakfast. Bought a bunch of stuff on a list for projects around the house. Got home shortly after noon and worked on cleaning the pond pump and doing a little yard cleaning since in spite of the snow we got yesterday it was 50 degrees today and most of it melted. Tony and I went out for dinner at the restaurant we had our first dinner at 21 years ago. We go there often and the food is always good. Home early and will watch a little TV and go to bed. No email or call from the owner where I work so if I do not hear from her by tomorrow morning I will not be returning to work there. Made up my mind if she can not face what her son did and call me I don't want to work there or for her. Bottom line - right? Will let you know what happens.

March 19, 2010 Friday Morning

Feeling very depressed and not liking where I am at.

The weather here in Milwaukee has been getting better with spring approaching. It was in the 50s on Wednesday and the 60s yesterday. Of course this is Wisconsin and we are expecting snow tonight and parts of the weekend. By the end of next week it will be in the 50s again. Spend the last two days working around the house, mostly outside. Got the side and back yard looking good. The pond is all up and running, fish all survived the winter freeze. The puppy has been for the most part very good. He seems to make one mistake a day just to test me I think. Other than that with the warmer weather I put a dog door in the side door and the dogs can go out in the secured side yard any time they want when I am home. Bo loves to sit outside and try to catch the birds. Only problem so far is the fact I spend most of my day taking things out of his mouth that he finds in the yard to chew on. Bark chips, leaves and even rocks I am pulling out of his mouth all day. I have dog toys everywhere for him and all the dogs except Barkley take their turns playing with him. He still needs to be attended to all day. Went out for dinner last night with a long time friend of Tony's. Had a nice Mexican dinner at a new local restaurant.

Today I feel .............. sad. Guess that is the word. I hate these highs and lows. I know the lows come when I am bored and do not have a plan or purpose for the day. I try to push myself as much as possible during the day but still find myself needing a short nap in the afternoons. Tony is off to work, I have walked from front to back of the house many times, looked out the window, watched my rabbit eating bird seed under the front bushes, played with Bo, fed the dogs..........now I just feel 'sad'. My sister sent me 3 books called A Case for the Creator, A Case for Faith, and A Case for Christ. I read one full book yesterday and got about 3/4 through the other. She sent them to help me because of my struggles understanding God and religion. The second book I am reading, A Case for Faith, is very good. It is giving me answers to my questions. Still not sure if I can buy into it all. But I am open minded and love reading these books in hope that something sparks and I feel more comfortable with the thought of death. Another reason I am feeling sad or down is because I still have not heard any word from my employer about what took place with her son at work on Monday. I was hoping for a call from her. Not sure what I expect her to say, I know there are things I would like to hear such as that I am wanted and that her son was wrong calling me a whore and telling me he was going to kill me. I guess something said rather than nothing is what is making me mad and sad. I am seriously thinking of putting together the work I have, putting it in an envelope and sending it to her saying I am done and moving on. Of course thanking her for the last years side work and income. I do love her dearly and am very surprised she has not called me. We would usually have talked many times by this time in the week so it is hard to know what she might be thinking. I either have to just go into work on Monday and do what I always do or call and end to it all. I am so torn. On the one hand summer is here and I can enjoy the summer working around the house without having to go to work two days a week, enjoying the summer. On the other hand, mornings like this make me realize I need a purpose in life and being home 7 days a week is not good for the mind. I do enjoy getting out of the house those two days a week and feeling needed, but do I need the stress? So what do I do? Do I shoot myself in the foot letting go a job where I make my own hours a couple days a week making good money because of my pride and fear of her son? Or do I swallow it and continue as things were? For some reason I have developed a rash on my forehead right at the hair line. I am not sure if it is stress or the sun from being outside this week. I really wish someone would help me make this decision. Tony is no help since he tells me to just stay home. Maybe I should put an end to it and start doing some volunteer work instead. Guess I will have to make a decision by Monday. Any help or words of advice are appreciated.

March 16, 2010 Tuesday Night

Spent Saturday just doing things around the house while Tony went to work for half the day. Spent the afternoon watching TV and playing with the dogs.

Sunday Tony got working on the bathroom again so I did the grocery shopping and such. Spent the day as well close to home not doing a lot.

Monday I went to work to work my usual Monday 5 hours doing inventories and such. A short time after getting to work I approached the IT person about not being able to access files I need and that I have not been able to for a while. My user name and passwords were not working. He was his usual 'helpful' self. After the third time going to his office with no help I let him know I would talk to the owner about the problem. I guess he did not like this response because a short time later he blocked me in the hallway and went off on me. He was like a mad man. Called me a whore and kept chest butting me trying to pick a fight. I was having non of it and he was not liking that at all. It ended up him telling me he was going to 'kill me'. He said it several times. Said many other hurtful things also besides calling me a whore. He stated I was not welcome here and should have never returned to the company. He is the owners son, unfortunately. I kept my cool. The entire building of other employees heard all he said at the top of his lungs and saw how he was trying to pick a fight with me. I was visibly shaken. Told the other owner of the situation, finished my counting and got the heck out of there. Did a little work at home before emailing the owner and HR manager about what had happened. Since there are cameras everywhere they can easily see the entire event if they look on the DVR. Spent the night rethinking the fact of working for this company. Spent a very restless night thinking very hard about if it is all worth it.

This morning I got up and said 'it is not'. I emailed the owner and HR person and told them I would not be returning until I heard from someone as to how yesterdays situation was handled. I will not go to work in fear for my life. The owners son is nuts and a loose cannon. As of now I still have not heard a word from anyone which really pisses me off. If I do not hear from someone by next week I will turn in my keys and not return. Went to the DMV this morning to update my drivers license. Tony went with me. Took a short nap this afternoon and now I am up watching Judge Judy waiting to make dinner.

March 12, 2010 Friday Afternoon

Wednesday I worked around the house and outside a little in the yard. It was close to 50 degrees in Milwaukee today. Wednesday night I made chicken and rice with a nice salad for dinner. Woke up around 2:30 AM Thursday morning with that sick stomach feeling. Ended up throwing up a lot. Seemed to never end. Went back to bed for a while until I was up again at 4 AM this time not only throwing up but with the runs. The runs is an understatement. At times I didn't know which end it was going to come out. Was not a pleasant experience at all. Tried to go back to bed but by this time the dogs were up and I felt like crap. Tony left for work and I spent most of Thursday going from the couch to the bed and napping. Said to myself if this throwing up continues one more night I will have to call the doctor. Went to bed early Thursday night and had a good night sleep.

Woke up today feeling really good. Guess it was something I ate? My chicken dinner? Tony didn't get sick. Hmm. Just glad I feel so good today and made it through a night without throwing up again. Got up early today and was doing things around the house by 7 AM. Tony left shortly there after to go to work. Spent the morning outside cleaning up the side yard and working on the pond. Got the Otter shooting water into the pond. Ready to go pick Tony up to go have lunch with the guys. Then I will most likely spend the afternoon watching TV or napping since the rain is moving in soon. Glad I got as much as I did done this morning outside prior to the rain arriving. My back and chest hurt but that is most likely from the throwing up non stop the day and night before. Other than that. I feel good today.

March 9, 2010 Tuesday Night

Saturday night we did not go out for dinner. Tony and I took a nap and when we got up my stomach did not feel good. Within time I was throwing up. The phone rang a little while later and one of the people we were to have dinner with was sick also. So we said we would do it another time. Made some soup and sandwiches for dinner and went to bed around 10 PM.

Sunday was Tony's 49th Birthday. Happy Birthday Tony. We got up and drove to Tony's mom's house and took her out for breakfast. Dropped her off after breakfast and came home for a while before going to the American Kennel Club Dog Show at State Fair Park. Spent about 2 hours walking around watching the dogs. Came home and after watching TV for a while I took Tony out for a Birthday dinner at a local Italian Restaurant. Got home and spent the night watching the Oscars. In bed and lights our by 10 PM.

Monday I went to work and worked my usual 5 or so hours. Got home and after doing a little work on the computer I took an hour nap. My sinus's are killing me. Went to bed around 9 PM.

This morning I was up at 4:30 AM throwing up again. This is happening way to often and I will have to address this with my doctor when I go in next the end of April. I really hope it is just a spell of stomach acid and in time it will get better. Switching meds is a scary thought. Tried to go back to bed after the morning throw up but the puppy was up and wanted to play. Tony got up and I stayed in bed. By the time Bo brought me the fifth shoe I said 'this is enough' and just got up. Pushed myself to go in for a couple hours work. Feel like crap today. My face hurts so much. I have taken every sinus pill I have with no relief. I just got off an anti biotic a week ago so I am really not a happy guy right now. I am hoping it is the fog and the damp Milwaukee weather. Took a couple hour nap hoping I would wake up feeling better. No such luck. Making some dinner right now. Will watch a little TV and go to bed early. I have to start feeling better. This is scarring me. I attached a video of Stella and Bo playing. Stella is so good with him. She could do so much damage and is so careful with him. Enjoy.

March 6, 2010 Saturday Morning

It has been quite a busy week around here. The good news is Jacque Pierre Beaumont IV, otherwise known as Bo, has been surprisingly good. Since last Sunday he has only made about 4 mistakes in the house. I consider that very good for a dog that never was even taught to pee or poop outside before he came here about a week and a half ago. The last two times I caught him 'in the act', the minute he heard my stern voice you could tell he knew he was a bad boy. Both times I put his nose in it, gave him a tiny little pat on the butt, and took him outside where he finished his peeing. Then I make a big deal out of it and give him a small treat. He has really been a good boy. Took him yesterday for his first vet visit. He got his first puppy shot and check up. He was very good and laid in my arms most of the appointment.

I worked Monday and Tuesday about 4 hours each day. Wednesday morning I had a dental appointment to have a tooth drilled and filled. I HATE the dentist. I sweat like a pig as I squeeze the hand rails on the chair as the dentist injects my gums. It is horrible. As a kid I would just let the dentist drill and fill without shots I hated the needles that much. I am older and wiser now and take the five minutes of shot pain so I don't have the hour of drilling pain. Dentist said she had to drill pretty far down being so big and told me to take some Advil or pain meds when I got home. I still was not feeling much pain so I laid down on the bed with the dogs and took a nap. Boy was I sorry I didn't take something for the pain because when I woke up I felt like someone had my tooth by a pliers. Took a bunch of pain meds and was better a little while later. Spent Wednesday night at home watching TV.

Thursday I went into work for a few hours to do a supply inventory and clean the owners office. Was home by 1 PM and spent the afternoon ordering product and updating spreadsheets on the computer. Spent the rest of the day cleaning and watching the puppy.

Friday morning was 'Bo's' first vet appointment. As I said above he was very good. Came home and did a little around the house before going to pick Tony up and have lunch with the guys. Tony had to buy lunch since this Sunday, March 7th, is his Birthday. The Birthday boy has to buy lunch that week. Had a great lunch and came home. Took a couple hour nap before getting up and doing some shoveling of ice and snow off the deck so the sun can melt what is left. It is going to be in the low 40s this weekend. We still have a lot of snow on the ground here in Milwaukee. Last night we went to a fund raiser at a bar called Bucket Head here in Milwaukee. It was for the Brew City Bully Club which we are members of. It's goal is to stop dog fighting and bring awareness to Pit Bull dogs being good dogs. Had a great time. A band called Left On Sunset was playing all night and they were great. Had a couple drinks and we were home by a little after 10 PM. The fundraiser was a great success. A great turn out for the event.

Today we both got up early. Not sure why since we have no plans until dinner.

March 2, 2010 Tuesday Afternoon - In Defense of Tony

I could not let the comment by Sammy go by without addressing it.
I would hate to loose Sammy or anyone who takes the time to follow my blog. I appreciate all comments made to all my posts. In this case I have to respond. Sammy, Tony may not be the best husband, but he is not the worst either. We have been together for 21 years this month. We have some good times as well as some bad times. I have to ask myself the question: Would I be better off with him or without him? The answer is simple. I am much better with him. You have to remember you are reading MY side of the story. I am sure he would have a very different point of view on many things I discuss in this blog. I am not the easiest person in the world to live with either. I am demanding, possessive, like to get my way, and have HIV to name a few faults of my own. He has never pushed the subject regarding how I got HIV. I think that is a big plus in itself since I can not say I would be able to do the same if the tables were reversed. He has stood by me during the worst point in my life a year ago. He continues to stand by me and support decisions I make. I will be the first to admit I am not the easiest to live with. I am not with him for financial reasons. It helps having a man who pays his part and then some of the bills, but if I had to do it on my own, I could. He might not be romantic, sympathetic, helpful around the house and many other things, but he is supportive when needed, helpful in many other areas. I am not defending what was said on Saturday night by him. I have said hurtful things in the past also I am sure. Did I really mean them? NO. Would I take them back if I could? YES. So with that said, please do not think Tony is not a good man. WHEN IT COUNTS, HE IS!

March 1, 2010 Monday Night

Saturday Tony took Stella to the vet for another blood test, then spent the day working on the bathroom. I spent the day cleaning and keeping an eye on the puppy. He was pretty good all day. I think he made one poop mistake and about 3 pee mistakes for the day. Each time I caught him in the act and let him know he was a bad dog and took him outside. Saturday night we had a party to go to so we put him in his crate and hoped for the best. He was fine when we got home after 11 PM. Had a good time at the party. I had three drinks. Tony had about 5 and I knew by the time we left it was time to get him home. He can be a mean drunk and was. Got home and after I did EVERYTHING I let him know that it was not fair for him to walk in the house after a party or night out and just take care of himself and his own needs while I take care of the dogs, get us a water, turn on the TV and everything else. Well, he got mean, told me he hates me and that he hopes every night when he goes to bed that he does not wake up in the morning so he doesn't have to spend another day with me. What a nice thing to be told hey? I let him say what he wanted, I walked away and took the dogs to bed with me. About an hour later he came to bed. I was not happy. About 2:30 AM I woke up pucking my guts out. I just can not drink anymore on the meds I take. Guess three drinks is too many.

Sunday we were both up around 7 AM due to the puppy. Not much was said between Tony and I all morning. About 10:30 AM I told him I had to call the girl who might want the puppy and it was his last chance to tell me what he wanted to do. I laid out my case, pro and cons. He said nothing. About 11:30 I asked him again and told him it was not fair not to say anything. He simply said 'I wouldn't have brought the puppy home if I didn't want him. You always do what your want so your going to do what you want this time also'. I sat there silent. OK. So now I am the bad guy. A little while later he was sleeping on the couch. I called the girl who wanted him and told her we had changed our minds. I guess I wasn't going to win this one giving the dog away. I was happy to hear the girl say she had decided not to get the dog anyway. Of course I did not tell Tony this. Let him think I did this for him. I had made the decision to do it for him anyway prior to the girl saying she didn't want him. Spent the day watching the puppy and TV and just doing a little paperwork. Went to bed around 10 PM Sunday night. The puppy in my arms. For the record his name is Jacque Pierre Beaumont The 4th. Yup Tony named him. Guess he had a dog like this one named the same when he was a kid. So we will call him Beau (Bo) for short. He is a very smart dog and catching on quick. I will have to post some more pictures and a video of him playing with Vito and Stella. Vito and him are best friends already. Stella (our pitbull) is so careful when she plays with him. Stella always pleasantly surprises me daily being a pitbull and being such a good dog. I am so glad I saved Stella. She would have been put down if we didn't save her 4 1/2 years ago.

Monday I got up around 6 AM and spent until I went to work at 9 AM watching the dog making sure he was not leaving any messes in the house. Tony came home at lunch to let them all out. Had Tony take a stool sample to the vet this morning to make sure Beau doesn't have worms and give it to the other four dogs. I got home around 3 PM from work. The vet called shortly after to say no worms and that Stella's blood count from Saturday was still good/normal. Spent the afternoon working at home for work on the computer transferring the count/inventory numbers to a spreadsheet to send the owner. Then I had an HIV meeting from 6 PM to 7:30 PM. It is getting close to 10 PM and I am ready for bed. Have to work a few hours tomorrow. Wednesday I have a dental appointment to drill and fill a tooth, YUCK.