February 10, 2010 Wednesday Morning

Got up by 6 AM and began the shoveling out from the 12 inches of snow we got the last 2 days. The sun is out now. Tony plowed while I shoveled. All done. Now I just have to stay home all day and do some cleaning here and there. The news says we had an earthquake not far from here last night. I did not feel a thing. Always wondered what it would feel like though.

This morning Cyndi Lauper and Lady Gaga were on Good Morning America. I love Lady Gaga. With that said I have to put something in writing. As much as I am so happy people like Lady Gaga and Cyndi Lauper and many others help fight AIDS, when I hear stories about AIDS it just brings me down. That little voice in my head tells me I have AIDS all day, bringing me down, but I have found a way to lessen the voice. Any time I read or hear about HIV and AIDS it is like someone hits me with a brick and my heart sinks, I shake and feel cold. I hate having this disease. I use to be able to say I was one of the lucky ones. It just makes me want to cry. Not really looking for sympathy, just telling it like it is. Does a day ever come when you totally accept this disease? Does a time come when the mention of HIV or AIDS doesn't knock you down? God I sure hope so. Some days I still dwell on the question 'how did I get this?' Most days to be honest. I know I am fortunate to have adjusted as well as I have since learning I have AIDS. I know my meds have done miracles for my health. I just HATE having this disease. It almost feels dirty? Tainted? Not as good as someone else? Worth less?

I have a meeting tonight at Mo's restaurant at 6 PM tonight. Not sure what the topic will be or for sure if I am going. Will have to see how the day unfolds and if there actually is a meeting because of the snow. Thinking I might go back into some type of one on one therapy for a while again.