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It has been a very busy week. I have been working all week upstairs getting the rental apartment ready for a new tenant. Needed lots of work. Spent this week painting every room wall and ceiling. Cleaned each and every window including the outside storms. Cleaned the ceiling fans which had so much dust it was horrible. Patched all the holes and cracks before painting each room. I started by 8 AM each day and was still up there into each night. Last night I finished up a little early and Tony and I treated ourselves to a dinner out at a local Italian restaurant. Was not as good as the first time we visited this restaurant.
Today our tenants are getting the last of their stuff out including a big aquarium as well as cleaning the stove and refrigerator. It all has to be done by 2 PM this afternoon when the new carpet is installed throughout the entire apartment. Got the carpet from Empire for $1700.00. Was more expensive than I had planned, but what you gonna do. It has to get done. Listed the apartment on Craigslist. Here is a link: http://milwaukee.craigslist.org/apa/1296137176.html
Going to have to skip the Friday lunch today with the guys. Hopefully by tonight the apartment will be empty and looking good. We do need to still make some minor fixes and cleaning but for the most part it is ready to rent.
Been an exhausting week. Worked very hard around here. Harder than a 48 year old man with AIDS should ever have to work. Hopefully by Sunday Tony and I can lay back and enjoy the day.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
July 28, 2009 Tuesday Night
Tony and I spent Sunday afternoon at my parents house. My relatives from Ohio were in town and at their home. Had a nice afternoon with the folks and relatives. Ended up taking my cousin who is a nurse off to the side and told her about my diagnosis. She took it well. Made her swear to keep it between her and her husband only. She thought I should tell my parents. I explained my reasons for not telling them. She still thought I should. I still stand at this point by my decision to wait. Sunday night we were in bed early.
Monday I was up early and let my job know I would not be in for the day due to the fact I have to paint the entire upstairs apartment this week so we can rent it for August 1st or shortly there after. Got the kitchen and bathroom painted. Looks good. Was exhausted by Monday night. Hoped for a good night's sleep so I could continue painting on Tuesday.
Was up and out of bed by 6 AM this morning. Didn't sleep well at all last night. Last time I was up and looking at the clock it was 2 AM. Was so mad at myself because I knew how much I needed sleep so I could continue painting. Well, up at 6 AM, sent Tony to McDonald's for some breakfast and was painting again upstairs by 7:30 AM this morning. Got the living room and dining room painted and one coat on the hallway. Good day. Tony got home about 6 PM. After him telling me about the 2 teeth he had pulled today and how much pain he was in, I pushed my tired 48 year old butt into the shower so we could go to the Tuesday night Harley Davidson car show. Was OK. Tony enjoyed it. I was bored. Ate at a Mexican restaurant prior to the car show. I was so busy painting today I didn't even call or check in with my boss where I work. Not like me at all. I will have to call her tomorrow and tell her I simply can not give her any time this week due to the tenants moving out, their apartment needing a lot of work, and Tony being down an employee for what sounds like a while due to breaking his ankle this past weekend. I made a Wednesday morning appointment for someone from Empire Carpets to come to the house and give me an estimate on new carpet throughout the upstairs apartment. The apartment needs new carpet. Another reason why I am trying to get the apartment rent able. Between not getting rent for August, we will have to pay back a security deposit, pay for new carpet, paint and other plumbing supplies needed, as well as all the time and energy I simply have to try to salvage any of August and getting a tenant and rent money. Going to be a tight month. Hope to get a good nights sleep tonight so I can get more painting done tomorrow.
Told Tony at dinner tonight that if I had not recently been told I had AIDS I would feel like a normal 48 year old male. Was up early even without a full night's sleep, painted ceilings and walls all day, went out for dinner and to a car show. How much more could a healthy normal 48 year old person do in any given day than I did again today? Now if I can just have a few more days like this in a row. I feel good. On a down note. I for some reason am getting a small rash on my forehead. Hopefully it is nothing but to much sun.
Monday I was up early and let my job know I would not be in for the day due to the fact I have to paint the entire upstairs apartment this week so we can rent it for August 1st or shortly there after. Got the kitchen and bathroom painted. Looks good. Was exhausted by Monday night. Hoped for a good night's sleep so I could continue painting on Tuesday.
Was up and out of bed by 6 AM this morning. Didn't sleep well at all last night. Last time I was up and looking at the clock it was 2 AM. Was so mad at myself because I knew how much I needed sleep so I could continue painting. Well, up at 6 AM, sent Tony to McDonald's for some breakfast and was painting again upstairs by 7:30 AM this morning. Got the living room and dining room painted and one coat on the hallway. Good day. Tony got home about 6 PM. After him telling me about the 2 teeth he had pulled today and how much pain he was in, I pushed my tired 48 year old butt into the shower so we could go to the Tuesday night Harley Davidson car show. Was OK. Tony enjoyed it. I was bored. Ate at a Mexican restaurant prior to the car show. I was so busy painting today I didn't even call or check in with my boss where I work. Not like me at all. I will have to call her tomorrow and tell her I simply can not give her any time this week due to the tenants moving out, their apartment needing a lot of work, and Tony being down an employee for what sounds like a while due to breaking his ankle this past weekend. I made a Wednesday morning appointment for someone from Empire Carpets to come to the house and give me an estimate on new carpet throughout the upstairs apartment. The apartment needs new carpet. Another reason why I am trying to get the apartment rent able. Between not getting rent for August, we will have to pay back a security deposit, pay for new carpet, paint and other plumbing supplies needed, as well as all the time and energy I simply have to try to salvage any of August and getting a tenant and rent money. Going to be a tight month. Hope to get a good nights sleep tonight so I can get more painting done tomorrow.
Told Tony at dinner tonight that if I had not recently been told I had AIDS I would feel like a normal 48 year old male. Was up early even without a full night's sleep, painted ceilings and walls all day, went out for dinner and to a car show. How much more could a healthy normal 48 year old person do in any given day than I did again today? Now if I can just have a few more days like this in a row. I feel good. On a down note. I for some reason am getting a small rash on my forehead. Hopefully it is nothing but to much sun.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
July 26, 2009 Sunday Morning
I could not believe my last post was Wednesday. I guess not posting means I am keeping very busy and doing good. Except for being very tired I have little to complain about.
Wednesday night Tony and I went to the weekly car show at the Solid Gold McDonald's here in Milwaukee. Same old same old. I do not remember what I did on Thursday besides a short meeting at ARCW for the Client Advisory Board I am on. I did get everything I wanted to accomplish accomplished. Friday I went grocery shopping in the morning, lunch with the guys, and spent the afternoon rearranging the furniture in our living room. I do this every so often. Have not made any changes since the beginning of the year so it was time for a fresh look. We bought a couple paintings from Tony's brother, moved the big screen TV to the opposite side of the living room and it looks good. In our house moving things like this is a nightmare. I have speakers in every corner, TV's in every room, and all are wired into the computer, TV, or stereo. So moving anything means all the wires have to be refished through the floors and through the basement. New look is always good. The furniture was the way it was for way to long. Friday night Tony and I walked up to a neighborhood block party and then stopped at a neighborhood bar for a drink. Saturday (yesterday) we spent the morning doing things around the house. Eventually the sound of the lakefront airshow got me in the shower, bitching for Tony to finish his project, get him in the shower, and down to the lakefront on a friends boat to watch the all day air show. Was really nice. Just laying out on the boat, in the shade, watching the Blue Angels and other airplanes doing stunts in each others arms. Spent an hour in traffic getting home. We only live about 4 miles from the lakefront. Big mistake to leave when we did. Fed the dogs, and watched a little TV until we went to another block party on Brady Street Milwaukee. HUGE block party. We got there about 7 PM so we could watch the DRAG SHOW at 8 PM. Drag Show? Yup. Been there for a couple years now. It is the biggest part of the block party. How times have changed. There were more straight people dancing and enjoying themselves than gay people. Tony and I snuggled into each other for the whole show or he had his hand in my pocket or mine in his. At a block party in the middle of the street watching a drag show on Milwaukee's eastside. Honestly, I never ever thought those words would ever all be in one sentence. The world is slowly getting better for most gay people. More accepting anyway. It felt so normal and so good. Got home around 11 PM and watched about an hour of TV before going to bed.
Today our tenants are moving out. Good day to have to go to Oconomowoc about an hour away to my parents house to visit them and our out of town relatives.
Wednesday night Tony and I went to the weekly car show at the Solid Gold McDonald's here in Milwaukee. Same old same old. I do not remember what I did on Thursday besides a short meeting at ARCW for the Client Advisory Board I am on. I did get everything I wanted to accomplish accomplished. Friday I went grocery shopping in the morning, lunch with the guys, and spent the afternoon rearranging the furniture in our living room. I do this every so often. Have not made any changes since the beginning of the year so it was time for a fresh look. We bought a couple paintings from Tony's brother, moved the big screen TV to the opposite side of the living room and it looks good. In our house moving things like this is a nightmare. I have speakers in every corner, TV's in every room, and all are wired into the computer, TV, or stereo. So moving anything means all the wires have to be refished through the floors and through the basement. New look is always good. The furniture was the way it was for way to long. Friday night Tony and I walked up to a neighborhood block party and then stopped at a neighborhood bar for a drink. Saturday (yesterday) we spent the morning doing things around the house. Eventually the sound of the lakefront airshow got me in the shower, bitching for Tony to finish his project, get him in the shower, and down to the lakefront on a friends boat to watch the all day air show. Was really nice. Just laying out on the boat, in the shade, watching the Blue Angels and other airplanes doing stunts in each others arms. Spent an hour in traffic getting home. We only live about 4 miles from the lakefront. Big mistake to leave when we did. Fed the dogs, and watched a little TV until we went to another block party on Brady Street Milwaukee. HUGE block party. We got there about 7 PM so we could watch the DRAG SHOW at 8 PM. Drag Show? Yup. Been there for a couple years now. It is the biggest part of the block party. How times have changed. There were more straight people dancing and enjoying themselves than gay people. Tony and I snuggled into each other for the whole show or he had his hand in my pocket or mine in his. At a block party in the middle of the street watching a drag show on Milwaukee's eastside. Honestly, I never ever thought those words would ever all be in one sentence. The world is slowly getting better for most gay people. More accepting anyway. It felt so normal and so good. Got home around 11 PM and watched about an hour of TV before going to bed.
Today our tenants are moving out. Good day to have to go to Oconomowoc about an hour away to my parents house to visit them and our out of town relatives.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
July 22, 2009 Wednesday Afternoon
Got up early this morning since we both went to bed so early last night. Did not even watch the news at 10 PM like always we were both so exhausted. Went in and put in 4 hours at work. Spent another 1/2 at home working this afternoon also. If it was not so late in the day I would lay down for a nap I am so exhausted. My back is killing me from filing today at work. Kali is looking a little better with each day. She still has the runs, but no blood in the stool. She even brought a tennis ball to me to play, that is always a good sign. She hasn't wanted to play since last Friday.
I have to share a letter I received today. I am posting it below this post. I am still smiling from ear to ear because this letter is one of many I have received but says everything best. It is the reason I started this blog and the reason I continue it. Letters like this make all the time worth while. Thank you Mark for your email. You made my day.
Dear Dave,
My name is Mark and I am a 52 y/o man, American, living in the Middle East for the past 25 years, and this morning I was surfing the net, and going through many sites on the body's website, and found your blog.
Most of the day has been spent reading every single blog you've written since your diagnosis January 7th of this year.
Let me first say Thank You for taking the time to write your blog and share your feelings and experiences so willingly and honestly involving you, your partner, and events and people in your life.
I don't know what exactly made me devote my entire day and evening into reading your blogs slowly, and absorbing them as the months go on through your blogs - most probably as I recently had a very frightening brush with HIV myself, and it totally bent my head around and made my world go completely upside down. The fear, the panic, the sense that I'd lost my life completely, almost drove me nuts. I won't know for sure if I'm positive or negative until September, but at least my symptoms have subsided for now.
Your blogs are fascinating, heart-wrenching, moving, and so very honest - reading your path and all you've encountered so far, I find a privilege to be allowed to read about your life. You show an incredible amount of strength and courage, yet also a very vulnerable and fragile human being. I was struck often, as I read about the extreme fatigue, dizzyness, and depression, how very fortunate you really are to have Tony as your partner. I am not only living in the Middle East but also alone, with no partner or even family, and if that were to happen to me, I'd surely be in a deep, dark hole. At least you have a roof over your head and food on the table and, more importantly, someone who loves you and supports you. That's just wonderful - a huge blessing indeed.
My background is that I'm from the Midwest, but moved to San Francisco in 1980 and was around everything in those years that should have made me positive - yet I somehow escaped the virus, while most of my friends did not, and have passed away, because medications were not developed to the extent they are now.
I moved to the MIddle East to stay only 2 years here - then go back to the States. Instead, 25 years later, I've remained here.
Well, it's late and need to get to bed myself - but wanted to just Thank You and let you know your blogs are so well written. Don't worry about the spelling - doesn't matter one bit. The heart of your blogs are easy to read and feel.
Take care and drop a line if you have time.
Sincerely, Mark
I have to share a letter I received today. I am posting it below this post. I am still smiling from ear to ear because this letter is one of many I have received but says everything best. It is the reason I started this blog and the reason I continue it. Letters like this make all the time worth while. Thank you Mark for your email. You made my day.
Dear Dave,
My name is Mark and I am a 52 y/o man, American, living in the Middle East for the past 25 years, and this morning I was surfing the net, and going through many sites on the body's website, and found your blog.
Most of the day has been spent reading every single blog you've written since your diagnosis January 7th of this year.
Let me first say Thank You for taking the time to write your blog and share your feelings and experiences so willingly and honestly involving you, your partner, and events and people in your life.
I don't know what exactly made me devote my entire day and evening into reading your blogs slowly, and absorbing them as the months go on through your blogs - most probably as I recently had a very frightening brush with HIV myself, and it totally bent my head around and made my world go completely upside down. The fear, the panic, the sense that I'd lost my life completely, almost drove me nuts. I won't know for sure if I'm positive or negative until September, but at least my symptoms have subsided for now.
Your blogs are fascinating, heart-wrenching, moving, and so very honest - reading your path and all you've encountered so far, I find a privilege to be allowed to read about your life. You show an incredible amount of strength and courage, yet also a very vulnerable and fragile human being. I was struck often, as I read about the extreme fatigue, dizzyness, and depression, how very fortunate you really are to have Tony as your partner. I am not only living in the Middle East but also alone, with no partner or even family, and if that were to happen to me, I'd surely be in a deep, dark hole. At least you have a roof over your head and food on the table and, more importantly, someone who loves you and supports you. That's just wonderful - a huge blessing indeed.
My background is that I'm from the Midwest, but moved to San Francisco in 1980 and was around everything in those years that should have made me positive - yet I somehow escaped the virus, while most of my friends did not, and have passed away, because medications were not developed to the extent they are now.
I moved to the MIddle East to stay only 2 years here - then go back to the States. Instead, 25 years later, I've remained here.
Well, it's late and need to get to bed myself - but wanted to just Thank You and let you know your blogs are so well written. Don't worry about the spelling - doesn't matter one bit. The heart of your blogs are easy to read and feel.
Take care and drop a line if you have time.
Sincerely, Mark
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
July 21, 2009 Tuesday Night
Kali is doing much better. She is not out of the woods yet because we do not even know what could have triggered this. Her poop is still very runny but at least the blood in the stools stopped today. The antibiotic must be doing what it should do. I have been feeding her rice and hamburger meat. She seems a lot stronger but sleeps a lot. Still giving her a lot of love.
Monday I worked about 7.5 hours between at work and at home. Got a huge chunk of a project completed. Made spaghetti for dinner and thought I would sleep like a baby. Wrong. Was either too hot or too cold. Tony was restless last night also all night.
Today I worked about 5 hours and then got some stuff done around the house. Tony, Stella and I went to the Tuesday night car show. No food being served tonight at the car show. So we drove the the Colver's we know also has a car show and that way we can get burgers and ice cream. Stella was a good girl at both car shows and enjoyed the food and ice cream. Not much on TV tonight so we are watching the daily soap we DVR, One Life To Live. Been watching this show for 32 years. Usually catch up watching the weeks worth on the weekends.
Tomorrow I have to go in and do some more work. Then I am done for the week. Have a lot to do around the house. Feeling good emotionally and physically. Still exhausted and always feeling tired, but getting on with life and getting what I need to accomplish accomplished.
Monday I worked about 7.5 hours between at work and at home. Got a huge chunk of a project completed. Made spaghetti for dinner and thought I would sleep like a baby. Wrong. Was either too hot or too cold. Tony was restless last night also all night.
Today I worked about 5 hours and then got some stuff done around the house. Tony, Stella and I went to the Tuesday night car show. No food being served tonight at the car show. So we drove the the Colver's we know also has a car show and that way we can get burgers and ice cream. Stella was a good girl at both car shows and enjoyed the food and ice cream. Not much on TV tonight so we are watching the daily soap we DVR, One Life To Live. Been watching this show for 32 years. Usually catch up watching the weeks worth on the weekends.
Tomorrow I have to go in and do some more work. Then I am done for the week. Have a lot to do around the house. Feeling good emotionally and physically. Still exhausted and always feeling tired, but getting on with life and getting what I need to accomplish accomplished.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
July 19, 2009 Sunday Afternoon
Had a scary weekend with Kali. Friday was going along OK. It was cold in in the 60s. We went to lunch and I was doing this and that around the house all afternoon. About 4 PM Kali started throwing up. Brown bile. She hadn't eaten since that morning. After that she was panting so hard and just shaking. I knew something was not right. She felt like she was burning up so about 7 PM we took her to emergency. Had x rays, blood tests, and other things done. She had a temp of 104.7, not good. She also was pooping blood. Not good. Brought her home and spent the night hugging her in bed. She kept having to get up all night and try to poop. More and more blood.
Saturday morning she was not panting as hard but still had no interest in food and did not look good. She was very weak and couldn't even jump up to her chair. She was drinking water so I figured this was a good thing. Spent the morning holding and comporting her. We went to a family wedding in the afternoon and came right home to see how she was. Called the vet and got the blood results. Nothing. Xray, nothing. So the doctor thinks she has pancreatitis or a bowel infection. Tony raced to the vet to get meds for her and got them in her. I made her a little rice and hamburger meat. She ate a little. This is good. We went back to the wedding for the dinner and by the time the dancing started we decided to be good daddies and go home and be with her. Can't remember the last family wedding. Bad weekend to have this happen. But, she is my main concern. She was very tired and ate a little more rice and hamburger. I watched TV in bed with her and went to bed around 10:30 PM. She slept all night.
Today she seems a little better. Was really getting scared by the amount of blood that kept coming out of her every time she tried to poop. Would just drip out. The meds seem to be already helping since she had a good breakfast and seems a little stronger. She doesn't feel the need to poop all the time also. Wow, I was really scared for a while there. Friday was her 10th birthday. She spent it in emergency. Tony and I just got back from running to Walgreen's and hopefully we will go to Italian Fest for a couple hours this afternoon while she sleeps. If something happened to my Kali at this point I would be so lost. She is my baby. She is sleeping soundly. Hopefully she is getting better.
Saturday morning she was not panting as hard but still had no interest in food and did not look good. She was very weak and couldn't even jump up to her chair. She was drinking water so I figured this was a good thing. Spent the morning holding and comporting her. We went to a family wedding in the afternoon and came right home to see how she was. Called the vet and got the blood results. Nothing. Xray, nothing. So the doctor thinks she has pancreatitis or a bowel infection. Tony raced to the vet to get meds for her and got them in her. I made her a little rice and hamburger meat. She ate a little. This is good. We went back to the wedding for the dinner and by the time the dancing started we decided to be good daddies and go home and be with her. Can't remember the last family wedding. Bad weekend to have this happen. But, she is my main concern. She was very tired and ate a little more rice and hamburger. I watched TV in bed with her and went to bed around 10:30 PM. She slept all night.
Today she seems a little better. Was really getting scared by the amount of blood that kept coming out of her every time she tried to poop. Would just drip out. The meds seem to be already helping since she had a good breakfast and seems a little stronger. She doesn't feel the need to poop all the time also. Wow, I was really scared for a while there. Friday was her 10th birthday. She spent it in emergency. Tony and I just got back from running to Walgreen's and hopefully we will go to Italian Fest for a couple hours this afternoon while she sleeps. If something happened to my Kali at this point I would be so lost. She is my baby. She is sleeping soundly. Hopefully she is getting better.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
July 16, 2009 Thursday Night
Got thru my 'dark' spell yesterday by dinner time. When Tony got home he showered and we went to the Solid Gold McDonald's on the south side for their Wednesday night car show. Ate dinner there also. Got home and after a little TV went to bed. Was so tired.
This morning I got up feeling much better than yesterday. I still as the day went on could feel myself slipping. Might have to consider going back to my weekly counseling if this continues. Went to my monthly board meeting at ARCW this afternoon. Warmed some left overs for dinner and now just watching TV. I am hoping the next couple days will help my mood. Tomorrow should be a good day. Lunch with the guys is always fun. Then tomorrow night we are going on a friends boat out on Lake Michigan to watch the Italian Fest Fireworks that night. I always enjoy going out on their boat. I can relax and do nothing. Nothing. Just enjoy the ride and view of the Milwaukee Harbor. We will most likely go down the river and dock the boat and eat, then back to the festival grounds to watch the night time fireworks. Saturday we have Tony's nephew's wedding and reception. Sunday we have tickets to go to Italian Fest at the Milwaukee Lakefront. So as you can see it will be a busy weekend.
Never had a chance to even lay down today. I hope I sleep good tonight. I am exhausted.
Jo, thanks for the encouragement. Sometimes I just need a kick in the ass.
This morning I got up feeling much better than yesterday. I still as the day went on could feel myself slipping. Might have to consider going back to my weekly counseling if this continues. Went to my monthly board meeting at ARCW this afternoon. Warmed some left overs for dinner and now just watching TV. I am hoping the next couple days will help my mood. Tomorrow should be a good day. Lunch with the guys is always fun. Then tomorrow night we are going on a friends boat out on Lake Michigan to watch the Italian Fest Fireworks that night. I always enjoy going out on their boat. I can relax and do nothing. Nothing. Just enjoy the ride and view of the Milwaukee Harbor. We will most likely go down the river and dock the boat and eat, then back to the festival grounds to watch the night time fireworks. Saturday we have Tony's nephew's wedding and reception. Sunday we have tickets to go to Italian Fest at the Milwaukee Lakefront. So as you can see it will be a busy weekend.
Never had a chance to even lay down today. I hope I sleep good tonight. I am exhausted.
Jo, thanks for the encouragement. Sometimes I just need a kick in the ass.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
July 15, 2009 Wednesday Late Afternoon
Having a sad / depressing moment so since I have no one in mind to bother or call with it I thought I would log on here and write it down.
Worked about 5 hours on Tuesday. Was at work by 8:30 AM. Came home so exhausted. I also put in about an hour of work at home. I did a little around the house and then went to lay down for a bit. Woke up an hour and a half later, almost 5 PM and was in such a tired foggy state it took about an hour to even think. Tony got home somewhere in between and I let him know I was in no condition to go anywhere much less make a big dinner. We ate TV dinners. Had terrible bowel problems all day. Tony did also, so it must have been something we both ate. Makes me feel better knowing he had problems too so I don't have to think it is AIDS related. Went to watch TV in bed by 8 PM and it was lights out at 10 PM. Told the boss I would be in early again on Wednesday. Was probably not a good idea.
This morning I woke up feeling even more tired. I honestly told Tony this morning if it were not for him and the dogs I would put a gun to my head. This total exhaustion is no way to live. Don't be calling the suicide squad. I would not at this time do that to Tony or the dogs. They depend on me. Anyway, pushed myself out of the house by 9 AM and got to work at 9:30 AM after a quick stop at you know where...........McDonald's. Got an orange juice and two breakfast burritos. Eating on the way to work finally woke me up. Half way to work though I remembered I forgot to take my morning pills. DAMN. First time forgetting. I did take them the minute I walked in the door this afternoon. I did a little ordering of product for work, sent out a few email to work, and then just couldn't do no more and laid on the bed. That is when the tears came. That's when the dark thoughts came. That's when I started balling.
I have so much I want to do. There is so much I could do around the house. I could work full time there is so much to do where I work. I look at the dogs pictures that are no longer here and dead and the tears just will not stop. I told you I was in a dark depressed state in the beginning. I just wish I was stronger. I wish I could do more. I wish I didn't have AIDS. I got to say, this is much different from a panic attach. It is a point of depression. I know. Also just got the mail and again social security wants me to fill out this 9 page questionnaire to try to get benefits. The same shit I have already filled out twice. I am so tired of having to push myself through life. I feel like I am always going up hill and never reaching my goal. I think of things I would change in my life if I had the chance. Not getting AIDS. Being nicer to my dog Shadow in her last two weeks of life. Having my dogs back that are not here anymore.
I told two co workers today I have AIDS. One cried. Both were shocked. It came out of my mouth easier than I would have thought. I even told the head teacher when they get to the subject in class on infectious diseases I would be willing to come in the classroom and share my story. Hey, its my life right? If I can help even one person not go down this path it is all worth it.
I am so tired I wish I could go to bed. When I lay in bed my mind races about dark memories and things I could or should be doing. Tears are honestly still streaming down my face as I think about how I have to at least vacuum before Tony gets home. Much less the dog dropping need to be picked up outside. And then there is dinner. I feel overwhelmed. I am not going into work until Monday. I have a board meeting for ARCW tomorrow and lunch on Friday. Have to get to Home Depot and Pick N Save somewhere in between that time also. Plus, the house hasn't gotten any paint for about a week. So much to do. So little time. So little strength.
I am sure this dark state will end in time. Thanks for letting me share.
Worked about 5 hours on Tuesday. Was at work by 8:30 AM. Came home so exhausted. I also put in about an hour of work at home. I did a little around the house and then went to lay down for a bit. Woke up an hour and a half later, almost 5 PM and was in such a tired foggy state it took about an hour to even think. Tony got home somewhere in between and I let him know I was in no condition to go anywhere much less make a big dinner. We ate TV dinners. Had terrible bowel problems all day. Tony did also, so it must have been something we both ate. Makes me feel better knowing he had problems too so I don't have to think it is AIDS related. Went to watch TV in bed by 8 PM and it was lights out at 10 PM. Told the boss I would be in early again on Wednesday. Was probably not a good idea.
This morning I woke up feeling even more tired. I honestly told Tony this morning if it were not for him and the dogs I would put a gun to my head. This total exhaustion is no way to live. Don't be calling the suicide squad. I would not at this time do that to Tony or the dogs. They depend on me. Anyway, pushed myself out of the house by 9 AM and got to work at 9:30 AM after a quick stop at you know where...........McDonald's. Got an orange juice and two breakfast burritos. Eating on the way to work finally woke me up. Half way to work though I remembered I forgot to take my morning pills. DAMN. First time forgetting. I did take them the minute I walked in the door this afternoon. I did a little ordering of product for work, sent out a few email to work, and then just couldn't do no more and laid on the bed. That is when the tears came. That's when the dark thoughts came. That's when I started balling.
I have so much I want to do. There is so much I could do around the house. I could work full time there is so much to do where I work. I look at the dogs pictures that are no longer here and dead and the tears just will not stop. I told you I was in a dark depressed state in the beginning. I just wish I was stronger. I wish I could do more. I wish I didn't have AIDS. I got to say, this is much different from a panic attach. It is a point of depression. I know. Also just got the mail and again social security wants me to fill out this 9 page questionnaire to try to get benefits. The same shit I have already filled out twice. I am so tired of having to push myself through life. I feel like I am always going up hill and never reaching my goal. I think of things I would change in my life if I had the chance. Not getting AIDS. Being nicer to my dog Shadow in her last two weeks of life. Having my dogs back that are not here anymore.
I told two co workers today I have AIDS. One cried. Both were shocked. It came out of my mouth easier than I would have thought. I even told the head teacher when they get to the subject in class on infectious diseases I would be willing to come in the classroom and share my story. Hey, its my life right? If I can help even one person not go down this path it is all worth it.
I am so tired I wish I could go to bed. When I lay in bed my mind races about dark memories and things I could or should be doing. Tears are honestly still streaming down my face as I think about how I have to at least vacuum before Tony gets home. Much less the dog dropping need to be picked up outside. And then there is dinner. I feel overwhelmed. I am not going into work until Monday. I have a board meeting for ARCW tomorrow and lunch on Friday. Have to get to Home Depot and Pick N Save somewhere in between that time also. Plus, the house hasn't gotten any paint for about a week. So much to do. So little time. So little strength.
I am sure this dark state will end in time. Thanks for letting me share.
Monday, July 13, 2009
July 13, 2009 Monday Night
Got up around 7 AM this morning and got myself ready to go to work. Got a little done around the house prior to leaving at 8:30, stopping off at McDonald's for a bacon egg and cheese bagel, and a vanilla latte. Was at work by 9 AM cleaning the boss's office. Spent 5 hours going through everything. Made a huge dent. Plan on going back in tomorrow and hopefully putting the finishing touches for now on it. Got home around 3 PM after picking Stella up at Tony's auto body shop. Picked some more black berries, made some more jam, froze some jam, vacuumed, and then made a frozen pizza for supper. Tony was not happy with the supper but then he could cook if he wanted something else, yah right. He has boiled water in the last 20 years. That's it. Watching the CBS Monday night TV lineup while I do a little of this and that. Spent about an hour going through some Salon catalogues for work. Tired and looking forward to a good night's sleep.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
July 12, 2009 Sunday Night
I guess the fact the days are racing past and I find myself not posting as much means either I am keeping busy or dead tired from keeping busy, either way it means I am living right?
Friday afternoon we had the usual lunch with the guys. Spent the afternoon doing a little cleaning and resting since I was so tired on Friday from working Thursday. I am so amazed how exhausted I am all the time. Picked a big bowl of blackberries from the yard. Friday night the weather was great so Tony and I went back to Bastille Days downtown Milwaukee. Walked around once and we both were so tired and our feet hurt so we called it an early night. I did make blackberry jam with 4 cups of the blackberries. It was my first time making blackberry jam. It turned out very good. Will make more in the coming days since I have most of it away to neighbors.
Saturday Tony went into work at 7 AM to try to finish a customers car. He was home by 11 AM but the car was still not finished. Typical. Oh well. We were out the door by 11:30 AM to go to Tony's side of the family pool party about 45 minutes north of Milwaukee. I usually really look forward to this once a year event because it is the rare time I can go swimming. They have a huge heated pool. The pool temp was 90 degrees. Perfect. The weather was in the 80s and sunny so it was a perfect day if you can do sun. I now can not so I limited my time in the pool and spent most of my time in the shade talking with Tony's family. I even wore a tshirt when I was swimming to stay out of the sun and not burn. Learned my lesson the last time I was in the sun too long and spent the next week itching. Tony spent a big part of the afternoon in the pool with the kids having a ball. Ate way too much food and had no room for the endless table of deserts. So I took a selection of them home. Still in the frig as of this writing. By the time we got home close to 7 PM Saturday night and I got the dogs fed and house stuff done we both were exhausted. Picked more blackberries in the yard. We didn't even watch the 10 PM news. Lights out and to bed. I just wish I would have slept better. For as exhausted as I am from pushing myself through each day you would think I would sleep better at night.
Woke up today with major stomach problems from all the crap I ate the day before at the pool party. Took a bunch of stomach pills and by the time we left the house I was feeling slightly better. Managed to make pancakes with fresh picked blackberries from the yard for breakfast. They were soooo good. A little after 12 PM today we both pushed ourselves to meet my parents downtown the the Great Milwaukee Circus Parade. Seen it many times. It is quite the event. A parade down through the streets of Milwaukee of all the circus animals and wagons from the biggest circus in the country. The Great Circus Museum is located in Baraboo Wisconsin. All the great circus wagon go there to die, so to speak, before they are restored in all their beauty. Had fun with mom and dad. Sometimes have to wonder who the kid is and who the parents are when I listen to their so called problems. At times I wish I could tell them my status but it would be a burden they do not need to have. Got home in time to pick some more black berries, clean up the yard and feed the dogs. Now we are both just relaxing on the couch, well me at the computer right now. The couch will be soon. I hope to get a good night's sleep tonight. I am just exhausted. I must say. I am doing most I would do before I was given my AIDS diagnosis and the meds I take daily, the only difference is I have to push and drag myself through the day to complete it all. My energy level is so low.
Monday I hope to work about 5 hours during the day cleaning the owners office. It still won't be done or close to done after another day tomorrow cleaning it. At least 10 months or more of everything has piled up in her office. It has to be sorted, filed, discarded, etc. Each and every piece of paper, file, folder, or piece of mail.
Friday afternoon we had the usual lunch with the guys. Spent the afternoon doing a little cleaning and resting since I was so tired on Friday from working Thursday. I am so amazed how exhausted I am all the time. Picked a big bowl of blackberries from the yard. Friday night the weather was great so Tony and I went back to Bastille Days downtown Milwaukee. Walked around once and we both were so tired and our feet hurt so we called it an early night. I did make blackberry jam with 4 cups of the blackberries. It was my first time making blackberry jam. It turned out very good. Will make more in the coming days since I have most of it away to neighbors.
Saturday Tony went into work at 7 AM to try to finish a customers car. He was home by 11 AM but the car was still not finished. Typical. Oh well. We were out the door by 11:30 AM to go to Tony's side of the family pool party about 45 minutes north of Milwaukee. I usually really look forward to this once a year event because it is the rare time I can go swimming. They have a huge heated pool. The pool temp was 90 degrees. Perfect. The weather was in the 80s and sunny so it was a perfect day if you can do sun. I now can not so I limited my time in the pool and spent most of my time in the shade talking with Tony's family. I even wore a tshirt when I was swimming to stay out of the sun and not burn. Learned my lesson the last time I was in the sun too long and spent the next week itching. Tony spent a big part of the afternoon in the pool with the kids having a ball. Ate way too much food and had no room for the endless table of deserts. So I took a selection of them home. Still in the frig as of this writing. By the time we got home close to 7 PM Saturday night and I got the dogs fed and house stuff done we both were exhausted. Picked more blackberries in the yard. We didn't even watch the 10 PM news. Lights out and to bed. I just wish I would have slept better. For as exhausted as I am from pushing myself through each day you would think I would sleep better at night.
Woke up today with major stomach problems from all the crap I ate the day before at the pool party. Took a bunch of stomach pills and by the time we left the house I was feeling slightly better. Managed to make pancakes with fresh picked blackberries from the yard for breakfast. They were soooo good. A little after 12 PM today we both pushed ourselves to meet my parents downtown the the Great Milwaukee Circus Parade. Seen it many times. It is quite the event. A parade down through the streets of Milwaukee of all the circus animals and wagons from the biggest circus in the country. The Great Circus Museum is located in Baraboo Wisconsin. All the great circus wagon go there to die, so to speak, before they are restored in all their beauty. Had fun with mom and dad. Sometimes have to wonder who the kid is and who the parents are when I listen to their so called problems. At times I wish I could tell them my status but it would be a burden they do not need to have. Got home in time to pick some more black berries, clean up the yard and feed the dogs. Now we are both just relaxing on the couch, well me at the computer right now. The couch will be soon. I hope to get a good night's sleep tonight. I am just exhausted. I must say. I am doing most I would do before I was given my AIDS diagnosis and the meds I take daily, the only difference is I have to push and drag myself through the day to complete it all. My energy level is so low.
Monday I hope to work about 5 hours during the day cleaning the owners office. It still won't be done or close to done after another day tomorrow cleaning it. At least 10 months or more of everything has piled up in her office. It has to be sorted, filed, discarded, etc. Each and every piece of paper, file, folder, or piece of mail.
Friday, July 10, 2009
July 10, 2009 Friday Morning
This week flew by. Wednesday I spent the day painting the house and turning over the deck boards on the new deck since not only have the boards shrank and left gaps, they buckled the wrong way. So I had to unscrew and flip each deck board. By Wednesday night I was exhausted. Ten foot long boards two inches thick and 12 inches wide are very heavy to move around.
Thursday I put in about 5 hours at work. Had a good day cleaning the boss's office. Or at least trying to make a dent. Plan on spending all day continuing to clean and organize her office. Did a lot of heavy lifting of boxes and product. When I got home yesterday I was exhausted. I was too tired to even think about going out to dinner so I made dinner. About a half hour after eating we realized that Bastille Days is in Downtown Milwaukee. Always a great 'men' fest. The first night they have the 3 mile race. Over 4000 people run the race. Always fun to watch. So I got the strength to go to the festival for a couple hours last night because the weather does not look good for going tonight. Looks like rain and storms tonight from 5 PM to 10 PM.
Have to go grocery shopping this morning, lunch with the guys, hopefully nap this afternoon since I am still so beat from the last two days of work. Tonight we will hopefully stay home and enjoy the thunder storms. Saturday we have Tony's family pool party. Always a fun event. So much food your stomach hurts from all the eating.
Hope everyone is enjoying the summer. It is about half over.
Thursday I put in about 5 hours at work. Had a good day cleaning the boss's office. Or at least trying to make a dent. Plan on spending all day continuing to clean and organize her office. Did a lot of heavy lifting of boxes and product. When I got home yesterday I was exhausted. I was too tired to even think about going out to dinner so I made dinner. About a half hour after eating we realized that Bastille Days is in Downtown Milwaukee. Always a great 'men' fest. The first night they have the 3 mile race. Over 4000 people run the race. Always fun to watch. So I got the strength to go to the festival for a couple hours last night because the weather does not look good for going tonight. Looks like rain and storms tonight from 5 PM to 10 PM.
Have to go grocery shopping this morning, lunch with the guys, hopefully nap this afternoon since I am still so beat from the last two days of work. Tonight we will hopefully stay home and enjoy the thunder storms. Saturday we have Tony's family pool party. Always a fun event. So much food your stomach hurts from all the eating.
Hope everyone is enjoying the summer. It is about half over.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
July 8, 2009 Eight Characteristics Among Long-Term Surviors of HIV.
Found this on Thebody.com today. Thought it was worth passing along.
Through research they were able to identify eight characteristics among long-term survivors of HIV. The eight characteristics are:
-They are realistic and accept their diagnosis and do not take it as a death sentence.
-They have a fighting spirit and refuse to be helpless/hopeless.
-They have changed lifestyles.
-They are assertive and have the ability to get out of stressful and unproductive situations.
-They are tuned into their own psychological and physical needs -- and they take care of them.
-They are able to talk openly about their illness.
-They have a sense of personal responsibility for their health, and look at the treating health care provider as a collaborator.
-They are altruistically involved with other persons with HIV.
I can honestly see how the above would be a factor in long-term survival. They actually make sense if you think about each one. I think I have fallin into each one. I think I have done good. Maybe thats why my numbers are so good after being so bad.
You can see the full story and a full interview at: http://www.thebody.com/content/art52598.html?ic=700100
Through research they were able to identify eight characteristics among long-term survivors of HIV. The eight characteristics are:
-They are realistic and accept their diagnosis and do not take it as a death sentence.
-They have a fighting spirit and refuse to be helpless/hopeless.
-They have changed lifestyles.
-They are assertive and have the ability to get out of stressful and unproductive situations.
-They are tuned into their own psychological and physical needs -- and they take care of them.
-They are able to talk openly about their illness.
-They have a sense of personal responsibility for their health, and look at the treating health care provider as a collaborator.
-They are altruistically involved with other persons with HIV.
I can honestly see how the above would be a factor in long-term survival. They actually make sense if you think about each one. I think I have fallin into each one. I think I have done good. Maybe thats why my numbers are so good after being so bad.
You can see the full story and a full interview at: http://www.thebody.com/content/art52598.html?ic=700100
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
July 7, 2009 Tuesday Night
Time sure flies.
Monday I got up early and got as much as possible done around the house and was off to put in some hours at work. Got there by 9 AM and worked for about five hours including some computer time at home putting the counts I had taken on a spreadsheet. Took an hour nap and then made burgers on the grill for dinner. Tony watched the Monday CBS TV lineup, I sat outside on the deck most of the night enjoying the beautiful night. Went to bed around 10 PM.
Today I got up and got most of the household chores completed and then went outside to paint a small part of the house that was the next to be painted. Was a small area but it all needs to get done. Slowly, I might have it done by the end of the summer. Today it was in the 70s so it was perfect weather for painting. Got the painting done by noon and then turned on the TV and watched the Michael Jackson funeral. Was a nice funeral. His kids are so cute. Whoever the father is, he must be a handsome man. The daughters final words brought tears to my eyes. Sat outside a little listening to Michael Jackson's Number Ones on CD. When Tony got home he showered and we took Stella with us to the Tuesday Harley Davidson Car Show. It was a big show tonight due to the fantastic weather. Stella was an angel. She and I walked around the sides mostly in the grass and let Tony look at the cars. It was so cute how she always kept an eye on her other daddy. Came home and watched America's Got Talent, tonight America didn't. I am hoping this NBC special on Michael is the last of him I will need for a while. Have a feeling we haven't heard the last of this story. Will be interesting to see all the unreleased material that comes out in the next year with his name on it. What a loss of talent.
Wednesday I might go to work for a while. If I don't go in to work I will continue with an area of the house and the painting of it.
Monday I got up early and got as much as possible done around the house and was off to put in some hours at work. Got there by 9 AM and worked for about five hours including some computer time at home putting the counts I had taken on a spreadsheet. Took an hour nap and then made burgers on the grill for dinner. Tony watched the Monday CBS TV lineup, I sat outside on the deck most of the night enjoying the beautiful night. Went to bed around 10 PM.
Today I got up and got most of the household chores completed and then went outside to paint a small part of the house that was the next to be painted. Was a small area but it all needs to get done. Slowly, I might have it done by the end of the summer. Today it was in the 70s so it was perfect weather for painting. Got the painting done by noon and then turned on the TV and watched the Michael Jackson funeral. Was a nice funeral. His kids are so cute. Whoever the father is, he must be a handsome man. The daughters final words brought tears to my eyes. Sat outside a little listening to Michael Jackson's Number Ones on CD. When Tony got home he showered and we took Stella with us to the Tuesday Harley Davidson Car Show. It was a big show tonight due to the fantastic weather. Stella was an angel. She and I walked around the sides mostly in the grass and let Tony look at the cars. It was so cute how she always kept an eye on her other daddy. Came home and watched America's Got Talent, tonight America didn't. I am hoping this NBC special on Michael is the last of him I will need for a while. Have a feeling we haven't heard the last of this story. Will be interesting to see all the unreleased material that comes out in the next year with his name on it. What a loss of talent.
Wednesday I might go to work for a while. If I don't go in to work I will continue with an area of the house and the painting of it.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
July 5, 2009 Sunday Night
Last night I think I had the most romantic 4th Of July fireworks ever. Last night I took the chair cushions and a blanket and of course Tony up to the second floor deck and watched the neighborhood fireworks from the park a block away in each others arms. Was a very nice fireworks show. Being a gay couple you can not hug that much in public during a fireworks display. Last night, just the two of us, watching the fireworks in each others arms was like heaven. I know Tony was done about 5 minutes into the display but he managed to put on a smile and hug me for the entire 25 minute show. Not bad. He is not much of the romantic, at least not anymore. I think he was for the first two dates till I gave him what he wanted, if you know what I mean. After that the romance seems to fade when they know they don't have to 'work' for it anymore. I should have held out longer. LOL.
Went to bed shortly after watching the other firework shows in the distant horizon.
Got up this morning and made breakfast for us. Tony left the house by 10:30 AM to help his brother move to a new house. I was out the door shortly after that to go grocery shopping since I didn't get to go on Friday because of having the nephew. Bought way to much fruit. It all looks so good when in season like now. Took down the pool I set up in the back yard because our tenants gave us 30 days notice they will be moving. Want the back yard to look respectable and not like white trash. Put an ad in craigslist the other day and already have gotten many responses. I do not want to show the apartment till the tenants move out since we will be painting then entire apartment as well as putting new carpet throughout. We have a much better chance of getting the $825 per month we are asking if it is in tip top shape. Took a little nap this afternoon and when I got up I got as much done as possible before Tony got home. Made a nice TBone steak on the grill with corn on the cob and rolls for dinner. Just having a quite night of TV. Tony is already snoring on the couch. Hope to go in and do a little work tomorrow for about 5 hours or so. Hope I feel up to it when I wake up. I never know from day to day. These last two days I feel like I am on the verge of getting a sinus infection and am very tired.
Went to bed shortly after watching the other firework shows in the distant horizon.
Got up this morning and made breakfast for us. Tony left the house by 10:30 AM to help his brother move to a new house. I was out the door shortly after that to go grocery shopping since I didn't get to go on Friday because of having the nephew. Bought way to much fruit. It all looks so good when in season like now. Took down the pool I set up in the back yard because our tenants gave us 30 days notice they will be moving. Want the back yard to look respectable and not like white trash. Put an ad in craigslist the other day and already have gotten many responses. I do not want to show the apartment till the tenants move out since we will be painting then entire apartment as well as putting new carpet throughout. We have a much better chance of getting the $825 per month we are asking if it is in tip top shape. Took a little nap this afternoon and when I got up I got as much done as possible before Tony got home. Made a nice TBone steak on the grill with corn on the cob and rolls for dinner. Just having a quite night of TV. Tony is already snoring on the couch. Hope to go in and do a little work tomorrow for about 5 hours or so. Hope I feel up to it when I wake up. I never know from day to day. These last two days I feel like I am on the verge of getting a sinus infection and am very tired.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
July 4, 2009 Saturday Night
Happy Fourth Of July!
Friday we had a nice day with the nephew. Hung around the house all morning having the pleasure of watching the Disney Channel. Seen enough Hannah Montana and the two blond twin boys show to last me a lifetime. Went to lunch and met the rest of the guys. Tommy was very good. He played some pinball machines at the restaurant. Came home and after doing a little of this and that we all went bowling. I won the first game. Tommy actually won the second game. The little shit. Took the kid to Colver's for dinner. Bought some ice cream to go so we could take it with us to the Lakefront Fireworks that night. About 8:30 PM we got in the car and went a couple blocks down the road to the Pick N Save above ground parking ramp and watched the fireworks from the lakefront. The show lasts an hour. After about a half hour we got bored and ended up coming home. Watched a little TV and then we all went to bed.
This morning I sent Tony and the kid to McDonald's to get us some breakfast. Ate and were on the road by 10 AM so we could meet Tommy's mother about an hour south to meet her and give her Tommy and get their dog to take care of for the week while they go on vacation. Will give her back her dog next week Saturday. Came home and just laid around the house all afternoon. We cooked out dinner on the grill. Hamburgers, corn on the cob and baked beans. Now we are just waiting for the neighborhood fireworks display to begin which starts in about an hour. It is in the park a block down the street and from where they shoot the fireworks and our house is, we simply have to go out on the deck and watch them when we hear the first one go off. Remember the first year we bought this house and how excited I was that fireworks were right in front of the house on the 4th of July. I am sure we will be in bed shortly after the fireworks end since we are both pretty tired from having the nephew the last couple days. He can be a handful. If I heard 'what are we doing next uncle Dave' one more time I was about to duct tape the kid. The dog is a pain in the ass also. LOL. He just loves and and always has. He has to sleep with his nose touching mine at night. Even when I push him away he finds his way back and we are nose to nose. So I never get a good nights sleep when I take care of their dog. But I love the dog. Till the next post...............
Friday we had a nice day with the nephew. Hung around the house all morning having the pleasure of watching the Disney Channel. Seen enough Hannah Montana and the two blond twin boys show to last me a lifetime. Went to lunch and met the rest of the guys. Tommy was very good. He played some pinball machines at the restaurant. Came home and after doing a little of this and that we all went bowling. I won the first game. Tommy actually won the second game. The little shit. Took the kid to Colver's for dinner. Bought some ice cream to go so we could take it with us to the Lakefront Fireworks that night. About 8:30 PM we got in the car and went a couple blocks down the road to the Pick N Save above ground parking ramp and watched the fireworks from the lakefront. The show lasts an hour. After about a half hour we got bored and ended up coming home. Watched a little TV and then we all went to bed.
This morning I sent Tony and the kid to McDonald's to get us some breakfast. Ate and were on the road by 10 AM so we could meet Tommy's mother about an hour south to meet her and give her Tommy and get their dog to take care of for the week while they go on vacation. Will give her back her dog next week Saturday. Came home and just laid around the house all afternoon. We cooked out dinner on the grill. Hamburgers, corn on the cob and baked beans. Now we are just waiting for the neighborhood fireworks display to begin which starts in about an hour. It is in the park a block down the street and from where they shoot the fireworks and our house is, we simply have to go out on the deck and watch them when we hear the first one go off. Remember the first year we bought this house and how excited I was that fireworks were right in front of the house on the 4th of July. I am sure we will be in bed shortly after the fireworks end since we are both pretty tired from having the nephew the last couple days. He can be a handful. If I heard 'what are we doing next uncle Dave' one more time I was about to duct tape the kid. The dog is a pain in the ass also. LOL. He just loves and and always has. He has to sleep with his nose touching mine at night. Even when I push him away he finds his way back and we are nose to nose. So I never get a good nights sleep when I take care of their dog. But I love the dog. Till the next post...............
Thursday, July 2, 2009
July 2, 2009 Thursday Night
Spent most of the day on Wednesday in bed or just laying around the house. I had no energy and just felt tired. Slept most of the day. Didn't even go to a meeting in the afternoon or evening because I had no strength or desire to do so. Very surprised and hope it is not because I am not ready to return to work like I did the day before. Felt like I was back in February, the way I felt.
Woke up today feeling much better. Was very happy to feel better since our nephew was delivered to our back door around 10 AM this morning. Took him to the pet store and then Tony's auto body shop to see Tony and pick up Stella and bring her home. Tommy and I then went to see the new Transformer movie at the movie theaters. Was OK. Not my choice but then again I went for the kid. Went to a funeral tonight and made an appearance. Then stopped off at an A&W Restaurant for dinner. Came home and picked a family movie none of us had seen before.............Marley and Me. Cried like a baby at the end. Had to put four dogs down in my last 10 years and not one was fun. Brought back some sad memories. Everyone is about ready to bed. Wanted to get a quick post out there. Tomorrow Tony is off work. We will have lunch with the guys along with Tommy and then go to a movie and then bowling at night. We have him until Saturday.
Woke up today feeling much better. Was very happy to feel better since our nephew was delivered to our back door around 10 AM this morning. Took him to the pet store and then Tony's auto body shop to see Tony and pick up Stella and bring her home. Tommy and I then went to see the new Transformer movie at the movie theaters. Was OK. Not my choice but then again I went for the kid. Went to a funeral tonight and made an appearance. Then stopped off at an A&W Restaurant for dinner. Came home and picked a family movie none of us had seen before.............Marley and Me. Cried like a baby at the end. Had to put four dogs down in my last 10 years and not one was fun. Brought back some sad memories. Everyone is about ready to bed. Wanted to get a quick post out there. Tomorrow Tony is off work. We will have lunch with the guys along with Tommy and then go to a movie and then bowling at night. We have him until Saturday.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
July 1, 2009 Wednesday Morning
July already, jeez. Time sure goes by fast. Summer will be over soon.
Got up Tuesday morning and went to my therapist appointment. She released me from her care for now so I can take a break from therapy for the summer. I explained to her I still have other groups that I can go to for support if needed but am so busy scheduling a weekly appointment with her eats into my schedule and I don't get as much out of the therapy as I needed back months ago. I feel much stronger mentally. After I got home from my therapist appointment I went into work for about three hours. Did some heavy cleaning and inventories. I was exhausted after just 3 hours of working, but it felt good. Was again good to see people I worked with for over 4 1/2 years. I got many hugs and was told countless times 'I am so glad your back'. Nice to hear because I know they mean it. Got home around 4 PM and shortly there after my brother, who is in town with his partner, called because they were driving by Milwaukee on their way back from a day trip to Northern Wisconsin and asked to have dinner. So Tony and I went out to a local Italian Restaurant for dinner. Got home and chatted for a while till they left to continue their journey. Found out my sister is moving from Chicago to St Louis in a month with her husband's transfer. This did not make my mother happy at all. Told my sister she has to do what is right for her family first. About 9 PM last night out of nowhere I got the cold chills. Ended up in bed just shivering and felt like I was convulsing. Was not fun. I was so cold. The two times I got up during the night I hardly finished peeing when the cold chills hit again. Spent the night sweating and not sleeping well. Hope I did not catch something. Usually when I get these cold chills it is just a matter of time till I get sick. Seems to always be the first sign something is not right. Today I woke up very tired from the bad night's sleep and very cold. Planning on spending the day very low key. In fact I think I am going back to bed after this posting. I can not afford to get sick yet. My TCell count is not high enough. Hopefully I did not over do it working yesterday the few hours I worked or catch a cold from someone being in public with people. Tomorrow Tony and I get our nephew till Saturday so I can not get sick. Will write more later. Going back to bed.
Got up Tuesday morning and went to my therapist appointment. She released me from her care for now so I can take a break from therapy for the summer. I explained to her I still have other groups that I can go to for support if needed but am so busy scheduling a weekly appointment with her eats into my schedule and I don't get as much out of the therapy as I needed back months ago. I feel much stronger mentally. After I got home from my therapist appointment I went into work for about three hours. Did some heavy cleaning and inventories. I was exhausted after just 3 hours of working, but it felt good. Was again good to see people I worked with for over 4 1/2 years. I got many hugs and was told countless times 'I am so glad your back'. Nice to hear because I know they mean it. Got home around 4 PM and shortly there after my brother, who is in town with his partner, called because they were driving by Milwaukee on their way back from a day trip to Northern Wisconsin and asked to have dinner. So Tony and I went out to a local Italian Restaurant for dinner. Got home and chatted for a while till they left to continue their journey. Found out my sister is moving from Chicago to St Louis in a month with her husband's transfer. This did not make my mother happy at all. Told my sister she has to do what is right for her family first. About 9 PM last night out of nowhere I got the cold chills. Ended up in bed just shivering and felt like I was convulsing. Was not fun. I was so cold. The two times I got up during the night I hardly finished peeing when the cold chills hit again. Spent the night sweating and not sleeping well. Hope I did not catch something. Usually when I get these cold chills it is just a matter of time till I get sick. Seems to always be the first sign something is not right. Today I woke up very tired from the bad night's sleep and very cold. Planning on spending the day very low key. In fact I think I am going back to bed after this posting. I can not afford to get sick yet. My TCell count is not high enough. Hopefully I did not over do it working yesterday the few hours I worked or catch a cold from someone being in public with people. Tomorrow Tony and I get our nephew till Saturday so I can not get sick. Will write more later. Going back to bed.
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