December 21, 2009 Monday Night

Sunday afternoon Tony and I drove to my parents house in Oconomowoc, about 50 minute drive. My sister, her husband, and two kids drove into town from St Louis for their Christmas with the family before they head back south the day before Christmas. It was also my sister Patti's Birthday. Exchanged presents and had a nice day with everyone. Her kids are so so cute. Came home at dinner time and spent the night watching a little TV. We were home no longer than about 45 minutes before we were both eating from the popcorn tin my sister had given us.

Today I got up and off to work. Did my usual drive from one location to the other and then the weekly inventories. Got out of work a little earlier than usual. Seems a little hard to get going these days. I think it must be the cold, the clouds, and depressed thoughts. Been doing so much thinking lately about what life was like a year ago prior to knowing I have AIDS. The last year has changed my life completely. Think I might do something special for myself on January 7th because it was that day a year a go that my life changed forever. The day I found out I was HIV+. You never forget that day I am told. Seems very true. Making a quick dinner tonight and then just going to relax. It is so cold here in Milwaukee. I hate this cold weather. I am not sure how long or how many more years either one of us will put up with it. Who knows, by the time we finally make the move global warming will have kicked in big time and it might not be so bad in the winters. Not a happy thought when you come right down to it. I feel sorry for the polar bears and animals who will parish.

I sometimes ask myself if life is better today than it was say 1 year ago? Is it better than it was 5 years ago, 10, 20? I guess I would just have to say I am, or SHOULD BE happy. I have no debt, I have a wonderful husband, dogs, house and family. So why am I so unhappy all the time? Depression? I have to find a way to snap out of this because another pill and side effects is out of the question. I am going to have to find a way to be happy because I should be. I think I will write an end of the year what I am thankful for blog.