July 29, 2011 Friday Afternoon

The sun came out today in Milwaukee. It has been cloudy, rainy and very humid this past week. Looks like there is not much relief in sight from the heat for the next week. The next electric bill will be very high from having the central air conditioning on for the past couple weeks and more. Spent last night watching the CBS TV line up which included Big Brother. We do like that show and have watched it from the beginning many many seasons ago. Went to bed around 10:30 PM after the news. Couldn't sleep so we had sex. Fell asleep shortly thereafter.

This morning I was up by 5:30 AM letting Vito outside. Just figured I might as well stay up and get the morning routine done. Fed the dogs and gave Vito his shot. Tony left for work around 7 AM. Did a little around the house before going to lunch with the guys. Tony met me there since he had to leave at 1 PM to meet a potential buyer for the Cadillac. The potential buyer is driving up from Chicago to look and hopefully buy the car. Hopefully he will buy it. Tony and I kinda had an argument this morning regarding this. The guy is driving up from Chicago to Milwaukee and if he decides to buy the car he wanted Tony to then drive it back down to Chicago where the guy lives, and then the guy would drive him back to Milwaukee. That made no sense to me and did not sound good. You hear of too many of these deals going wrong and someone ends up dead. I finally put my foot down and told him either I or an employee must go with him in another car, for the 2 hour trip, and drive Tony back home. Rather than counting on this buyer to drive him home much less Tony dead somewhere in Chicago. He told me at lunch he would do just that if the guy buys the car. Jeez, sometimes I wonder what the hell is wrong with Tony. You hear of these scams and people ending up dead from adds on Craigslist and EBay all the time. Tony is just too trusting. I reminded Tony that for what he is selling the Cadillac for he can afford to pay one of the employee or have me drive down to Chicago as his ride and protection.

Tony just came running in the door saying 'the Cadillac title is not in my bag, do you know where it is?'. He was very frustrated. He started rummaging around in areas we put important documents and could not find it. I then went through the lock boxes he went through and said 'this envelope that says Cadillac title'. I swear that man would be lost without me sometimes. He went running out the door title in hand. I guess the potential buyers is very interested in buying it, now they just have to haggle over the price. I have my fingers crossed. I am sure the next fight between us will be when I remind him we still have his Lexus I had to buy for him about a year ago to pay off. I think I will wait until later in the weekend and let him think he has money for a while. LOL. But seriously, I do plan on paying off one bill before I start another. In Tony's mind he thinks we are just going to go out and buy another convertible, something newer than the 1965 we had been driving. In my mind I plan on paying off the Lexus and then when he sells the Lexus he can buy us a summer drive around convertible. We both have our own other cars we drive daily. I guess I am more frugal. No plans tonight. I think we will end up watching last Sundays episode of True Blood and a movie. Tomorrow there are a number of block parties all day and I am sure we will hit them all, a couple more than once throughout the day. One block party is the entire block of the bar my ex owns with his partner. The other block party is on Brady Street and ends with a big Drag Show at 9 PM. It is always so funny watching all the straight people have fun watching the Drag Show each year. The first time they had one at this block party a few years ago I wondered how it would go over. Each year it becomes the main attraction of the block party. Go figure. It is suppose to be very hot this weekend so I will be out in limited time periods throughout the day. I can not stand this heat and humidity we have been having the past week or more.

I do read all my comments I receive. Thanks for the shout out on the last music mix. I plan on making another one next week so keep checking back. Always nice to read comments and know someone is reading or listening to me.

One last subject: The Debt Talks. I know some of my followers are not in the USA. Please know that most of us 'little people' are very disgusted with our elected officials in Washington. It just amazes me they can not get their shit together and get anything passed these days. Thankfully the Tea Party is screwing the Republicans more than the Democrats at this time. I just don't get it. I would be willing to take a 2% cut in my social security, that I paid into all my life mind you, if the people making over a million dollars a year pay an additional 2% in taxes. Also the big corporations should stop the loop holes and tax credits they receive. The Republicans seem to want to only hurt the people that have the least to loose and are not willing to give up anything in return. I also think if our Washington Elected officials can't come up with a plan they should stop being paid and their benefits cut immediately for not doing the job they were elected to do. It is just ridiculous that I have to budget and make cuts every day but they can not keep the country on a budget. Did anyone see what the latest profits were for the big oil companies this past quarter? Something has to change. We still give those same companies tax breaks. Unbelievable!

July 28, 2011 Thursday Morning

Yesterday I was up at 6 AM. Fed the dogs and gave Vito his shot. Tony left for work around 7:30 AM. I went to Pick N Save in the morning and did a little grocery shopping. I say a little grocery shopping because they are rearranging the store and nothing was where it should be. They are moving everything around. I use to be able to put my coupons in order of the isles, now I will have to learn the store all over again when they are finished rearranging the store. Spent the rest of the day indoors with the dogs since it rained and thundered all day. Of course this was not good for me or Vito. The cloudy rainy day did not give me any energy to do much, Vito had a hard time getting around all day and barked every time it thundered. Tried to take a nap in the afternoon but was very hard with Vito barking at every clap of thunder. Made a pork roast, corn and a salad for dinner. Spent the night watching TV and went to bed around 10 PM. I was upset by the fact my Mourning Dove laid one egg and by the end of the day I could see the egg was starting to fall through the nest. The mother bird was staying away from the nest because of this. I was going to fix the egg and wish I did because a short time later I saw the mother Mourning Dove leave the nest and the egg had fallen through the nest to the ground. So sad.

This morning I was up at 5:30 AM to let Vito and Bo outside. Fed the dogs around 6 AM and gave Vito his shot. Tony has left for work. Cloudy and rainy again today. I do have to go to Walgreen's today and pick up a couple prescriptions. Not much else on my schedule today with the rain and clouds. Vito and I will struggle again today to get through the day in the cloudy dark.

July 26, 2011 Tuesday Dinner Time

Tony got home last night from work around 5:30 PM. After we fed the dogs, gave Vito his shot, Tony got in the shower so we could drive to a car show on the south side at Hardy's so I wouldn't have to cook. Prior to making this decision I asked Tony again if the Cadillac was fixed so we would not have any problems like we have been having almost getting stranded because of it breaking down. He assured me it was all fixed and is ready to drive again with no problems. After Tony got done with his shower we drove the lakefront to the car show. Noticing the gas tank was on 1/4 I said we should stop and get gas at the gas station across the street from the car show, prior to going to the car show. Tony turned off the car, filled the tank, and then tried to start the car. The car would not start. WTF. I stayed calm. Tony let the car cool down and then fixed the broken cable on the battery. The car then started. I still am not happy this happened at all and seriously am starting to hate going for drives in the 1965 Cadillac Convertible. Went to the car show and drove home. Yes, the car started after the car show. I just wanted to get home without having to call a taxi cab. LOL. Got home and spent the night watching TV prior to going to bed around 10 PM.

This morning I was up at 6 AM. Did the usual morning routine. Tony left for work around 7:30 AM. Spent the morning dusting and cleaning the bedroom in between watching TV. Took a long nap with the dogs this afternoon. Now as I type this I am making spaghetti for dinner with a salad. It is hot again outside and we will stay home tonight and watch America's Got Talent prior to going to bed. My Mourning Doves have been returning to the nest and spending time fixing it up. It is just a matter of time until the female lays eggs again. Should be fun to watch it all happen again right before our eyes since the camera is still in place and you can see them perfectly in the nest. The two birds come to the next every morning for a while doing a little fixing of the bedding. They then sit on the neighbors roof watching their nest. No eggs yet.

July 25, 2011 Monday Dinner Time

Had a good weekend.

Saturday Tony went to work in the morning. I spent the morning back in bed. I just was so tired. Spent the afternoon watching TV and taking it easy with the dogs. After feeding the dogs dinner and giving Vito his shot we went to Italian Fest at the lakfront of Milwaukee. Spent a couple hours at the festival before our feet got tired and we came home around 10 PM. Watched a little TV before going to bed.

Sunday we were both up at 6 AM. Fed the dogs and gave Vito his shot. Read a little of the Sunday newspaper before showering and driving to Tony's mom's house to take her out for breakfast. After breakfast we went to Big Lots to do a little shopping and spend more time with her before dropping her off at her home. Spent way to much on things we did not need. Spent the afternoon watching a Repo show marathon on Tru TV. Some of the shows were unbelievable. People are so funny, yah, thats a good word for it. Around 3 PM my parents called to say they were at the lake front with my sister, her husband and kids. We drove the mile to the lakefront and spent an hour with them having some ice cream. Was nice to see the kids for a little while. Came home and spent the night watching movies and TV. Watched the movie Between Love and Goodbye from the Logo TV channel. It was a very good movie. Went to bed around 10 PM.

This morning I was up at 6 AM. Fed the dogs and gave Vito his shot. Spent the day doing things around the house like vacuuming and dusting. Had the windows open for a bit before it got hot again and turned on the air conditioning. Think I might not cook any dinner tonight and have Tony take us to the car show on the south side at Hardy's. I don't feel like cooking. Have no plans this week so I plan on doing a of cleaning while it is again too hot outside to do anything during the day outside. Now I just have to find the energy to do all the cleaning.

July 22, 2011 Friday Dinner Time

Spent last night watching TV. Watched Big Brother and a couple Repo shows on the DVR before going to bed around 10 PM.

This morning I was up at 6 AM. Carried Vito outside since it was cloudy and I could see he was confused and could not see well. Fed the dogs and gave Vito his shot. Spent the morning doing things around the house and writing a long email to my high school buddy. I still can not believe how the early years could have been so much different if the two of us would have just come out to each other and helped each other through that horrible time. Left the house around 11:30 AM to pick up Tony at work and go to lunch with the guys. Had a great lunch and laughed very hard. Came home and spent the afternoon on the couch with Vito listening to the Jersey Boys Soundtrack I downloaded yesterday. The sun finally came out late this afternoon and Vito seemed to be able to get around so much better. Only down fall was now it got very very hot and humid from the rain we had this morning. Is there any relief in sight to this heat? Not a lot of plans for the weekend. Hoping to maybe go to Italian Fest at the lakefront this weekend, maybe Saturday night if it cools down a bit. It is too hot to go tonight even though it is on the Lake Michigan shoreline. Not even cooler by the lake lately. Tony will come home tired and hot anyway from working in this heat again all day so staying home tonight is probably the best option. Will most likely watch a movie or two from the DVR or ones I downloaded.

July 21, 2011 Thursday Dinner Time

Saw the play Jersey Boys last night at the Milwaukee PAC. Met my parents at the show since I bought them tickets. The show was great and we all had a good time. Got home and went to bed shortly after 10:30 PM.

This morning I was up at 6 AM. Fed the dogs and gave Vito his shot. Around 7:30 AM we took Vito to the vet to spend the day getting his sugar levels tested. I hated leaving him and gave the vet and office people orders to put Vito number one and remember he can not see a thing. Got some McDonalds breakfast and came home. Spent the morning doing things around the house since it is so damn hot outside. Around 11:30 I left and made a deposit at the bank and went to my CAB board meeting at ARCW. Had a good meeting. Picked Vito up on the way home. He was so happy to hear my voice when they brought him out to me. His blood levels are great and we should stay the course. The cost today was $179. This dog is costing me a lot of money. Thankfully he does not have to go back for more testing for three months now. His dog friends were so happy to see him when we walked in the door. Spent the afternoon with Vito on the couch watching TV. Around 4 PM I walked across the alley to give the neighbor some black berries I had picked this afternoon from the berry bushes we have in the yard. We have been eating black berries and ice cream every night before bed and I put them in my morning cereal. They are very big this year and a lot of them. Not fun to go out picking them in this heat. Making some Mac N Cheese to go with the sandwiches I grabbed at my afternoon meeting for dinner. Just don't feel like cooking. Will spend the night watching TV and enjoying the air conditioning. Tomorrow is Friday and lunch with the guys. Always a fun hour and the best therapy. No plans this weekend yet which is good because it looks hot this weekend again.

July 20, 2011 Wednesday Dinner Time

Spent last night watching America's Got Talent. Went to bed around 10:30 PM after the evening TV news. Around 2 AM a thunder storm rolled through. I was up for an hour with the dogs shaking and scared to death. All five dogs on the bed scared of the thunder storm. Reminded me of the scene from Sound Of Music.

Got up this morning at 6 AM and let the dogs out. Fed the dogs and gave Vito his shot. Tony left for work a little after 7 AM. I ended up throwing up again this morning even though I eat a few saltine crackers at 2 AM. So much fun starting the day throwing up stomach acid after your up for a half hour. I left for my dental appointment at ARCW around 7:30 AM. Of course I did have a cracked filling, which is I guess better than a cracked tooth like in the past. Got the shots and had the filling replaced. Picked up my monthly prescriptions and my food in the food pantry. It was already getting very hot outside. Today is suppose to be the hottest of all days in five years. We might even break a record. As I type this the thermometer says it is 96 degrees outside, and that is in the shade. Very hot and humid. Spent the afternoon napping in the cool bedroom with the dogs since I was up last night from the storm and had a lot on my mind. Tonight we meet my parents at the Milwaukee PAC for the play Jersey Boys. Looking forward to the show. I am sure we will know most of the songs. Tony loves that old music. I can tolerate it. Have to have Vito at the vet tomorrow at 7:30 AM for his full day of tests for his diabetes. I have a board meeting in the early afternoon and will pick him up at the vet on my way home. I hate leaving him at the vet now that he is blind. Poor boy, I will pick him up as soon as possible since he will want his daddy bad. I do trust my vet so it should be harder on me than on Vito. I hope Tony gets home soon, he should not be working in this heat. He better be doing a lot of paperwork in his air conditioned office. Tomorrow it is going to be just as hot. Did I mention I hate this heat?

July 19, 2011 Tuesday Dinner Time

Spent most of yesterday in the house in the air conditioning. Tony got home from work last night around 5:30 PM. He was hot, sweaty and exhausted from working outside in the heat all day at work. It was close to 100 degrees here in Milwaukee yesterday. I keep telling him he needs to spend more time in his air conditioned office. In fact I tell him if he doesn't, I will come to the shop and drag him home myself. After all, Tony has had open heart surgery and should not be working in this hot weather. The neighbors across the alley invited us over for dinner but the lasagna would not be ready until after 8 PM. I declined and thanked them. Made Tony a salad and a big TV dinner. He was too hungry to wait until after 8 PM to eat. After we were done eating we did go over for a quick drink and came home around 8 PM. She was just putting the lasagna in the oven at that point so I made a wise choice since it would not be ready to eat until after 9 PM or so. Spent the night watching TV on the DVR. Went to bed around 10 PM.

This morning I was up at 5 AM to let Vito out and then went back to bed for an hour or so. Got back up at 6:30 AM and fed all the dogs and gave Vito his shot. It is another hot day in Milwaukee. The next two days are suppose to be the worst of them. Went grocery shopping this morning since I am not sure how I will feel about doing the shopping after my early morning dental appointment tomorrow. I know I cracked a tooth since it hurts to eat and just throbs even sitting here. Spent the rest of the day in the house with the dogs in the air conditioning. I have no energy in this heat even in the air conditioned house. This hot humid weather just drains you of any energy. Not sure what I am going to do for dinner tonight. I still have an hour to decide. I just don't feel like cooking and am not even hungry to think about making food. Will most likely spend the night watching America's Got Talent before we go to bed. Tony will come home exhausted again tonight from the heat. Tomorrow I have an 8 AM dental appointment and then in the evening we see the play Jersey Boys with my parents.

I got a long heartfelt letter from a friend I went to high school with, and recently have reconnected with, in the mail today. I had not told him about my HIV status due to the fact I am careful who I tell. He said in the letter he had found my blog and has been reading it. (How the heck do so many people find my blog). He also told me about his confused feelings back in high school and beyond. It is so sad that we both were such good friends and yet we could not speak of the confused feelings we had for guys and girls. Back over 30 years ago there was no good word for what we were feeling or thinking. I don't even think the word gay existed back then except as a nasty word to call someone. There was no gay people on TV or anyone that had anything good to say about gay acting people. I had no one to talk to back then and neither did he. Dare we speak of what we were thinking back then without getting beat up. Very sad to think how different life might have turned out if I had had a good friend I could have told my feeling to and him to tell them to me. Such a confusing time to go through with no one to talk to. Jeez, could I have used a friend to talk to about why I am attracted to guys rather than girls. Sad to think a friend I could have talked with was right there by my side all through high school. We took different routes in life. I gave into my feelings and lived the gay life. He got married and had kids. The letter was nicely written and very sincere. My head is spinning at the thought of how different life could have been with someone to talk to about this stuff back in high school or college. You know who you are, we will talk about this more in the future. Just know how much I appreciated your letter and I feel we can even get closer since this big secret is out of the bag.

July 18, 2011 Monday Morning

Baby it's hot outside.

Friday night Tony did not get home from work until close to 7 PM. He was not in a good mood. He had a big fight with his brother, why works for him, as charity since he has no other job skills. Tony is already paying him more than he is worth and the brother wanted more money. He already gets $450 a week in cash. Not bad pay for a guy who is a worthless crack addict. The brother is always borrowing towards the next weeks pay to the point when Friday comes he has very little left to receive. Tony says 'the bank is closed' now until next Friday. The brother was not happy and I hear they got into a half hour screaming match. Tony telling the brother to find another job if he is not happy with his pay. Tony tells him this every week. I soon found out Tony did give him $100 towards next week. Jeez, what lesson did the brother learn but to give Tony enough grief and he will get what he wants. Poor Tony, he feels to responsible for his loser brother. After we talked and Tony showered we again went to Bastille Days for a couple hours, walking around talking with people we knew. Had a nice time but it was hot outside. Got home a little after 10:30 PM and went to bed shortly thereafter.

Saturday morning we slept in until 7 AM. I did let Vito out at 5 AM, but we went back to bed. Fed the dogs and gave Vito his shot. Went to look at a house that is for sale down the street. A friend is selling it and would give us a good price if we are interested. Sad how the housing market is in such a slump. The house is assessed at $189,000 and the owner can't even get an offer over $120,000. The house is even on the river so I find it even more unbelievable it can't sell. There are so many house for sale around here. It is a buyers market. I know our house is assessed at way over we could get for it right now also. Got home and spent the morning watching TV and laying around with the dogs. Around noon we left to go to Southshore Frolics. A big festival in Southshore. Spent a couple hours at the festival listening to the music before it got to hot and was time to get home. Spent the rest of the afternoon watching more TV in the air conditioning. Went out to eat after we fed the dogs. Ate at our favorite Italian restaurant down the street. Spent the night watching TV and went to bed around 11 PM.

Sunday the heat arrived in full force. By the afternoon the heat index, which is the feel like temperature, was 100 degrees. To damn hot. We did go to a fund raiser for lunch at a sports bar on the south side before coming home and spending the rest of the day in the house and cooler air. Watched a lot of TV on the DVR and went to bed around 10 PM.

This morning I was up at 5 AM to let Vito out and then went back to bed for an hour. Got up at 6 AM and fed the dogs and gave Vito his shot. Talked to my mom around 8 AM to finalize plans for meeting on Wednesday night to see the play Jersey Boys. Got them two tickets along with our two tickets so we can see the show together. I cracked another tooth over the weekend and am in pain. Made a dentist appointment this morning for Wednesday morning at 8 AM. I hate appointments that early but the pain told me to take what I could get. I have a person from another window company coming to the house this morning at 10 AM to give me an estimate on the upstairs windows. After that I will spend the rest of today in the house working on indoor projects and doing a lot of napping. This hot humid weather takes a toll on me and I just fee weak and out of energy. Haven't thrown up in about a week. It might be due to the fact that I have for the past week gotten up at 3 AM and ate two saltine crackers. I think it helps to soak up the stomach acid. Vito had a good weekend and got around fine with our help. Got to post and get ready for the window guy.

July 15, 2011 Friday Dinner Time

Tony and I went to Bastille Days last night and had a great time. We left the house around 7 PM and got home shortly after 10 PM. Watched the runners 'storm the Bastille' run. The men were all pretty sweaty after the run but still looked delicious. Coming in the door was another story when we got home since all the dogs were so happy to see me they jumped and barked, trampling all over Vito as they did it. Got everyone settled and soon went to bed. Had a little lovin from all the eye candy before we went to bed.

This morning Vito got me up at 5 AM to go to the bathroom. Took him back to bed for an hour again and then got up and fed all the dogs. Everyone ate again including Vito so I was able to give him his Insulin shot. Spent the morning doing things around the house and went to lunch at noon with the guys. Had a great lunch. At one point we were laughing so hard I had tears. My Friday lunch with the HIV guys is my best therapy for the money. Came home and spent the afternoon taking a nap with the dogs. Got up around 4 PM and let all the dogs out, watching Vito maneuver around the rocks outside even though I know he can not see a thing. Tonight Tony and I are going to Bastille Days again after 7 PM. It might be the last time I do anything outside for a week since after today it is to get into the 90s and stay there for a week. Next week will not be a good week. I hate temperatures this high and the humidity is not fun either. Hate the thought of leaving Vito for any time at all but I have to keep telling myself that my time away from all this is also important for my sanity too. I have to stay calm and the only way that is going to happen is if I take some time for me and some fun also. It is very hard though for me to do this since you all know my dogs are my babies and I love them so much. I will just stay away from home for shorter periods of time.

Been reading all your comments. Thanks you. Appreciate all your thoughts and kind words. Be assured that I would never keep Vito around for myself. When I see he is no longer happy to walk around the house in the dark I will do what needs to be done. I have done it four times now with my past dogs. I had to say goodbye to Shadow, Tiny, Betty and Buddy. It never got easier but had to be done. I know it is the hardest thing in the world to do but when that time comes I will do what is best for Vito. As long as he listens to me and I still see him play with Bo once or twice during the day I have no reason to do anything different than what I am doing now. Making whatever time he has left happy days is my main goal at this time. If he starts to hurt himself being blind, I will do what needs to be done. If I put him down now it would be because of me and that would be a hard thing to live with the rest of my life. So right now, I have to put my life aside and take care of Vito as long as he is still happy. And he is still happy. And making Vito happy makes me happy.

July 14, 2011 Thursday Morning

Vito slept soundly in his cage all night next to the bed. He got me up at 5 AM again this morning needing to go outside. I carry him outside and set him down telling him where he is. After a little bit he realizes where he is and starts to walk around using his nose and head to guide him around the rocks so he can pee. I then took him back up on the bed for an hour and got up again to feed them at 6 AM. Vito ate all his food again today since it was all beef rice and Alpo can beef cuts. Gave him his shot while he was eating. As you can imagine this is taking a toll on our relationship. Tony and I are at each others throats. You can cut the tension with a knife around our house. Would not be a good time for anyone to visit our 'happy' home. If Tony would just pick up on clues or help more it would soften the burden on me. He figures he works all day so he doesn't need to help out so much or at all. I understand he works, but I wish he understood more how hard this is for me to be around and see all day. How would you like it if every time you walked out of the room your baby looked up at the ceiling listening for you trying to find any noise so he knows he is not alone and you are near? All with a very frightened look on his face. It is not easy. Tony took my car today to work to hopefully wash it and run it through emission testing. So I am stuck at home without a car and tending to a blind dog. Will spend the day watching TV or listening to music since I can do little else without Vito wondering where I am and trying to get to me. Tonight we plan on going to a festival downtown called Bastille Days. I will need a break. Unfortunately I will be thinking of Vito the entire time I am at the festival knowing nights / darkness are his worst times and most frightening for him. Tonight is the big run at the festival so there are always plenty of good looking athletic guys at the event. Plenty of eye candy. I have always said this festival is the 'pretty people' festival. We will most likely go again tomorrow night.

I thought I would shed a little more light into what the house looks like and all I have done to protect Vito. Here are four pictures. One is a very unflattering picture of myself with all five of the dogs around me watching TV at night. This is what life looks like in my world. All five dogs have to be next to me or at my feet. The other pictures are of the cage next to the bed where Vito sleeps safely at night, the chair and steps in the bathroom so he can be near me when I am in the bathroom, and the long step I made and put in front of the spare bedroom couch so Vito doesn't fall off the couch thinking a smaller step is in front of him. The last picture is of the ramp outside to the side yard where they do their business. You can see the rails and rope lights around the sides. Vito is standing at the top of the ramp. You can't say I don't love my dogs.

July 13, 2011 Wednesday Dinner Time

Had a good morning, not so good late afternoon.

This morning I was up at 5 AM to let Vito out. The minute I hear him stirring in his cage I wake up. In fact I was up more times than not during the night just watching him. Took him back to bed for an hour and got back up at 6 AM. All the dogs actually ate their breakfast, including Vito. Gave Vito his shot with his food. I threw up again shortly after feeding the dogs. Just bile and spit but this is still a problem twice a week. We did have taco's for dinner last night so maybe I need to keep track of what I eat the night before this happens. Vito was doing so well I decided to shower and headed out the door by 9 AM to go to McDonalds to get some food and then Home Depot to buy some rope lights for the dog ramp outside. The vet said it might help on the ramp if he can see any light at all. Bought the 18 foot rope light and a mat for the dining room. Came home and installed the rope light on the ramp for Vito and connected the electric to it with a long extension cord. I then ordered a new water filter for the refrigerator since the light is red and it needs a new filter. I have a hard time with having to buy filters and stuff for the new appliances. You would think they would need less money spent on them rather than more. Did a little cleaning around the house and spent the afternoon on the couch listening to music with Vito by my side. The day had been going so well. I then decided to vacuum so I picked up Vito and set him in a chair that has narrow doggie stairs up to it. As I turned my back I watched him nose dive right off the chair to the floor missing the dog steps completely. I rushed to his side and he seemed fine. It was quite a fall on his neck and back and I was surprised he was OK. Jeez, almost had a heart attack. I then thought to put him in the master bedroom and close the gate while I vacuumed but he was not happy with that idea and when I opened the gate he jumped up the two steps that go down to the bedroom thinking there were three steps. He belly flopped onto the floor. Rushed to his side again. Guess trying to help by picking him up and moving him is not a good idea because then he doesn't know where he is even with me talking to him the entire time telling him where he is. I guess the lesson is to let him get around on his own and guide him to areas and help in any way with my voice. After seeing the last two falls Vito made I decided to take the dog steps from the spare bedroom that is up against the couch for him to get up on it, and connect it to the steps in the bathroom to go up to the chair, to make it a wider step as wide as the chair itself. I hope you all got that. I then got some wood and made a long long one step for in front of the couch so if he goes up on the couch finding the old narrow stairs he won't take the chance of missing them when he jumps down from the couch. I tried several times to show him the change but he just could not understand the difference. I hope he learns without falling off it. At least now when I leave I will know the two pieces of furniture he has access to have steps across the entire front of the furniture. I guess that means a shorter fall? As you can tell this is really taking a toll on me. He is sitting on the floor now about 5 feet from me looking around. I know he is just focusing on sounds with the windows open. I also keep finding out more and more just how blind he is and how hard this is going to be on me. How the hell can I watch my baby go through this? How can I do this day after day? I feel now I can never leave the house. The neighbors must think I am crazy if they can hear me with the windows open constantly telling Vito where I am and talking to him. He is lost without me. Tony is very little help with this and just looks the other way because then the problem does not exist. He has never been good in this area but comes through when seriously needed. I am making boneless ribs for dinner with cream corn and a salad. Will spend the night on the couch with Vito watching TV. Has anyone every gone through this with a dog, cat or parent? How many times can I watch him bang into things and fall off things? Feel like I need a strong drink.

July 12, 2011 Tuesday Dinner Time

Last night was not a good night. Tony got home around 5:30 PM from work. After he showered we decided to drive to the south side for a car show in the Cadillac since Tony supposedly fixed the gas / hesitation problem. About half way to the show the car started acting up again. Ate dinner at Hardy's where the car show was and headed home. On the way home the car got worse. At times Tony had his foot all the way on the gas peddle and the car would just jerk slowly forward. We tried to get up the on ramp for the Home Street Bridge and the car would not make it up the hill. We backed down the on ramp and took side streets home with the car shaking and hesitating the whole way home. I was a wreck thinking we would break down. We did get home eventually. The problems did not end there. Vito was not a happy guy last night after it got dark. It seems at dusk he gets very confused from not being able to see. We went to bed around 10 PM after watching a couple episodes of True Blood. I cried myself to sleep as Vito slept in his cage next to the bed.

This morning I was up at 6 AM and fed all the dogs but Vito. Vito would not eat. Had no interest in his food. I did give him his shot when I saw him starting to eat so I spent the rest of the morning trying to get him to eat the rest of his food. I even made some beef rice around 10 AM and put it in his food with no luck. He did eat a handful of dry food around noon. This is all not good because the food and shot must be at the same time. So this morning feeding and shot is just not working. Spent the day watching Vito and having him by my side. Tony came home around 2:45 PM to take us to the 3 PM vet appointment. The vet did a good job of looking at his eyes and says he is getting very little light and is most likely almost blind. The vet also tested for glaucoma and the test came back on the high side of normal. We will have to monitor this and maybe take him to a specialist in time. I guess glaucoma can be painful and we would not want to do anything nothing about it. For now we are fine but it could flair up at any time with his diabetes and blindness. I cried like a baby at the vet as I told them all that was happening to my little baby. Tony dropped us off at home and he went back to work. This is really taking a toll on me. I have to step away at times and just break down and get it out of my system before I return to tend to Vito. It is heartbreaking to see him not be able to find a door and banging into the other dogs when he walks around the room. He still has some play in him and a couple times during the day wrestles with Bo. So he does have quality of life at this point in time. So today is not the day to say goodbye, but it could be sooner rather than later. It will break my heart to say goodbye to him when that day comes. I think when Tony comes home we will walk up the street for dollar taco's. I need to get out of the house for a while and away from all this. Vito will be fine for an hour as we go out to eat tonight. I will gate the dogs in a small part of the house while we are gone. So, that is my life right now. I take care of my dog Vito and try to make the most of the time he has left. Being a care taker is not a fun job and very taxing on the mind and body. Much less, my face has bags under my eyes from all the crying.

July 11, 2011 Monday Dinner Time

Had a great weekend!

Saturday we were up at 7 AM. Fed the dogs and gave Vito his shot. We spent the morning cleaning the yard up for the garden tour on Sunday. Had some weeds to pull and some minor clean up around the yard. Around noon we left to go to Tony's family pool party in Hartford. Had a great afternoon at the house eating and swimming in the pool. Stayed until close to 5 PM and came home. Spent the night across the alley with the neighbors enjoying the nice weather and night. Went to bed around 10 PM.

Sunday we were up again at 7 AM and did the normal feeding routine. Around 10 AM I drove to Open Pantry to get the weekly lottery tickets and some breakfast at McDonalds to bring home. At noon the garden tour started and people showed up right away. Everyone wanted to see the yard of the house with the cars in the front yard. Since we are a very known home we were the top of most people list to visit. It cost $3 for tickets for the tour and they sold out the 150 tickets in the first hour. There was about 20 homes on the tour around Riverwest. Had a steady flow of people up till 4 PM when the tour ended. We met a lot of nice people and they had nice things to say about our yard and home. It was close to 90 degrees outside all day and was very hot. Thankfully it was cloudy and there was a breeze. Somehow I made it through the day in the heat. After the tour was over we went across the alley to our friends house because they were having a family get together and invited us over for dinner. Had a great dinner and stayed at their house until close to 6 PM. Came home and fed the dogs dinner and gave Vito his shot. Vito is getting around pretty good. I communicate to him all day as I walk around the house so he knows where I am. Tomorrow he goes to the vet to make sure there is nothing we can do about him going blind. We keep noticing more and more the more we watch him. I think he can see very little. If I stand and talk to him and then bend down to his level he is still looking for me up high before he realizes my voice is closer to him and at his head level. I think he just sees shadows. Spent the night watching TV on the DVR before going to bed around 10 PM.

This morning I was up at 6 AM. Fed the dogs and gave Vito his shot. Around 8 AM a thunder storm rolled in and it got a bit cooler. I turned off the air conditioning only to turn it on an hour later when it got very humid after the rain. I feel sorry for Tony working in this heat. Had someone come and give me and estimate to replace a couple of the windows in the upper apartment. WOW. Don't think I will be using this company since the price is way to high. Called another company for an estimate and they come next week Monday. Our house was built in 1909 and the windows upstairs do not track well and fall easily. Two are now broke and need to be fixed so I figure I might as well check into replacing the entire old windows rather than the glass again and again. Worst case we will just go buy some windows and replace them ourselves before winter comes. We should have replaced them long ago and would have if I lived upstairs rather than downstairs in our apartment. We have already replaced most windows in our unit throughout the years of owning the house. Not sure if I am making dinner. I took a short nap this afternoon and do not feel like cooking. Will depend how Tony feels when he gets home. Hopefully he will want to go the Monday car show at Hardy's and we can eat there. Suppose to cool off again tomorrow and the rest of the week until another heat wave hits this weekend. It is either to damn hot or too cold here in Milwaukee. I like 70s.

July 8, 2011 Friday Dinner Time

This morning we were up at 5 AM when Bo jumped onto the bed from the couch and started crying and whining loudly. Not sure what happened but he wouldn't even let us touch him. It was very scary. We soon got him outside and when he came back in he threw up. He was fine after that but it was quite a scare when he was crying like he did. Spent the morning on the Internet looking up and then buying a pet water fountain so Vito will hear where his water is once he is totally blind. Around 11:30 AM I called Tony to see if he was picking me up or I was picking him up at work to go to lunch. He said he is so hot and sweaty that it was best he didn't come to lunch. So I went to lunch without him. Had a great lunch with the guys. One guy has been missing for some time and I have to call him to find out if he is OK. Stopped off at my favorite store, Walmart, to see if I could find some bells to put on the other dogs so Vito will hear them coming since he can not see them so well. Bought some freezer pops for Tony and the guys at the auto body shop to eat in this heat. Put the bells on the dogs collars. I am in the process of trying to do all I can to make it as easy as possible around the house on Vito once he goes totally blind. Everything I read tells me it happens very fast, usually in a month or so. So he doesn't have long until he won't be able to see at all. Not sure what his future holds. Spent the rest of the afternoon listening to music on the couch with Vito sleeping by my side. Poor little boy, all he thinks is that it keeps getting darker and darker and doesn't understand why. I am sure Tony will come home exhausted and sweaty. I will get him in the shower shortly after he gets home. Will most likely spend the night watching TV on the DVR before going to bed. Tomorrow we have a pool party to go to for Tony's family. It is suppose to get very hot this weekend so outside activities do not thrill me. Sunday we are part of a garden tour, we are one of the stops on the tour. We will have to be outside all afternoon to talk with the people on the tour. It is suppose to be 90 degrees on Sunday. I am not looking forward to this and wish I had never signed up for the tour.

July 7, 2011 Thursday Afternoon

Yesterday I was up at 6 AM. Fed the dogs and gave Vito his shot. Tony left for work around 7 AM. Went grocery shopping at the Shorewood Pick N Save rather than the one two blocks from our house. As you all know I have too many problems with the low life's at the close Pick N Save. Got home around noon and took a nap for about 2 hours. At about 4 PM I cut open the watermelon I bought to make a fruit salad only to find the watermelon rotten inside. Damn! Called the store and was told to throw it out and use her name with my next visit to get my money back. Went out for $1 hamburgers and $1 french fries for dinner. Spent the night watching Nancy Grace, Dr Drew and the ABC special on Casey Anthony before going to bed. I still am in shock over the verdict.

This morning again I was up at 6 AM doing the usual morning routine. About 10 AM, after the sentencing of Casey Anthony I went to Walmart to buy more Insulin and needles for Vito. They had the Insulin but not the needles. Bought the Insulin and a couple other items and got the hell out of Walmart. Drove across the street to Walgreen's to buy needles. The pharmacist was such and asshole and gave me a hard time buying them. She acted like I was a drug user or something. I finally had to call the manager and tell him I never have these problems at the Walmart near my house. He got the needles and I soon left with them. What is happening with the world and people? I lately just feel I don't understand. The big news here in Milwaukee is that on Sunday night after the 3rd of July Fireworks over 100 black people decided to cause problems all the way up North Avenue from the lakefront to the ghetto. They beat people up and ransacked a BP gas station, all on camera. The video is disturbing. Over 11 separate incidents of white people being beaten in the park near our house from this gang of black people. The 100 or so black people started beating people in the park where we took our nephew for fireworks a week ago. So scary. They kicked and beat people and went through their pockets when they were down. A couple even are in the hospital. Beating people while they laughed. What the hell is wrong with black people? Yes, it was all black people. Thankfully the video shows all their faces and the police have said they will get every one of them. There was a big meeting at the park last night with the police and mayor, funny how there were over 200 white people at the meeting and only a handful of black people. Funny how the blacks cause the problems and don't even care enough about the neighborhood to come to a meeting about what they did or how to make it stop. Since Sunday the police are everywhere around the neighborhood. A couple parents who have seen the videos have turned in their kids. So I guess some of them know right from wrong, too bad they didn't teach their kids this growing up. All this happened just 4 blocks from our house. Time to put the for sale sign out soon.

On a side note we have come to the conclusion that Vito is not only diabetic, but is going blind. We have noticed little things for a while but it has become more noticeable in the past week. Today I tried to feed him a piece of ham and he could not even see it in front of his face. Yesterday I watched him walk to a closed french door and scratch on it to get through the door even though the door next to it was open. He also has fallen off the bed in the middle of the night twice in the past two weeks. There are more things that I have noticed also. So I guess Vito is going to be my problem for a while. Not sure how to deal with a blind dog or one going blind. I thought dealing with the diabetes was going to be enough. I will have to do some research on the Internet. Anyone with any experience in dealing with a blind pet, your input would be helpful.

July 5, 2011 Tuesday Afternoon - Casey Anthony Not Guilty?

What an injustice. Casey Anthony not guilty? WTF?
I have been practically speachless for the past two hours and my mouth just hanging open.
Now the jury members won't talk to the public? WTF?
Casey Anthony might be out of jail by this weekend because of time served?
Did we all forget a two year old child is dead!
I have been watching this trial for over a month and feel so cheated of a fair verdict.
What was this jury thinking?
I hope someone duct tapes Casey Anthony's face some day very soon just like she did to her daughter!

July 5, 2011 Tuesday Morning

Saturday we were up at 7 AM and fed the dogs and gave Vito his shot. It was already very hot outside so we decided not to leave the house all day. We spent most of the day napping and just watching the Casey Anthony trial on TV. Around 6 PM we decided to drive to a car show on the south side of town. On the way to the car show the Cadillac started acting up. Tony thinks the car might have a clog in the gas line. On the way home the car started to shake as we drove. I told Tony we need to get home now before the car tire falls off or something. We drove straight home with the car shaking. As we got closer to home it got worse. As we turned onto the road we live on a couple blocks from home the back tire on the drivers side blew. It was so loud I crushed my soda and spilled my soda all over Tony. Thankfully we were two blocks from home and we pulled the car over right away. We walked home and then Tony went to his auto body shop to get the tools needed to change the tire. He then put the spare tire on the car and came home with my car. I drove him back to the Cadillac and we put it in the garage for the night. We then went across the alley because the neighbors were having a party. Stayed at the party until close to midnight.

Sunday morning it was still hot and the air conditioning stayed on all day. Spent the morning and afternoon watching the awesome closing arguments for the Casey Anthony trial. The lawyers were awesome in their closing arguments. To damn hot outside here in Milwaukee. Anything over 80 degrees is just to hot for me. Spent Sunday night watching the movies Conrad Boys and You Belong To Me. Both were good movies. Went to bed around 10 PM.

Yesterday we were up at 7 AM. Fed the dogs and gave Vito his shot. Spent the morning watching the last closing arguments for the Casey Anthony trial. The lady lawyer was just awesome in her closing arguments. She even had me in tears at the end it was so powerful. Around 10:30 AM we drove to another car show in the Lexus. It was so damn hot walking around on the hot black top parking lot. Half way through the huge car show I told Tony I was ready to leave and it was just to damn hot. Went to Menard's to buy a couple items on sale. Stopped off at George Webb's for some lunch before heading home. Spent the rest of the afternoon napping and watching TV. Last night we watched the fireworks from out back deck. Went to bed around 10:30 PM.

This morning I was up at 6 AM. Fed the dogs and gave Vito his shot after I was done throwing up again this morning. Jeez, I hate starting my day like this. Nothing seems to help. Not watching what I eat or taking an antacid before bed. Tony then told me two of the front path lights were pulled out of the ground when he got the newspaper this morning. I watched our DVR security camera and watched two girls walk up the sidewalk a little after midnight and rip them out of the ground. Why do people do this? I wish it was a clear picture so we could get these assholes. What fun is it destroying others hard work? Spent the early morning working on the pond before it gets to hot outside to do any more work on it. When I am done with this post I plan on taking the living room throw carpets up to the second floor deck and hosing them down to clean them. With all the windows closed the house smells like dogs. I notice it so others would also. Will stay close to home so when the trial verdict comes in I can see Casey Anthony's face as she hears the words guilty.

July 1, 2011 Friday Dinner Time

The nephew left around 1 PM yesterday. Spent the afternoon cleaning and watching TV. Tony came home from work around 5:15 PM. Made a pork roast, corn and a salad for dinner. Spent the night watching programs on TV I had DVR'd. Watched an episode of America's Got Talent and then last Sunday's HBO's True Blood. I do love the show True Blood. Went to bed around 10 PM.

This morning I was up at 6 AM. Fed the dogs, gave Vito his shot, and Tony left for work around 7 AM. Did a little cleaning around the house and then left for Walgreen's around 10 AM to pick up a prescription. I then went to Pick N Save and the TCF bank to make a deposit. What a mistake. I once again got into an argument with a black female who was trying to skip into the long line at the bank. She went ballistic on me when I told her the line was back here and she would not be getting to the bank window before us. She used every word in the book at me. She even called me a God Damn Fuckin Nigger. I honestly wanted to look her in the eye and ask her how she would like it if I called HER a nigger. Why is it OK for a black person to us the N word but if a white person was to use it they could get killed? She then start threatening to follow me outside and kill me in the parking lot. I then yelled for security again and they came and stood around her as she acted like a total fool. I saw her trying to skip into the line again as I was leaving the store. Jeez. What the fuck is wrong with black people and following the same rules everyone else has to follow? I drove home shaking from the experience. It is just a shame no one else in 20 people line had the fuckin balls to say anything to this crack whore. Came home and soon Tony picked me up for lunch with the guys. Was only four of us today since many are out of town for the holiday weekend. We have no plans tonight or for much of the weekend. We do have plans to meets some lunch friends at a car show on Monday. It will be a very laid back nap filled weekend. It is in the 90s today in Milwaukee and very hot. Tomorrow it will be back in the low 80s so the air conditioning will only have to be on for today.

Have a great 4th of July weekend!