April 14, 2014 Monday Morning

Friday night we went out for a cod fish fry at the restaurant we went to last Friday.  The fish fry was not as good as the week prior but will give them another try sometime in the future.  Came home and watched a little TV before going to the bedroom for a round of lovin and then went to sleep.  Still got up a couple times and walked the house hoping for a sign from Stella.  When Bo came up on the bed tonight all he wanted to do was play.  I have not seen him like this since his best friend Stella died.  I took note and even said 'my Bo is back'.   It was a noticeable change.

Saturday morning we were up by 7 AM.   Fed the dogs and gave Vito his shot.  Breakfast still makes me cry as I only make three of four dog bowls up with food.  Tony went to work for an hour around 10 AM.   When he got home I got him in the shower so we could do some things I had in mind in the afternoon.  Around noon we left the house to go to Menard's to price and plan my next outside project.  On the way to Menard's we stopped off at the Milwaukee Humane Society to look at dogs.  Tony did not want to.  I was no way going to get a dog, but was happy I was even considering it and opening my heart again.  Saw a deaf Pitbull and spent some time with it.  Unfortunately it is only 6 months old and not trained.  I could handle a deaf Pitbull if it was trained but I have no clue how to train a deaf Pitbull and would fail the dog.  Tony cried the entire time we were in the Humane Society looking at the dogs.  I actually smiled.   You know I miss Stella with all my heart and her death is tearing me apart.  With that said, I am so amazed how quickly I am to even consider another dog.  I guess I just figure we have the room and love and there are so many dogs that need a good home.  Stella gave us so much happiness and we need that back in the house.  We will get a dog or find one after May when we babysit Tony's sisters two dogs.  Can't bring one into the house before then.  I am not looking to replace Stella.  I am simply opening our home since we have the love and room.  Left and went to Menard's and bought some items and did some planning and pricing.  Came home and spent the later half of the afternoon with the dogs.   Around 4 PM a friend of ours came over with a picture he made of Stella.  After we fed the dogs we went out to eat and the same friend joined us.  Had a nice supper, good conversation, and three drinks.  I can't remember the last time I had three drinks.  As we went to leave it was hailing outside nickel size hail.  Ran to our car and drove the two blocks home.  Spent the rest of the night watching TV.  Went to bed around 9 PM and did another round of lovin and then went to sleep.

Sunday morning we were up by 7 AM again.  Fed the dogs and gave Vito his shot.  Made breakfast.  We went to Pick N Save around noon to get lottery tickets an some ham and rolls for supper.  Came home and soon Tony wanted a nap.  I think he really wanted more lovin.  Did the lovin thing and took an hour nap.  Made ham and rolls for supper and spent the night watching Good Wife and Mentalist before going to sleep.  Fell asleep during Mentalist and don't even know how it ended.

This morning I was up by 6:30 AM.  Fed the dogs and gave Vito his shot.  Tony left for work around 7:30 AM.  Just stopped raining.  Rained all night.  It is only 34 degrees outside and not getting above 40 all week, or not much above. 

Had a major breakdown this morning crying over Stella.  I read the comments and appreciate them.  You are right, but it is still hard.  I do keep beating myself up thinking I wish I was stronger so I didn't put her down last week.   I wish I would have kept her alive and monitored the situation, giving her more time.  I know even as I type that, that more time could be even now, next week, but, that would have been more time at this point.  The fact she could still be by my feet right now kills me if it were not for our decision to put her down last Monday.  Of course how long and what would have happened next could have been heart breaking also.  So, I go back and forth.  Beat myself up one minute wishing I was stronger, knowing I did the best thing the next moment.  I guess I just miss her so much.  I am hoping they call and say we can pick up her ashes today.  Would be nice to get that over with and have her back home.  I will just do things around the house today.   To cold and damp to do anything outside.  Good day to clean if I get the energy.