April 9, 2014 Wednesday Afternoon

Last night after Tony got home from work and showered we went up the street to have some $2 tacos and a drink.  Came home and spent the rest of the night watching NCIS and NCIS LA.  Went to the bedroom at 9 PM and by 10 PM I was sleeping.  Woke up at 2 AM in tears.  Walked the house for a while.  Bo was up most of the night also.  He didn't even sleep all night on the bed.  I know he is processing his best friend not being here any more.  I guess as humans we at least know what happened.  I can see he is confused and wants his best friend back.  Tried to sleep a bit but was up most of the night after 2 AM.

This morning I was up and out of bed by 6 AM.  Fed the dogs.  Second day reaching for Stella's bowl only to remember she is no longer here.  I put her bowl away so it is just reflex.   Of course feeding the dogs made me break down in tears not having Stella here.  Spent the early morning going through pictures of Stella's almost 10 years with us.  Got on Walgreen's website and had a few made into 8 x 10's and one into a 11 x 14 for the bedroom.  Went grocery shopping around 11 AM.  Honestly my mind is mush.  I couldn't make any decisions and just threw stuff in the cart.  Came home and soon the pictures were ready to pick up so I want to Walgreen's to get them.  After I got home I decided to go for a walk and took Bo with me.  Took a nice long walk along the river trails with Bo.  Never took him before but think I might start.  Of course that means leaving 2 dogs home.   Ended up taking the other two dogs one by one up the alley.  Vito is blind so it is just a matter of letting him sniff for a while.  Making hamburgers and French fries with a salad for supper tonight.   Will most likely just spend the night watching TV with the three dogs.  Sure is different on the bed at night without the big Pitbull and only 3 small dogs.   Lots of room.  Would be happy to have less room and my baby back.  Ordered a small name plate for on the urn with Stella's name and dates.  Will most likely get her ashes later this week or early next week.   It got to 60 degrees in Milwaukee today.  We have not been this warm since last October.  Sure felt good.  Have to treat myself better.  This death of Stella has taken a toll on my health and with my HIV I have to stay strong and healthy.  I can just imagine what this week has done to my TCell count.