April 30, 2009 Thursday Night

My back is killing me, my mind is mush, and my eyes are having a hard time focusing. That is what a day on the computer will do to me.

I made a ton of updates on my new web page today. My most recent addition is my own chat room: http://pub19.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=1588914237&cpv=2 Stop by and say HI. You can also find a link to it about half way down on the main web page. http://gaydavemilwaukee.angelfire.com/ I will try to remember to log on when I am home.

I think everyone can find a link or news story of interest in one of the News Menus.
http://gaydavemilwaukee.angelfire.com/ You will find CNN Headline News, World News, Top News US, Milwaukee Weather, HIV/AIDS Headline News as well as Entertainment News.

Don't forget to check out the links in my personal Welcome section. You can find a link to our kids page, our pictures, recently received emails, the 'Fun Page' as will as a link to a Beautiful Men page. At the 'Fun Page' you can find links to Jokes, Daily Horoscopes, Quotes of the Day, This Day in History, Word of the Day and Odd News. The Beautiful Men page is very clean. They are my personal favorites. Also don't forget to check out links to Queerty, Washington Blade, POZ.com and The Body.com to name a few in your spare time or at work. What kind of husband would I be if I didn't also mention the link to Tony's auto body shop Downtown Auto Body. http://www.downtownautobody.net/

Have fun. I welcome suggestions. Be kind. I hope to see you in my chat room. And don't forget to sign my guest book. http://htmlgear.tripod.com/guest/control.guest?u=gaydavemilwaukee&i=1&a=sign

April 30, 2009 Thursday Afternoon

Hello, been very busy creating a web sight. You can view it at:
http://gaydavemilwaukee.angelfire.com/
It is a work in progress. All the links should work. I encourage any feedback.
You can also access my blog from the web sight.

My direct blog address is: http://daveslifelivingwithhiv.blogspot.com/

It takes a long time to create such a sight. You can see links to our 'kids', pictures of Tony and I, links to important news information, as well as a link to Beautiful Men and The 'Fun' Page.

Enjoy. I plan to update it daily and expand it as time permits.

Let me know what you think: djones2659@att.net

April 28, 2009 Tuesday Afternoon

My new email address is:
djones2659@att.net
please make a note of it and change your email address books

April 28, 2009 Tuesday Morning

This will be my last post using Warner Cable. I will have a new email address as well as a new cable / internet service by the end of today. We are switching to AT&T Uverse. Please watch for the new email address I will receive and post. Please, then, update your email address books or email accounts. Thank you.

With that said. The AT&T person is suppose to get here between 10 am and noon. How many want to bet he/she gets here closer to noon than 10 am? Isn't that how it usually is?
Went to bed early again last night even after taking a 2 hour nap yesterday afternoon. Still woke up this morning tired. Got up at least 5 times last night to pee. Been taking my Flomax for the last two weeks but the prostate problem seems to be getting worse even on the Flomax. Will have to check with the doctor if this continues. Tired of getting up 3 or more times during the night's sleep to pee. Tony took Stella to work with him today so she doesn't feel the need to 'taste' the Internet installer. Wouldn't want that to happen. I am sure they would not be as understanding as Jack was. Sorry once again Jack. I did start a web page yesterday spending about 2 hours creating it on google. Do not like what I can or can not do as a web page so last night I started a different one on Angelfire like we have Tony's Downtown Auto Body web sight on. I know how to create it better at Angelfire since I have been using it for years updating Tony's web sight. When I get it to the point of posting the link, I will. Still can not figure how to get the links to stand out better than just at the bottom of the page. The tentative name of the sight is Gay Dave in Milwaukee. I hope to have the sight contain a link to this blog, updates on news events of interest, a humorous page for laughs, as well as a forum or place to post letters from others living with HIV or AIDS. It will be a work in progress. Any suggestions are always welcome. What would you guys like to see at the web page? Please let me know.

Have a good day everyone. Not looking forward to this switch over since I will have to change my email address with everyone I talk with, every post I have made, and every web sight we go to and get updates from. Should give me plenty to do the rest of the day after the installer leaves. Hence, you might not hear from me for a while.

April 27, 2009 Monday Afternoon

Sorry I have not posted sooner. I did write a huge post and when I was uploading the photos the computer froze, so I am starting over. I had a weekend to remember.

Sunday Tony got Jack at the motel and brought him to the house where we were all showered and ready to begin the day. We took some pictures out front with the cars and then went to breakfast at the restaurant Tony and I go to for our Friday afternoon lunch with the guys. We then took Jack (and his bitten leg) to the airport and said goodbye, me in tears. Suzanne, Erin, Tony and I then went to The Domes here in Milwaukee. Three domes, one with flowers, one dome is a rain forest, the other dome is desert. Got some nice pictures and had a good time. Had not been there in many many years. We went home and just laid around for a while till we took them to the airport in a downpour around 4:30 Sunday afternoon. Tony and I were in bed by 9 pm Sunday night. I was exhausted. Today I got up, went to my therapist and told her all about my fantastic weekend and after a little lunch took a 2 hour nap. I could go right back to bed I am still so tired.

Thank you Suzanne, Erin, Jack and Tony for giving me a weekend to remember for a lifetime. I will never forget what you guys did and I thank you more than words can say. Tony and I look forward to seeing you all on your home turf this fall - did you hear that Byron and Michelle?

I posted a few pictures from the weekend below :

April 25, 2009 Saturday Night

Had a great day with Suzanne, Erin, Jack and Tony in spite of the rain that seemed to never end. We did get a little lightning and thunder so that is good. I love thunder storms. Picked Jack up and brought him to the house and watched a little TV and videos before going to the Miller Brewery Tour. We have lived in Milwaukee all our life and never been to one so it was really about time to do it. It was very informative and fun. The three big full glasses of sample beer at the end made it even better. Came home and watched a little more TV and videos till we went to dinner at Palarmo Villa, an Italian Restaurant. Had a great dinner. Came home and watched Jeff Dunham on video, his Milwaukee Christmas special from last year. Had some good laughs. Tony is taking Jack to the hotel while Suzanne and Erin get ready for bed. It is only 10:30 PM here but they are still on Eastern time so it is 11:30 in their heads. And I thought I go to bed early. Had a great day today. Tomorrow we will pick Jack up, go to breakfast, and then drop him off at the airport around noon. Will probably take Suzanne and Erin to the Three Domes in the afternoon prior to taking them to the airport around 5 PM.
It has really been an unbelievable weekend so far.
Have to say. A few months ago I was ready to end it all. I am so glad I didn't. Makes me see there is so much more in my life and it would be an unbelievable mistake to do something stupid and miss all this fun. Hopefully anyone reading this can take that away with them. As bad as things may look at any time, life is worth living. Don't let a low point in your life let you think that it will always be that low. If nothing else, there is no where to go but up. If you follow this blog you know how low I was, I am not there today.

April 25, 2009 Saturday Morning Jack Video

Here is the video that Jack took as he approached our house yesterday.

April 25, 2009 Saturday Morning

The girls are just getting up and Tony is off to pick up Jack so I thought I would at least post 2 pictures. The first pic is Jack, Suzanne, Erin, Tony and I clockwise at the Milwaukee lakefront yesterday. The second picture is of Erin, Suzanne and Jack doing a tap dance in order to get into the Safe House restaurant since they didn't know the password to enter.

April 24, 2009 Friday Night

I don't even know where to start but I will type fast because I am so tired and can't wait to go to bed. I know Michelle for one has been waiting for a post. I knew Suzanne and Erin were flying in to Milwaukee today. But I had no clue that Jack was also flying in from Maine. NO CLUE.
So, I pick up Suzanne and Erin at the airport and the first thing they say is that the airline lost their luggage and it will be delivered to the house around 2 pm. OK. No big deal. So at 2 pm a car pulls up. I guy comes up the sidewalk with a suitcase and a camera. He states he forgot his clip board so he has to get it on video that the suitcase was returned. OK. I figure it makes sense. So he keeps videoing and then starts asking me strange questions like 'Do you like OJ?'.
What? Do I like OJ? I looked at him and said 'Orange Juice'. He said, 'OJ'. I was just dumb founded at this point and he said 'say into the camera you love OJ'. So I said it. At that point he looks at me and says 'do you know who this is?'. I am still so confused. He looks at me and says 'I'm Jack'. Now I have never met Jack. I have talked with him on the Internet for about 15 years and seen pictures and such but com on. Why would Jack be here from Maine. It took me a long time for my mind to put this together and it was unbelievable. He got the whole thing on video so tomorrow we will get it on the computer and post it. I was on cloud nine all afternoon. We sat around for a while and about a half hour later I looked at Suzanne and said 'so we aren't waiting for luggage'. I still was so confused. We then took the 65 Cadillac out and drove around Milwaukee. Took them all to Tony's Auto Body Shop and then home for about an hour before we went to dinner at The Safe House. It is a spy theme restaurant. We went out to a local bar for a drink after dinner and then went home. Suzanne and Erin called it a night a little after 10 pm and Tony took Jack to his motel room. I tried to talk Jack into staying here but I do not think he liked Stella giving him a nice bite on the leg as he came out of the bathroom at one point this afternoon. Almost drew blood. But he is OK. Stella got a spanking and a huge time out. Poor Jack. He took it so well. Here he flies to Milwaukee from Maine only to have my dog bite him as he is here at the house. So tired I have to go to bed myself. Will post pics and video when I have time. Looks like the rain is coming sooner than we thought. Michelle - wish you were here. Jo, you would love these guys.

April 24, 2009 Friday Morning

Had a great Birthday. Very low key but that is fine with me. We ended up going to Pitches' for dinner last night. I had a huge 12 oz steak. I was so full by the time they brought a piece of cake I could hardly eat any of it. Managed to force down a small piece of my cake prior to going to bed. Was very good. We have lots of cake if anyone wants any.

Got up around 7:30 this morning and got into final cleaning mode. Got what needs to get done finished and took a shower. Tony is home from opening the shop and now I just need to get him in the shower and soon we will leave for the airport to pick up Suzanne and Erin. Weather has changed a bit. Looks like today will be the best of days. Saturday only a half day of nice weather till thunder storms are suppose to come in. I do love thunder storms, but would be nice if they hold out till later in the day. Will have to show Suzanne and Erin around Milwaukee this afternoon while the weather is nice. If you do not hear from me much over the weekend it is because I am being a terrific host. Will take lots of pictures and let you all know how the weekend went when time permits. Have a great weekend everyone. I know I will. Yes, I will.

April 23, 2009 Thursday Afternoon

Drove to one of the finer grocery stores in the area and bought a ton of fruit for the weekend. Then went to Shorewood, to a bakery, and bought an expensive cake for tonight for my Birthday. Bought some coffee cakes and breakfast stuff for the weekend also.

Spent the afternoon on the couch with the dogs just listening to some favorite songs on the computer that I have downloaded. When I got up there was the following email from a guy named Anthony. I am posting his email because it is a perfect example of the emails I get from people finding this blog. I post it to show not only that you are not alone in your feelings, but to show others who are not dealing directly with HIV how this disease effects us physically as well as mentally:

"my real name is anthony i am 21 living with hiv new to it. i get so lonely sometime where no one can help me through it my boyfriend will never understand how hard it is for me , he get sad to know . i have told a couple friends and my parents but none of them really care, my boyfriend is my only support i think if i lose that i will go crazy. please dave help me in some way i dono what to do , like what i need to do with my health,everything i am new. thanks so much please write back"

I think a light bulb went off or got brighter after I replied to his email. I am going to spend my life helping others cope with the physical and mental effects of this disease. I am going to look into either updating this blog to include more links or start a web page that has much more content and help for those needing it. Maybe even an advice page. Will have to give some more thought, but that is where I am heading. It feels good to help others and I think there are more than enough people out there who need it. Stay tuned. The sun just came out here in Milwaukee.

April 23, 2009 Thursday Morning

Happy Birthday to me. I don't turn 48 till another 45 minutes or so. I was born on a Sunday April 23rd, 1961 at 10:06 AM. Have to ask mom if she just woke up that morning, went to the hospital, and of course probably a very easy birth. LOL. Hope she wasn't in labor all night.

Finished the last of the big cleaning already this morning. Got most of it done yesterday. Have to shower and go shopping for a Birthday cake. Going to hunt down a good cake this year. Not one of those cheap ones where the frosting sticks to your mouth. I want a good butter cream cake and think I deserve it. So I told Tony I would handle the cake. Told him all he needs to do is buy me a card and be nice to me this weekend. Tonight I think we decided to spend big bucks and go out to dinner at one of the most expensive restaurants here in town. Butches. Yup, that's the name of the restaurant. Has the best steaks in town, but very pricey. Phone just rang and was a friend inviting us out tonight to a local bar for a few drinks. Will have to see if we can fit it in but said I did not think so due to I don't want to spoil a good steak dinner by not being hungry after drinking. Will have to see. Was nice to be thought of.

Got an email yesterday from a guy in Seattle Washington asking to use parts of my blog in a HIV/AIDS seminar he is giving at the University next week. Told him I feel honored and to take what he think will help anyone. Told him that is the reason I started the blog.

Today I am grateful for:
1. Waking up with Tony and our dogs happy and healthy
2. Good friends and family that have shown so much support
3. That it is sunny and getting warmer
4. The cleaning is for the most part done
5. Living to the age of 48

April 22, 2009 I Dreamed A Dream Lyrics

I just love this song and played it nonstop even before Susan Boyle. In fact Les Miserables is my favorite play. I play the soundtrack at least once a week. I cry like a baby every time I see the play. I don't know why, but it really is 'the' play that for whatever reason seems to hit me. I've seen it 3 times and would see it again and again if it came back to town. The last time I saw it I was smart and brought a ton of kleenex.
So, I thought I would take a cleaning break and post the lyrics. The song means more today than it did even a few months ago. I found myself many many times playing this song in the last few months screaming out the last four lines of the song as it played.

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that can not be
And there are storms we can not weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

April 22, 2009 Wednesday Morning

Good Morning.
The sun is out and summer is on the way. The weatherman this morning said it should be sunny and 50 degrees today. The weekend forecast has been updated, they are now saying it will be 80 degrees in Friday and 75 degrees on Saturday. Pretty remarkable considering we had snow flakes falling yesterday. Unbelievable. Suzanne and Erin need to visit more often. The good news is hopefully all this warm weather will be moving Eastward towards some of you. Today and tomorrow are cleaning days. With the sun coming in this morning boy do I have some work on my hands. As you can see I am procrastinating big time. Got a little Mariah Carey and Leona Lewis playing on the stereo, they play very well together. Almost sound the same at times. Tony took Stella to work today to protect the guys at work today and get her out of my way when cleaning. Now I just have to get the other 4 to stand out of the way. When I sit on the floor and dust the low stuff the dogs often think I am down there to play with them. Silly dogs. Wish I could hand them each a dust rag. OK. Gotta start sometime. Off to cleaning.

April 21, 2009 Breaking News

About a half hour ago Tony called to tell me he would be a little late getting home from work due to the fact that when they went to leave the shop tonight 2 Hispanic kids were in one of our cars trying to steal the radio and stuff much less the car. So Tony and the guys stood in front of the car doors and wouldn't let them get out till the police came. Two of the kids sisters came over and starting screaming and shouting to 'let them go, they did nothing'. Well, we will let the police decide that. Right as the police pulled up the two kids tried to escape and run. Tony's brother tackled one of them and the police tackled the other. I took Stella with me to check out the action just in case we needed her to scare the heck out of them. How exciting hey? Thankfully we got them. The sisters kept saying their mom would take care of punishing them. We kept saying 'she can punish them all she wants after the police are done with them'.

April 21, 2009 Tuesday Afternoon

Dinner at Bio Script was nice. There were about 25 people who attended. The topic was letting your health care provider know everything so they can prescribe the medicine needed depending on your life schedule. Since the meds need to be taken at certain times of the day and with or without food some who work non traditional hours have a hard time staying compliant. Next months meeting at Bio Script is on drug resistance. Very important topic and can not wait. Would like to know how long I can be on Atripla before my HIV starts to work around it and I have to move on to another cocktail.

Got up this morning and drove to Hobo to exchange the wrong light for the bathroom mirror. They had one more left so all went well. Hung the mirror, unfortunately when I was tightening the light globe it cracked. Moved the crack to the area not seen. Jeez. All that work and within minutes I break it. Stopped off at Walgreen's to pick up prescriptions. Only one of two was called in so I will have to go back later today or tomorrow. Came home and made a little lunch. I then went outside for no longer than 10 minutes to do something outside. When I came back in the house the full, unused loaf of bread on the stove was no longer there. The wrapper was on the guest bed. Bread gone. Looks like Stella took it upon herself to eat a full loaf of bread in 10 minutes time. Bad Stella. She did get a spanking and yelled at. Took a long nap this afternoon since the weather sucks here in Milwaukee today.

Tonight Tony and I have photo presentation to go to at MSOE. They are featuring for one night only the pictures of us from the Shall Not Be Recognized picture display. All the people featured are invited and encouraged to attend. The theme tonight is Putting A Face On Marginalized People. We like to support things like this so we will be there to sign autographs. LOL

Here is a link to the pictures of Shall Not Be Recognized. Our picture and story is within the clips. http://www.shallnotberecognized.org/

Took a couple of pics of the bathroom and bedroom. Due to not being able to get a good shot I am only posting one pic. Please keep in mind we still have to tile and finish the walls and ceiling. I will try to take some better shots. Wednesday and Thursday I have blocked off as cleaning and dusting the house. Have to get it looking good for our weekend guests. Today we had snow showers but I am so excited that by Friday it is suppose to be 72 degrees and sunny and Saturday much the same till a cold front comes in late Saturday night. So that means 2 perfect days to show Suzanne and Erin Milwaukee. I am so excited about this weekend and can't wait. I only planned one thing so far, yes, I know, not the Dave you've come to expect. Made dinner reservations at the Safe House for Friday night. I am going to take the advice of others and let the weekend unfold as it does. Will have some things in mind like a walk along the Riverwalk downtown, but for the most part, no plans or planning. Very tired today, but I think it is the weather and lack of sun.

April 20, 2009 Monday Late Afternoon

Got up around 7 am this morning and got Tony off to work. Did a little cleaning after a quick phone call with my mother. Left around 10:30 for my therapist appointment. Talked about the horrible dream I had and how the week went since my last appointment. We tried to figure out what triggered the dream with no luck. Made myself a peanut butter jelly sandwich for lunch and went to lay down and take a nap. Woke up about 3 hours later. Slept more than I usually do when taking a nap. Now I am drinking coffee trying to jump start my brain that is in a total fog. It is a rainy day here in Milwaukee, perfect day for a nap. Have to make Tony something for dinner and then I am off to my dinner meeting at Bio Script Pharmacy. I hear these are very informative meetings once a month, plus the dinner is suppose to be great. Will let you know. No word yet from Social Security. Would be nice if I get the 'yes' letter on my birthday. Would be a nice Birthday present.
Tomorrow I have to return the mirror we bought on Saturday. The light that is suppose to go with it can not be the light. It does not attach to the mirror. So they must have given us the wrong light. Should be fun since Tony can not find the receipt and swears he never got one. And why didn't he make sure he got it from the cashier when he paid for the stuff - good question. Hopefully they will just give me the correct light and that will be it. Will set Tony up to watch Dancing With The Stars when I am gone tonight. Tony is so easy to please when it comes to TV. He will watch whatever is on. So when I go to meeting like the one tonight I put the TV on the channel I know he will enjoy and want to watch. Hopefully I should be home by 9 pm at the latest.
An email buddy today suggested that I write 5 things a day that I am grateful for. It is called the Gratitude Journal. He got the idea from a book he read. Sounds like a good idea and will give it a try. 1. That I woke up with Tony by my side. 2. My dogs woke up happy and healthy. 3. I was able to get to my therapist appointment. 4. That I was able to have a nap with my dogs this afternoon. 5. That I will get a good hot meal tonight at the meeting.

Hey, its my first time listing what I am grateful for! LOL

April 19, 2009 Sunday Night

Pulled myself together and made eggs and cinnamon bagels this morning for breakfast. Watched a little TV before we went to a lighting store that is huge to see if anything caught our eye for in the bathroom. Lots of cool stuff but came home with no light. Stopped off at Conejitos, a local Mexican restaurant that we go to frequently for some food. (I know, Mexican food again). They have great Mexican food at a cheap price, they serve the food on paper plates which is their trademark. The food is always great and you sit cafeteria style with others at your table. Just ate a little and did not add any sauce. Was raining pretty hard by the time we got home. When we walked in the door Barkley was limping and not fully using his front right paw. He must have hurt it by probably snagging a toe nail in the carpet or jumping down from something. He seems to be getting better as the day is going on. I started straightening up the spare room, unfolding the spare couch bed and getting sheets and blankets out which got Tony continuing on the walls in the bathroom. He is still working on it now. When he gets into these work moods I stay out of the way and keep a bottle of beer full for him. I'll have to get a picture tomorrow of the bathroom as it stands and the spare room, which is the last room to remodel, look at this time. It seems there is always something to do. This summer I am hoping to paint the outside of the house, first floor only, too dizzy for the ladders and going to the second floor or the high roof peaks. Have to hire someone for that. Looks like rain the beginning of the week but on Friday it is suppose to be 70 degrees for Suzanne and Erin's arrival. Saturday is a bit cooler and possibly rain, but that's a far ways off and not worth worrying about at this point. Just happy to see a warm front is coming for their visit.

Saw my rabbit under the front pine trees again this morning and afternoon. We never had rabbits in the 20 years we have lived here till recently. I think they are so cute. Been buying and throwing some carrots under the trees for him/her for over a week. I think it lives under the Model T. It brings a smile to my face during the day when I see it eating the bird seed outside the front window. Saw it run across the street the other day and almost screamed. Dumb rabbit. Stay in the yard.

Forgot to mention another difference in my body in yesterdays post. When Tony and I were sitting out on the side deck and then went for a drive with the top down I had to wear a baseball cap and put sunscreen on cause I just wasn't comfortable being in the hot sun. Sat in the shade under the umbrella on the deck cause the sun was just too hot. It was only about 70 degrees yesterday and I already could not stand the sun. I never was a 'lay in the sun' kind of guy but have noticed now that the meds I am on limit the time I can be in the sun even more. I have never been a happy guy out in heat over 85 degrees, I bet that is even more noticeable now. Should be interesting to see as the summer unfolds. Been told not to be in the sun too long while taking the medications I am taking. Just another adjustment in my life I guess.

Tony has been asking me for weeks what I want for my birthday. Told him the only present he needs to get me is to 'take Friday off work'. He deserves a three day weekend and that way he can drive us to the airport on Friday to pick up Suzanne and Erin. My Birthday is Thursday, and I will be 48 years old. Where did the years go? I think he will take Friday off. Probably just open the shop and get the guys working. Tonight is Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters. Hope to have a dreamless night tonight.

PS. Thank EBlogger for spell check or you guys would be laughing away at some of my spelling.

April 19, 2009 Sunday Morning - Last Nights Dream

Woke up last night at 2:15 AM screaming out loud as I woke "I don't want to die in my dream" over and over and in tears. Had one of the most vivid and horrible dreams last night since starting on the Atripla. It was horrible. I woke up screaming out loud and crying. Had to get up and about 15 minutes later take a Valium because I could not stop crying and was so shook up. Even laid in bed for a while longer with tears that would not stop. I am going to try to explain this dream as best I can but keep in mind that dreams do not always make sense. I did get up and started writing it all down on paper as much as I could remember so I will look over my notes and try to tell the story. It was that vivid and that profound.

In the dream it was like I was having a dream in a dream. The dream was as best I can describe as a cross between Ghost and It's A Wonderful Life. At the beginning of the dream I was doing things with people and living my life. Or so I thought. Then at one point in the dream Tony came to me and told me I was dead. He told and showed me I was really not a part of what was happening in the dream because no one could really interact with me because in reality I was dead. I kept saying to him 'I don't want to die, I don't want to die in my dream'. He kept trying to show me I was not alive anymore and already dead. I just could not accept it that I was dead. It made me so sad that I was dead and Tony was still alive and that we were not together anymore. He had to show me I was dead. I remember him looking at me saying 'You died in your dream' so vividly. No one else would say anything in the dream, just Tony telling me over and over again that 'I was dead'. The dream ended as he and a group of people watched me disappear into nothing, just kind of fading away. Kind of like the show Without A Trace does in the beginning. I could see myself fading away farther and farther from everyone and was screaming 'I don't want to die, I don't want to die' over and over till I woke up still screaming this now out loud.

I have never had a dream affect me like this. It was so real and hit too close to home. I do not know what I died of in the dream but of course I can assume. I still am having a hard time holding back the tears now it was that vivid and real. Always remember being told it is not good to die in your own dreams. Anyone want to give their opinion on what this dream meant?

April 18, 2009 Saturday Night

Got up this morning with more of the usual bowel problems, irritable bowel, spastic Collen, and hemorrhoids from all the above. Little more severe today. Sometimes feel I spend most of my morning in the bathroom. Thankfully I have a magazine rack in there. Finally took a pain pill and a hyoscyamine .375 MG to settle things down. I know this always works as a last resort. By noonish I felt a little better so we took a drive in my Mustang Convertible to a discount home furnishing store to see what they had in bathroom lights, mirrors and cabinets. Tony always drives which I tend to like especially now that I do not always feel my mind is working 100%. Ended up buying a real cool mirror light combo I have never seen before. It is unique. Got some fast food at Taco bell and took the long way home to enjoy the 65 degree weather here in Milwaukee with the top down before it gets cold again tomorrow. Sat outside and enjoyed the deck for a while till the wind shifted off lake Michigan around 4 pm and the temperature began to drop. Tony fired up the gas grill and made burgers to go along with the pork and beans. Even made some scrambled eggs to go on the burger. Yes you read that right, if you have never tried it, try it. Make a burger and put a scrambled egg on it. It brings out the flavor like you would not believe. One of my favorite restaurants makes their burgers with an egg made to order on top of the burger. Add barbecue sauce and a little bacon and I am in heaven. First time using the grill this summer. Neither of us were all that hungry from the late Taco Bell lunch. I have to eat dinner around 6 pm ish so I can take my third round of pills for the day that need food and still have an empty stomach when I go to bed around 10 pm and take my Atripla, which should be on an empty stomach. Been watching stuff we DVR'd over the past weeks.
I think today's bowel problems were punishment for eating too much fruit yesterday that I bought that morning at the grocery store. I love fruit if it is fresh. Grapes, apples, oranges, strawberries, blackberries, mixed sliced combo of melons, and an occasional banana. If it is old or bruised it is then good enough for Tony. LOL. I wish it was not true but he will eat anything. So he knows the fresh stuff is mine. So I always eat too much right after buying it because in a few days it just won't be 'fresh enough' for me. Apples and oranges are of course a different story.
Tony is already snoring on the couch and it is just 7:36 pm. Guess I'm in for a fun night. He misses so much TV and then the next episode comes on and he wants to know what happened and how did he miss it. You were sleeping! It has started to drizzle now and the weather does not look good through Monday. Rain tomorrow and Monday.