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Friday, October 2, 2009
October 2, 2009 Friday Afternoon
I worked all day Wednesday and Thursday this week. Four days this week. As of yesterday I took over the warehouse. So now the responsibilities begin. Life around our house has been very tense. Stella was back at the vet yesterday because her sore is leaking fluid and she is now not walking on the leg at all. She was to get her stitches out today, now they have to wait until Monday. Of course it is because we gave her more house and Tony was letting her jump on the couch and chairs to be next to him. She was not to jump for at least 4 weeks. So she has injured her leg. So now, the house is in disarray again. Chairs are turned over and the couch and such is blocked off with fencing. Pillows everywhere for her to lay on. It is either that or lock her in a cage. Tony and I have been at each others throats. Between him not listening to me about her recovery and the fact he just won't help out around the house due to me being back at work has caused a lot of tension. We have been screaming at each other daily. Last night he told me to 'shut the fuck up, I don't want to hear your voice anymore, I can barely make it through the day with you anymore'. The only reason I am bitchin is because he just won't listen or take on any responsibility. He missed the turn even on the way to the vet yesterday. Where his mind is I do not know. Add in the computer problems and the fact I spent all day today backing up everything in order to possibly do a system restore and the new roof installation beginning Monday, life here sucks. I am so miserable right now I sometimes just break down and cry. I simply can not keep my work responsibilities, the house hold responsibilities and HIS responsibilities in my head and keep track of them all. It simply is too much. He even got the roofer appointment on the wrong day this week, thankfully we were home. What the heck. Going to make a nice dinner tonight and lay back and do nothing but watch TV tonight. Rainy day today in Milwaukee. Cold, and most areas got frost the night before. Guess winter is coming. No plans tomorrow but working on the computer and getting the yard ready for the mess of the tear off and new roof. Sunday my parents are driving into Milwaukee so we can all go to a dog walk. I even canceled today's lunch with the guys since I just couldn't see myself sitting at the table trying to smile and be nice to Tony with the feelings I have right now. Hope it gets better, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.
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Hi, my name us Heather and I've been reading your blog for several months now. I enjoy seeing how you are getting along, and cheer inside when you get good readings.
ReplyDeleteBut, I have to say that I am far from impressed with Tony. Sorry, but he seems like a real arsehole. I am gobsmacked at how unbelievably cruel, and SELFISH he is! What a jerk! It seems to me like he is all take, take, take. You appear to be doing absolutely everything; cooking, cleaning, chores, arranging things, its like you're his mother. He should be looking after YOU now. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. 50-50. He doesn't even cook? At all? I couldn't live like that. Right now he is comfortable in the relationship because he is just drifting through life and getting meals, a clean house etc, and giving nothing in return. And he knows he can get away with it, because it seems you've never put your foot down before. You really should have put your foot down 20 years ago. I know I don't know you, in fact I'm from Australia, an entire ocean away. But, I really truly think you need to give Tony an ultimatum. NOW. Threaten to throw him out. Or get some joint-counselling for you both. This is serious; you have a serious illness, you have a lot of dogs, (far too many for you both to handle imo, but I understand about loving animals), this tenancy thing, work, getting Disability - I admire you. I really do. I'm surprised you haven't had a nervous breakdown by now. The point is, you can't afford to be this stressed. You have far too much on your plate. Look, you guys are in a commited relationship, but to me, it comes across as a toxic one-sided relationship. He is using you is how I feel. I think you should dump his using arse. He seems to do nothing but add to your workload and stress you out. I seriously think you should consider ending it. Or get some professional help for you both and start laying down some ground rules because if you don't, nothing will change.
Sorry for being so harsh on Tony, I know you love him. But the more I read about the creep over the time you've had the blog, the more I feel outraged for you. My god! You deserve SO much better! What are YOU getting from the relationship? Ask yourself that. Stress, is the only thing I can see. You sound like a great guy, and many other guys would love to have someone as giving, thoughful and caring as you are. You are being taken for granted. Do something about it, and you will feel less stressed, and therefore less tired. You owe it to yourself. You can't keep on going on like this, you know that.
As someone who has met Tony and Dave in real life I have to interject- Tony is not nearly the selfish brute you see him to be, Heather. No, Tony is not domestic...that mostly all falls to Dave. No, Tony is not the most open communicator. But Tony works hard and takes care of Dave and the house in a multitude of ways. You are, indeed, hearing one side of the story. A very stressed out over-worked side that needs some help and break!
ReplyDeleteAnyway- with that all said can I just say I greatly sympathize? I play the more domestic role in my relationship as well, a role that comes much more naturally to me. And when the care of the house slips or I am stressed or I feel like I am the one always caring for the dog we have the same fight as you and Tony do. It leaves me miserable.
I don't know what the solution is for you guys, if I ever figure that one out I will be thrilled myself, but I can see what doesn't work- being at each other's throat about things.
Is there some duty/task you can give to Tony to help relieve your stress that he won't mind? Obviously he doesn't want to cook- but can you make him responsible for something else? We actually had a "chore list" for a while in order to stop the fights about cleaning. It worked for us, and we both figured out that there are things we like to do and things we hate that the other doesn't mind. Part of my problem is I sometimes feel I need to do everything in order to get it done MY way (i.e. the right way, lol). I have to let that go though if I want to alleviate my stress.
From one gay wife to another- hang in there. Tony is speaking out of anger, I believe. I think Tony will come around and realize he needs to help in someway, he just isn't going to do it the way you want him to, ever. For us the solution is to find a way for my partner to help, a way she is comfortable with (gee, not cooking for her either!).
This has to have come up in the past, have you guys ever been able to compromise? How have you handled it before? I ask so that I can deal better next time we have this fight...lol.
Jessica