June 29, 2010 Tuesday Afternoon

By noon yesterday the bird I found that had hit the window was still alive but could not lift his head. He would try to fly but would just go in circles. I finally called Tony at work and asked him if he could take the bird to the humane society prior to his doctor appointment at 1:30 PM. Not too pleased he did come home and get the bird and take it to the humane society. After watching this bird for 5 hours try to survive I had to have it happen. Even if he did die or had to be killed, the humane society would do it humanely. Picked a big bowl of black berries growing in the yard. Made hamburger helper for dinner with a salad and spent the night watching TV. I love the show Persons Unknown. Had vanilla ice cream and black berries for a late night snack before going to bed.

This morning I got up and drove to the Sears Appliance Outlet Center to look at refrigerators and washing machines. I think I have mentioned our washing machine has been making a horrible noise for at least 6 months and it is time to buy a new one. Our refrigerator has not kept anything below 39 degrees for some time. Both are about 10 years old so it is time to break out the credit card and replace them. After looking at the appliances for over an hour I finally called Tony and asked him to drive out and look at the appliances also because I just could not decide on what to buy. I don't know if it's the medication or what, but I can not make big decisions anymore. We did not find anything in our price range or liking at the outlet center and headed over to Best Buy. Ended up buying a new side by side refrigerator and a side load 4.0 capacity washing machine. Took out the extended 5 year warranty on both against Tony's wishes. I usually don't get the extended warranty but in this case it is not like you can take a washer or refrigerator in to get fixed. I thought it best and since it was going on my credit card, we got the 5 year extended warranty. Ended up spending $1600 in all for the washing machine, refrigerator and warranty. More than I wanted to spend, but had to happen sooner or later. Spent the afternoon wondering if we made the right decision. They both get delivered on Saturday. The refrigerator will be a challenge to get into the kitchen and fit in the spot it is going. A real challenge. I hope it is even possible. We will have to remove doors and moldings to even have a half inch to spare when getting it through the doorways. After I was home for a while my mom called, got some cleaning done and about 3 PM I went to lay down for a short nap with the dogs when Tony came home to get something. His shop is about a mile away from our house. Since he was home I got out of bed and poured myself a cup of coffee and figured the nap was off. He left and went back to work. Read the USA Today and posting this post. We will most likely go to a car show tonight and eat at the show.

June 28, 2010 Monday Morning

Pretty uneventful weekend this past weekend.

Saturday morning Tony fixed the upstairs sink faucet while I cleaned up around our house. Bo is feeling great and you would never know he had surgery the prior day. Spent the afternoon taking a nap with Tony and the dogs. Saturday night we cooked out on the grill. Made hamburgers. I should say hamburger. After taking Tony's hamburger off the grill I left mine on to cook it more. When I went to flip it it fell through the grates of the grill and was not something that could be eaten anymore. So I had a bite or two of Tony's burger and a lot of Mac and Cheese. Went across the alley and had a drink with the neighbors for about an hour. Spent the rest of the night watching TV.

Sunday morning around 4 AM another big storm blew through Milwaukee. At one point I thought we were going to loose the car canape to the wind. I made breakfast and it rained until about mid afternoon. We did go to a car show in the drizzle and then to Bayshore mall to get a watch battery. Ended up getting a new battery and buying a new inexpensive watch as a spare for casual occasions. Then went to Kohl's so Tony could be a couple pairs of tennis shoes. I ended up buying two pair of shorts and two shirts. Got home and spent the rest of the day with the dogs sitting in the side yard. Ordered delivery food for dinner and went to bed around 10 AM.

Today Tony took my car to work and is doing some repairs on it. Since the other car at home right now is stick, and I do not drive stick, I am stuck at home for the day. Did my morning routine. Found a baby bird that most have hit one of the windows. It is still alive 3 hours later. I have him laying outside in a shoe box and a towel. So sad to watch him die. I am hoping he makes it but it does not look good. Looks like he broke his neck. I keep looking out the window at him hoping he would just die. Hate to watch him suffer so. Nature is so cruel. I would put him out of his misery if I knew a way to do it and was sure he wasn't going to live. I put the box in the front yard near the bird feeder so hopefully his birdy friends can help him or at least not have to die alone. Wish there was more I could do. Have some projects to do around the house. My black berries are huge this year and started picking a bowl in the morning and than again at night since Saturday. I am freezing half for later use. So far I have put them in ice cream and cereal. Have to get going or I will want to nap soon. Hope my bird doesn't suffer much longer.

June 25, 2010 Friday Night

Picked Bo up today from the vet around 3:10 PM. Talk about being happy to see me. As the nurse brought him through the door he started crying and whimpering so loud everyone in the room turned around. He curled up in my arms and just whimpered loudly as if to say how happy he was to see me. He was so happy to see his daddy. This was the first time since we got Bo that he has been away from the house, his puppy friends and his daddies. I think he must have thought I was leaving him at the vet or he was going to a new home. Talk about feeling needed and appreciated. Funny how a dog or pet can make a person feel very needed. He cried all the way home and into the house until he saw his puppy friends and then he was even happier, if that is possible. I laid him on a pillow and laid next to him and he licked and licked me giving me kisses. By 7 PM he had already peed, pooped, ate dinner, and wants to play with his balls, tennis balls that is. Too funny, he has not let these two balls out of his sight since he got home. He doesn't know which one to play with. It's like he knows he lost his today. LOL The other dogs have been so good. Stella and Vito laid next to him for a while to comfort him after he got home and laying on the pillow. The picture to the right is Bo today, not letting these two balls get away from him. LOL

June 25, 2010 Friday Morning

Feeling a little sad for my sister today.

Thursday morning the vet called to remind me about Bo going in to be neutered on Friday, no food or water after 10 PM tonight. While I had them on the phone I asked if there was any appointments for today to get Barkley's toe nails trimmed. Got Barkley to the vet at 11 AM and had his nails trimmed. Spent the afternoon taking a nap. Even though my tooth is feeling better I still am very tired and have taken couple hour naps all this week in the afternoon. I think my sinus infection is finally going away also. Made a canned ham, mashed potato's and corn for dinner with a side salad. We were going to ride our bikes to the Big Bang Fireworks which we thought started at 10:30 PM. At 9:30 PM we could hear they had already started so we did not get to go to them. All week long the news reports said the fireworks were at 10:30 PM. I think they started them early because there was a very bad accident near there, at the entrance to the Summerfest grounds, on the first day of Summerfest here in Milwaukee. A portion of the brick wall on one of the parking structure collapsed and killed one person, injuring two others. So sad. Had most of the streets blocked for the night which had to make it a nightmare to get down to the lakefront or Summerfest. Went to bed around 11 PM.

This morning I tried like heck to stay in bed at least until 7 AM knowing I could not feed 4 out of 5 dogs and had to have Bo to the vet at 7:30 AM this morning for his neutering. No such luck, got up at 6 AM and watched them stare at me until 7:30 AM. Got home from dropping him off, fed the other dogs and saw a message from my sister. Her dog Breezy has been sick for a long time and she has spent a small fortune trying to keep him alive. She called to let me know this afternoon at 2 PM she was going to be euthanizing him. So sad. Has made me cry all morning since calling her to say how sorry I am to hear the news. It brings back all the pain of my four dogs I have had to euthanize. I know it is never easy. I still have so many regrets about my first one I euthanized. It should not have been done that day. Shadow deserved better. I sure hope there is a heaven so I can see my puppies again some day. On that note, my mom gave me a new book to read last Sunday called Heaven and the Afterlife. I am up to chapter 5 and it is very good. Talks about people who have had near death experiences. Very interesting reading. Going to pick Tony up soon to go have lunch with the guys. Then I will pick Bo up at the vet sometime after 3 PM. The vet did call to let me know a little while ago that he made it through surgery OK. After I get Bo I am sure I will spend the rest of the day and night comforting him on the couch or floor depending on how he is recovering. He hated me leaving him this morning and I hated leaving him also. I bet he thinks his time here is over. I kept telling him I would be back to get him and that this was his home forever and how much I loved him. Poor thing. He will be in pain and need his puppy friends and daddies love tonight. Looks like rain this weekend. It has been hot and the air conditioning on the last few days. Don't look like it is going off any time soon. Tony does need to fix the upstairs tenant's sink faucet this weekend. It is leaking. Other than that the weekend is clear to spend time with Bo.

June 23, 2010 Wednesday Morning

Ended up going to the car show at the Harley Davidson Museum and then stopping at a restaurant near by for some dinner. Spent the night watching America's Got Talent and went to bed at 10 PM because another round of storms was to come through Milwaukee around 3 AM according to the weather news.

At 3:30 AM it was like the world was coming to an end. The storm hit very fast. Kali was a basket case panting and shaking, Vito stood up in the window and barked at mother nature every time it thundered. It was funny to see Vito curse mother nature with each thunder. I did go out on the side porch for a while to watch until a HUGE lightening and then thunder actually scared me back into the house. It was right over our house and I was actually blinded for a second. Heard the dogs crying in the bedroom even though Tony was still in bed with them so I headed back to the bedroom to give them some comfort. The storm lasted about an hour. Heavy rain, huge lightening and loud thunder. Got back to bed for a while before getting up and feeding the dogs and getting Tony off to work. My tooth is feeling a bit better. I was able to just take two Motrin at 3:30 AM and the pain did go away. This morning I took 1 Motrin and a half a pain pill. Seems to have helped. It seems I am at least cutting down the pain medication to half and the time needing them has gone from 3 hours to 6 hours. So I hope in time it will get even better. I am sure the antibiotic is also helping since today is the third day. Have to go to Walgreen's at some point today to pick up a couple prescriptions. Around dinner time and early evening we are suppose to get another round of storms with a cold front coming through. I am sure I will end up making dinner because we will not want to go outside during that next round of storms. Plus the dogs need me. Tony found a Play Station 3 with a few games so I might hook that up and see what it does. I am not a big video game player at all so I am not sure how much I will enjoy it. I just can not think fast enough to play most video games. Give me Pong and Pac Man and I am fine. One game is Frogger, which I have played in the past. Tony's eye is feeling better and he can actually see things with the new lens they put in his left eye. Each day it should heal more and his sight get better. Other than that, just have to do a little yard clean up from all the branches and leaves that have fallen in the yard from the storms. It was confirmed that 3 tornadoes did hit our area the other night. Lots of damage in those parts of the city. Thankfully we just got a big storm and no major damage.

June 22, 2010 Tuesday Afternoon

Last night we had some huge storms roll through Milwaukee around 10 PM. The tornado sirens went off and everything. There was so much lightning and thunder. Even had a couple tornado's west of Milwaukee. I love storms. When I heard the tornado sirens going off I headed upstairs to the back deck to see the storm arrive. My tenant was on his way down the stairs to the basement. He laughed when he saw me heading to higher ground rather than lower ground. My dentist did end up calling late in the day and made an appointment to go back to the dentist early Tuesday morning. Tony spent the night in pain also because of his eye surgery.

This morning I got up early so I could be at the dentist by 9 AM. Woke up around 3 AM to take another round of pain pills last night. You know the pain is bad when it wakes you up from a sound sleep. At the dentist they put clove oil on the socket. It did help at the time. By 2:30 PM this afternoon I had to take another round of pain pills because the pain had returned. Jeez, I am about at my wits end with this pain. Tony's eye was a little better today and he had an 11 AM appointment to have it checked from the surgery the day before. Took a short nap before being waken at 2:30 PM this afternoon from the pain. Very hot in Milwaukee today. In the high 80's. We are suppose to get another round of big storms in the middle of tonight. Some might be severe again we are being told on the news. Have to do a little cleaning before Tony comes home from work. We will most likely go to a car show at The Harley Davidson Museum tonight and grab dinner at the car show. I am sure Tony will be tired and sleeping early tonight since he was up a lot last night also from his eye pain. I could sleep all day lately. Not getting a full nights rest in over a week from being woken every 4 or so hours because of the tooth pain hasn't helped.

June 21, 2010 Monday Afternoon

Still in a lot of pain and taking pain pills every four hours as of today.

Saturday night the pain was so bad I got very little sleep. Sunday morning I went to the Walk In Clinic at Walgreen's that opened at 9:30 AM. Got another antibiotic for the tooth infection. Doctor gave me Amox-Clavin 875MG twice daily. Got home by 11 AM and laid down for an hour before leaving to have lunch with Mom and Dad for Father's Day. Had a great all you can eat brunch at Thunder Mountain in Waukasha. Since my parents have taken Tony and I out for dinner and lunch many times we picked up the check. When my dad asked for the check and I said I had taken care of it already, the look on his face was priceless. I am glad we did. Came home and watched the movie Date Night with Tina Fey. It was funny. Ended up going to bed, or trying, around 8 PM. Finally gave up and watched a little TV until 11 PM when the next round of pain pills kicked in.

This morning I had to have Tony at the eye doctor at 7 AM so he could have eye surgery, a lens put in his eye. He damaged it over 25 years ago and has not been able to see through it since. Sat around waiting to drive him home. After we got home the pain in his eye started to be pretty painful. He has spent most of the afternoon in bed, his eye watering, as I did cleaning around the house. I then worked on filling the pond and fixing any low spots where the water was leaking out. Waiting for a call from my dentist that pulled the tooth last Monday to talk to him about the pain I still have. The pain is horrible and I am now putting Oral Gel on it too to dull the pain. I can not keep living on pain pills, Advil and oral gel. I am not holding my breath that he will call today and most likely I will have to call the dentist again this morning. Hoping the antibiotic kicks in soon and the infection in the tooth behind where I had the tooth pulled starts to go away. I can not even touch the last tooth in my mouth it is so painful. Tony is now in the living room and also in pain. What a pair we are hey? Most likely Tony will not even go into work to close the shop he looks so much in pain. Will make a nice dinner and hopefully go to bed early tonight. Anyone else ever have a tooth pulled, get dry socket and an infection so you can let me know how long I can expect this pain in my mouth to last?

June 19, 2010 Saturday Morning

Dry Socket is a BITCH!
I should have gone back to the dentist on Thursday or Friday and now I am so sorry I didn't. My mouth hurts so much I am ready to scream. I get this every time I have a tooth pulled.

Thursday I spent the morning sleeping or watching the CNN interview with BP CEO. Went to my board meeting in the afternoon and came home and did a little cleaning. Ended up going out to dinner with the neighbors for Dining Out For Life at a restaurant down the road called The Tracks. Had a nice burger. Eating is just not fun with this mouth and tooth pain.

Friday I once again spent the morning holding my mouth from the pain. I did end up going to lunch with the guys and then grocery shopping. Spent the rest of the afternoon watching TV trying to make it through the day. Didn't even make supper last night. We did end up watching the movie The Bounty Hunter. It was OK. Went to bed with thunderstorms here in Milwaukee. Not easy to sleep from the pain. I do hope this sinus infection ends soon also.

This morning I woke up in more pain from the dry socket. I woke up dripping wet which I hope is a good sign my sinus infection is breaking. Just wish this mouth pain would go away. I am so miserable I don't know what to do. I wish they sold something over the counter at the drug store for dry socket, but they do not. Going to take another round of pain pills to get through the afternoon. No plans this weekend. It is nice here in Milwaukee weather wise. Tomorrow we will at some point drive to my parents house to wish my father a Happy Fathers Day.

June 17, 2010 Thursday Morning

Monday I spent the day taking pain pills and Motrin to dull the pain form getting the tooth removed. Thank goodness for pain pills or I would have been in bad shape. Spent the night watching TV and just trying to keep it together from the pain.

Tuesday was another day of managing the pain. Realized it was better to take another pain pill and Motrin prior to, or when I felt any pain, than to wait too long. Did some cleaning around the house and watched a lot of TV. Eating has not been fun at all. Took another round of pills and went to bed early.

Wednesday I had to get some things done that were piling up. Cleaned the pond pump. Took Stella to the vet for a toe nail clipping at 2 PM. Was able to make it through the day only taking 3 pain pills throughout the day. Went out for dinner at BBC for cheap burgers and fries. Watched the movie The Human Centipede. It was very good. If you like that kind of movie.

This morning my tooth is killing me. Just took a round of pills to hopefully make this throbbing stop. I have to cut the little grass we have in the front yard and then go to a board meeting this afternoon at ARCW. Today is Dining Out For Life here in Milwaukee. Local restaurants give a percent of the bill to AIDS. We will most likely go to a local restaurant taking part for dinner tonight. Feeling a bit tired today. Didn't sleep well last night. I hope my pulled tooth is not getting infected because it hurts like hell this morning. It didn't help that Bo started licking my face at 2 AM which ment he wanted to go outside. Was hard to get back to sleep after that. Might just take a little nap after I cut the grass and before my afternoon meeting. Will most likely pick up my monthly food allotment when I am at ARCW for my meeting.

The Early Years - Part 2 - The First Time

I remember the night well. I was 10 years old. One night while my parents were at the neighbors house, the neighbor's son was at our house. The two of us were in the basement bedroom. The lights were not on but there still was light in the bedroom. I remember him laying on the bed, the bottom bunk bed, and removing his penis. He then told me to put my mouth around it because it would feel 'so good'. I remember putting my mouth around his penis and then running to the bathroom and taking a bar of soap and rubbing it in my mouth to get rid of the taste of his penis. The soap got all over my teeth and it took a while to get the soap out of my mouth. The soap tasted worse than penis. That was the first time, but not the last. In time, another night, he had me put my mouth around his penis again and this time instructed me how to suck on it. I was so young I had no idea what I was doing. All I knew was that he wanted to spend time with me. We must have somehow knew deep down it was 'wrong' or we would not have hid the act? All I knew was that a guy older than me wanted to spend time with me and be my 'friend'. These encounters continued. In the beginning, since he was only 14, he didn't even cum. I remember the first time he came in my mouth I asked him what that 'stuff' was. He said he didn't know and couldn't stop it from coming out. I honestly believed him because we all led such a sheltered life that neither one of us honest knew why or what was coming out of his penis when I would suck it. For a long time he would promise not to have the 'stuff' come out if I sucked on him. I believed him and of course, depending on how long we were together, depended on whether he would cum or not. Each time he promised me that he would not let the 'stuff' come out. This continued until I was 15 years old and he was 19 years old. Throughout those years we would do anything to try to find time together so he could have me suck on his penis. During the summer we would play a hiding game called Bloody Murder where you hide in the woods and others try to find you as you hide. He always wanted to play this game with me his partner so when we hid in the woods waiting for others to find us I could suck on him. After about a year or so he then thought it would be fun to have me give oral sex to two of his friends also. Those times with his friends were not as frequent as with him. We would hide in our tree house or forts we built in the yard, or I would sneak over to his house when mom was busy in the kitchen and I saw he was home alone. One time when we went up north on a family camping trip with the neighbors I wanted to sleep in the car with him. My parents were against it but I snuck out of the car I was sleeping in as my parents slept in the cabin. When my parents found me sleeping in his car the next morning it turned into a big fight and we left the camping trip early and returned home. I do not know if my parents knew what was going on but they knew 'something' was going on and wanted it to stop. When I was 15 and he went to college I waited for him to come home for summer vacation or breaks so we could get together. My mother was very careful not to have me ever be with him alone even though I know she had no clue what was happening. She didn't think it was right for me at 15 years old to be hanging out with a guy 4 years older than me. I remember the last summer, his second in college, he had a girl friend and that was the first time he told me we could not keep doing 'this'. I was disappointed and felt pushed to the side. I honestly still at this age never put two and two together and considered this sex. It was more a way for me to be accepted and be able to play with the older guys since I did not have friends of my own in the neighborhood. I obviously did enjoy it as much as him since I would initiate the act just as much as him, me more so in the end. Never was this ever about me cumming, it was always about me pleasing him, and him cumming. I could hang out with the older guys if I sucked on their penis's. Plus, my mom was constantly telling me that girls were bad and they will get pregnant. What was I to do? Girls were bad, guys let me hang with them.
I have often thought how did he know to have me do this to him unless he had someone show him this when he was very young. We had no porn or anything so how else would he know to have another guy put their mouth around his penis when he was 14 years old.
I now found myself about 15 with no other guys to be with because they were all in college. One time that fall when we were in Florida on a family trip I guess you would say I picked up my first guy. I remember being on the beach just before dark and a handsome, dark haired college kid walked up to me. We started talking. I am not sure where I got the nerve, but I soon started telling him I was 'into different things'. I remember him asking over and over again what 'different things' I was into. I finally told him I like to suck on a guys penis. There was no words like 'oral sex' in my vocabulary at that time. I don't even think it was called that back then. I honestly can not believe I was so forward. He said he knew of a place at the end of the beach in the park we could go to. We walked all the way to the park. He pulled out his penis and I dropped to my knees and sucked on it to completion. When I was done I stood up and he said to me, I remember it well, he said 'don't forget about the girls'. LOL. What the heck does that mean?
I spent my high school years very confused. By the time I became a junior in high school I needed to find a man to have sex with, even though I had a 'pretend girlfriend'. This is what led to me trying to get together with my drivers education teacher, getting caught writing him letters, the school principal having me see a school psychologist, and eventually having to tell my father about the whole incident, including the neighbor boys. I will save this story for part 3. These next few years were the worst of my life.

June 14, 2010 Monday Afternoon

Had for the most part a great weekend. I was not only battling a sinus infection all weekend but a major tooth ache also. Spent the weekend taking Advil Cold and Sinus and pain pills to get through the weekend. We spent Friday night at Pridefest and caught half the Kathy Griffin. She was funny but we were so beat we left half way through her show. She was to come on stage at 10 PM but did not come on until 11:20. Bullshit! She started the show off in her usual style by saying "How the Fuck are you Milwaukee" and the curse words continued. She was funny.

Saturday we went down to Pridefest for the afternoon. Came home and fed the dogs and headed back down to the festival around 7 PM. Ended up closing down the place with Patti LaBelle. She was awesome.

Sunday we had so much going on. Between Locust Street Festival, Pridefest, The Air Show and the Pridefest Parade we were on the go all day going from event to event. We never did make it back to Pridefest on Sunday. Spent the morning watching the Beer Run at Locust Street Festival and stayed until about 1:30 PM. Then headed home, let the dogs out and went to the Pridefest Parade that started at 2 PM. Got home shortly after 4 PM and went back to the Locust Street Festival. We were able to watch the Air Show because the planes flew right over the parade route as they put on their show. Got home from Locust Street festival around 6 PM and between my feet killing me, my sinus's killing me and my tooth killing me we stayed home for the night. Was a good plan because it rained during Joan Rivers on Sunday night. Would not want to watch her show sitting in the rain. Tried to go to bed at 10 PM but was up most of the night with the tooth pain. The tooth was throbbing painfully.

This morning I went to ARCW to wait and see if they could see me at the dentist office. I do have a dental appointment there on Wednesday to get a cavity filled but his pain can not wait. I have had problems with this tooth for so long. It has already had root canals and had a crown. So, I had them pull it. Just told them to get rid of it. Got home a short time ago and went right for the pain pills. I know in time it will hurt. Will spend the afternoon watching TV trying to get the tooth to stop bleeding with gauze in my mouth, not fun. My face still feels puffy from the shots. I am sure it will wear off soon. Pridefest broke all attendance records this year each of the three days. Each year it gets bigger and bigger. It is the only Pridefest in the world with over 150 bands and events scheduled all weekend long. Milwaukee always pulls in the big starts for the even and this year was no different. Off to the couch for the afternoon.

June 11, 2010 Friday Afternoon

Happy Milwaukee Pridefest Weekend!

I am so excited about this weekend. Between Milwaukee Pridefest, the Milwaukee Air Show, and the Locust Street Block Party (two blocks away on Sunday), it should be a great weekend. I only wish I did not have this damn sinus infection. Went to bed the last two nights with a splitting headache from it. I did start an antibiotic yesterday so hopefully the whole weekend my face will not hurt like it does now. Didn't have lunch with the guys today since one of them is out of town and Tony had two doctor appointments today. Since I will see the guys this weekend at Pridefest all should be good. In about an hour the Air Show begins. I plan on being up on my second floor deck watching it all this afternoon. Tonight if it doesn't rain we will go to Pridefest at the Milwaukee lakefront. Might not get online before Monday to post again so I wish everyone a terrific weekend.

June 10, 2010 Thursday Evening

Went grocery shopping in the morning prior to lunch. Around noon the Blue Angels started practicing for the Air Show along the Milwaukee Lakefront this Friday, Saturday and Sunday. They took a break mid afternoon and returned for about an hour from 3 PM to 4 PM to continue practicing. The noise is soooo loud as they go over the house. They fly so low over the house you can even read the US Army written on the bottom of the plane. It is awesome. Kali was scared to death and I finally had to close all the windows and turn the stereo up real loud which did not help much. The other dogs didn't seem to mind as much. I honestly thought Kali was going to have a heart attach she was panting so hard. She just panted and shook every time the planes flew over the house. I took a bunch of pictures and posted the best two below. At one point 6 planes were all flying in formation. So cool.

June 10, 2010 Thursday Morning

Took an afternoon nap yesterday. Tony got home early from work, still not feeling so good. We did end up going to a car show and then dinner at Culver's. When we got home we watched the movie I Love You Phillip Morris with Jim Carey and Ewan McGregor. It was very good. It is a shame this movie will never be released in the states. If anyone wants a copy on DVD let me know via email at djones2659@att.net and we will work something out. Went to bed around 10 PM because I had a pounding headache.

This morning I got up and did the morning routine. I think I am getting a sinus infection so I just started an antibiotic of Levaquin. Tony made a doctor appointment for tomorrow since he doesn't feel much better today. Already cut the little grass we have between the street and sidewalk. Takes less than 15 minutes to do. I am showered and soon will be going grocery shopping. It is in the 70s today in Milwaukee. Very comfortable. I do think I might take a nap again this afternoon. I can not be sick this weekend with Pridefest taking place.

The Early Years - Part 1 - A Little Background Info

I was born in Milwaukee Wisconsin April 23, 1961 about 10:30 AM. I remember things back when I was the age of five. At about that age my parents decided to move from the city of Milwaukee to the suburbs of Sussex. They thought it was best to move out of the city because Milwaukee was in a turning point racially. Plus, my sister was born and we needed a bigger house. When we moved to Sussex it was a small town. It is much different today. I remember viewing the house in Sussex with my parents for the first time prior to buying it. I was 5. When we went to see the house for the first time prior to buying it it had a steep mud driveway and our car got stuck in the driveway when we went to the house that night. It was a nice big house in a very upscale subdivision at the time. It was a full acre of land. When you told people you lived in Wooded Hills, they were impressed. It was the 'place to live'. I had for the most part a pretty good childhood. We were the first to get a 25 inch color TV, we were the first to have a big pool in the back yard. We were the envy of most. But they could not see what was happening inside the house away from the public.
I did not feel I ever fit in during my school years. I had friends but something never clicked. Being the middle kid I was always told from my teachers that I was always 'seeking attention'. I guess it might have been true. I think growing up I did not know how to be a friend with a guy since I deep down had feelings for them. I could not separate friendship from wanting love or affection. I did good in school. I got some A's, mostly B's, and a few C's. I was creative and enjoyed playing with blocks and building things. Growing up my parents were very protective. We very not allowed to watch a lot of TV. I remember not being able to watch Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Soap, Dark Shadows, Three's Company, to name a few shows. Friday night was called 'treat night'. We were not allowed to snack during the day so Friday Treat Night we could have ice cream or pop corn, or something 'special' like that. Funny hey? But it kept the family close. I was not allowed to wear blue jeans to school even throughout high school. My dad worked very hard running his Tool and Die company. He would leave for work by 6:30 AM and not get home until 6:30 PM Monday through Friday. We did not see him much during the week. Mom fed us kids at 5 PM sharp and dad ate alone after he got home. No such thing as a microwave oven back then. How did mom do it? On Saturday's Dad would try to take us kids to the shop to clean the equipment and machines. Of course this was not fun at all and remember being forced many times to go. It was dirty and greasy. My dad worked very hard to provide for our family and did so. My mom worked very hard to keep the family together and the house in order. With 5 kids she had her hands full. We went on family trips each year. I remember the trips to Florida, California, Colorado, South Dakota, and many more. We were the first of our friends to ride in a jet at the time. People didn't fly at the drop of a hat like they do today. You were privileged if you got to go on a jet plane. You could even smoke on airplanes back then and they had an ash tray between each seat. I spent the summers swimming in the pool. We even had a diving board and slide. I spent winters snowmobiling and playing in the snow making snow forts. We always had at least 2 snowmobiles. I guess you could compare us to the Brady Bunch in a way. Or so it seemed. What you couldn't see was there also. My mom was very conservative when it came to sex. I was not even allowed to go to a high school dance out of fear I might get a girl pregnant. Yah, it could be a reason I turned out gay. Girls were bad, they will get pregnant and your life is over, I remember hearing often. No College if you get a girl pregnant. I remember once having a crush on a girl in grade school and when my mom found out about it I was told I could never see her again. My mom was raped as a child which I think led to a lot of her hang ups with sex. We were not even allowed to look at a naked woman or anything that was close. Sex was 'bad'. Even in high school my senior year I had to sneak to see the girl I was dating.
Family events were hard because I never had anyone my age to hang with. My two older brothers had cousins their ages. I had no one. So at family events they did their thing and I always got into trouble. Don't get me wrong when I talk about my parents. I love them dearly, they did the best they could with what they had learned. I do not fault my parents for anything and know they always did what was best for us kids. Us kids came first. Heck, what parents today would drag 5 kids every year on a two week vacation? What kind of vacation could that have been for them?
I hated the bus ride to school and back each day. I got picked on and never fit in. I was so happy in high school to be able to finally drive to school each day. I don't know how I made it though my grade school, middle school, and high school years. I honestly do not remember much good about school. I got picked on all the time. I bonded with teachers most. I did not make or keep friends very well. My worst memories are of Gym class. I hated Gym class. Getting picked last or close to last and not enjoying anything rough was not good for a kid growing up. I was not good at sports and hated them. In high school I missed half the year of Gym class due to my braces on my teeth and having mom schedule appointments at that time of school, and taking me out of school for them. Thank goodness for braces, they got me out of Gym class. One time in high school I remember refusing to play Battle Ball. Jeez, you just get hit by balls. It is the most barbaric sport I know. I walked out of Gym and went to the principles office and told them to call my mom. I was not going to play. I could not catch a ball and always got hit and hurt. My mom did take my side and I never had to play Battle Ball again. I was allowed to write reports, go to the library, or keep score. I am sure this didn't win me any points with the guys either. I stood up for what I believed in. I got involved in the theater in high school. I even had the lead character in two plays. I did enjoy them. It got me out of the house at night for rehearsals and I met people more similar to me. Even through high school, even though I was having sex with men, I never really saw myself as gay. How could I? The only gay character I saw on TV my teen years was on the show Soap, and I wasn't allowed to watch it unless they were not home or I did it while mom was upstairs busy. Much less the sex I had with men was more about 'fitting in' or being able to be with them since I had no one to hang out with. I will talk more about this in Part 2.
At 16 I got a job as a stock man at Kmart. I soon worked my way up to having a position in the Toy department which eventually, my senior year, I was head of the Toy and Hobby Department at Kmart in Menomonee Falls. I liked working. It was good. It was hard to balance the theater and a full time job but I did it. I had half days at school and started work at Kmart by 3 PM in the afternoon. All was good until the girl I was dating started working there my senior year. We broke up, and working together was not good when she paraded her new boy friend through the store on her days off. I returned to Kmart my first two summers of college and worked in the outside patio department. It was a needed summer job. My last summer there when I was in college the rumors were starting to fly that I was gay so I never went back after my sophomore year in college.
So what is gay? When did I know I was gay? When did I admit I was gay? Does it start the day you have your first man on man experience? If that is the case, I was 10 years old. I will save this story for Part 2.

June 9, 2010 Wednesday Morning

Yesterday it rained all day. All day from the time I got up until going to bed. It was still raining when I went to bed. Yuck! I got up yesterday hungry so after Tony left for work I got in the car and drove to Mc Donald's to get some breakfast. Ordered the usual, a bacon egg cheese bagel and a sausage burrito. After I got home and ate it all I went back to bed. Slept until about noon and then got up to start cleaning the house a little and get myself showered so I could pick up my high school buddy at Tony's shop at 2:30. He was getting his mirror fixed by Tony so I thought I would bring him by and show him the house. We had not been in contact since high school and just started talking again since my high school reunion last fall. Picked him up and brought him to the house in the rain. We sat around and talked for about an hour about life today and life back in high school. At times the conversation dried up. Thankfully I am good at keeping a conversation rolling or there would not have been much to talk about. We went in different directions. He is in the middle of a divorce after 24 years of marriage. Has 3 kids. He does not know of my HIV status and best to keep it that way. After a long hour Tony called to say the mirror was installed and the car ready to pick up so I drove him back to Tony's auto body shop. We said our goodbye's and said we should keep in touch. Got home and had no energy to cook dinner. Ended up making a salad and a frozen pizza after Tony got home from work. Ended up watching TV the rest of the night. Still raining all night here in Milwaukee. Found a new web sight to download movies. Downloaded the movie I Love You Phillip Morris. It has yet to be released in the United States. Looks like a good copy and we will watch it possibly tonight. It starts Jim Carey as a gay guy. Guess there is a lot of man on man action. Most of the movie is about him being in prison I am told and falling in love with his cell mate. I will let you know how it is after we watch. If anyone wants a copy on DVD let me know via email and we can work something out. It does not look like this movie will ever be released in the United States from what I read. Tony is getting a cold so he is not so happy. I had hoped I would not get it, but I have a feeling today I might be.

Woke up this morning feeling a little under the weather. I hope I am not getting Tony's chest and sinus cold. This weekend is Pridefest and I Will Not Be Sick. The sun is out so that will help today. I do not have anything on my schedule today. I was thinking the last week or so about adding a new feature to the web sight. The story of my younger life. Telling when I thought I was gay and the things that happened along the way as I grew up. It might be hard to read at times but I will be honest. I have said many times that if I had to live life over I would not change much. I feel everything I have gone through in my life is not only interesting, but could help someone else along the way. Look for the series to begin soon. I think I will call it The Early Years and add a bit each day or so. Hopefully the Blue Angel jets will be practicing today for the air show at the lake front this weekend. It is so cool to watch them fly over the house practicing. We have this air show every year here in Milwaukee. It usually doesn't land on Pridefest weekend which is at the lake front also. So it will make Pridefest even better. The air show is right over the festival grounds. Joan Rivers, Brice Vilanch, Patti LaBelle and Kathy Griffin are the headliners of Pridefest this year in Milwaukee. Pretty good people for Milwaukee. Hoping the weather is good this weekend. It looks like a heat wave is coming and will be in the 90s on Saturday. Rain on Sunday. Time will tell. It is always so sad when it rains the weekend of Pridefest making for not a very successful festival. We have been lucky the last few years and had at least 2 out of 3 good days for the 3 day festival. Should go do a little house work. Hopefully I will be back to start the Early Years Series later today.

June 7, 2010 Monday Dinner Time

Saturday the weather started out very nice. Went to a car show around lunch time on the south side of Milwaukee. Knew the weather was going to take a change for the bad so we got home prior to the rain beginning. We then started trimming the back yard tree with the help of our tenant who cuts down trees for a living. We got a lot taken off the tree before the rain started coming down very hard. Got it all cleaned up and spend the rest of the night in the house, out of the rain, watching TV. Taking care of a friends dog for the weekend, so we have 6 dogs running around the house.

Sunday morning we were up early so we drove to the south side of town to take Tony's mom out for breakfast. Had a big breakfast, dropped her off and headed home. After we got home I started again cleaning up the back yard from all the branches and leaves we cut down the prior day. That got Tony in a cutting mood and he spent about an hour or more trimming the front trees that hang over the cars in our front yard. He did a lot of trimming. I at one point had to make him stop or there would be no bushes or trees left. LOL. We then took an hour nap. After our nap we went for a drive again along the Milwaukee lake front. We brought Kali with us this time. She loves being with her daddy. She sits in a dog chair between Tony and I. It is high enough for her to see out the front window so as long as she is next to her daddy she is a happy girl. Stopped off for an ice cream cone at Dairy Queen. I think Kali eat most of my ice cream. She was so cut. She would start off licking which would soon turn to biting a huge part of the ice cream. I am surprised she didn't get an ice cream headache. Drove home. It started raining about a mile from home. Got home and spent the rest of the day watching the rain fall and watching TV. We ended up watching the movie Avatar. I loved the movie. Tony was confused and did not like it as much.

This morning I got up ready to enter a post into the blog. Blogger was down all day until today so I got the idea to transfer my year and a half posts to a word document, day by day. I got up to July 2009 before deciding to lay down for a short nap. Turned into an hour and a half nap. Did a little cleaning since the 6th dog was picked up shortly before 1 PM this afternoon. I love the dog and all but he sheds horribly. Long white hair everywhere. Making a meat loaf, mashed potato and corn for dinner. Tony wasn't feeling so well when he left for work this morning so I am sure when he gets home he will want to eat and be sleeping on the couch by 8 PM tonight. Not much on TV so I do not know what we will watch tonight. Should be good sleeping weather tonight since it only got in the 70s today and most likely will be in the low 60s and less humid tonight.

Tuesday a buddy from high school that I have seen once since graduation, at our 25th reunion, is coming into town to have Tony replace his broken car mirror. While Tony is working on the car I am going to bring him home to the house to introduce him to the dogs and show him the house. Other than that I do not have a lot going on this week.

June 4, 2010 Friday Afternoon

I have no idea what I did on Wednesday. LOL. I do know by dinner time it was raining so I was forced to make dinner since there are no car shows when it rains. I'm sitting here trying to remember what I even made for dinner and have no clue. Wow. Kinda scary.

Thursday I woke up and after eating breakfast I was drinking a class of cold water when one of my lower teeth almost sent me to the ceiling. I was just at the dentist on Monday so going back was not a happy thought. I called to make an appointment to have it checked and was surprised when they told me they could get me in Friday morning at 9 AM. That is a bit early for me in the morning but I thought it best to take the time or I might be sorry and have to wait until late next week. Went grocery shopping in the afternoon and bought about $40 of fruit. I love this time of year because of all the fruit is in season. Ended up buying strawberries, grapes, water melon, and a big bag of cherries. Of course I had $54 on me and the total came to $57 so I ended up putting the total on the credit card. I thought I budgeted better in my head as I went through the aisles and was not going to pick and choose what to put back to take off the total. After putting everything away I took a nap for about an hour. After I got up I did a little cleaning around the house. Made hamburgers and rice with a big salad for dinner. Ended up watching a bunch of stuff on the DVR all night since there was nothing on TV but reruns. Went to bed around 10 PM.

This morning I forced myself out of bed around 6 AM so I would be ready to leave by 8:30 for my 9 AM dental appointment. It was cloudy and rainy all morning which made it very had to do anything. Xrays were taken and it looks like I do have a cracked tooth. Made an appointment for the middle of June to have it fixed. Got home and watched a little CNN about the oil leak before picking Tony up to go have lunch with the guys. After lunch I prepared for the 6th dog. Yup, we are taking care of a friends dog for the weekend. The dog has been here many times before. He is 16 years old so I was a little afraid of how the puppy would react with him. Saber arrived about 2 PM and all has been fine after they all got to know each other again, or for the first time in the puppies case. Saber is a good dog and just finds a corner to lay in or hangs out outside in the side yard when he is here. Since he is old he does not like to be bothered and is very set in his ways. The sun is now out and it is getting very humid. We are likely going to get some big storms later this evening because of the warm front the moved in today in Milwaukee. Think I might just lay back and watch some TV the rest of the afternoon or take a short nap. I have not slept well this week, not sure why, but would feel much more awake if I got a better night's sleep. Not sure what I will make for dinner since I am never hungry on a Friday night from having a big lunch with the guys. We will most likely stay home tonight with the dogs and be in bed early. Saturday we have a car show to go to plus our tenants, who cut down trees for a job, are going to trim the big tree in the back yard this weekend. Tony and I will most likely help. Other than that not much going on. Next weekend is Pridefest here in Milwaukee so I am really looking forward to that. Tony and I have fun at Pridefest and spend most of the weekend at the lake front at the festival. Also the air show is going on that same weekend along the Milwaukee lake front. The planes will start practicing the middle of next week which means they will go over the house as the practice. The Blue Angels are the best. Very loud, but so cool to watch them do tricks and fly so close. Also next weekend on Sunday is the big block party the next block over so next weekend is filled to the top with excitement here in Milwaukee.

June 1, 2010 Tuesday Night

Where did the weekend go?

It was for the most part a very nice Memorial Day weekend in Milwaukee. Saturday we did our usual drive along the lake front of Milwaukee in the Cadillac. We no longer put the top down due to the fact I just can not take the sun anymore on the Atripla. Saturday night we sat outside with the dogs and enjoyed the nice weather.

Sunday morning I was waken at 6 AM to the loudest thunder I think I have heard. Looking out the windows it was sunny out. Got out of bed and went outside to see the storm. It was the weirdest thing. The sun was out and there was one dark cloud to the west that was making all the noise. About a half hour later it poured rain for about a half hour. Went back to bed and the dogs let us stay in bed until close to 8 AM. Made some eggs, bacon and toast for breakfast. Took another drive along the lake front in the afternoon stopping for an ice cream cone at the end of the drive. Made some steaks and corn on the cob on the grill with a nice salad for dinner. Made ourselves a drink and went across the alley to sit with the neighbors in the nice evening weather. Took a lot to get Tony away from the TV. At one point he looked at me when I told him we need to be more sociable with the neighbors and said 'do I have to put pants on' as he was in his underwear. Too funny. Yes, I made him put pants on and we sat with the neighbors for about an hour laughing. Watched a little TV and went to bed around 10:30 PM.

Monday was a cloudy day and rained in the morning and later in the afternoon. Was at least warm outside and was not a total wash out. Went to the grocery store in the morning to buy some burgers and chips to take with us to a friends house for an afternoon cook out. At a couples house we have our Friday lunch with. Was about 10 of us and we had a nice lunch and conversation. Enjoyed the drive home from Racine. It did rain a bit on the way home. Was exhausted when we got home so after feeding the dogs we sat back and watched TV for the night.

This morning I had a dental appointment at 10 AM to get a tooth drilled and filled. Jeez, I hate the shots. Once the shots are done I am fine. Before and during the shots I am a mess. Got home and left again to drop off some DVD's I made for my sister at her daughter's new apartment here on the Eastside. My sister was stopping by her house so I thought it better just to have her pick up the DVD's there. Made myself some tomato soup for lunch and took a couple hour nap with the dogs. Five dogs and me on the bed. Much more room without Tony, LOL. The last few night we both have not slept well due to it being so hot in the room and the dogs feel the need to stretch out even more to stay cool. Five dogs and two adults on a king size bed is tight. Making some spaghetti for dinner because I just feel like staying home for the night rather than going to the usual Tuesday night car show at Harley Davidson Museum. Will most likely watch the start of America's Got Talent tonight and go to bed around 10 ish. Hope everyone had a nice Memorial Day Weekend.