The Early Years - Part 2 - The First Time

I remember the night well. I was 10 years old. One night while my parents were at the neighbors house, the neighbor's son was at our house. The two of us were in the basement bedroom. The lights were not on but there still was light in the bedroom. I remember him laying on the bed, the bottom bunk bed, and removing his penis. He then told me to put my mouth around it because it would feel 'so good'. I remember putting my mouth around his penis and then running to the bathroom and taking a bar of soap and rubbing it in my mouth to get rid of the taste of his penis. The soap got all over my teeth and it took a while to get the soap out of my mouth. The soap tasted worse than penis. That was the first time, but not the last. In time, another night, he had me put my mouth around his penis again and this time instructed me how to suck on it. I was so young I had no idea what I was doing. All I knew was that he wanted to spend time with me. We must have somehow knew deep down it was 'wrong' or we would not have hid the act? All I knew was that a guy older than me wanted to spend time with me and be my 'friend'. These encounters continued. In the beginning, since he was only 14, he didn't even cum. I remember the first time he came in my mouth I asked him what that 'stuff' was. He said he didn't know and couldn't stop it from coming out. I honestly believed him because we all led such a sheltered life that neither one of us honest knew why or what was coming out of his penis when I would suck it. For a long time he would promise not to have the 'stuff' come out if I sucked on him. I believed him and of course, depending on how long we were together, depended on whether he would cum or not. Each time he promised me that he would not let the 'stuff' come out. This continued until I was 15 years old and he was 19 years old. Throughout those years we would do anything to try to find time together so he could have me suck on his penis. During the summer we would play a hiding game called Bloody Murder where you hide in the woods and others try to find you as you hide. He always wanted to play this game with me his partner so when we hid in the woods waiting for others to find us I could suck on him. After about a year or so he then thought it would be fun to have me give oral sex to two of his friends also. Those times with his friends were not as frequent as with him. We would hide in our tree house or forts we built in the yard, or I would sneak over to his house when mom was busy in the kitchen and I saw he was home alone. One time when we went up north on a family camping trip with the neighbors I wanted to sleep in the car with him. My parents were against it but I snuck out of the car I was sleeping in as my parents slept in the cabin. When my parents found me sleeping in his car the next morning it turned into a big fight and we left the camping trip early and returned home. I do not know if my parents knew what was going on but they knew 'something' was going on and wanted it to stop. When I was 15 and he went to college I waited for him to come home for summer vacation or breaks so we could get together. My mother was very careful not to have me ever be with him alone even though I know she had no clue what was happening. She didn't think it was right for me at 15 years old to be hanging out with a guy 4 years older than me. I remember the last summer, his second in college, he had a girl friend and that was the first time he told me we could not keep doing 'this'. I was disappointed and felt pushed to the side. I honestly still at this age never put two and two together and considered this sex. It was more a way for me to be accepted and be able to play with the older guys since I did not have friends of my own in the neighborhood. I obviously did enjoy it as much as him since I would initiate the act just as much as him, me more so in the end. Never was this ever about me cumming, it was always about me pleasing him, and him cumming. I could hang out with the older guys if I sucked on their penis's. Plus, my mom was constantly telling me that girls were bad and they will get pregnant. What was I to do? Girls were bad, guys let me hang with them.
I have often thought how did he know to have me do this to him unless he had someone show him this when he was very young. We had no porn or anything so how else would he know to have another guy put their mouth around his penis when he was 14 years old.
I now found myself about 15 with no other guys to be with because they were all in college. One time that fall when we were in Florida on a family trip I guess you would say I picked up my first guy. I remember being on the beach just before dark and a handsome, dark haired college kid walked up to me. We started talking. I am not sure where I got the nerve, but I soon started telling him I was 'into different things'. I remember him asking over and over again what 'different things' I was into. I finally told him I like to suck on a guys penis. There was no words like 'oral sex' in my vocabulary at that time. I don't even think it was called that back then. I honestly can not believe I was so forward. He said he knew of a place at the end of the beach in the park we could go to. We walked all the way to the park. He pulled out his penis and I dropped to my knees and sucked on it to completion. When I was done I stood up and he said to me, I remember it well, he said 'don't forget about the girls'. LOL. What the heck does that mean?
I spent my high school years very confused. By the time I became a junior in high school I needed to find a man to have sex with, even though I had a 'pretend girlfriend'. This is what led to me trying to get together with my drivers education teacher, getting caught writing him letters, the school principal having me see a school psychologist, and eventually having to tell my father about the whole incident, including the neighbor boys. I will save this story for part 3. These next few years were the worst of my life.