September 27, 2012 Thursday Afternoon

I feel horrible.  I might have killed a raccoon.  More on this later.

Last night we went out to eat at Tracks and had a shrimp and cod fish fry with Tony's sister in law.  Had a great supper and conversation.  Came home and spent the night watching X Factor and then CSI.  As we watched CSI in bed I looked out the bedroom window and saw this huge raccoon in the back yard.  It was eating all the bread I put out for the rabbit.  We watched it for about 45 minutes move around the back yard and climb the tree.  The last I saw of it, it was high up in the tree in the back yard.  Went to bed around 11 PM.

This morning I was up at 6:30 AM, fed the dogs and gave Vito his shot.  Spent the morning reading the newspaper and doing things around the house.  Got out the Halloween decorations and put some of them around the back yard.  Came back in the house and as I was sitting on the side deck I noticed the rocks around the pond were all turned over so I went to check it out.  Damn, both rat poison packs were open and empty.  I had put these rat poison packs behind the pond rocks because we had a rat problem a while back and I saw one go in through the rocks a week or so ago.  The packs have been there untouched up until today.  My only deduction is that the raccoon climbed the 6 foot high fence and got into the side yard, moved the rocks, and ate the rat poison packs.  I am so torn up over this I have been in tears all day.  I watched three rats die the first round and ended up drowning one of them because I just couldn't watch it die in pain.  I have this horrible vision of the cute huge raccoon now dieing in pain somewhere, and it is all my fault.  I know I didn't put the rat poison out to intentionally kill the raccoon, but because of me, it is most likely dieing.  I called the Humane Society wildlife center to ask information and see if they could comfort me and just tell me the raccoon will have a bad stomach ache.  Not the information I got and was told that if the raccoon did eat the two poisons it will die.  I feel horrible.  Just horrible.  I removed the other two packs I had under the deck immediately and will never put rat poison outside again.  Around noon I went for a long walk along the river, in tears.  Was hoping the walk would make me feel better, it did not.  I will look for the raccoon tonight because if he is still alive, he will be back tonight for more rabbit bread.  It would make my week to see him tonight, but I don't hold much hope.  Something ate the two poison packs.  I decided that if I don't see the raccoon tonight, the only way to clear my mind of this and make things right would be to make a large donation to the wildlife area of the Humane Society.  What else can I do?  This is going to be a hard one to get over.  God do I feel horrible.  Will most likely spend the rest of the afternoon watching TV because I feel like doing very little else.  Making some hamburger helper and salads for supper tonight.  Will most likely watch X Factor, Grey Anatomy and watch something on the DVR the rest of the night before going to bed.  Would appreciate any kind words to make me somehow feel better about the raccoon I most likely killed and right now is dieing in pain.  Damn, I feel just horrible about this.  It was so cute and doesn't deserve the pain it will go through now because of me.