August 11, 2010 Wednesday Afternoon

I need some advice.

Last night Tony and I had a big fight. I spent the night watching TV in the bedroom. Tony watched TV in the living room. After the fight not much got said. This is the problem. I feel very unappreciated. I spend all day taking care of the house and doing everything that needs to be done around here. Tony goes to work and doesn't think of me at all until the time he decides to come home and grace me with his presence. I think of Tony all day and everything I do all day revolves around him or us. He goes to work and never gives me a thought. I called him yesterday about 4 PM to tell him I was planning on making hamburgers for dinner. He said, he had them for lunch. I thought this strange since I made him a lunch to take to work. He told me a burger place had an appreciation day and him and the guys all went to lunch their for free food. When I asked him why he didn't call me so I could come along his response was: I didn't think of you. He then said: It was an appreciation lunch. OK. So I wasn't thought of, and I guess I don't deserve any appreciation? Everything I do all day is for us here at the house. Is it wrong for me to want some appreciation for taking care of our house all day. I do all the house work, all the grocery shopping, all the little projects around the house. In 21 years he has never opened the refrigerator and found us missing milk or food or beer. When he comes home from work, he does nothing but eat what I cooked and watch TV. When I ask him for any help, no matter how small, it turns into an argument. I just want some appreciation for all I do all day. I know I am bored to death being home all day, but is it to much to ask to be appreciated for what I do all day to make our house a home? Of course the fight had me throwing everything else that pisses me off into the argument. The fact he doesn't do anything around the house. The fact I get very little love or affection. The fact every Christmas and Anniversary goes by without him putting any thought into them at all. Our last anniversary we never even opened our cards we bought each other, they have been sitting on the table for 3 months now. I threw them away today without opening them I was so pissed. I have to beg for a card on our anniversary and he waits until the day before Christmas to quickly pick out something without any thought. I always do think of him and what he might want or enjoy. Is it too much for me to ask for the same? He has never been romantic or giving in that way. I have for 21 years gone without. I am tired of going without. If it doesn't involve drinking, his dick, or a car show, he has no interest. I don't remember the last time he has touched me romantically. I on the other hand am always telling him how handsome he is and caressing him or being romantic, with nothing in return. Is it too much for me to ask for some in return? He is so selfish. He will want a back rub, but when I ask for one, forget it. I have even tried by saying 'if I massage you for 15 minutes, can you massage me for 15 minutes'. If he has to give something in return, forget it. I have gone so long without romance, being caressed, or shown love. Like I said before, if it doesn't involve his dick, forget it. In 21 years he has never ever said anything like 'let me take care of you' without somehow it involving him and him cumming. Sorry to be graphic. I am just so frustrated and I can not imagine spending the rest of my life in such a one sided relationship. I could go on and on but I think you got the point. Any suggestions? I know I have to stop depending on him for my happiness. But is it too much to be put first, above his employees and friends? If someone else asks for his help he will drop everything. He gets phone calls all night from employees and friends asking for favors, which he does immediately. If I ask, it turns into a fight just to get him to do it. Help. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life, but I am not going to spend the rest of my life in such a loveless, selfish relationship. Do I end this marriage in hope of finding better? I don't want to fool around on the side, but a guy needs some love. We have tried counseling and that didn't work. He just thinks its 'not his job'. I told him this morning I am done doing ANYTHING for him any more since he does nothing for me. It is like 'out of sight, out of mind' all day when he is at work. When he comes home he sits there and never asks about my day. When I ask him about his day he has nothing to say. I have begged over and over for more attention, reciprocation, or appreciation in 21 years with no results. HELP!