April 14, 2012 Saturday Morning

Tony got home last night at 5 PM and helped me feed the dogs. Barkley ate his food and seemed tired, and wanting to sleep. You could cut the tension with a knife in our house as Tony and I tried to decide what to do. We finally agreed to take a 'wait and see' approach as the night went on. Figured if we took him to emergency right now, we would euthanize him. So we decided what is the difference if we go now, or at 1 AM in the morning if something changes. So we spent the night with the dogs. Knowing that this could be one of his last nights I decided to get the futon mattress from the basement and put it in the living room so I could sleep on the floor with Barkley considering it could be his last night. Spent the night on the floor with Barkley, Vito and Kali. Tony slept next to us on the couch with Stella and Bo. Made it through the night, slept like crap and was up every half hour or so to check on where everyone was. Vito being blind and all this was strange for him sleeping on the floor on a mattress. This morning Barkley looks better but I still know something is wrong and the end is near. I think the plan is going to go like this. I will call the vet this morning and see if we can get him in to see them. If we can not, I will switch out Stella's Monday appointment for Barkley, if he makes it until Monday. I will not let him live in pain so the minute I feel it is time, he will go to emergency or the vet and do what needs to be done. Trust me, I have put down four other dogs I loved a lot more than him and made it through the ordeal. If Barkley can make it until 11 AM on Monday, I think that will be it for him. If I see anything before that, then the emergency room will be what we do. I slept on the floor with Barkley last night so I have no regrets when the time comes to say goodbye to him. I need to know in my heart and mind that I did all I could to make him happy during his last days or hours. I know how not doing this can haunt the mind a lifetime. So that is where we stand at this point. Kind of a wait and see, but know the end it very near. I will update with more if something happens. Other than that it is suppose to be in the 70s today and Sunday and I am sure we will spend most of the time around the house, giving Barkley the bulk of attention. I am glad I did not take him to emergency last night, but I do know that only gave me a day or two, the end result will be the same whether it is today or tomorrow or Monday. So damn hard to do this stuff, but trust me, I can do it. I love my dogs that much.