April 15, 2012 Sunday Dinner Time

We went to Menard's around lunch time yesterday for a few items I wanted, but didn't truly need. I honestly just had to get out of the house for an hour or so and get my mind together. I did buy a big storage container to transport him in after the deed is done. I also have a blanket ready to wrap him in. I have gotten very little sleep the past few nights having to keep an arm on Vito and an eye on Barkley all night. The thunder storms we had last night didn't help anyone sleep around here. Made it through the day yesterday after we got back from Menard's by just watching TV and laying on the floor with Barkley. Too bad the other dogs just don't get what is happening so that I could concentrate on him and not have to give the other 4 attention. Tony is of little help since they want to be by me all the time. After we fed the dogs supper Barkley laid down for a while so we decided to quickly walk up the block and get some supper for ourselves. Ate and came home. I spent the night on the futon mattress with Barkley watching the Titanic specials on ABC all night. At 10 PM I went to let all the dogs out, last time for the night. Barkley got half way down the ramp outside and started howling in pain and could not move. I yelled for Tony and could not believe when I heard him yell back ' I'm peeing'. Jeezes fuck. So stop peeing and get in here. Sometimes I hate Tony. Got Barkley back in the house, he did not pee, and got him in his enclosed area. Gave him a dog pain pill and talked about taking him to emergency. We have a Monday 11 AM appointment to euthanize him so we are just trying to make it to that time and have it done by the vets I know rather than a cold emergency vet room with people I don't know or trust. Barkley settled down and I called the emergency vet and asked a few questions like if they got the paperwork from our vet and if it would be OK anytime if something happens to rush him in. Got a yes to both. I had our vet fax his paperwork on Friday so there would be less confusion if we took him in to the emergency hospital. I then also asked if they knew of a vet that comes to the house I could contact so we can have it done here, if needed. They gave me a web sight and name so I got on my laptop in bed and looked into it. Barkley made it through the night, no help from the thunderstorms at 4 AM.

Got up at 5 AM, fed the dogs around 6 AM and sent an email to the person who could come to the house to contact me. I was surprised when she called back so early on a Sunday. She said she could come over and do it for $300. Well, that is a lot of money. But it is still on option if we can't get him out of the house on Monday or before if needed. I then called my sister for some dog advice. We both agreed the best thing would be to try to keep Barkley calm and comfortable all day and take him to our regular vet as scheduled tomorrow at 11 AM. We agreed I will feel better getting a final word from a vet I know. Plus I have the two back up options of emergency or the home care vet if something changes and I see Barkley needs to be put to sleep sooner than Monday. Around 10 AM I was hungry and showered and we decided to go out to breakfast, get lottery tickets and come home to spend the rest of Barkley's last day. We have just been laying around watching TV with Barkley and the dogs all day. I know my dogs, so I have to say Barkley is 'uncomfortable', he is not in great pain or miserable. I would never let that happen. If he was I would take him in immediately to emergency. It is now close to supper time for the dogs and Tony and I. We are making some steaks on the grill. I will most likely share mine with Barkley. His last supper and all. I have the futon still on the living room floor and plan on sleeping in the living room with Barkley, Vito and Kali tonight. Stella and Bo will most likely sleep on the bed in the bedroom. I just have to do this one last night so I know I did all I could for him and show him I love him. I know he loves me. So now it is just the waiting game until tomorrow at 11 AM when we euthanize him. I fucking hate this. My face is swollen from crying and I feel so tired. It just sucks I have four more dogs and will have to go through this again four more times, at least. I am sure tomorrow morning will drag on and on until 11 AM gets here. I will be a mess, but strong enough to do what must be done. I will use the dog stairs we have to try to get him to walk up into the car tomorrow. I hope it works. After we euthanize him we will bring the body home so the other dogs can smell him, know what has happened to their brother, and then we will then take him to the dog pet cemetery on the north side where the other four dogs have been cremated, to be cremated. So tomorrow will be a long horrible day. I will write when I get myself time and together. God I hate this waiting for the inevitable.