February 15, 2009 Sunday

Hello. Hope everyone had a terrific Valentine's Day.
Tony and a friend worked on the plumbing most of the day till about 7pm. Happy to have them work on it so don't want to make them stop once they start. The friend was suppose to show up today and help finish, of course, no friend here to help Tony.
Ordered Lasagna and some salads delivered and spent a quite night at home watching tv. Woke up last night around 1 am and had to fight the feeling to throw up. I kept saying to myself that the pill at bedtime hasn't been in me long enough. So I took a couple tums and layed in bed begging my body not to get sick. Fell asleep shortly there after. Kept everything down. Guess Italian and Mexican food our going to have to go. Jeez, what next, ice cream?
Today, I am very very tired. Just can not seem to wake up or get going today. Tony is working on the plumbing by himself. Seems I can be up for a few hours and then need to nap. Not good. I am sure it is the anxiety meds and other side effects. I can not imagine having a fuller life at this time. How does someone with a family or job go through this at this stage? Been on the internet here and there. A great sight is http://www.thebody.com/ for information and blogs. Spent time reading a lot of blogs yesterday in the 'connect' section. Lot of frightened and lonely people out there dealing with this. I am fortunate I have the support I have from what I read. Lot of people in the same boat as I wondering how they got this also.
While Tony is working on the plumbing I drove to the local Open Pantry and got our weekly lottery tickets, had to force myself to do it but from what I read about panic attacks its the only way to live or you don't leave the house and it gets worse. As I bought the lottery tickets I though 'why' for a second or two. Why? If I won big what would be the difference at this point. I will probably not be alive long enough to enjoy it anyway. Like I said before, everything you ever thought about is different once you find out you have a disease that is killing you.
Tomorrow morning I go in and have my blood redrawn and then a week and a half later I will find out my viral load and tcell counts. This waiting to see if anything is working is killing me.
Watching the Monk marathon on USA channel. We were suppose to go to a classic car show here in town this weekend. Tony has free tickets. Not sure if we will make it since the day is going on and not much time left. I will not be disappointed at all if we do not go. Tony on the other hand still wants to go I am sure. We will see.
Talk to you later, going back to snuggle with a blanket, dogs, and the tv.