January 24, 2009 Saturday Morning

Been a quiet morning. Last night was my second night on my new AIDS cocktail. I take it a bit before bedtime. I woke up the first night feeling sick to my stomach. Last night I woke up around 3 am, ran to the bathroom, got that watery feeling in your mouth but was able to not throw up, just spit the spit in the toilet. Sorry to be gross. I did not throw up but will have to keep an eye on this just in case these pills are a bit to strong for my stomach.

Feeling tired today. Just want to lay around in a blanket and feel sorry for myself. Yah I said that, I think I deserve it. Also took an anxiety pill this morning because I feel like I'm on a thin rope ready to go off the deep end. The best way I can explain it is:
One minute I feel like talking, the next moment I just want to shut up and not talk.
One minute I want Tony next to me, the next moment I just want to be left alone.
One minute I feel like crying, the next moment I say 'get up' and stop crying.
One minute I want to sit, the next moment I need to walk the house.
One minute I feel like talking or calling a friend, the next minute I just don't.
One minute I am cold, the next I am hot.
One minute I am scared, then next minute I find hope.
One minute I want a hug, the next I want to be alone.
One minute I want to read a book or mag, the next minute it can't keep my attention.
One minute I want my dogs next to me, the next they seem to be getting on my last nerve.
One minute I feel hungry, the next I feel like throwing up.
I could go on and one but as you can see it is a constant struggle in my head just to make it from one minute to the next.

Paul and Jan are coming over tonight to watch the move Prayers For Bobby on Lifetime, it is suppose to be an excellent movie. Sigorney Weaver stars. Check it out.