January 7, 2009 Wednesday

Today my doctor told me I had to come in and get the results from my recent blood test. I was scared to death since I was told the results could not be given over the phone. I knew that the news would probably not be good. I had a sore in my nose that just wasn't healing and white patches in my mouth and tonque.

The nurse walked in and immediately told me the news: My test results came back HIV+.

Anyone who has ever heard earth shattering news like this knows the range of emotions that you go through. First I thought the test results can't be mine, or there was some mistake. Then I thought of the fact of dieing. Then how will I tell my partner of 20 years and on and on the questions pound your head.

I went home and called the other half who came right home from work. He walked in the door and said nothing, just walked over and gave me the biggest and most needed hug I can remember. We both cryed. Were silent for quite some time. And cryed more. My partner Tony said 'we will get through this together'. They were the words I needed to hear.

We sat silent for a while till I told him it was OK for him to go back to work if he needed to since I had doctors to contact and a friend or two I needed to call for mental support. As important as it is to have a partner to help, friends outside the house can be of great comfort much less information.

I am writing this blog not only for my own sanity at this point but also to reach out to anyone who finds themselves in a simular situation and feels they are the only one feeling what they are feeling. I will try to keep up daily with appointments and what is going on in my head. Feel free to contact me at djones@wi.rr.com if I can help in any way.