March 9, 2009 Monday Afternoon

Having an ok day today. I am having some bowel issues but I think it has a lot to do with the fact we laid around most of yesterday and last night I ate a lot of junk food. Haven't had a Snickers bar in a long time and had one last night. I think Snickers or Peanut Butter Cups are my favorite candy. I did do my morning stretching/excersising this morning. Even gave my hair a fresh coat of light brown to get rid of the 'blonde' hairs that keep coming in. I actually told myself I was not going to color my hair again since the new year because I thought why bother. So I guess I have a better outlook. Went to my therapist appointment this morning. She was very happy to see how much my attitude and outlook has changed. Last Monday at this time I was ready to get the gun. We made some short term goals that we will talk about in the weeks ahead. Got my monthly food from the food bank in the basement of the same building. I feel so bad walking out with 5 bags of groceries, good food, all for free. Freezer items to can goods to fruit, even some cookies and snacks. Plus all the bread products you can grab anytime, not just once a month like the groceries. Daily there is a wall of bread products all free for the taking. I swear there is sometimes more bread stuff than at the local grocery store some days. I have my freezer full of bagels, italian loafs, rolls and such. All the bread stuff is donated daily and is made fresh that day, free. I grabbed a few items for my brother Steve who I am meeting for lunch on Tuesday since he will be in the area driving a tour bus to the Art Museum by the lakefront. He is trying to make ends meet. Should be an interesting lunch because he is not always on the same plane as most people. I will not be sharing my status with him ever, or until it is necessary. He just is not educated or mental fit to hear such news. I think I can pull it off with him. Talked to my mom again this morning. Kept the conversation short and talked about everything but....................! It is better this way for now.

Some might wonder why I feel the need to tell anyone. Well, when something this big hits you it becomes your life. Jeez, just the pills at certain times of the day that must be taken and can not be missed throw a monkey wrench into the day. So it is very hard to tell people what is going on or have a conversation when you are trying to filter out things you might say as you are speaking. Does that make sense? It brings me back to the days when I was still in the closet and I would have to watch what I would say or when telling someone about my weekend making sure I used the right pronoun like she instead of he. It is just to much work and that is why people do and should come out. Noone should have to filter what they say just because someone might not grasp what they are saying. It simply is not fair. I always hated back when I was in the closet and on Mondays everyone at work would say what they did over the weekend and I had to either lie or say nothing. Having AIDS has been the same in a way. It has changed my life completely. I think I made sense of that.

Not sure what I will do the rest of the day. I have to vacuum and make some dinner for tonight. Funny, all these bags of free food don't make me want to cook anymore than usual. LOL I have never been one to 'enjoy' cooking. Might take a short nap, but then again I feel so good I feel I would be wasting precious time. Just heard the radio anouncer say it is National Nap Day. Wish it was nicer outside. Can think of tons of things once the weather gets nice to do in the yard. I know the dogs would all love a walk but its only in the 40s here in Milwaukee.
Till we meet again.............................