April 6, 2009 Monday Afternoon

Took one of my anxiety pills last night prior to going to bed since I had such a rough day. Woke up this morning feeling in a fog. Took a shower. As I was taking a shower in our walk in shower and washing my hair I felt something brush up against my leg. Well, we watch way to many horror movies. Scared the hell out of me till I got the soap out of my eyes and noticed Kali standing next to me enjoying the warm water. Gave her a quick cleaning and then leaned outside the shower to dry her off so I could continue with my shower. No time at all Kali was back in the shower with me. To funny. Called my regular doctor and was at his office by 9:45 this morning for the thrush that seems to be coming back. Doctor wants me to start taking my Fluconazole 200MG twice daily instead of just once daily till the thrush is gone. From there I went to Walgreen's to drop off the prescription and off to my therapist appointment at 11 am. Had a lot to talk about since my week went down hill as it progressed. One of the things we talked about was the fact that I just can not drink alcohol anymore with the meds I am taking. Not a big deal in itself since I am not a big drinker, but it is just one more thing being taken away from me. Also talked about the fact that since I can not drink I do not feel like going to a bar and how is that fair to Tony. Since we do most things together we do not go out to bars apart. Not ready to have that change anytime soon. So somehow I need to resolve this in my head that it is a 'choice' rather than something taken away from me. Not sure how we are going to get there. Also realized watching hospital or doctor shows such as the ER final only heightens my anxiety, especially when a story line hits close to home. Told her I even have failed at quiting smoking since I am back to that. In fact when I asked my doctor for Chantex this morning he told me it would not be a good idea because of all the side effects I already have from the AIDS meds it would be better for me to continue smoking or cut down at this time rather than try to quit. That's two doctors now that have told me not to quit smoking cigs. Oh well, figure the cigs aren't going to kill me at this time today or tomorrow. Doctor didn't want me adding any more stress to my life at this time. The doctor also told me once again that I am handling all this better than most and that it usually takes about a year and a half for someone to come to terms with their HIV/AIDS status. Its been only three months for me. I joined another support / informational group today that meets on Mondays monthly which includes a big catered dinner I am told. First meeting is the end of the month. Guess each month a different restaurant sponsors the dinner/meeting. Came home and got a little done, ate some lunch and took a nap this afternoon. Very tired again today. Tony should be home soon so we can drive to Waukesha for the Humane Society ground breaking. Going to have to bundle up since it is in the 40s here in Milwaukee today. Guess my dad is helping with parking cars and my mom and sister are involved also. Should be home early tonight and can not wait to go back to bed. Tomorrow I get my blood tested again, just the viral load. Should have some results the beginning of next week at the latest. Will let you know. Kinda scared since I feel worse than I did a couple weeks ago.